To all my non-facebook friends ;), here is where I will hopefully be posting lots in the next 3 1/2 weeks!

http://www.getjealous.com/getjealous.php?go=gillisineurope

THANK YOU, MANDY!

Thanks to a tip from Mandy, we're going to see Stephen Lynch in Toronto on April 21 - front row centre! Woot, woot!

<3

Two things:

1. Adam Brazier is freaking hilarious. I was laughing so hard I almost couldn't breathe!

2. I was watching "Spring Awakening" on Letterman and I noticed that a guy in the band looked REALLY familiar... turns out, he's in East Village Opera Company. FUN!

I really don't have a lot of interest in the Grammys, but yay for The Dixie Chicks. And I really, really enjoy Justin Timberlake. I'm so glad he has "cred" now.

I have a midterm tomorrow that I sort of half-heartedly have been studying for tonight. It should be fine though. I've had the professor before, so I'm used to his teaching style as well as his tests. Everything should be fine especially if I spend a little more time on it tomorrow as well. I was supposed to finish The English Patient for tomorrow which I haven't. But the thing is, I was reading "spoilers" on the book and everything that was "spoiled" has already happened but I still have about 100 pages left. So, um... apparently, not a lot happens in this book. I'm not not-enjoying it, but I just feel indifferent.

My midterm on Friday was absolutely horrific. I felt panicked and sad... but it's over. I'll just save my crying for when I get it back. I did get my mark on the test I wrote the night after Sarah and I got an 85, which I am really proud of. In a class of 20, the average was only 71%, so that makes me feel even better. ;)

Tomorrow is hopefully going to be super-amazing-fun. It's Sharron's Party and pretty much everyone that I love is going to be in one room. Jordan, Julie, Karen, Billy, Jordan (Bell), Kyle, George, Sharron, possibly Tracy and Michael (Therriault), and possibly Thom. I'm so very excited about this. The party is always fun, but I think this is going to be amazing.

I'm getting a lot better with Sarah, but I still (obviously) miss her like crazy. I can go a lot longer now without crying, but then they'll just be these random moments where I'm just gone. Last night, it was when we finished our ice cream and then realized she wasn't there to lick out the cup... and tonight, I was just in the kitchen alone and I happened to look at her dish and how empty it was. And that's how it feels a lot of the time - just really empty. Sometimes when we're all downstairs I think we try to talk more, just so it doesn't feel so empty. I know it's going to get a lot better but I still can't look at a picture of her without crying.

This week is going to be so busy, but that's good. Part of the busy-ness is really good stuff, so I can't complain.

Night.

Thank you very, very much to everyone who commented or texted me. I really appreciate it. It's so hard. I mean, I'm not quite as hysterical today and I've been reliving wonderful and funny and touching moments that we had with her with my parents and Karen for the last day, but it's still so hard. Right now, it's just like there's such a void. The worst part are is opening the door or coming down the stairs and looking at her old blanket or the jacket she slept on or her food dish. But at the same time, I don't want them to go away yet. I'm not ready for that. And I want to stop crying but I don't want to stop thinking about her. And upon reflection, we all know that we absolutely did the best thing for her. The vet said that she had a lot of disease in her that we couldn't even see and sometimes dogs mask their pain - so it was absolutely the right thing to do for her. But that does not stop us from missing her like crazy. 15 years is such a long time.. I was 7 years old when we got her and we have only lived in our house for 5 months without her. Pretty much all of my memories include her being here. I grew up with her. It's just like losing a member of your family - no, it is losing a member of your family.

And I know it's going to get better. It already is, slightly. We're talking about her and slowly telling people. And we know that we want to find lots of pictures of her and blow a few of them up to frame. She just meant so much to us. And she's just always been there. I'm so so thankful for all of the time we had with her. You really could not ask for a more perfect dog. She was sweet and quirky and gentle. And happy - we know she had such a happy life.

But you know, even after saying all this, it still hurts like hell. Because we can't touch her anymore. We can't see her. We can't hug her and tell her we love her. That was even part of my routine - every night before I went to bed, I passed her on the stairs and always said "I love you sweetie". She is just going to be missed so freaking much. I still find it hard to believe that she's not here. I've never been through anything like this before. And you have to get on - I had a midterm today, Karen and I were laughing at stupid things today - but it's still always there. And sometimes, you just drop out of what you're doing and just can't stop thinking about her. I almost cried in both of my classes today - it just creeps up on you. Which I am ok with. I want to miss her, I want to feel this. I don't want to stop thinking about her right now.

But again, thank you to everyone for listening and caring.

♥ Sarah.

She's gone. After just over 15 years. I loved her so much. She was so much a part of our family and she will never be replaced. I am absolutely heartbroken right now and I know it was the right thing to do because she was sick, but I am just so devastated. She went so peacefully and like always, she was so brave. She was such an amazing dog. I just loved her so freaking much. Everytime I walk in the house now it feels empty. I keep expecting her to be there. I am so grateful that she went happily and peacefully with all of her family around her but I miss her so much. And I am grateful that she didn't have to suffer. We were SO lucky to have such an amazing, special, wonderful little dog for so long. She brought us so much love and laughter and happiness. She was and always will be amazing.

Sarah, I love you always.

We left the house this morning at 5:45am and got home at 8:30pm. We left the city at exactly 6:00pm (On Mondays, it should only take about an hour to get home). All of this is NOT RIGHT.

It's official, I hate winter. Just go and DIE. You know what else can die? My readings for english on Wednesday. That's right, you heard me. I don't want to look at you anymore.

My schedule for this week and next:

Wednesday: CRAPLOAD of reading for english, studying/reading for philosophy
Thursday: Philosophy quiz, studying for other philosophy test
Friday: Philosophy test
Saturday: Babysitting my cousin all afternoon
Sunday: Finish over 200 pages of The English Patient, Doing 4 readings for history tutorial, Position paper for English, Studying for politics
Monday: Politics midterm, Sharron's Party (!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Wednesday: Receive english take-home midterm
Thursday: Elegies (!!!!!!!!!)
Friday: Complete english midterm
Saturday: Elegies, possibly sleeping over at Julie's
Sunday-Tuesday: Researching and writing politics paper

*sigh*

New icons. _cellblockicons! Sooo random, but I like them.

Things that are awesome:

1. Daniel Reichard. Just look at him dance... He is just so.... spectacular. Ok, and here too.
2. Dreamgirls.
3. Thursday nights = I get to do nothing. (except next week because I have a test next Friday.. ok, so let's just say THIS Thursday)
4. Sleep
5. George Masswohl.
6. YOUTUBE. ♥
7. Don't Quit Your Night Job - HAHA Watch THIS first & Then THIS (Christian, Sutton, and Steve Rosen are especially hilarious)

Things that are not awesome:

1. The insane amounts of reading, writing, & tests I have to do.
2. Headaches.
3. The SLOWNESS of our internet connection right now.
4. Oprah. I know most people think she's amazing but I really, really despise her.
5. This season of Gilmore Girls.

Awww, Ragtime. Good, good times. And look how little Lea Michele was. I remember meeting her at the stage door of Ragtime when we were all so tiny. But seriously, I remember Ragtime so vividly. I think, if I recall correctly, we saw it three times in Toronto. It was just such an absolutely amazing show and can you really go wrong with Brian Stokes Mitchell, Steven Sutcliffe, Audra MacDonald and Marin Mazzie. No, you can't.

Ok, now I'm really tired and feel kind of ill.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHERI!!

You are absolutely one of the kindest people that I know. I know that you've had some very rough times lately and of all people in this world, you do NOT deserve any of it, so I hope that you have an absolutely amazing birthday filled with so much love and happiness. You deserve it so much! :D ♥♥

Stupid stomach pain hasn't gone away yet. It's actually a bit worse today. I think I'm going to try and go to the doctor or the after hours clinic tomorrow. It's probably not even anything, but I'm kind of wanting to know now that it's been 2 days. I was looking up that kind of pain and it doesn't really seem serious and it tends to say that it goes away without treatment. *sigh* I hate crap like this.

So, I was thinking "oh yay, I'll try to catch up with everything this weekend" until I remembered that we're dogsitting all weekend (Fri-Sun). Hopefully I'll atleast get some reading done. School is still good and interesting and actually challenging this semester, but I'm still really tired and still getting used to the schedule.

I'm kind of half watching 30 Rock right now and it's actually really funny. Not that I thought that it wasn't funny, I had just never thought about it. Scrubs was adorable tonight. I love Scrubs. It's absolutely one of my favourite shows ever, right up there with Sex and the City. I just think that is probably the most unique show on televison and therefore, ♥. Also, it's one of those shows where I love every season just as much as the one before. That's also like Sex and the City, which actually got even better as time went on!

We went out for dinner tonight with my mom and my aunt tonight. And my mom was telling me that after that enormous argument that we had with my parents last weekend, my dad told her that he thought I was articulate and ambitious. So, um, that's really nice. And after a fight too... makes me feel kind of proud. Maybe I'll try to recall this when he's telling me I'm greedy and lazy. Hahaha! After dinner, my mom and aunt went to see this Beatles show and Karen and I went to see Dreamgirls again. It was great except for the OBNOXIOUS people behind us who came in like 20 minutes late and would NOT stop talking. I HATE when people talk during movies. Hate it.

Ok... I wonder if I can maybe sleep off some of this stomach pain... arrrggh.

My stomach hurts. I keep getting these kind of sharp pains. I really think that it's stress-related and I really don't like that. This is only the second week of school. I need to be able to handle this. I just feel really overwhelmed by classes, assignments, readings, working, money, thinking about post-school, feelings of being ignored, fighting with my family and Karen... I just need some time to just be calm. But damnit, school is my life right now. *sigh*

I have things to say to people (i.e. comments) but I just have no energy and no time right now. Arrgh. Oh, and my legs really hurt for some reason. I think might have been the walking yesterday because the weather was so shitty and slushy.

I just want to sleep right now. For a really long time and not have to THINK.

BLAAAHHH.

Now, I'm not usually a very paranoid person, but something is bugging me lately. I feel like when I write someone an email, if I say too much, I feel like they'll never respond. That's probably stupid and this is probably the kind of thing that if someone else said it to me, I'd say "that's stupid." But it just feels like that. :/

I'm not in a comment-y mood right now. I feel bad because when I read people's entries, I'll think "oh I want to say this .. and this" but I just can't bring myself to press the reply button.

Last night was a huge fight between the parents and us. Money, appreciation or lack of, caring, the future - moving, jobs, etc: all fun topics to fight about. Things seem much better today which is all very great and everything, but nothing was really resolved, which worries me. I guess we'll see.

I slept much longer than I had anticipated this morning. I meant to get up at noon, but it ended up being 3pm. Oops. We were supposed to go out and work at 5am (which is when my mom called to wake me up) but we both slept, by accident, until almost 6. Ok, fine, not too bad. But then, we get outside and all the locks/doors are frozen. We finally get my door open with a hair dryer (and a very long extension cord) so at least we can get in the car. Then, we get the back door open on Karen's side but then it won't CLOSE. GOOD times. I ♥ the cold.

Apparently the weather on Monday is supposed to be undesirable so we're staying over at the hotel near school tomorrow night. They have free wireless, apparently, so the laptop will be coming along.

I feel like I have many things to say, but it's all very random.

Less than a month now until Sharron's Party. This is good, good news. I'm missing it like crazy.

I should read for school. I'm trying to be good. Is it possible? I always feel like I'm going to make changes and actually do reading, but it never happens. Maybe I'll just read more of Anne of Green Gables.. it's required, but feels slightly less daunting. I can't wait until school gets hectic! /sarcasm