Joseph A. Hayden ([info]bearlawnyc) wrote,
@ 2004-10-09 14:13:00
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Current mood: aggravated

Ideological Issues....and I'm not subscribing.
I was just contacted in chat by a gaydad in Brooklyn who has a boyfriend of 12 years and a son who is 10. He is advertising his stats in his profiles and on his web page, but supposedly he has a closed relationship (as if). We had spoken a few years ago and I was insulted by the implication that he felt open relationship men were less committed to each other than men who are supposedly monog like he is, although that belies his advertising his body measurements all over the Internet.

He also says on his K-mart quality web site (and I thought this line was a joke at first) "Push Push in the Bush, 4 more years". He is from Florida so at first I thought his Latin identity was Cuban, since I know many Cubans are ideologically on the Right due to the Castro administration, but he is "Boricua" so that did not explain it. When I asked him to explain his logic, as very few of my gay friends could articulate a good enough reason for me to understand their supporting Bush (even the Log Cabin Repubs endorse Kerry), he said it was his "privelege" [sic] to vote for whomever he wanted and that I must not have any friends. I said, it WAS his *privIlege*, but that it was my privilege to not have coffee or otherwise spend time and meet self-hating homos.

In jest I asked him if he was Black would he vote for a KKK candidate and if he was Jewish would he vote for a Nazi candidate, and of course he said YES. If this wasn't so disturbing it would be funny. I really sorry for his kid. Hopefully he'll see his father's hypocrisy and stay steadfast in his resolve beyond the rebellious teenage years, or perhaps by then his father will have come to realize that he is nothing but scum to his beloved candidates.



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[info]genxcub
2004-10-11 07:06 am UTC (link)
I don't know if I'd fault people for having the opinion that open relationships are less stable than monogamous ones. Living in cities like Los Angeles and San Francisco prove that they tend to not last long, but that's just personal experience. I'm never one to brand someone blindly. I wouldn't ever judge your relationships without really knowing your situations, and having an open relationship is just a small factor (IMO) as to why relationships work or not.

Oddly enough, there was an offshoot of the Log Cabins that do support Bush. The african-american contingent called themselves the Lincoln Republicans (I think) and said they were for Bush.

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Faulting open relationships
[info]bearlawnyc
2004-10-11 07:28 am UTC (link)
Just to clarify, what I'm saying is that any man who wears his purported monog as a badge, particularly if he contacts ME and I can see lots of hypocrisy in his so-called monog (like thrusting his stats everywhere), is de facto JUDGING every honest, open relationship, like the relationships I've had, as being inferior, no matter how many times he SAYS he's "tolerant" of his friends who are in such relationships (which is tantamount to saying "some of my friends are Black/gay, etc." What he is saying, perhaps not in so many words, is that "I am capable of a love that you are not because you're just a whore." I have been told point blank that I had roommates, and not lovers, in my past, so I am not concerned if my judging THESE guys is going to hurt their feelings, as they obviously don't give a rat's about mine. There is an inherent air of superiority that I find insulting because I know I could not have loved them more.

I did not say that open relationships last forever. I say they are statistically likely to last longer than their monog (read dishonest, frustrated) counterparts. I have very little faith in any gay male relationships "working" until death anyway, as I've stated before, but see no reason to add hurdles that we don't need just to appease the prudes and hetero fundies.

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