| Supercalifradgilistic |
[Mar. 15th, 2007|03:44 pm] |
Life is good....
I am headed off to Las Vegas next weekend and then to Chicago and New York again for a month of R&R.
My project is going well... I have tons of plans.
I met THREE dudes that are awesome.
SO it's all super.
friends good
dating good
work good
house good
it's all good.
woooo!
my new blog: http://www.sanfransocialite.com/ |
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| Loving is as loving does |
[May. 5th, 2006|11:07 am] |
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| Hoppy Easter! |
[Apr. 16th, 2006|12:46 pm] |
no holiday is complete without Peeps & your peeps.
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| Aynne as Puck |
[Mar. 15th, 2006|10:55 am] |
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| From The Flickr Party |
[Feb. 22nd, 2006|09:46 am] |
Old school polaroids - love it
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| The Ven (n) of Aynne |
[Feb. 15th, 2006|07:19 pm] |
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| Flickr |
[Feb. 15th, 2006|07:19 pm] |
This is a test post from  , a fancy photo sharing thing. |
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| New and Hott |
[Feb. 6th, 2006|04:46 pm] |
It was brought to my attention am "New & Hott" at Consumating
I was only on this site checking out their tag implementation
but now I am hooked on increasing my popularity..
by any means necessary.
Now I understand why My Space is so popular.
By the way since you are there - why not vote for me? ;-) |
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| newest member of the orphans club |
[Jan. 24th, 2006|09:18 am] |
My mother died Saturday morning. I was out late last night and as I came in about the phone rang at 3:30 and it was my brother and I didn’t answer it because I knew that that was the call I have been expecting for 2 years. I knew he would only call if one of them died. So I didn’t answer it. And when I got to sleep I dreamt she and I were at a bus stop on San Pablo Dam Road, which was near where we lived in the East Bay when I was in high school. I dreamt that we were waiting for a bus and we weren’t sure which way we needed to go to get to a BART station. The bus arrived and she got on but I didn’t. And I woke up and I knew in my heart she is gone.
This morning I acted like nothing was wrong and went to the conference I planned to attend. I was there for an about half an hour and my brother called and I answered and he told me our mom died at 3:25 am. And I felt my legs kind of go soft and I thought I might pass out and I felt dizzy and cold. So I sat down.
The first thing I did was go through my phone and delete my mom's number fom my cell phone. It has been there despite the fact I haven't been able to talk to her for while now. The thought of seeing it someday when I was caught unawares was too much for me to bear - I have to protect myself now.
My mother had been suffering from dementia and sickness for about 3 years. I have been grieving her loss for a long time. I have already went through the realization I can't calll my mother to tell her about this or that little thing that happened and I know that when the time comes and I have my own children she will not be there to give me advice about what to do.
I feel so sorry that I can't be there for my brothers. I know they are hurting probably even more than I am - but I am just..I don't know. I don't know what is wrong with me. I can't feel anything.
I am in shock still. I don’t feel like anything right now except very tired. I am not sure I feel anything at all.
I am really dissapointed in some people too. Some of the people I considered good friends don't care. It is true that you find out who your friends are in a crisis.
I am sad that when the time came it went down the way it did. I am sad that I had no one to go to for comfort. I am upset because despite all my best efforts to make things better I couldn't help her make her ending more peaceful. I feel guilty because I was too chickenshit to be there at the end. I am feeling sorry for myself because I knew this was coming and all I wanted was someone to be there for me, I really needed someone to be a support to me especially the last three months. I have been a complete mess but there was no one to talk to or who cared. No one understood what I was going through or why I was behaving so out of character. I have been really out of it lately and not on the ball with things and really been really out of it because I can't concentrate on anything except money and my parents. I have been acting like a someone I don't even know by escaping into partying and drinking and staying out late and acting like someone I am not anymore. I am really emotionally fucked up right now. I went out for bit tonight but I feel like a zombie so I just walked home in a daze and will stay in for now.
The funeral is saturday - I will drive down this week - I wish I had someone to hold me up - this hurts like hell
Beck - Guess I'm Doing Fine Lyrics
There's a blue bird at my window
I can't hear the songs he sings
All the jewels in heaven
They don't look the same to me
I just wade the tides that turned
Till I learn to leave the past behind
It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine
All the battlements are empty
And the moon is laying low
Yellow roses in the graveyard
Got no time to watch them grow
Now I bade a friend farewell
I can do whatever pleases me
It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine
Press my face up to the window
To see how warm it is inside
See the things that I've been missing
Missing all this time
It's only lies that I'm living
It's only tears that I'm crying
It's only you that I'm losing
Guess I'm doing fine |
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| Portrait |
[Jan. 14th, 2006|09:07 am] |
Caitlan Burke took this portrait of me.
I really love it...
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| Friday |
[Jan. 13th, 2006|06:04 pm] |
“A homeless man, several non-English speakers, 10 taxi drivers, two lesbians and a mime” –
the story
No it is not the plot of a really sick and confusing porn movie…it is the story of a woman who dated every man who asked her out. Somehow Susan thought this applied to me.
And in other date-related news a man who bit a piece of his girlfriend’s face off because she was dressed “too sexy” has been convicted. The most shocking part of this tale in this writer’s opinion Is that this was not the first time such an event occurred.
Color me silly but as the old saying goes: bite me once shame on you – bite me twice shame on me.
Isn’t that how it goes???
This week eventful – Saw Esbjörn Svensson Trio at Yoshi’s. Took the ferry over (missed sunset ☹) but it was a great show. Didn’t have time to go home to get my camera, which is good because you can’t take photos in Yoshi’s anyway.
Attended a Flickr Meet-up Last Night. Was fun met some nice new people! I am always delighted to meet new people. What a pleasant crowd. Kristi and I also met two nice guys who make films. Although they did look at me curiously when asked what my favorite film was I replied Nights of Cabiria (totally acceptable choice) and Showgirls – (film maker’s eyebrows raised, gouges eyes out, drinks bleach.)
Made it MacWorld finally during my lunch break – did a power cruise around the expo – saw K working the Adobe booth. Ran into a billion people I haven’t seen in years and checked out the cameras.
Cancelled my Fuji order because I am still thinking Canon maybe the SD450? Perhaps I will get the the Nikon Coolpix S3?? I don’t know! There are too many choices too little money.
But I am going crazy without a point and shoot. In desperation I have resorted to blind shooting with my SD10, which has mixed results.
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| spend |
[Jan. 9th, 2006|04:16 pm] |
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| More self-destruction |
[Jan. 8th, 2006|04:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  amused | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Here Comes Everybody - Autolux | ] |
Things I don’t like and make someone self-destruct
- Referring to their friends as “my buddy”. I realize this is a minor offensive but I really, really hate it.
- Wearing a Trucker or baseball hat, t-shirt with stuff written on it or Hawiian shirt without irony
- Discovering the guy has not read a book since college
- Unapologetically burping or making any other uncouth expulsions
- Saying something like “you got to change that” or makes a point to eat the meatiest of dishes when informed I am a vegetarian – considering I have been one for 21 years one can safely assume it is not just a phase I am going through. To talk about eating calves eyes, kangaroo meat and or there past hunting expeditions in front of me is just a sign of poor breeding.
- Chatting up or checking out other women in front of me – that also tells me this person has no self-control and poor manners.
- Speaking negatively about ex-girlfriends or wives. A man I dated a few years ago who was old enough to know better referred to his ex as “that crazy bitch” and I dumped him immediately and told him I didn’t want to be the next “crazy bitch”.
- Having too much stuff or hobbies that require lots of stuff.
- Guilty of the following offenses: collecting little cars on tracks, owning a drum set, possessing more than two bicycles or desktop computers, insisting on maintaning more than one automobile or boat, owning too many shoes and vintage clothing, obtaining sports equiptment that is sure to remain unused and collecting dust, having a pet that is a reptile, or aquiring unattractive furniture and refusing to get rid of if they move in with you.
- Doing drugs or getting drunk habitually – In my experience pot-guys are sleepy and lazy and unmotivated and boring. And from the little I know about druggies they will steal your things.
- Being overly concerned about their hair.
- Making a point to correct my frequently mispronounced words. I have an extensive vocabulary but since I know these words from reading them rather than hearing them I don’t always pronounce things correctly.
- Feeling the need to share the wisdom of their therapist, encounter group, guru or Zen teacher or any other self-indulgent psychobabble.
- Freaking out or exhibiting any violent or jealous behavior.
- Saying unkind things about the homeless or immigrants.
- Ignoring animals or children that are trying to get their attention.
- Not being open to travel to new places and meeting new friends, speaking new languages and trying new food.
And in fairness…
Things I have done that made me self-destruct in the eyes of men
(This was all in my 20’s and will never be done again)
- Borrowed money and never paid it back.
- Made up a story about how my car broke down and blah blah blah and got the other person all worried when I was really just partying with my friends.
- Flipped off their mother – (this was in high school)
- Made prank calls from their phone.
- Blatantly flirted with their best friend.
- Vomited on their shoes at a car park.
- Called them the wrong name – I am bad with names.
- Made fun of my ex-boyfriends and revealed my secret mean-nicknames for them.
- Ran into other friends that seemed like they would be more fun and abandoned my date.
- Refused to eat the food they cooked for me because I didn’t like the way it smelled or looked.
- Fell down drunk in the street wearing a furry coat and rolled around laughing hysterically because I couldn't get up with my big platform shoes.
- Stole 75.00 from their kitchen counter.
- Checked their email and discovered they were cheating and had a total shit-fit.
- Met the person the had cheating on me with and told her off.
- Put on a bunch of weight and got lazy.
- Wore out the clutch on their car.
And more recently
- Checked my text messages excessively.
- Broke up without bothering to inform the other person of that fact beforehand.
- Looked at myself in the mirror repeatedly because I really liked my new lipstick.
- Walking around with a dust cloth in one hand and placing coasters under beverages compulsively and obsessing about laundry. |
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| Your date will self-destruct in 10-8-9-7-6…. |
[Jan. 8th, 2006|04:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  calm | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Every Party - Erlend Oye | ] |
Up until now I can count on my hand the number of times I have been asked out on what can be considered an actual date. I have “hangout” with people, or have been asked to meet for the dreaded ambiguous coffee meet up. But it is a rare occasion that a man has actually asked me out on an official take me out somewhere and pay for my meal date.
So naturally when this occurred three times in last two week I was absolutely tickled. I considered it like a job interview and I happily showed up at the appropriate time and waited to see what they had to say.
Bachelor Number one was a very attractive friend of a friend who I met at a party. I liked him because he is very attractive but quiet and shy. He was very nice but was woefully ignorant of technology and/or design. This shocked me since the Bay Area is the absolute epicenter of technology and to some degree design and this person works in a very closely related industry so I was pretty surprised he hadn’t advanced beyond MS Word and email. This in itself is not a deal breaker but I had a hard time finding common ground beyond a mutual love of dogs and hiking. This person was clearly not understanding of my aesthetic sensibilities and why I would get so excited over the way the lines curve on a spoon or why I would prefer the lines of a single calla lily to a dozen roses.
Bachelor number two was quite promising. I met him while out with friends recently and I liked what he had to say. He is very quick witted, quippy, obviously highly intelligent and also very cute in the San Francisco Mission indie guy way. He works in creative and we had a lot to talk about. However, he self-destructed almost immediately. You see he is a “lack-of-self-confidence-guy. At first I hadn’t really noticed his self-deprecating sense of humor – I thought he was just being funny by putting himself down or pointing out his own flaws. However, I started to realize that all the negative things he pointed out about himself became bigger and bigger. All of his flaws inflated before my eyes like a balloon growing to gigantic proportions until all I could see was his big nose (that he pointed out), the stain in his jacket that he pointed out), and his hair that was in need of a haircut (that he pointed out). Up until the time he pointed these things out I was thinking he was very attractive but I started to think if he thinks this about himself then why would I think he was attractive?
Then things rapidly went downhill and I as I focused more on his flaws he started to lose more confidence and he actually became visibly nervous which made me uncomfortable. I am the last person in the world who would make a man nervous so I freaked out and started to get mean. The evening ended with a piece of unsolicited advice to him that in the future he should shut the fuck up about his flaws because it was not sexy.
Bachelor number three was the most like me of the bunch. He was vocal, very social, and funny and a bit of a smarty pants. I had been thinking that I would seek people like this out because obviously what I have been picking up until this point in my life hasn’t worked out too well for me.
He is an overeducated brainiac with social skills – a very rare bird indeed. I met him also out with friends and he made a date with me within minutes of meeting me. I liked his confidence and was impressed with his total lack of self-consciousness. However, I quickly discovered that while I like myself okay being around someone like me is exhausting and overwhelming. For the first time ever I felt like the wallflower. I was the person who was quiet and had nothing to say. This guy was all over the place – running around dragging me from club to club – dancing drinking joking talking to everyone who came within 2 feet of him. I was absolutely fluxomed. After 5 hours of this A.D.D circus I feigned illness and told him was going home.
To my amusement he actually asked me if I wanted him to go home with me. I just met this guy and he imagined that I would take him home with me! I said no thanks in the most polite way possible an incredulous person can muster and walked home alone. I realized then that I could not be with someone like me. I really don't want a party-guy.
To add to the weirdness I found a massive bag of pot in a plastic bag while crossing the street and I stood there looking around and then put it top of a trash can on Valencia Street – some stoner is going to have the luckiest night of their life.
So I made it home safe and sound and thought about my week and I know that I will not go on any more dates with any of those people much less kiss them. I have more fun with my friends that I had with any of these people. Like Goldilocks I know this one is too different, this one is too annoying, this one is too loud and I am beginning to wonder if there is anyone who is just right. |
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| sanfranchising |
[Jan. 8th, 2006|04:08 pm] |
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| back in town |
[Jan. 1st, 2006|08:14 pm] |
Back in town
This week I stayed in the city. I was so happy to have time to walk around and reacclimatize myself with my favorite place.
Spent a lot of time going out with friends some new some old. I know for sure I am back because when I go out I run into people I know or people I haven’t seen in a long time and it is such a treat to see them again.
Last night was New Years started at Amnesia but things deteriorated rapidly because there was a woman playing ukulele. We went to the Elbo Room and many free cocktails.
Was supposed to go to party but ended up staying at Elbo Room all night instead.
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| Abandoned, torn, wet, adult-sized, rabbit suit on Dolores and Market |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|07:03 pm] |
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| Elbo Room |
[Dec. 31st, 2005|12:50 pm] |
Thursday Night:
worked. Got home went to Laszlo, then on to Beauty Bar, Skylark, Dalva and then Cassanova. Met some new people from Yahoo. Stayed out late. Got to sleep early the next morning.
Friday was spent sleeping in and getting brunch.
Later met up with Courtney and Jason and Eris and some others at Citrus Club for lunch and some walking around in the Haight. It rained torrentially all day yesterday and I am starting to forget what it was like before the rain came and ruined life in San Francisco.
Night two of partying in the Mission. I almost flaked out because I was feeling like staying home under a blanket becsue it was so cold and rainy and I was still exhausted from the night before. I am glad I didn't we had a blast.
Started at Dalva and ended up dancing at Elbo Room. Then 6 of us came over to my house to hang out.
Got to sleep at 4:30 am again. Slept until noon. Tonight is New Years Eve.
Be gone 2005 - 2006 is going to be a much better year I hope....
ON THE POD
Sheltered Life - Erlend Øye
DARE - The Gorillaz (still!)
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| Tourista |
[Dec. 28th, 2005|09:46 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | chipper | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Dare- Gorillaz | ] |
Tuesday
Nursed gawdawful hangover. Hung out my flat with my new roomie.
Later in the evening I attended a young adults game night at the local posh synagogue.
Unbeknownst to me it was kinda of singles event/Haunnakah lighting cermony. But I had a good time nevertheless. I played Outburst with some great people.
Discovered Rabbis can and do and will try to date.
Learned a nift new Hannukah song - now if I only knew hebrew...
Enjoyed the Synagouge - I had only been in one other one before in my life
Was entertained by a Rabbi who performed magic tricks for me.
I suspect that some of the women there were not too happy to have a tourist in their midst mingling with the eligible bachelors.
It was great fun though and should my jewish friend invite me again I would go.
I am not religious nor ever intend to be so. If anything I loosely identify more with Buddhist philosphy but it more of an intellectual pursuit and appreciation for art than a deep spritual belief. I am a fan of judaism though. Though I am unlikely to ever be anything.
Monday nite
Went to Oakland to see Chad DJ with G and Maria. Saw the psycho weirdo I accidentally turned on at Radio a while ago and he stared at out table all night until fortunatley a bar ho picked him up.
ON THE POD
Dare - Gorillaz
The entire Guero remix album listening to that ad infinitum... |
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aynne's journal
