|
|
Sunday, March 10th, 2002
| |
10:53 pm
|
There are a lot of assholes, that I really don't want reading about my life. So, I am changing my journal to a new name.... If you would like to be on my friends list, or you read my journal all the time, and you'd like to be able to continue to do so... please e-mail me at:
disneygirl88@aol.com
Please understand that I am going to ask you not to give my new journal address out to anyone. These people will find my new journal, I'm sure.. but at least I will know that they are THAT pathetic.
current mood:  accomplished
|
|
(5 people left opinions |Place your opinion here)
|
| Saturday, March 9th, 2002
| |
11:26 pm - I do what I can.
|
Do you think God is sitting up there watching all the relationships going on down here and laughing his ass off??? And if he is.. do you think he's eating popcorn?
Jill and I had this conversation tonight.
I think he is DEFINITELY watching.. and DEFINITELY Laughing.. and DEFINITELY eating Popcorn..
|
|
(2 people left opinions |Place your opinion here)
|
| |
9:34 pm - Faults
|
I'm very needy.
I can't make decisions.
When I'm angry, I take it out on the people closest to me.
I say things I don't mean.
I mean things, I don't say.
I have emotional breakdowns at the drop of a hat.
I spend entirely too much money on other people.
I fall into love very quickly, and out of love VERY slowly.
I can be downright selfish about my things. If you don't believe me, ask my sister.
I'm jealous by nature.
I feel like I'm second best all the time.. I blame this on being the middle child....I didn't do anything FIRST... and I wasn't the LAST one to leave the house..
I have a self-indulgance problem.
I have a bad temper
I don't call my Grandmother as much as I should.
I am not patient.
I sometimes speak without thinking.
I DO NOT speak, when I HAVE been thinking.
I cry when a boy breaks my heart.
I push people away.
Did I mention I'm the most Jealous person on the face of this earth?
I Care too much.
I work really hard for the things I want.
I spend too much time worrying about other people's problems and trying to solve them.
I don't kill bugs when I see them... I pick them up and put them outside.
I have an infectious laugh.
I love to have fun.
I would do anything for my friends.
I cry at sappy movies.
I do things, because I know they will make someone happy.. just Because.
I send cards to people that I know enjoy getting mail.
I make hundreds of little kids feel special a day.
I would rather be alone for the rest of my life, than to ever lose one of my parents.
I have an active imagination... like that of a five year old.
I take care of my grandfather when my family goes away.
I gave $3,000 dollars to my best friend, because we said we'd split anything over $1,000 that we won at the casino.
Now..you are asking I'm sure, why some of these things are on my list of faults.... it isn't those of you that ask that that I'm concerned with.. it's the one's who don't question that, that I am concerned with. It's those of you who can't see ANY good, in ANYTHING I do...you are the one's I'm concerned with. You are the ones I feel sorry for.
current music: Poe - Walk the Walk
|
|
(4 people left opinions |Place your opinion here)
|
| |
5:44 pm - Love those Online Quizzes!!!!
|
|
| |
5:03 pm - THANK GOODNESS!!!
|
I finally found a hotel for Andy and Lucas... whew. Thank god that's over with. I was beginning to really stress about it. No, they won't have to sleep in their car. No, they won't have to sleep in a tent somewhere off of 535... excellent!!
Thank you to Jillian Powers... my ultimate Kindred Spirit for saying exactly what I needed to hear today. "Amanda.. people can't make you feel bad unless you let them. If she let something you did make her feel bad, it's her own fault." (That was paraphrased by the way..) Plus, I didn't do it to make anyone feel bad. I just want recognition for the hard work I did. That's not a crime.. nor will it ever be a crime.
Also Kudos to Andy Hanson for putting up with me. I call him all pissed off.. and he let me vent... and hopefully realizes that most of the things said were in Jest. Although, it makes me laugh that we have a common person on our "Disavowed" list... but I don't call it Disavowed.. I just call it BLOCKED. Anyway.. when I hung up the phone.. I was grinning from ear to ear. How the hell does he do that????? I want to bottle him and sell him. Damn, I'd make a LOT of money. And that's money I could really use....
I almost bought a new Palm Pilot today.
I have NO toys here!!! None. Left my playstation at home.. which was a stupid decision. I haven't had a palm for about a year now.. and I really miss it. Man, I'm such a gadget girl... I just have NO money to buy gadgets. I haven't bought a single DVD since I've been here either... and I've been REAL tempted. I haven't even bought myself a new Cell Phone.. and I NEED one of those.. cause mine's BROKEN.
What is one to do???
In just fourteen days two of the greatest gentlemen I know will be getting into a car and driving 1,412 miles to come see me. How could things be bad???
current mood:  dorky
current music: Moulin Rouge Elephant Love Melody
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
3:37 pm - Amanda
|
I was on the bus today, (As I am EVERYDAY.. I'm a slave to public transportation..) coming back from Goodings.. where I went to cash my paycheck.. and the song Amanda by Boston was on the radio. How cheesy is that song?? Honestly. But, regardless... I LOVE IT. I think that I think it's cheesy because I don't honestly believe it'll ever happen.. that way. I probably won't let it. I have a way of pushing these things as far away as possible... because they scare the shit out of me.
( Amanda )
current mood:  silly
current music: Boston College Bostonians - Uninvited
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
10:30 am - Appreciation part 2
|
After been asked by my pal Erica, I'm going to make a list of the things that I appreciate..
(By the way... she's the only person who told me that they appreciated me yesterday..)
Things I appreciate:
The way my parents raised me, which was to appreciate everything that people do for me.
The way my parents slyly pay my bills for me when they know I can't do it, and they never mention it again.
Flowers on Valentines Day (or any day for that matter.), even though I won't pretend to understand...
Trips to Florida to Visit homesick Amanda.
Honesty.
Waking up in the morning.
Loving someone that never makes me cry. (This hasn't happened...btw.)
People who are sincerely NICE. (Even though I told you it freaks me out.... I secretly LOVE it.)
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| Friday, March 8th, 2002
| |
10:55 pm
|
I don't know if I've ever been good enough
I'm a little bit rusty, and I think my head is caving in
and I don't know if I've ever been really loved
by a hand that's touched me,
well I feel like something's gonna give
and I'm a little bit angry
www.emode.com
( cinnamon )
current mood: awfully sad.
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
1:30 pm - Appreciation.
|
I'm feeling under appreciated. I'm feeling forgot about.
Part of this may be because it is RA Appreciation Day at USM, and no one seems to remember that I was an RA for half of the year too. APPRECIATE ME GOD DAMN IT! I was one of the best god damn RA's in that fucking place... and no one cares because I'm in Florida.
No one sends me mail.
So I stopped sending mail, except to those people who have sent mail to me. That list is as follows:
My Parents
Andy Hanson
Kim Craine
(Pam said she sent me a package..I haven't gotten it yet.)
No one EVER calls me. I call EVERYONE!!!
My Mother Calls me.
John Called this morning for the FIRST time since I've been here.
And Andy calls every once in a while when I guilt him into it... or ask him to call.
I've been calling all morning trying to make hotel reservations for Andy and Lucas... I'm having no luck.
Also been calling to make hotel reservations For Rachel and Matt.. they're going to drive down the first weekend in April I guess. So I have called all the Disney Resorts.. they're all full except Coronado Springs and the Wilderness Lodge.. but the rooms are $114, and $184 a night, respectively. So I call Rachel and tell her this, and she says, "And that's with your discount?" And I say, "Yes." And she says, "I don't believe you. I have to go." and hangs up. WHY WOULD I MAKE THAT UP?????
I had the worst nightmare last night. I woke up crying this morning.. that's how bad it was. I had a dream that my coworker Todd (who looks JUST like Anthony Edwards...) shoved his entire fist down my throat and tried to strangle me. (I think this dream was prompted by the fact that I am sick, my throat is KILLING me, and I can't breathe..) It was the strangest nightmare ever... and I woke up bawling.
I'm feeling less than human. I feel like nobody loves me. I feel like a stupid girl. I have no patience... and I'm really trying so hard to fix that. So make me feel human, make me feel loved... but most of all, make me feel special... I just feel like another name... on another list.
current mood:  blank
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
11:43 am
|
Wanna frustrate the hell out of me???
Tell me I can't have something I want.
The only thing I have right now, that I want... is a job at Disney World.
Other than that... people just keep telling me I can't have things.
You need a new Cellphone Amanda, cause yours sucks?
Can't have it..I don't have the money.
Need a hotel room for Andy and Lucas to stay in?
Can't have it... they're all BOOKED.
There are a lot of things I need (like maybe a labotomy..)... and I can't have any of them. I have no patience.
Plus, I'm sick... and I can't call in sick.
current mood:  frustrated
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| Wednesday, March 6th, 2002
| |
11:23 pm
|
|
| |
12:52 pm - Our Patience will achieve more than our force.
|
Oh Happy Day.
Work from 3-9 at Package Pickup... oh boy I get to DRIVE!! YAY! I miss my car. :(
I express myself best when I am upset.... and I'm not upset... so I'm having one of those lack of things to say moments....
And for now, I must eat some lunch, so that I may be able to think intelligently again sometime soon.
current mood: La-La-La
current music: Natalie Merchant- San Andreas Fault
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
11:30 am - Hmm. How odd??!!??
|
|
| |
12:54 am - Amanda's House of Antelopes
|
In Class today, we had a presenter, his name is Jim Korkis, and he's somewhat of a Walt Disney Historian. It was actually a very entertaining three hour presentation. One thing he said stuck in my mind... and this has nothing to do with Disney History per se. But we were talking about what makes the Disney Company Succeed, and he started talking about how The Hunchback of Notre Dame wasn't a very successful movie. (Ps. I LOVE this movie..) The thing that Mr. Korkis said that stuck with me the most.. was this, "No one liked Hunchback because the good guy didn't win. Quasimodo did everything he could for Esmeralda... and in the end, the cute girl ended up with the cute guy... not Quasimodo." Just a thought.
I'm possibly the most impatient person on the face of this earth. When I want something, I want it NOW. I'm one of those people who once I start a job, I want to have it finished.. so I can move on to the next task and finish that. I like to accomplish things. I'm one of those people who makes lists all the time.. just so I can scratch things off. I have never had patience for classes... we all know that. Patience is something that I've always been lacking in... and it's being tested now. Believe me. Bear with me.... I get a little crazy. It's a good thing I have VERY patient people to even me out..... I thank you.
For all of you who have been faithful readers since I started this journal... (I think there might be three or four of you..) you've heard me say this before.. but I'm not used to good things happening to me. I'm more comfortable with bad things happening to me. I know how to deal with the bad things.. I cry. I scream. I dwell. I blame god. I blame my depression. I blame having such a good childhood... Anyway, I'm not used to things turning out GOOD.... so I tend to have this momentary relapse, where I just pretend that it's bad... and not good. And I cry. And I scream.. and I dwell... I think you get the picture. And then, the moment that I realize it's something GOOD.... I stop thinking about it... and life goes back to normal... THANK GOD.
Went to see John Q tonight. sheesh. I keep seeing really great movies. There was a dry spell last year around this time... there was NOTHING for movies. Now, I have a list a mile long of things I need to see. Soon...SOOON E.T. will be back in the Theatres.. I can't wait. The $4 Tuesdays at the Pleasure Island AMC make me smile!
I think I'm dying.
Ok... maybe not dying... but I read this article about a little girl that had this disease where her bones just started breaking... and my jaw cracked SO loud last night I thought I'd cry just from the noise. (I did cry... but that was because some punk kid was mean to me.) And THEN today, both of my ankles have been cracking and popping all day long.. as well as my knee. I blame it on standing on my feet 8 hours a day. Mom says I have to get new shoes for work. I thank her for this excuse to buy new shoes. So I'm not dying. I just need new sneakers for work. Aha!
I still might (Ok, not might.. I do....) have a cyst or SOMETHING in my right breast... I should go to the hospital huh? Yeah. I should. But you know what?? I'm a fucking coward... and I'm scared... and I feel bad asking Sarah to call in to work to take me to the hospital. sigh.
It doesn't take much to confuse me. It doesn't take much to shut me up either. Ask me a serious question... and my brain escapes out of my... I don't know where it escapes out of... but if I did, I'd put a cap on it so that wouldn't happen.
Homesick again. I think it is because everyone here has had someone come visit.. 18 days... 18 days. Kristina's (Sarah's roommate..) boyfriend is coming here EVERY single month while she's here. Dude, take a break! Honestly, you have to see him EVERY month??? A little exorbitant. Yeah, I know, you all think I'm heartless... but geez, Sarah isn't going to see Craig until May... that's resilience right there.
current mood:  chipper
current music: Harry Connick Jr - A Wink And A Smile
|
|
(1 people left opinion |Place your opinion here)
|
| Tuesday, March 5th, 2002
| |
11:11 am
|
|
| |
10:45 am - Paradigm for March 5th 2002
|
"She walks the mile, makes you smile all the while being true.
Don't take for granted the passions that she has for you.
You will lose if you chose to refuse to put her first.
She will,if she can find a man who knows her worth."
Alicia Keys.. you're a genius.
current mood:  uncomfortable
current music: Alicia Keys - When a real Man
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
9:37 am
|
Cookie always has the best stuff in her profile... I steal it all the time... but at least I give her credit.
I was waiting. I feel like some part of me will always be waiting for you. Like if I'm old and blue-haired and I turn the corner in Istanbul, and there you are. I won't be surprised... Because you're with me, you know?
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| Monday, March 4th, 2002
| |
10:49 pm
|
|
| |
5:05 pm
|
It is a well known fact that Men, as far back as time goes, have not been very monogamous. It's the old cow/new cow theory from Someone Like You. Anyway, I have never felt like it is very fair that men can DO that, have feelings for two people at once. Because try as I might... I can't do it! And I'm getting very lonely because of that.
I have a problem. Ok, so I have a lot of them... more than my fair share actually. I don't know what this problem is though... I am having a VERY hard time deciphering where this is coming from. And in the process, pissing off a LOT of people. I do this periodically. I wish someone could read my mind. For a few reasons. First of all, they'd be able to warn everyone else that I was going to try to push them as far away as I possibly could... and second of all, I wouldn't have to say all of the things that I'm too scared to say... people would just know what I was feeling all the time.. because half the time.. I really don't know what goes through my head.
I'm scared. REALLY REALLY scared. Of the way that I feel, of the things that I do to people, of never being good enough, of always being second best, of never having enough stability to really move forward in my life, of never graduating college, of never being happy with the things I've accomplished, of never having control over my mind, of not having the clarity to make informed decisions on my own, of living the life that I live right now... where I'm the happiest girl one second, and so sad the next.
I keep trying to convince myself that it's just going to go away. That you'll just go away... but you won't. And I don't want you to.
current mood:  confused
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| Sunday, March 3rd, 2002
| |
11:15 am
|
I want to jump up and down, scream, and throw a temper tantrum.. because ya know, life is just not fair.
current mood:  nauseated
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
11:12 am
|
|
| |
9:15 am - BITCH!
|
Can you feel the rage??? I don't think you can... my roommate... oooooh...
Two nights ago, I came home from a LONG day at work, put on my pajamas and cuddled up on the couch with my comforter to watch t.v. Jenn comes home and says, Hey Amanda, Matt and I are going to drink here, do you mind? Matt is the aforementioned gay (Jenn is convinced he isn't gay because he has a girlfriend.....'cha whatever.)19 year old boy that she has a crush on, who won't go anywhere near her.. except to get her to buy alcohol for him. So I say, "Actually... yeah I do mind.. he's not 21.. you guys will have to find somewhere else to drink." Yeah, I'm lame.. but you know what? I like my job too much to let her fuck it up. So she leaves.. slams the door.. the whole nine yards.. won't talk to me. Again, Whatev. About twenty minutes later, she comes back into the apartment with Matt. Matt looks at me and says, "Hey Amanda, I know I'm not 21, but would you mind if I drank here with Jenn?" What am I? A Broken Record? "Actually Matt.. yeah, I would mind." Ok. So they make some food, pack up the alcohol, and head over to... somewhere.. I don't really care where. Jenn still isn't speaking to me. Whatev.
So I get up yesterday and I get dressed and ready, I went to Epcot (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow. OR Every Person Comes Out Tired, as I like to say..) with some of the other USM girls.. it was a lot of fun. We hung out at MGM for a while.. then went to Epcot to the world Showcase where I had an excellent Burrito in Mexico...and then watched the fireworks... it was really windy, and Sam got hit with a firework ash on his nose. EEK. He's ok... it wasn't smoldering.. just scared him I think. Anyway, the point to this, is that I came home around eleven. As I got closer to my door, I heard her laughing...so I knew someone was here... and I walked into my apartment and there is Jenn And Matt Drinking Rum and Cokes watching my DVD's. (The DVD's I don't care about..) Now... how dumb does one have to be??? I don't know what to do. I'm looking for advice here.
current mood:  groggy
|
|
(2 people left opinions |Place your opinion here)
|
| Saturday, March 2nd, 2002
| |
11:03 pm
|
Oooooooh. Tomorrow. Tomorrow I shall write... oooooooh ssoooooooo angry.
I've been keeping my entries private. I'm having a soul problem....the problem being I can't find mine right now.
I went on the Tower of Terror today....It was amazing, because everything in my life feels like that ride right now... falling, falling, falling... And then when I hit the bottom, I wake up....
Also went on the Rockin' Rollercoaster three times in a row....
boo. booooo! When did I start being worried about what I write in here? I'm censoring myself A LOT. ew.
current mood: confused
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| Friday, March 1st, 2002
| |
10:33 pm
|
IF I could be anywhere right now.... I think I'd be here.
IF I could talk to anyone right now... I actually think it'd be my sisters.... I dunno why.
IF I could have anything right now... it would be Smiling Hills Coffee Milk..mmm
IF I could have anything else that I wanted... it would be peace of mind... and something that would make me feel not sick... because right now, I'm feeling sick.
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| Thursday, February 28th, 2002
| |
11:27 pm - The silly little things we do...
|
... I wrote a really long entry about How I'm "Feeling". (Are you feeling better??) and then decided that I didn't want you to read it... any of you.
See?? I have restraint. I know there are some things that just need to go in my OTHER journal. That there are maybe other people involved that wouldn't like to see their life broadcasted in my journal... But you don't read my other journal, and I'm looking for someone's interpretation of my life right now, I guess.
TALK TO ME! I have a phone... two of them even! I hate instant messenger. I hate e-mail. I hate not talking to people about serious things.. because it's more convenient to write it down. I admit it, I'm a fucking coward.. it's so much easier for me to write things down, than it is for me to say them. Sometimes I honestly believe that might be the entire reason for this journal. My brain, just isn't connected to my mouth.... it's only connected to my brain... which is connected to my fingers... which are CONSTANTLY connected to my computer.
Anyway... you want to know how I "feel"? (Are you feeling better?) You're going to have to ask me yourself. Please.. ask me.
current mood: confused
current music: Elton John -I Want Love
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
9:56 am
|
|
| Wednesday, February 27th, 2002
| |
11:58 pm
|
I've been trying not to think about anything today. Because you very well know, that when I think about things.. I tend to over-analyze them.
I went to the fireworks. I want to cry every time I see the night time shows at the parks. They're beautiful!!!
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
6:44 pm - Huh.
|
I think it was exactly what I was looking for... but I'm so confused.
And do I deserve it? I question that too.
"You knew you needed more time, time spent alone with no distraction.
You felt you needed to fly solo and high to define what you wanted.
At that particular time, love encouraged me to leave.
At that particular moment, I knew staying where you were meant deserting me.
That particular month was harder than you'll ever believe...
But I still left, at that particular time."
( 25 Good Things About Today. )
current mood: chipper
current music: Duets - Try a Little Tenderness
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
7:49 am - Good Advice from the Complete Idiot.
|
I don't usually do this. Listen to complete idiots that is...but Jenn had some good advice lastnight... and it actually made me start to be angry about this entire situation.. so I guess that's a good thing.
"I asked a guy friend of mine, who is the epitome of the word "Playa" why it is that he fucked around on his girlfriend... and you know what he said? "Because I can." If you're too easy Amanda, they don't fucking want you.. they want a challenge. You just have to beat them at their own game.The minute you become interested, the minute you are NICE to them, they fuck you over."
Said by my roommate.. see, she IS good for something.
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
7:13 am - Bad night...
|
Please don't say I love you,
those words touch me much too deeply
and they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the affect you have over me
And please don't come so close
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't kiss me so sweet
it makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
And please don't touch me like that
makes every other embrace seem pale and shallow
Please don't look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't send me flowers
they only whisper the sweet things you'd say
Don't try to understand me
your hands already know too much anyway
It just makes me want to make you near me always
And when you look into my eyes
please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms
you have complete power over me
So be gentle if you please 'cause
You hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
And it makes me want to make you near me always
current mood: morose
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| Tuesday, February 26th, 2002
| |
11:07 pm - My Paradigm
|
I just want you to live up to, the image of you I create. I see you, and I'm so unsatisfied. I see you and I dilate.
I'm back to point A.
Ya know, the thing that has always scared me about my depression is the Mania. That I can be so happy one minute... and crying the next minute.
I refuse to take medication, because I feel like that makes me weak... and I hate admitting that I'm weak, and I need help with something.
I told my best friend today, that he needs to stop being nice to me... because it's freaking me out. He doesn't understand....and I apparently can't explain it to him very well.
I want to crawl into a hole. EKllie said tonight, "Amanda, you have to be happy before you can be in a relationship... you really can't depend on boys to make you happy." And I replied, "Kellie, I don't depend on them to make me happy.. they just happen to make me UN-Happy." to which she replied, "Amanda.. that's the same thing."
current mood: aggravated
current music: Ben Harper - Strawberry Fields Forever
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
10:25 am
|
It felt good to get dressed up and go out. I had a lot of fun! We went to Bahama Breeze, which is this restaurant right down the street from Chatham. They have fun Island food, and even more fun Island Drinks. The Margaritas there are the best I've ever had. The company though, was the best. Sarah's roommates are really great. A little on the pessimistic side when it comes to the College Program... but other than that, they're super fun to hang out with.
I talked to Brandon online for a minute yesterday... for the first time in over a month. And he said to me, "So, how goes the battle?" which really is just a figurative phrase. But in the state of mind I was in, I gave it a little thought, and then said, "Ya know, it really isn't a battle anymore..." And I MEANT it!
So much has changed for me. Being away from that STUPID state.... or School really.. I can't blame it on Maine... Maine has never done anything to me- per se. I'll blame it on USM... that way, people won't send me messages saying, "Why are you talking about this person in your journal?" "Why are you beating a dead horse??" BEAT BEAT BEAT. Ad Nauseum, Ad Nauseum, Ad Nauseum. SEND
People make me laugh.
Anyway, the point here, is that sometimes it does take going away, to be happy. TO FORGET what it is like to be miserable. I'm happy here. I know that probably disappoints a few people, who would have liked to seen me fail and come home. But I'm not here for those people... I'm here for me.
current mood: calm
current music: Ben Fold's Five - Best Imitation of Myself
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| Monday, February 25th, 2002
| |
11:58 pm
|
The more things change, the more they never change....
Wait.
That isn't how that goes.
Or is it?
current music: Boston College Bostonians - Uninvited
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
11:25 pm - Sooo sleepy.
|
I had a margarita.
I'm a little on the loopy side. Also, VERY sleepy.
So I had a long talk with my buddy Matt Cary today. He made a good point the other day.. he wanted to know when I started listening to anything he had to say. And I believe my answer was, "Never." however, today I wasn't in a place where I could really disagree with him.
About once a week, we have the, "Matt, why don't boys like me." conversation. And every week, he gracefully says, "Amanda. STOP IT! You just haven't met the right person yet." And I always say, "I have no patience for these things." Like I said, this happens once a week.
I have a problem feeling like I am attractive.
Also, I crave affection. And when I'm not getting any, I start feeling REALLY un-attractive. Emotional attraction, physical attraction.. I don't care what it is. This has gotten me into trouble more than once. (See ex-boyfriend who wouldn't let me touch him after we broke up, because If I touched his arm, I was being TOO affectionate. Whatever.) So I overcompensate. So I equate affection, with feeling attractive, adequate, or wanted. I have NEVER looked at this as a bad thing. It isn't a bad thing, is it?
current mood: exhausted
current music: respect - Bostonians
|
|
(1 people left opinion |Place your opinion here)
|
| |
10:10 pm - *Love that we cannot have is the one that lasts the longest, hurts the deepest, and feels the strongest*
|
"I hate the way you're always right.
I hate the way you lie.
I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry.
I hate it when you're not around
And the fact that you never call..
But mostly, I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."-10 Things I Hate About You.
"You can't tell your mind to stop loving someone, if your heart still does."-a wise friend.
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
5:05 pm - I HATE BOYS.
|
ANMcKenney: Honestly, if a boy would just like me, I wouldn't EVER have anything to complain about!
Macleod96: there is more to life than boys, Amanda.
ANMcKenney: Oh, I completely agree...
ANMcKenney: But I have all the other stuff.
Macleod96: ha
Sigh.
I got up at four thirty am this morning. Had to be to work at six thirty. I've never worked the Stock Room before today. I get to work at six thirty with my annoying/smelly/next door neighbor Jarrod.. and no one is there. Seven A.M. Still no one is there. The two full time employees who work stock, called in sick. So smelly Jarrod and I are left to do stock by ourselves all day long. I don't think you understand the magnitude of it all. I'm exhausted. I stayed an extra hour at work.. I was supposed to be done at 2.. I stayed until three.. and the stock STILL wasn't all put away. I walked away feeling like I'd accomplished nothing all day. I hate that feeling.
I didn't get the reaction I wanted. I need to stop
current mood: irritated
current music: Duets Soundtrack- Try a Little Tenderness
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| Sunday, February 24th, 2002
| |
12:32 pm - Ode to the boy at USM that I despise.
|
|
| |
12:10 pm - Addendum
|
Oh, and yes. As I was writing that last entry at quarter til nine this morning, I heard a key in the door to my apartment. Knowing it was Jenn, I sat here awaiting the great story I KNEW was coming...
"Jenn, what are you doing? Why aren't you at work?"
Jenn- "I wasn't scheduled to work until 3. I thought I had to be there at Seven Thirty."
ha ha-ha.
Unfortunately, this meant I had to shut all the shades in our bedroom. Unfortunately, this means my plant won't be getting any sun today. Unfortunately, this means that there will be no new Flowers today!
It's the little things.. the things that make her look really stupid.. that make me smile.
current mood: nerdy
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| |
8:55 am - Ha haha ha ha. I Laugh in your general direction!!!!
|
My roommate is now OFFICIALLY a COMPLETE IDIOT
So I come home last night at 9 or so... and I can hear my roommate laughing before I open the door... so I know that someone else is here. Which is fine.. I don't care that she has people over... obviously. I had a long day of work yesterday.. standing in the pouring rain for six hours.. so I was a little on the irritable side.. but it's all good. So I come in, and say hello.. and go change out of my wet clothes into my pajamas.. and come out to make some tea and some dinner.. and I then notice that she has a boy here. K, I quickly realize that this boy is a guy she's been talking about lately..his name is Matt. She thought he was gay when she met him, but he has a girlfriend.. so now she thinks he's not gay.. now she thinks he is cute. (Let the record show, I think he's gay. Given my experience with gay men, I believe I'm accurate.) Anyway.. she's feeding him Margaritas like it's her job. He's not 21. As far as I know. Which then pisses me off... cause.. I don't know if I can get in trouble for that. What if security knocked on the door for a noise complaint and found these two idiots falling down drunk...(Which they were..) and cited me, because that fucking kid is underage?? So I have to ask someone about that...
Reason number 2 that my roommate is now OFFICIALLY a COMPLETE IDIOT is that soon after I got used to ignoring she and her friend.. I heard her say something about going to go score some weed. Fine.. whatever. So they call up this girl... I guess her name is Megan.. and they say, "Yeah, FUCK Disney, I can't believe you got kicked out for Smoking weed! We're really upset that you're going home!! Can we buy some weed from ya??"
Yes. I laugh in your general direction. I'll laugh even harder when the door hits your ass on the way out.
current mood: amused
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
| Saturday, February 23rd, 2002
| |
12:23 pm - I'm so very brave!
|
I amaze myself lately. I've gotten very brave. I've been doing exactly what I want other people to do... saying what I mean and MEANING what I say.
So, two days ago, I worked at Oscar's.. which is the stroller rental place at the Studios. I absolutely LOVE working there, because it's like a giant playground. It's fun. Anyway, we have these Electric Wheelchairs..(Called ECV's) like the ones that they have in grocery stores and such, and at the end of the night, we have to plug them in to charge, and tip them so they're standing upright, on the ends. They aren't light. So my friend Katie and I are out back tipping the ECV's and this guy that we're working with, Darek (Who is this HUGE Fat guy.), comes out and stands there and watches us. And Katie says to him, "Hey, you know.. we aren't weak.. but it would be nice if we could have some help." And he says, "Nah, I am weak. And I don't know where you come from, but I'm from Massachusetts.. and where I'm from.. girls pull their own weight." And he walked away. ASSHOLE!
Anyway, I wish I worked there EVERY SINGLE DAY... because it's a nice workout.. I'd never have to take my lazy-ass to the gym here again.
Oh.. yeah... by the way... I saw Adam Vinatieri two days ago... hee hee hee
ALSO- You people need to see I AM SAM... and THEN, you need to either buy or download the soundtrack. The entire soundtrack is Beatles Covers.. REALLY great ones too.. Ben Harper, Ben Folds Five, Sarah McLachlan, Pearl Jam..it really is very good.
( I Believe In Love. )
current mood: cheerful
current music: Ben Folds Five - Golden Slumbers (Beatles Cover)
|
|
(Place your opinion here)
|
|
|
|
|
