Ashley "Ashtar" Tarquin's Journal

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Square Enix wants all of it's old gamers to die horribly.

I hope to christ this comes to the US.

I think my roommate may need a root canal and neither of us have any insurance or money.

edit: Root canal maybe a little presumptive, but likely some kind of oral medical attention regardless. Tomorrow my roommate shall wear my skin and see the college's doctor.

I think the most amazing thing about the origin of humans..of all modern life really, is the mitochondria.

The mitochondria is an organelle inside all modern life cells that primarily is involved in utilizing various chemicals to generate energy used in cellular processes.

The most amazing thing about mitochondria though--is that it is like an individual life unto it's own. It has it's own DNA..it's own ribosomal material..it's own cell membrane. It's a domesticated bacteria, living inside the larger cell in a symbiotic relationship.

Research has even gone so far as to indicate that mitochondria may have evolved originally from some species of Rickettsiae family of bacteria for reasons I don't know. I just think that's crazy. It might be the closest thing to the miracle of life that I can think of. The fact that a bacteria somehow met another bacteria and the two joined as one to create all modern families of life as we know it.

I'm usually quite jaded when it comes to researching the mechanics of life and am usually the first one to proclaim that any miracle of life is that it's a miracle we've managed to survive as long as we have with the insurmountable number of things that can and do go wrong on biologic levels. But the birth of mitochondria as an organelle of a larger cell--that's miraculous.

Don LaFontaine died yesterday. Or at least the news about it became known yesterday. The man had such an iconic place in my life that when Eira saw the news, she woke me up to tell me. ( I think I fell back asleep a minute later, but it meant enough that I remembered in the morning I think.)

He was famous primarily for doing voiceover narration for movie trailers. The screen actor's guild reports that demand for him was so high he ranks as the single busiest actor in the entire guild. And it wasn't for his 'made for radio' face either. He was known by such lauded titles as 'King of Voiceovers' and the 'Voice of God'. I can probably go so far as to say there probably isn't a single person in America at least who hasn't heard his voice, at least once. In other countries I'm not quite so sure.

He was an amazing guy, incredibly friendly from what I've heard about him. When politely asked he was usually more than willing to volunteer his voice for answering machines, amateur projects, or just silly things: As these links would probably prove.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wyAHmIesMlk - Don providing voice for a high schooler's video project because he's just that nice.
http://lafontainesafety.ytmnd.com/ - Wanted: Someone to go back in time with me. I have only done this once.

Where does this leave Hollywood producers now? I suppose an ensemble cast might be able to recreate -some- of the magic that was the voice of Don. There are plenty of pretenders and imitators out there already with varying degrees of mimicry success. Some of them have probably been waiting for years to jump at this opportunity like vultures, waiting for the old and sick to finally collapse. I suppose it would probably work for awhile.

Maybe Hollywood will go a different angle and get someone with a different but distinct voice to fill the role, like that guy who does all the Disney trailers.

The symbol in my entry previous to this one (If anyone actually was curious) was from the game 'Planescape: Torment', a very good game which I recommend anyone who appreciates a good story to play sometime.

I'm taking a course this semester in pathophysiology. It's the most interesting class I've sad so far in quite some time, but it is also incredibly difficult. (And this is only about a week or so in.).

I must keep a calm mind. If I stress out too much over the difficulty of the course, not only will my academic performance suffer, but so would my enjoyment of the class, and I do not want to do anything to shake the awe I am in.

What can change the nature of a man?

I think I've successfully weaned myself off of coffee in favor of tea. I haven't had any coffee in a long long time and when I had some today it just tasted really sour/bitter and flavorless more than anything else. The problem is, I'm still a fiend for the caffeine, and tea just doesn't have enough.

I realize this is kind of a shot in the dark, but I'm wondering if anyone reading this has any experience with using powdered anhydrous caffeine as a supplement to different beverages? Stuff like no-doz or vivarin don't count. Those contain ingredients designed (hopefully) to make you feel nauseous and barfy before you OD and kill yourself on caffeine.

The biggest spider in the world was on my bedroom floor today. I flailed like a big scared baby and killed it.

Then later that night, the biggest spider in the world was crawling around my computer desk, in the corner I already saturated with spider repellant some weeks back.

I think it's only makin' 'em mad.

Why do people who blast their music loud never have good taste in music? It's always some derivation of rap, hiphop, or techno. One of my neighbors blasts mariachi, which is marginally better (Eira disagrees), except he only has like the same three songs he plays over and over.

Why doesn't anyone blast some classical, or some rock? Why not the Doors, or Jethro Tull, or Schubert? Even any variation of heavy metal would be better than the crap the guy upstairs plays continuously every goddamn saturday night.

The entry management system on Furaffinity sucks now. They somehow took all of that downtime and used it to design a new interface that Windows Vista would be ashamed of. In addition to buttons stretched all across the panel, some with uses that seem contrived or redundant, there's now not one, but -two- confirmation windows when you try to remove things from the new message buffer. In pop-up form, no less.

"Are you sure you want to remove these items?"
"ARE YOU REALLY SURE?!?!?!"

If this is the new-and-improved furaffinity, give me old-and-inferior.

The bus system here sucks. For two legs of my errands today, I waited around for my appointed bus for nearly an hour before just walking it to my next destination. Both of those times I failed to notice a bus catching up to or surpassing me. It's a sad situation when I can hobble a couple miles uphill on my bad back faster than a bus can take me there.

The bus stops themselves suck here, too. I have yet to see a bus that has any shade or at least a place to sit. It's just a stick in the ground with the route number on it.

I'm angry and sunburnt and not feeling well.

Witch Hazel:
Dead and gone, as of about an hour ago, more or less.

I made the decision to euthanize earlier today, when it became apparent he had lost all remaining interest in food and water for the last day, even junk food which he loved so much. He had began to behave deliriously, as though beginning to lose his mind from the wasting and hunger and thirst.

Thankfully, the affair went peacefully. He's gone now. He and his late brother were my first rats, and my first pets period in a long long time. As with his brother, it will likely be a long time before my grief feels sufficiently finished and closed on the subject.

It's July 18th, he was less than 3 months away from his third birthday. Incidentally, I'm 26 years old today. My birthday will have a new and deeper meaning to it from now until the end of days.

I'm thinking of squirreling away a little over a grand of my next student aid check and using it to get a license/training/equipment in medical transcription. The advantage I'm hoping for is the ability to work from home a relatively liquid number of hours. I have concerns about whether or not this would be a good investment, but rational concern and judgement is giving way to desperate hope now that I have a broken car and no other realistic job prospects.

My car's dead, probably permanently. The radiator leaks like a sieve, one of the tires is blown without a spare, and to add insult to injury, it happened on the same day I just sunk nearly fifty bucks into filling up the gas tank.

In light of my ever-precarious financial situation and my rat's ailing health, this has not been a good month for me so far. Call me privileged if you may, but I've never -not- had a car to use. My parents were white enough to find a junker for me to use when I was 15, and when I was 16 I moved up to the junker I've been using ever since until yesterday.

I've never had to learn how to get around without one, and I have concerns about my ability to handle being around all the shmucks on the bus -and- on some days I doubt my ability to walk more than a few yards without my back either killing me or at least making me want to kill someone else.

At least I don't have an obligation to renew my insurance. It was due later this month and I couldn't really afford it anyway.

Witch Hazel (The 'big baby' shown an update or two down from this one) is probably going to die within the next couple of days. He is very old. It would be proper to say that I could not have possibly expected a more happy, long-lived friend than the nearly 3 years he has spent with me. But it still hurts a lot to see his deteriorating little sleepy body and know that he will not be alive with me much longer.

It's like there's a long period of time where a rat is 'just old', and then when the dying happens, it just comes on so rapidly. It felt like only a week ago he was still energetic enough and loved to stick his face into places it didn't belong, and in a matter of days he's wasted away so much...he seems to breathe with much more difficulty..he prefers to just sleep, and still loves to be touched and cuddled though he has not enough energy to reciprocate much of that affection in kind.

The true moment of broken feelings and gibbery bawling came this morning, when I realized he had lost most if not all interest in food and water, and will not eat any more treats from me, though he will take them and keep them close to him. Even writing about it now makes my throat close up with sorrow. It is this lack of interest in the vitalities of life which now convinces me that , provided they don't come back, means it won't be long before he is gone.

You ever feel like you have a sorrow that will never end? There's a certain higher order of reasoning that tells you it will. That in time, your spirits will feel a little better. But in times like this, it's really hard to heed that reasoning. My rats are my life.

My two new buttlings are named Folgers and Quarter. They look nearly identical, but you can tell them apart easily by their tails. Quarter's is pink with only a faint fleck of grayish black, whereas Folgers' is completely black with a pink tip.

I was so relieved and happy that they both got along easily with my old baby, Witch Hazel. After a couple nights of keeping them in separate cages, I introduced them together and within a few minutes they were all huddled together while I petted them and they chittered sweetly. And now they have a tendency to make little ratpiles in their caged nest.

Folgers is so sweet and trusting he's already taking treats from my hand and loves attention. little Quarter-man is still shy, but likes to hang out with Witch Hazel when I'm holding the two of them together.

My rats bring a smile to my face, even in the difficult trials that dominate the days and nights.

Babies
Little babies

Big baby

I have no love left for America.

I want to move to Canada, or Europe. One of the two. Anywhere where there is a citizenry and government that cares more about life, than about money.

I just finished watching 'Sicko', long after having been discouraged to see it by my doctor on campus for the sole reason that he felt it would depress me greatly. But I did watch it, and I sympathize very strongly with the feeling that my current country is simply not doing enough to aid the quality of life of it's citizens.

I realize that no place on Earth is perfect, but I think there are some countries out there that try harder than others. I do not think I have the patience or will to remain in America and see it through to a different paradigm if one is forthcoming at all. I have a lot of doubts that change will ever happen. There is simply too much collusion between the lobbyists and the election itself.

I have made a stew.
It has potatoes and carrots and ground beef.

I used pepper and celery salt and a thyme and a little apple juice, too.

I like soups and stews.

Things I'm tired of reading in the "comments" section:
"I normally don't like <</your disgusting kink/>> but this pic is actually kinda cute."

Thank you for reminding us. Until I read that little clarifier I was planning on stalking and cornering you for a raunchy deluge of kink-laden scening, or something.