Angst and Agony for your pleasure

10:45 am - !!

in 15 minutes I'm going to go build lighitng fixtures for a show I probably should have said was too close tot eh wedding...

The maid of horrors arrives in 4 hours

I need to schedule a meeting with the caterer

I have a meeting withthe director and designer of the above-mentionned play at 4:30

Need to meet with the pending in-laws to go over the wedding service

Had a dream last night that I pulled the whole thing off without food or flowers.

Current Mood: BUSY BACKSON!!!!

03:44 pm - amusing

so for a lark, I asked: what would it take to have Covenant play our wedding?

(a) The travelling party is 6 people.

(b) You will need to provide hotel accomodation (single rooms for 2-3 nights
@ 4 star hotel), plus shuttle (airport-hotel-venue), plus catering, plus
backline, and p.a. and lighting system.

(c) You will need to provide the flights and work visa.The flights are
from/to: 1x Copenhagen (Denmark), 4 x Berlin (Germany), 1 x Hannover
(Germany). The backline includes: 2 x keyboards stands, 2 x drum floor
toms.


plus a fee.

Who's got $10-12 K. and loves me thaaaaaaaaaaaaaat much? :D

Current Mood: teehee

04:56 pm - exhausted... smelly... about $200 broker...

...but my garage is nearly empty! Hooray!

another push this week and the garden should be right about done and ready for bedding plants.

I'm getting myself together and biking over for a dress consult/corset fitting.

12:11 am

the cherry tree has 2 apple tree friends that are going to hang out in the front yard.

09:34 am - ...

my cherry tree looks lonely... I might have to get it a friend.

12:35 pm - Jam tomorrow...

... give a gal nice weather today and she'll bask in the sun... toil int he garden a little bit, but generally waste the day in a tank top and a BBQ apron... nice weather next week, however, and she'll have hope to last her the rest of this really craptastic spring.

Current Mood: cold

06:05 pm - Eff sharp

HOusing renos don't get done in this city becuase there is NOBODY wanting to do 'em...
seems the general going attitude of general contractors is "if I'm not interested, I won't even tell you. I just won't show up."

If you DO get them to show up, good fucking luck in showing them what you want done. Mostly they'll stand around your kitchen, drolling and then leave with vague promises of an estimate next week... well, for 3 of them, tha'ts been anywhere between 3 weeks to 4 months ago. One of whom I finally tracked down by phone said pretty clearly: "I'm not going to give you the estimate, I don't want the work."

All this down to one guy who was ready top start in May... did a project very similar, came with the references and photos in hand... only now the financial backer wants to see 2 additional quotes that I just can't eseem to fucking get.


FUCK!

It's time to start throwing dishes for the pleasure of hearing them smash... also, may as well, cos I don't have anywhere to put them away in this piece of shit kitchen I've lived with so far.

Current Mood: aggravated

01:19 pm - more wedding stress...

ARGH!
when I need etiquette advice, my mother and my sister ditch...

guh!

11:42 am - odd dreams....

.. at my mother's house, the doorbell rang, but no one was there... wound up sitting on the roof of my office (not very high at all) with Wes, from school, and Leighann... a shingle came loose and I started to freak the hell out... MAJOR wave of panic while I crawled the peak and through the window... never been so scared in my life.. certainly never so terrified of what, at worst, would amount to an 8 foot drop.
... wedding day: for some reason, now wedding is at some conference centre... I get there on my own, in full bridal regalia... maid of horror nowhere to be found... some maintenance dude tells me how to get to the "bridal ready suite" which involves a hydraulic staircase type thing... again, I get trapped on the ramp with no foothold or handhold... too much open space... freak the hell out... IN MY WEDDING DRESS, which is now streaked with dirt from crawling along this staircase on my hands and knees... start to think that "Wtf? Did I even TELL her that I'd like her to be my maid of honour?"
I don;t remember the wedding at all... like me IN THE DREAM doesn't remember... it's the reception... I'm in utter distress... I know it's not ALL about me, but you'd think that my wedding would be a LITTLE bit about me...

Mika did say "yay wedding" at me at one point... I told her I wanted a do-over on the whole day. This time, with lipstick.

Current Mood: confused

11:55 am - ??

Why the bad dreams?

Pre-travel anxiety?
Too much pasta and greek salad for dinner?
Pre-career-transition anxiety?
Tax fears?
All of the above?

goodness me, but I'm tired... can't sleep... something will eat me...

So whaddaya think: 4 more years of school? In Toronto?

01:19 pm

I dream of strange things: babysitting some young upstart, losing track of his at some huge party and finiding him rolling in heaps of cocaine... can't stop to worry about him, though, Mussolini needs me to operate on his kidneys...

I wake up in an odd removed mind set and start thinking about my upcoming travels... I have 4 days to travel elsewhere... Kyyiv? Wroclaw? Prague? Krakow? I have a soft warm spot for the Eastern half of Central Europe...

Would that I make good use of this trip...

03:37 am

ya wanna know what's going on? NOTHING, that's what... I'm mad becsause I get myself suckered into doing what at the time seems like the right thing and then I get walked all over... lesson learned... I will not volunteer my services to anyone without a clear expression of what I can expect in return.

04:56 pm - 1st stage down...

ok ok ok... SHHHH no jinxies!

passed the first part... next part in a few WEEKS (?!)


WANT WANT WANT and need this job... plskthnxbi

Current Mood: hopeful

05:45 pm - Why I'm so horribly cranky

I've given up the fight... I'm leaving theatre to persue other things.. won't way interests, cos so far, I duno what interest I have in doing anything else really... I'm persuing an income, a reliable one, possibly with benefits...

why am I cranky? THis is a death of a dream... I've had to acknowledge that my last 12 years of struggle and fight are for nought. It sucks... I just want someone to say "I'm sorry"

It's a loss, and the grief will pass and who knows, maybe 15-20 years down the line, I'll go and design a community theatre show... or I'll help with my kids' school shows or something soul-eating like that...

Current Mood: crushed

09:30 pm - really? Grow the fuck up!

ok, the guys what stand in the back of the room shouting "Iron my shirt" at Hillary Clinton... do they stand at the back of the room at Obama's and yell "Pick my cotton?"

In other news: being a senior doesn't excuse one from having manners: saw a woman about 30 get on the bus... laptop, suitcase, purse, innumerable other things... prolly just came around the corner and ran for the bus... was trying to get change out of her purse for hte fare and this nonogenarian REALLY laid into her unneccesarily because she couldn't sit down RIGHT AWAY... the poor woman's trying to explain that she's about to move her things and all apologetic and the old hag was having none of it...then the old cow wanted the WHOLE bench to herself... this poor woman was just MADE to feel like a complete asshole because this older wonan simply felt age=entitlement. Well, you know what? Sometimes, no matter how fucking ancient you are and how fucking revered you feel you deserve to be, a modicum of understanding would go a long long long way... she should be thankful that I wasn't the younger woman, cos I'd have pushed her down the bus stairs.

Current Mood: eeeeeeeeeeeevilicious

08:04 pm - ohhh... now i've done it...

I'm on my way to joining the corporate machine... we'll see what happens...


I choose to remain cryptic about this.

12:58 pm

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10:18 pm

nothing much to report... the countdown to warmer climes is on...8 days and then a whole lotta driving...

I haven;t been updating this very often, I know.. I know... got suckered into facebook... *le sigh*
But asides from being a Fb suckah, I really have nothing to report... it's been a vrey slow month and truthfully I'm more than just a little frustrated about that... been feeling terribly unproductive... I need a project I can sink my teeth into...

New job, possibly whole new career path come January... who knows?

12:21 pm - Neenur nanner

It's ma birfday!
It's snowing, the cats are napping everywhere, I'm in my pyjamas and I'm drinking coffee... R's sending me for a massage at 10Spa at 2, then we're off to dinner...
There are fat little birds outside, being all dorky and bird-like... it's really quiet cos no one wants to drive in this weather and the snow is dampening the rest of any ambient noise...

Life is good today.

Current Mood: content

05:58 pm - :o

so you're wondering where I've been and what I've been up to, huh? Okay, I'll tell...

I very very briefly went on tour with the moscow ballet. Why so brief?

1) Moscow ballet's a complete misnomer... most of the dancers are from Ukraine, only the producer's really from the "Moscow Ballet" company, and he's from Massachussets and he's psycho.

2) NO support from the home office... asked questions weeks in advance, stuff I Needed to know like "How many drops are we hanging?" "Can someone send me a DVD of the ballet so I can plan the lighting accordingly?" "Do we have a stage manager?" "Do we have a company manager?" "Can I get a contact sheet?" "Can I have dance tape and spike tape and a work kit of some sort?"

No answers all around.

3) 3 weeks work, one week's pay. Only reason I got that week's pay is because I said to the psycho "no cash on monday, the show stays on the truck"

4) psycho. and wife. also psycho.

5) google "Moscow Ballet" and "Swan Lake" Nuff sed.