i keep changing my mind

1:06PM - bear!

Last Saturday, my boyfriend and I went hiking for a few miles on the Sourdough trail up near Jamestown. We started up the trail about four o'clock with knives and mace, some water, some Emergen-C, and a few pieces of potato bread and a Reese's peanut butter cup that I won in a bet that Obama would get the nomination (called the Obama bar).

Anyway, we went up and down and around and it was nice because it was overcast so it wasn't overwhelming. We made it about 2 or 3 miles and then ran into Camp Dick. While I used the restroom, my boyfriend inquired about the camping accommodations and then we waved and started back down the trail. There was a nice family in front of us for a few minutes from the camp, but then we were alone again. It was dark, but it wasn't really night yet. I'm guessing it was about quarter of seven.

About I'd say one or two miles from the camp, I heard a branch break in the quiet, pastoral forest and I said to my boyfriend, "I just heard something break."

"I did too," he said and then we heard it again.

I looked up and there about fifty or sixty feet from us was a cinnamon-colored bear cub looking at us in the tall grass. You could see only his torso and face. He looked to be about a year or a year and a half at the most.

My breath stopped for a second, and all of a sudden my boyfriend shouted as loud as he could and the bear turned around and ran the other way. I jumped about twenty feet in my head and came back down to earth slowly - my heart pounding.

"Get your knife and your mace out slowly, " He said softly. "And stay close behind me to make us bigger."

"Ok," I said catching my breath. I got out my buck knife and extended it in my left hand, but then I had to switch hands to get out my mace and then switch back hands.

He told me to walk down the trail looking down the embankment in a 180 degree peripheral while shouting as loud as I could. We did this all the way back to the start of the trail. About fifty feet as to where the trail began, he told me to withdraw my knife so I did. I just had the mace. Then we got back and I withdrew my keys and we took off our gear and got into the car.

We drove to a camp with three men and a woman who had some sort of lean-to and were drinking beer. We told them about the bear and the guy said they had nothing to worry about. They were sleeping inside the shed tonight.

Then we drove past five women campers who had a red truck and a tent. We told them and they thanked us profusely. I told them to lock up their food in their truck.

We waved and left. I didn't tell them I had the Obama bar and the potato bread in my backpack. It was an amazing experience, but if the mother had been close by, we would have been in big trouble. I wasn't even sure it was a male. In fact, I thought it was a female, but the boyfriend thought it was a male.

We were exhilarated and told the tale at the Millsite later over Italian food. I brought the food back. The Obama bar is in the freezer. I'm waiting to break it open after the General Election.

1:12AM - Shows

I missed REM because I got an allergic reaction and got really sick. It sucks, however, my niece and I are going to see Ween in Denver in July. It will be my second show unless I get horrible poison ivy or something. And today I think I won tickets to the Melvins show in late July, but I'm not sure. I didn't have a membership to KGNU, but I agreed to have them call me back to get one. If I do, I can win all kinds of stuff. I guess they will contact me and let me know if I have won. Hell, they probably gave the tickets to someone else. They didn't call today.

I have taken up tennis practice too, but more about that later.

5:03PM - Since i missed the concert

9:35PM

I gardened on Sunday. I planted Birdhouse Gourd--five seeds in the first batch and six seeds in the second (the batch being a circumference that I dug up). Today we had to go to the Flower Bin and buy water lettuce for my Mom's birthday, which is tomorrow.

Current mood: tired

Current music: tv

12:04PM - I always post more in May

Work has been really, really difficult. I am dealing with a really weird person at work who obviously has psychological problems. I don't think she's getting help from what I can tell. The best thing to do is to not react which is really hard because she triggers me. So I just try to be neutral and detached and do my job. It's really a bitch sometimes though.

11:27AM - White Cars

I hate white cars. I think they are evil. I'm really getting this paranoid reaction that manifests itself every time I see one. Be it a truck, SUV or some stupid hybrid whose battery factory burns up the ground around it in Canada somewhere I loathe those things. Washed, unwashed, dented, clean they make me sick.

11:23AM

Happy B day trystika wherever you are.

2:09AM

I started writing again. This story just came to me one night at work, so I made an outline and started filling it in. I just hope I can stick with it. I have a million unfinished pieces, but a few complete things. One thing I did complete wasn't a fiction of any kind but this story I wrote about the Grateful Dead parking lot experience. I used an old electric typewriter and the one draft I made got auctioned off by my ex-boyfriend. I'm not saying he wasn't patient with me because he waited like three years before he did this--plenty of time for me to come and get my shit which I never did. I could almost write the piece from memory now. I just wonder what became of the story. Anyway, I hope I can stick with this thing like I said.

11:36AM - Happy New Year!

I don't really believe in New Year's Resolutions. The thing is that if I make a list, and don't fulfill it then I just feel really lousy for the rest of the year. I suppose if I am going to accomplish a goal or quit a bad habit that I would just freakin' do it and not use the end of the year to make it happen. It just seems like a lot of projection.

Were headed over to some sober "barn dance" here in Longmont tonight. Yee-haw. I hope this doesn't mean I will be forced to listen to the musical stylings of Garth Brooks and Reba Macintyre all night. Hopefully, they will play some hip-hop and rock. We're going mostly because my boyfriend's daughter is working over there. The good thing is that it's only a few blocks away. That seems like a safer deal on amateur night.

2:16PM

We have been doing a lot of stuff in the mountains lately. First, we went up to Allenspark two weekends in a row and stayed at this cabin my boyfriend is working on. Then last weekend, we drove around and gawked at the golden groves of aspen trees. We saw some patches around Rollinsville, but when we went up to the Peak to Peak Highway there was this mammoth grove of glowing aspens that everyone was parked by the side of the road to see.

For the next two weeks I am housesitting in Larimer County way up (but not too far from work) near this cliff that has an eagle's nest. These people have two Yorkies and a hot tub so the living is good. My boyfriend came over the other day and we had a nice, relaxing soak.

This job is keeping me busy, along with my regular work. These people have like 75 plants to water and I'm so afraid I will miss one and it will die, or I will overwater something and it will get root rot. One of the Yorkies got under the grill last night and came back with a black, greasy mug. I tried to wash it as best I could with shampoo and a towel but now the dog (who has a white coat) looks kinda gray and greasy around the face. I am trying to convince my boyfriend to come over and help me wash him more thoroughly.

I have another side job next weekend cleaning up after this Native American 5K race. So basically, I will have two jobs to juggle and return to the school for my regular job on Monday. I forgot to mention these people I am housesitting for have a million tiny artifacts in their house and are really picky about everything. They left me all kinds of notes about not touching the art and don't play the piano blah blah blah. Of course I wouldn't, but it's kind of annoying because I'm sure they are going to return and find something to nit pick about. Oh, and If I don't have their dog cleaned up by the time they get back, they will probably freak out.

10:17PM

I didn't have internet for a very long while and just got it back tonight. Nothing of real import going on. I went to see Patti Smith at the beginning of the month at the Boulder Theater and it was a pretty good show. I got a free ticket too.

I'm going to see Wilco with my boyfriend the day before labor day. That should be good. It bothers me a bit that they have to have their songs in VW commercials, but I still really like their music. I remember when I was younger I would have really hated them for that. I would have thought that they'd sold out to the man. Now I just rather find it annoying and the advertisement incongruous with the song.

9:16PM

It's so hot here that it's not cooling down at night. It was 97 at the hardware store in Lyons but that was this man's car. The temp in the store read 100 coz it's a metal building. I think it was 98 today. It was 105 in Boulder. I don't care. I like the heat. I have to remember to hydrate and slow down when it gets this hot, and that's about it. Oh, and take extra showers. That's key.

12:42PM

I went to see a friend I hadn't seen for awhile this morning. Now I am here in Lyons hanging out. Think I will go for a walk. Hopefully, I won't run into any mountain lions. Fireworks don't start until about 9:30. I keep wondering how crazy it will be this year.

Current mood: depressed

5:41PM

We went to Brainard Lake and hiked Sunday afternoon. We were going to do all four miles of Pawnee Pass, but it was mostly uphill so we did half of it. It's really great up there, and no one left any trash. We even went by where this huge snowdrift was melting into a massive stream/waterfall.

5:20PM - JFHC!

Well this sucks, and here's the link

3:39PM - i'm an a-hole

I went to B&N in Boulder today. I put my cup of coffee I just purchased on the easy chair. Some bicyclist came by and moved it on the floor and started to sit in my seat. I came back with my two magazines and said to him, "I'm sitting there." He goes, "No you're not." I go, "Well, my coffee was sitting there." He goes, "I didn't know coffee gets a seat." I go, "Well it does now." And he leaves. I take my seat and read. I am a mean, mean woman.

10:11PM - writing

I may not be doing all that I want to right now, but I'm doing more of what I want to do. I'm getting there, and that's a good thing. I just wish I could get out of my head more and more into a work mode more often. I get fucked up when I think too much, just like everyone else.

7:25AM

I am at my Mother's all this week because we have family in town. I am now reading about three books. (this is also on my other blog).

1) "Kitty and the Midnight Hour" Carrie Vaughn

2) "Soul on Ice" Elridge Cleaver

3) "Veronica" Mary Gaitskill


That last one I am finding hardest to read because it's dense. "Soul on Ice" is the easiest one. "Kitty..." is good, but easy to put down.

5:37PM

I have to get out of town this weekend, but it's easier said than done because I overbooked myself and forgot I had a commitment Friday night. I got a friend to cover for me, but she's only 75% sure she can do it. I really want to go to the mountains, so que sera sera and all that s*&^%.

There was a bird in front of the school with a broken wing. I went to dig up some worms for it and get it some water. I ran around the building getting a shovel and everything. I put water in the ground and dug it up, but no worms. By the time I realized no worm action was available because it's too dry, I went back to the spot under the tree where the bird was, with an aluminum pan of water. It was gone. An eagle probably came by and swooped it up.

10:35PM

One of my friends suggested that I should listen to music in a language I didn't know so as to focus on the music more than the words. I think this is a pretty good idea and feel stupid I never thought of it.

One of my work friends doesn't listen to anything and hates music. She says she'll only listen to other people's stuff they put on or click on or beam from their foreheads or whatever the fuck they're doing these days.