|
autumn days and autumn dreams .|.
|
|
|
| Forgetting to live, remembering to survive |
[29 Apr 2007|01:44pm] |
|
The past couple weeks have been sort of strange. The best way I can think of to describe it is that I've been living in the future again, instead of the present. The result is a sort of dream state in which I operate, like I'm sitting at work pushing the buttons and sullenly watching my life drift by on autopilot.
I read Tuesdays with Morrie for AP English, and Morrie says that such a state is a result of unhppiness. Like the things you find important in your life, and the way you go about to achieve those things, don't make you happy. And so life drifts by. There's no feeling.
But with things so busy, I can't afford to not think ahead or I'll forget something and then be in a hole. And there's so many good things to look for in the future, and so few good things going on right now, that I can't help it. Right now is school and obligations and tests and homework, with fun and friends sprinkled in between. But even then, the time with friends seems to drift meaninglessly by. Like there's not enough of it, or whatever I'm doing with that time doesn't register.
But in the future is Forensic State Finals, and Mackinac, and Milwaukee, and graduation, and the all night party, and summer...
I dunno. This isn't to say that I've been hating everything going on. I certainly haven't. But it's sort of just been... whatever.
Hehe. Not sure where I'm going with this anyway. And I have to get back to work and talk on-air in... two minutes and six seconds. Later.
|
|
| Public service announcement: Venting |
[12 Apr 2007|10:57pm] |
|
Just a little warning for all of my wonderful little friends out there.
When shit goes wrong in your life, what do you do? You like to whine about it a little bit, vent about it, just be selfish enough to take the soapbox for a few minutes and talk about the rotten things in your life. That's fine, we all do it, human nature. You'll usually come to find that the majority of people around you have enough rotten things going on in their own lives that they don't want to hear about your's. Or maybe some other friends are part of the problem. Maybe they just don't understand. Maybe they don't listen.
But I have always sat here -- whether it's seeing a screen name online at 11:32 at night, right when you need it; the name on your cell phone that comes up when you're desperately searching; or the calm, unassuming girl at the locker next door. For whatever reason, I find my friends opening up to me. I have always been here as the shoulder to cry on, the person you send the instant message to asking; "Hey... can I tell you about something?" or the one who looks just concerned enough to ask; "What's up?".
I am the one people come to with their problems, and I'm the one who always has some advice to give. At least, this is what I've been told. And I like this. I don't mind it. I like being able to comfort my friends and try to help them through... whatever. So don't quit that.
And you don't have to take my advice. I figure that people want to hear a little something more than a "Uh-huh" or "Wow, that sucks". They'd like to solve the problem. Maybe they'd like a little idea on one way to do it. And I'm not saying I'm right all the time, or that you're obligated to listen to me.
But pisses me off -- and this has happened more than once, now -- is that people do not take my advice, go and fuck things up even more, and then come to me once again to bitch and moan about it. Look, you don't have to take my advice, but sometimes I am right, y'know? Now if you take my advice and mess up and complain about it, fine, my mistake. But I gave you an option to solve your problem and you didn't take it. So why are you still moaning to me about the problem? You obviously don't want to solve it that badly.
The warning is this. If you come complaining to me, and if I give you advice, and if you don't take that advice and you fuck things up even worse, do not get angry at me when I tell you to fuck off the next time. And don't wonder why I'm irritated when you come to me again saying; "My life is still messed up even though I didn't even try to solve iiiiiiiiit~"
Thank you and good night.
|
|
| Early morning wonderings... my back hurts |
[11 Apr 2007|08:46am] |
|
Did you ever pity someone else's existence because you found it meaningless compared to that which you value?
I mean, maybe that person is perfectly happy because his or her values are totally different then mine. Does that make me judgemental?
But maybe some values are universal, and this person is truly missing the bigger picture.
Oh well. They're young. They still have some growing up to do.
I'm getting out of the house today. Things are looking up.
|
|
| Rah blah emo depressed rant |
[10 Apr 2007|11:38am] |
|
Been a while, hm? Things have been kind of rough lately, mostly between myself and my parents. There's been a lot of fights ever since Spring Break unofficially started, so I'm blaming this on the fact that I've been stuck in close proximity to them without my normally busy schedule to keep me away.
I'm a little short of miserable. A gigantic nasty snowstorm and two parents with a fear of, well, everything, kept me stuck inside on Wednesday and Thursday, most of Friday, most of Saturday. And then Sunday I woke up and was dry heaving in the shower. Luckily, I didn't throw up, but it didn't stop me from feeling horrible all day Sunday and Monday. And all I really want to do today, Tuesday, and already maybe almost halfway through Spring Break, is just go out. But Mom wants me to stay home "just one more day" because "your eyes are glossy and you're still fighting something".
I really don't care anymore. I'm so bored and miserable and depressed and sick of laying around. The only time I can get out is to go to work, or clean the office, or shovel the driveway.
I don't really have anything to update with, because I haven't done anything. Tyler's come over a couple times, which was really nice of him, but I'm sick of not being 100% for him (or myself), and all I want to do is stop being handicapped by illness or weather or my parents.
|
|
| This looks really, really entertaining |
[24 Mar 2007|12:17pm] |
|
List 12 of your original characters:
1. Comet
2. Adonis
3. Blade
4. Plunge
5. Escapade
6. Cerberus
7. Zodiac
8. Ripper
9. Borden
10. Dahlia
11. Dalton
12. ... But all these guys belong to the same story, so they're like, connected. I don't want to throw in anyone new. >>' Comet again! :D
01) Who would make a better college professor, 6 or 11? What subjects would they teach?
Well, given that 6 (Cerberus) is like, eight years old, 11 (Dalton) would probably be. XD And he would either teach a technology course, like in-depth computer engineering and/or operation, or some random music theory course. It wouldn't be anything that involves playing an instrument, just him lecturing on the mechanics behind it. XD
02) Do you think 2 is hot? How hot?
Holy crap, 2 (Adonis) is supposed to be like super uber stud of the universe. He's so hot. He's gorgeous. Dark hair, striking pink eyes, very pale, tall and muscular and with world's most beautiful voice. Mmm... (XD!)
03) 12 sends 8 on a mission. What is it, and does it succeed?
HAHA! Comet would never be in a position to order Ripper around, she hates him and his only goal is to rip her to pieces with a knife! XD If she had the chance, just hypothetically, she'd probably tell him to go and tell Adonis to leave her the hell alone. Ripper would never succeed, but there would probably be a highly dramatic intense battle scene of Andy vs. Andy that would totally show how the BioAndroid is the new and improved Andy. Essentially, Adonis would beat Ripper into the ground.
04) What is or would be 9's favorite book?
Err... Borden doesn't read. She doesn't have time do, she's too busy being a psychoatic bitch running around tormenting people. It'd probably be one of the Hannibal books, come to think of it... he'd be like, her hero. And I'm sure she would take attentive notes on his exact techniques and add them to her own creative arsenal.
05) Would it make more sense for 2 to swear fealty to 6, or the other way around?
Never ever. Cerberus hates Adonis even more then Comet, and Adonis would never submit himself to an 8-year-old girl even if it killed him. It would only make sense if one conned the other into it, in which sense it would obviously be Adonis getting Cerberus to do his bidding. If threatening is involved, it would make sense for him to use Comet as bait. But then again, he has no use for a little girl as a "servant".
06) For some reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should s/he share a studio apartment with 9 or with 10?
Escapade (5) would have a really hard time picking between Borden (9) and Dahlia (10). XDDD Both of the latter are Andys and Escapade's job is to, uh, kill Andys. But she could probably tolerate Dahlia a little more then Borden, since Dahlia is still half human and Borden fell off the deep end a loooong time ago. It would definitely be interesting. XD
07) 2, 7 and 12 have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?
THIS WOULD BE SCARY. XD Adonis (2), Zodiac (7), and Comet (12). Adonis would be trying to put the moves on Comet all night and be all charming and seductive, but Comet would be totally pissed to be there at all. Zodiac would think Comet found him ugly and get paraonid and start threatening to kill her, but then he'd probably have a fit of self-consciousness and a mental breakdown when forced to spend time with Adonis, whom he loathes beyond all else and envies. You'd have to force them to go somewhere, and it would probably be some highly classy and sophisticated expensive restaurant of Adonis' choosing. They would discuss how beautiful Comet is and how everyone hates Adonis and how Zodiac has no friends. :D
08) 3 challenges 10 to a duel. What happens?
This is highly likely oo Blade used to be on Dahlia's side but switched over to the good guys. He'd challenge her if she threatened any of his friends, which is also very likely. It would be a very intensive Andy battle, Cyborg vs. Cyborg, and it's really hard for me to predict who would win. It could go either way!
09) If 1 stole 8's most precious possession, how would s/he get it back?
Comet would steal Ripper's knife, and then Ripper would be totally stoic like "Whatever" and rip her apart with his bare hands anyway. Which could be interesting, since Comet has a gun. But it's not like Ripper needs the knife to kill. If he's on a mission to kill, his lacking a knife isn't going to stop him. XD
10) Suggest a title for a story in which 7 and 12 both attain what they most desire.
... Errr.... eh, not gonna waste my time. It's impossible, since both of their goals are conflicting in every way.
11) What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together?
They already do! Both of them are good buddies in The Corporate, their little rebellious anti-Andy hate group. XD
12) If 7 visited you for the weekend, how would you get along?
I'd be scared shitless of him and lock him in a small white room. I wouldn't be able to put up with his whining, either. Zodiac has like, 0 self esteem.
13) If you could command 3 to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?
Awww... get me chocolate? XD Blade's a sweetheart, it wouldn't be hard to get him to do something for me simply 'cause he's nice like that.
14) Does anyone on your friends list write or draw 11?
They know of and/or are probably fans of the character he was inspired by, but, no, nobody really knows about Dalton.
15) If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, which would it be?
Well, neither, since Plunge and Escapade are steadfastly against Andys, which is what Adonis is. But Adonis would probably choose Plunge if he had to pick between the two of them, simply because Plunge is a more skilled fighter and more powerful than Escapade, and Adonis loves a challenge.
16) What might 10 shout while charging into battle?
Dahlia doesn't really shout as she charges into battle. Zodiac and Borden shout, but Dahlia and Ripper are more of the silent but deadly type of... er, people. Being the most emotionally suceptible of the Quartet, however, she'd probably be triggered by a personal crack and might scream something like "Don't judge me!" because she's cheesy like that and had a very rough past.
17) If you chose a song to represent 8, which song would you choose?
Errr.... maybe "Wake Up" by Rage Against the Machine? Something big and booming with angry rock.
18) 1, 6, and 12 are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?
Well, since 1 and 12 are the same person, it's really between Comet and Cerberus. And that would be hard because the two of them have a sisterly relationship and they both love food. oo Comet could easily overpower Cerberus but Cer might play the cute face card and make Comet feel guilty and then she'd get it.
19) What might be a good pick-up line for 2 to use on 10?
Adonis wants to get Dahlia... XD Just to be cheesy, probably something like; "Hey babe, wanna show me your circuitry?" because they're both Andys... ehehe..
20) What would 5 most likely be arrested for?
Treason, 'cause she's the co-leader of the U.S.A's biggest rebellious organization and the Andys work for the Government and the Corporate is out to practically upheave the Government and destroy the Andy project. :D
21) What is 6's secret?
She's relatively innocent and secret-free given her age, but her secret would probably be something about her parents and that she has been actively participating in anti-government protest, both in Great Britain and the United States, since she was born.
22) If 11 and 9 were racing to a destination, who would get there first?
Definitely Borden. Dalton's kind of fat and lazy and Borden is super-freak and would just take off, either jumping over buildings, stealing cars/motorbikes, or just running as fast as her little legs will let her!
23) If you had to walk home through a bad neighbourhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?
.... Possibly the two worst options. Ripper is a cold murderer and Zodiac is an insane nervous freak. Maybe Zodiac because I could pretend to like, worship him and then he wouldn't kill me because he wouldn't feel threatened, but then again, he's unstable. Maybe Ripper because he's at least predictable, but he's kind of big and fast and strong and wields a knife. Honestly I'd feel safer in the bad neighbourhood by myself.
The characters are all from my original story, "Dance With Death", that's about Androids and dangerous love and conspiracy and murder and fun stuff like that. I'm like, in love with it.
In other news, my parents are blissfully, gleefully GONE until tomorrow at about three o' clock, so I have the entire house to myself for the rest of the night with no curfew and no one to report to. The bad news is that there's no one to play with 'cause it's TWIRP tonight and all my friends are out dancing!
We also got a 1 at State Solo and Ensamble. Go woodwind quintet!
|
|
| A day out with the boys will do somethin' to ya |
[22 Mar 2007|06:35pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
contemplative |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Burning Bright / Shinedown |
] |
So I learned a lot today.
I learned that despite all my mood swings, it doesn't take a lot to make me happy. Basically warm, sunny weather and a working car. And suddenly everything seems possible, life seems amazing, and I can blare my music and sing loudly with it. I guess that because the weather is such a fickle thing up here, my mood is equally fickle. My car's pretty fickle, too, come to think of it. Hunk of junk!
I learned that I've been hanging out with a lot of guys lately, and that almost all of my guy friends are.... well, more like teenage boys then I thought. Lewd, perverted comments, outrageous senses of humor, interest in things like drugs and alcohol... but it doesn't really bug me. I don't really think any less (or any different, really) of them. It's almost as basic as that we're simply growing up and (although this word seems like it doesn't fit) maturing. I love my guy friends for different reasons then my girl friends, but I always have a good time with all my friends.
Times are changing. I'm not surprised; I've been starting to get this idea lately, and I only know it will increase as graduation approaches and as August approaches.
I learned that school is absolutely crazy, and having the day off today was exactly what the doctor ordered. It felt amazing to simply slack off and have absolutely nothing to worry about.
Hmmn. But I have school again tomorrow, and then a weekend. And it's officially spring, so the snow had better start melting and melting fast. I'd better get started on studying for my Government quiz!
|
|
| A really geeky and poetic insight to Eric Whitacre's "Equus" |
[15 Mar 2007|03:40pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
excited |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Eheh.... guess. |
] |
Half the goal of this entry is to express to you less-than-musical friends of mine the sensation of hardcore band geekdom. For those of you who are also in Dr. Ludwig's Wind Symphony with me, you'll most likely understand the feeling -- this is my take on it. With much emotion and a terrific abuse of flowery language.
The band got a wonderful little present recently thanks to Kathryn's hard head and a rather unanimous love of Eric Whitacre in the class. We made a deal with Dr. Ludwig that if we could raise the money for the piece, we would perform Eric Whitacre's "Equus" at our spring concert. Thinking back, it was a pretty blind promise on the director's part, since he confessed today that at the time he had been minimally familiar with the score. The score came in today, and the band listened, looked, and sight-read it for the first time.
There was something terrifying and wonderful in seeing that piece of music and studying the expressions on the faces around you. "Equus" is insanely difficult. It has been dubbed the single most difficult piece of music any of us have ever seen in our entire seven (or more) years of music study, and among the top three or perhaps two that Dr. Ludwig has ever seen in his entire career of music (which is pretty extensive). To imagine a high school band perfecting this song to the point of performance at a concert, especially one as climatic as our spring concert, is unthinkable.
The piece is full to the brim with characterstic Whitacre bits -- taking advantage of Trombone glissandos, contrasting chords and cacophonies; bouncing, irregular beats and a uniquely contemporary sound with archaic, distinctly regional flavor. What I mean to say is that Whitacre is unusual and while his style is obviously modern, his undertones are rival to the oldest sounds of music. I wouldn't go so far as to say he combines the new and the old in equal chunks to make something entirely different, but rather that he takes what is old, traditional and cherished, and blends it artfully with what, in the music world, is new and hip. There is also something potent in there that is true music to me, and that there is a sort of "sight" accompanied with the "sound". Basically, color. I see music -- and not just notes on a page, but images in my head, explosions of colors in weird, pulsating blotches that fill everything up like watercolor spreading on a page -- but more vibrant than watercolor, bright and thick like oil paints. I'll always remember "Sea Storm" from Freshman year -- in that piece I saw pale gold, blue, white and grey. In "Equus", I see brilliant scarlets, soft oranges and hazy glows of gold and tawny. In reminds me of a regional taste of something, something Arabic and Oriental, mysterious and powerful and beautiful.
But there's something else in this music that's beyond how the piece sounds. It's the effect it will have on us, the effect that's already begun to take shape. This is my third year as a member of the Marquette Senior High School Wind Symphony, and the third year of being constantly told; "You are the best." In the beginning, that statement was passionate and exciting and something to be proud of. But now, we take that for granted. Mr. Stender called us arrogant last year at Festival; he was right. And maybe we changed his mind this year because we paid attention to detail, and maybe "arrogance" no longer became the right word for it. But our talent as musicians was taken for granted by all of us. It was no one's fault, it was simply a manner of events and the way they occured.
For years, Dr. Ludwig had placed pieces of music in front of us and showed us how to play them. We learned how to develop styles, how to count in 6/8 and 11/8 time, how to listen with an open ear for being too flat or too sharp, how the temperature in a room will dramatically effect our pitch, how to sit straight and tall and proud and support our sound, how to look for accidentals and key changes. In this manner I would not call the past three years a waste -- by no means. But there was something of art that was missing, that we got a hint and a taste of whenever there was a playing test; but even then, it was bitter and hollow, somehow. No matter how "hard" we thought the music was that we'd always read, we always mastered it. Always. Sure, we look back on simple mistakes, missed notes, falling out of synch with one another and shake our heads. But think about it -- when we looked at the music on the very first day, there was never a doubt in anyone's mind that maybe, just maybe, we wouldn't be able to eventually play this. We always knew that, in a couple months, we would probably get bored with this piece because it would become easy. We would always master it.
Not so with "Equus". There's this doubt that I can feel and read on people's faces and hear in Ellen's voice when she confesses that she's nervous to play it. A doubt of self and of ability. There's something powerful and tremulous and horrifying in it. Has our band ever felt doubt? In a way, that's what I mean by the playing tests. A shoddy playing test might drop us a couple chairs and take a blow at our self esteem, and then there's a doubt in our ability as musicians. But that doubt was shallow; it had a nasty sting to it and lingered, like a bitter taste, and inspired not your musicality, but your pride -- you practiced hard simply to regain your chair and your standing with yourself. But maybe there's something more poignant then that, when even the director has doubt -- not in his musicians, but himself. Dr. Ludwig says it'll take weeks for him to be able to study and grasp this music. The entire band is experiencing a lurking sensation that's stirring something up, that scares us and captivates us all at once. We are in love with this song, but we are overcome by the sight of frighteningly high notes, fascinated by these rhythms that we cannot possibly comprehend.
And maybe it's a bad mark on us that we've taken our musical ability for granted -- but likewise, we don't shy from this music. We're fascinated by it. Hannah and Tom spent three hours rehearsing Hannah's part, Soo was sneaking looks at it all throughout AP English. And here we find the essence of the band geek! In this doubt we find something that allows us to look at the music constantly and to want to work on it. We don't give up when we think that maybe we can't master it. We're all anxious to work on it and press forward and try.
I came home from school today and told my mom that it is this piece, "Equus", that will separate those who will continue music from those who will not. This music is a quiet, blazing revolution of musical ability that we have previously not experienced. There is a doubt that we won't master it, but in that doubt we find a powerful motivation and an excitement to try harder to do so. And to think that hammering out these irregular beats will deepen everything we have ever called musical. It sounds dumb in such a simple phrase, but this piece will make us better musicians.
I left that classroom quiet today, but I was freaking out on the inside. "Equus" is an astonishing piece that will have an equally marvelous influence on the rest of us, something impressionistic that will last for days and years beyond high school. The anticipation of working on this music -- and the glimmer of a hope that, what if we actually do master it? -- will make these next few weeks the most exciting in my entire musical career to date. And who knows. Maybe it will inspire me to major in music in college. ♥
|
|
| So Craig finally interviewed me... |
[12 Mar 2007|03:56pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
calm |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
American Idiot / Green Day |
] |
Why do you work at Q107? What do you like about? What do you dislike about it?
I work at Q107 because I said "please" and they said "sure". Actually, we had a Career Day at NMU last year. I was expecting the day to be an utter waste of time, and it almost was. But I ended up in the Broadcasting room, listened to some lectures by a highly superficial lady who worked for TV6, a more authentic model, and Walt Lindala of Sunny 102. With about two minutes left to go in the session, I quickly raised my hand, looked straight at Walt, and asked; "Do they have jobs for kids my age in radio?"
To my pleasant surprise, he answered with; "Oh, sure. Just send in a resume and a letter. There's tons of opportunities for teenagers in the broadcasting industry." It was either that night or the next day that I went home, got together my theater resume (since I'd never worked a job before, that was all I had), typed up a letter that essentially read "Hi I'm a high school kid and I'd love to work at your station if you had any spare jobs for me kthanxbai", and mailed it out to every radio station I could find that operated in Marquette. I was ecstatic when, three months later, Jim Koski emailed me back and asked; "Still interested?" They've trained me up and everything; it's just been so amazing, I've been so lucky.
I love my job because it's exciting, it's a ton of fun, I work with awesome crazy people, and I feel special and flattered when people say "Hey, I heard you on the radio on Sunday!". I rarely have the feeling that I don't want to go to work, and I just know that if I dreaded my job, I would be perpetually depressed or something. There's not a whole lot to dislike about it. Granted, I get nervous whenever I have to go do something new, because it's a bigger deal if I mess something up -- the whole city and then some is listening in, after all. And running the basketball games got really old, but that's over now.
If money, age, and intellect were not relavent, what would you really do or major in in college?
How about skill level? I'd love to be able to just play my French Horn for the rest of my life, I really would. But I hate the accompanying drama and struggle that you always have to be better then everyone else at it. That and theater -- the competetive aspect of it bothers me. I think it would also be sweet to be a photographer for National Geographic or some equally awesome magazine, since I get such a kick out of taking artsy photos. There's really a lot of things I could see myself doing. I just know that I have to love my job, or I'll quit.
What do you look for in guys?
Ahahaha.... scandalouuuusss! XD I don't know, there's a lot of different aspects, and some of them I'm sure I'm not even consciously aware of. I take looks into account, of course, because I'm vain like that -- and I generally find myself more attracted to the "tall, dark, and handsome" types instead of some jocky blonde guy. He's also gotta have muscle, because I don't see the attraction in skinny art emo... guys. As far as personality goes, he needs a sense of humor, confidence, maturity, creativity, intelligence, and an appreciation of music and/or art.
I'm very picky when it comes to romance and dating, but I will befriend any and everyone. It's usually why I find myself befriending all these guys who have crushes on me and then turning them down. XD Whoops?
What convinced you to stick with band throughout high school; What convinced you to not change instruments; What convinced you to do marching band?
What convinced me to stick with band? The PEOPLE. I got along well with Dr. Ludwig and made way too many amazing friends in band, both concert and marching, to ever quit. I had to ditch a semeseter in order to get graduation requirements in, and I couldn't stand it. The people and the experiences I have from all years of that class are absolutely amazing and I wouldn't trade them for anything. Being able to get so passionate about something, sharing that passion with at least a hundred other people, and spreading that passion to audiences -- those are the things that make music.
Changing instruments never occured to me. Not once. Probably because I never got frustrated with the French Horn. I was able to pick it up easily enough that I never struggled to the point of disliking it. I liked being one of two people in a section with the awesome Ellen Schneeberger, and I've always loved the warm, golden sounds my instrument can make. If ever there was instrument made to truly sing, it was the French Horn. :)
Marching Band is.... marching band. I did it one year because Dr. Ludwig forces all freshmen entering band to do it (and I was too lazy to write essays), and then did it another because I wanted to keep playing, and then realized how much fun it was. Sure, there's moments where you get sick of it, but again -- the people you're with make it totally worth it.
If you had to choose a way to die, what would it be and why?
What kind of a question is this?! o_O' Well, not in a hospital. And not in my sleep, because that's dull and rather... anti climatic. I think I'd want to die in someone's arms. Not anyone in particular, but, you know... there's something peaceful and loving about it. And somewhere beautiful. I need to my life to end with closure and remembrance of how good it was, how beautiful life could be -- green. I'd need green. Maybe I'll die in a rain forest. XD And I'd need to have lived a full life. If I died young, that would just be awful -- I'm prepped and ready for so much, I'd hate to have that cut short. I want it to end peacefully, satisfied. Maybe not of natural causes, though... I dunno... I TEND NOT TO THINK ABOUT THIS. Heehee.
|
|
| Gabby's interview of se moi :D |
[23 Feb 2007|04:41pm] |
|
What do you want to major in when you go to college?
I'm not really sure yet. For the longest time I wanted to be an actress, and although I still find theater relatively enjoyable, I'm not much for the competition, the phony people involved with it, and the overall drama. I guess that once you start pretending to be other people for so long, you forget who you are. But don't get me wrong, there are still a lot of wonderful, fabulous people who are also very talented in acting and singing and the like.
I'm going to Michigan State's Residential College for the Arts and Humanities because although I haven't narrowed it down specifically, I know that I want to do something in a general sphere of.... well, arts and humanities. To be more specific, I either want to major in Music, Theater, Photography, Interior Design, Graphic Design, Broadcasting, Foreign Language/Relations with an emphasis in Spanish or something of the sort.
What would your ideal place to live be?
I usually like to answer this with "San Francisco" XD. But any city with similar characteristics will do. I need some place large and exciting, with people moving and living and always busy. I need gorgeous weather as often as possible, but not necessarily always hot and sunny. I need culture, and beauty (architecturally and naturally), and some level of crime control. Just a place where important, amazing things are happening and happening constantly.
Chances are that it'll be someplace overseas. I love experiencing culture different from the one I've grown up with, and I love the diversity in ideas and morals and personalities with people throughout the world. They put value in different things, and it's reflected in their cities and their way of life. I think it would be so refreshing to just go and immerse myself in it.
BOXERS OR BRIEFS?
Briefs are kind of like itty bitty string bikinis. They look good, but only on people who have the body for them. And that isn't most people. I generally prefer boxers, because it leaves a little more to the imagination. (Or maybe I just don't like seeing certain things outlined.)
Is there someone you were previously friends with that you now regret being associated with?
Ooh man, rough question! I'm not going to name people by name in my journal, of course. At first I thought this question would go somewhere along the lines of being previously friends with someone, and then sort of breaking off, but now being friends again (because in interesting varities that's happening a lot lately XD). Not really, no... I learn a lot of different things about my friends as I get to know them better, and usually the things that stick are unpleasant details. But not to the point that I'd regret being associated with that person. Maybe only one two or people, but I rarely speak to them anyway -- simply because we've naturally grown apart.
Would you rather take a job that offers lots of money, or one that you would love to do that offers very little cash?
I like this question 'cause I think it applies to my current job. XD I'm getting paid minimum wage and I don't work many hours a week, but I adore my job at Q107 and I wouldn't trade it for any other part time job I could find. I'd take a job I love any day of the week, because I'd rather be content and happy than rich. I can't imagine being a waitress, or dish washing, or even being a cashier somewhere. I'd probably hate it and utterly hate going to work -- and I hate dreading something in that way. I love how with my job, I never really feel like "Oh, I don't want to go to work", but rather; "Oh, I'm so nervous to go to work!" I get nervous about my job, like the first time I went on air. But it keeps it interesting and enjoyable that way.
|
|
| riding in cars with boys (and.... school) |
[21 Feb 2007|04:57pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
listless |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Switchblade Symphony / Chains |
] |
It hasn't been that long, has it? Oh... a week. Christ; astonishing how much happens in the course of a week.
A decision has finally been made about mine car. And it's the option I liked best; get the transmission fixed (or replaced altogether, depending on damage control) and then sell the beast come August. Now I'm just waiting for our neighbor the mechanic to have time to come and get Jimmy in the shop. Ten bucks says he forgot, since he also forgot to look at my heat some months ago, but I'm too much of a chicken to call and bugger him about it. Mum's better at that anyway.
There's something I'm sort of holding my breath about. I told Jess about it, and Ashley has been consistently up-to-date about it as well; I'm thoroughly enjoying myself right now. Good things seldom last, however, and although I'm trying not to anticipate too much, there are a couple rather unpleasant tracks this thing could take. I think it's something I can easily work through, however, but for now -- we have to wait and see.
My previous two test grades in Calc and Gov are eating away at me. I try to reassure myself that I was rebounding off that nasty virus/nosebleed thing (because I was), but all the same, it wouldn't hurt to buckle down a little more.
I'm getting filled up to my ears with Forensics (making bumpy progress), High School Musical (debating with the mother), State Solo&Ensamble (hey groupies, we planning on practicing any time soon?), work (which is actually just fine right now, let's keep it that way), and Z-Club. I feel awful. I have absolutely no time for it, but I should make time, being the President and all. General interest in the club is waning, a sensation I despise, but... I just can't get that passionate about it. Whatever.
There's a bit of a trend going around LiveJournal. Well, forget commenting in other people's journals. Leave a comment in mine and interview me! Ask five questions of things that you're burning to know about me -- hah, hah, right -- and I'll answer honestly. Maybe evasively, but honestly. :D
Today felt like spring, and now I can hardly wait for summer. Imagine... ultimate freedom. It's like a dream.
|
|
| you want problems, I'll give you problems |
[14 Feb 2007|03:40pm] |
|
Well, firstly, happy Valentine's Day everybody. And I don't care if you're taken or single or pouting or thrilled or hoping, I like to think that Valentine's Day is much more than celebrating you and your significant other (because let's face it, a holiday focused on that alone is really kind of lame, isn't that what anniversaries are for?). Valentine's Day is for any kind of love; paternal, familial, friendly, platonic, romantic.... just tell someone you love Happy Valentine's Day.
Whatever. Anyway.
In the forecast of Laura's week and leading into the weekend, I think the rest of today will be miserable, tomorrow will be just fine, and this weekend will probably be utterly fantastic. A sort of viral thing, we'll just call it the flu, attacked me this previous weekend and started letting up Monday and Tuesday. The bloody noses started to gang up on Sunday, and my period barged in the door Monday night. I'm finally getting over the flu, but the nose problem was getting seriously worse. It started gushing again today in band.
So Mum and I went over to the walk-in clinic for a 1:30 appointment, which took until 2:00 to get into. I was in pain, I was bleeding, and I was an emotional wreck thanks to a certain little monthly timing. I was pissed walking in there to begin with, and the jackass doctor was little help. He was a pediatrician, but he rammed the thing up my nose - I'm not exaggerating - so that I started crying, and then he neither apologized nor understood why I was making such a fuss. Let me metaphorize it for you. Let's pretend that you have an open wound in your.... ear or eye or something (because I had a literal open wound in my nasal passage). And then let's take a big stick, and jam it into the wound. It was something like that.
He offered to either let it alone and heal on its own, or caterize. Frankly, I'd lost faith in the idea of letting them run their course, so I went for the caterize. Essentially, they ram a bit of silver nitrate up your nose and literally burn your blood vessels so they stop bleeding. Let's be brief. I left the place a mess. And now my entire face is plugged up, but I can't blow my nose to clear it out, or, you know, niagara falls. But there's something I'd like to quick clear up here.
Sometimes, it is physically impossible to stop crying.
I don't think either Doc or my mom realized this. But your body produces tears for a reason, and whether you're sad or in pain or not, sometimes, it just fuckin' cries and there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. End of story.
So it's mostly the nose and the raw, chapped skin around the nose that's bugging me right now, but I pretty much lathered up my entire face in vaseline, so the chapped skin is feeling a little better. But I really need to hide (physically) from the rest of the world right now because I look disgusting and awful, and then I think tomorrow I will be just fine and dandy once it's had a night and a day to heal up.
In happier news, I was so glad to see everyone again, and it was a wonderful feeling because everyone was so glad to see me. Thank you, so much, to all my friends who checked to see how I was, worried about me, gave me valentine's, said hi, whatever. You guys mean the world to me. Really.
And thank you to Tyler, who sent me twelve beautiful red roses. Wow.
Hectic week. I'm so sick of having stuff wrong with me, I just want to be normal again. So I'm really hoping that happens soon.
|
|
| ultimate reincarnation of the hunk of junk! |
[01 Feb 2007|05:43pm] |
|
Oddly enough, I'd silently made a pact to not update until I'd gotten my laptop back. Obviously, my cord came in, and I'm pretty excited. No more huddling in the cold basement for me (and greater relaxation about my time limits on the computer XD)! The only draw-back is that now I have to watch out for over-heating again. Oh well, can't have everything.
S&E is on Saturday and I'm beginning to have serious doubts that our group will be ready. We simply don't lock, and I can't always hit every high note with deadly accuracy; hell, sometimes I miss pitches all together. But I tend to tense up when I'm nervous, which means that I actually overshoot notes - better than undershooting. I think it will be more fun than nerve-wracking, particularly since I'm not playing a solo, which is always a happy case of events. I think we play at 4:10... sometime... instead of lunch, we might end up grabbing dinner in Escanaba.
I start DJ on Sunday mornings - I think I'm in production at 10 and don't hit the air waves until 11. Tune into Q107 to listen for me! I'll be oh-so interesting ;)
I don't care what anyone says, Winter Spirit Week is stupid and not nearly as deserving as my spirit as Fall Spirit Week. Maybe it's just because the band is less involved with the whole basketball vs. football deal, but I hate sports anyway, so I think I'll just blame it on the dress-up days, which sort of required no work on my behalf or were just... dumb, to be frank. With my current situation, no matter what color I were for "Stoplight Day", someone will assume something wrong and there will be scandal in some shape or form.
So I swim first thing in the morning.
.... I'm an artist, not an athlete. Let's just leave it at that.
I'm almost done with The Mole season one. I have to wait for disc three to get in to get to the good stuff. Aaaaa~aaaagh! ::impatience::
I'm amused and frustrated at the same time because the one thing I really need to get off my chest and discuss is the one thing I absolutely cannot. Some stupid clause about online journals and how the whole world gets to see these entries. I might have to throw up a "friends only" entry here.
|
|
| reincarnation of the hunk of junk |
[24 Jan 2007|07:56pm] |
|
Monday night was an interesting night. Not long after making my last post, I shifted my laptop so that I might be seated more comfortably and was promptly rewarded with a black screen and no little green light of life. Needless to say, I was shocked and horrified.
But having geek friends pays off. My wonderful and miraculous friend Craig (down at All States for band now, so wishin' him lots of luck :D) came into work and took a look at the poor beast. With a tool kit in hand, I might add. He yanked it apart, yanked some stuff out, snooped around, put it all back together and beat the "on" button until it came back to life. His expert analysis is that the rip in the cord had gotten a lot worse and caused the entire thing to short out. As of now, the laptop - the expensive part - is just fine, thank God.
The same can't be said for the cord.
I'm pretty sure it's done in. We taped up the hole but now it won't conduct electricity into the computer at all, so I'm stuck with twenty percent battery life and no way to charge it (that I can think of, anyway, maybe there's some screwy alternative battery charging method). Dad's looking at one on Ebay, but we're not sure if it's an identical match yet and it has to be shipped - which could take anywhere from three to ten days. At least we found one that isn't in flipping Hong Kong.
I'm afraid to fiddle with the cord for fear of shorting out the laptop again, so it looks like I'm grounded in the basement until a replacement cord can be discovered. But I figure that this week is crammed with both exams and work anyway, so it really won't be too terribly missed. I'm just grateful that I still have all my files and that the most expensive part of the hunk of junk is still humming along just fine.
Likewise with my car, knock on wood.
Tomorrow is my Astronomy exam, which shouldn't be that hard and yet, it is. Both hours of Astronomy have decided to blame it on Standerford and his supreme lack of teaching ability, because the material is pretty easy if someone takes the time to explain it to you. It hasn't stuck in our heads because he mentioned it, oh, once. And it wasn't during a time when we had the capability to take notes or anything. But I have my Band "exam" before taking the Astronomy one, so once we're sick of practicing for S&E, I have all the time to brush up. Not to mention time spent at the library, at work, and what I'm about to go do...
What I'm really anxious about is Friday, which may as well be called Doomsday, since it houses both my AP Gov and AP Calculus exams. Government won't be too shabby, I think I know my stuff pretty well, but I'm having anxiety fits about Calc. I try to reassure myself that all I need is a B, and save for one total fluke test taken with about four hours of sleep, I've been getting A's in all my Calc tests recently. The trick is to get a good night's sleep Thursday and not get sick of taking exams, since it's my very last. So far so good. AP English felt pretty satisfying today.
Work continues to go along smoothly. I've now mastered working the FM board, what with all the remotes I've been helping with, and today I even learned how to produce weather clips. Once I get over my fear of being chatty and interesting on air, a week from Sunday should be no sweat at all.
|
|
| happy belated new year resolution |
[22 Jan 2007|07:51pm] |
|
I came home from line judging at the volleyball game with a headache and a new determination in mind. Despite how busy I am, my life is still highly sedentary; I play my instrument, I sing some songs, I act and dance around, but I don't train for sports and I certainly don't do any true physical exercise. I complained to Lauren about this as I watched the volleyball girls run around with their toned legs and high energy. She suggested I start by running fifteen minutes a day and working up from there. If any sort of regular exercise will help me feel more energized and just... healthier, I'm all for it.
It could just be me, but this weekend seemed like one for great relationship status upheavel. I won't name any names, but there were upsetting break-ups, startling hook-ups, and quite a few games of cat and mouse. I told Rosie that it was my turn to be left out of the boy loop, but that isn't exactly true. Don't get excited, anyone; it isn't what you think.
I'm just sort of waiting for exams to be over. If I'm not working, I'm studying for exams and doing packets; if I'm not studying, I'm working. Despite being given two half days, I can't actually play until Friday, which is a big bah humbug. But oh well. Exams reminds me of my slight schedule shift, which in turn reminds me that the fact I'll have swimming daily will also help get me in (somewhat) better shape. And if I can get out to the hill this winter, too...
I gave myself a break from exam review tonight because tonight in particular was crazy busy. It's kind of nice to be able to do that.
|
|
| also because he has the most beautiful eyes |
[20 Jan 2007|07:32pm] |
|
All right, I think I'm finally done tweaking this beast. Although I expanded my profane vocabulary and burst a couple blood cells, I eventually figured out how to get an image map and a sidebar. I'm generally pleased with the new layout. Dameon Clarke is always wonderful to look at. ♥
Things have been movin' and improvin' at the work place. I've been promoted! Starting the fourth, you can now hear me as an official DJ on Q107 WMQT, Sundays from ten until two. I might hide this information, since I'm unsure of how many people I'll actually want listening in on my very first day. Running a basketball game is one thing - babbling coherent and interesting nonsense over radio waves is another! But I was also given a company fleecey, so I suppose that makes up for it.
I also had my first Forensics workshop today. I like my piece this year, and I'm really hoping I don't get sick of it. I've snitched sections from Jodi Picoult's My Sister's Keeper to attempt and string the whole meaning of the book together in an eight-minute performance. The book itself is thought-provoking and - wonderfully - morally ambiguous. Isn't it nice to honestly see and sympathize with both sides of an issue? Only then can you truly appreciate its complexity.
Exams are coming up to finish off the first semeseter, and my work schedule bounces around like no other. I'll be busy, but I'll also be rich by the time it's over. Exams in themselves are as usual, I guess - three that I won't have to study for or worry about, and another three I'll be breaking a sweat over.
I was actually hoping that I'd have more to say. Oh well. Ryu arrives at Silver's tonight and I'm eagerly awaiting The Mole to arrive in the mail. Better go check on those! ♥
|
|
| you and I in a little toy shop, buy a bag of balloons with the money we got |
[08 Dec 2006|06:37pm] |
|
Work tonight, from 6 - 9ish, for the first time since... oh, last week! In this transition between Girls to Boys basketball, they took a two week break, which meant a two-week break for your's truly (interrupted by a remote broadcast, but that's hardly a complaint, since it was fun, went well, and gave me cash ;D). It was strange not having to work for such a long time. Thank goodness that's over. >3
I was going to have ramen when I came home, but Lisa brought me Hardee's. And then I came home and ate dinner. Which was way too much food. ::puke::
I'm feeling a teensy bit stressed. Just keeping in mind all of the projects coming up within now and..... uh, next year. Oh, three cheers for the busy mess of Christmas.
I really have nothing to say. But I'm not dead yet!
|
|
| And here we go, there's nothing left to choose, there's nothing left to lose |
[04 Dec 2006|08:06pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
bored |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
The push the pedal down song? |
] |
I feel... strange. Like, sort of unhappy. Maybe it's because no one else really is. Happy, that is. Maybe it's because everyone's concerns are so trivial; including my own. Everyone finds something to complain about. Even me. No, I don't really know where I'm going with this.
MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I COULD REALLY USE SOME RAMEN.
Christmas dance was a blast. This is the week of music; Honors Band was Saturday, Band is tomorrow, and Orchestra is Thursday. It makes me laugh how they all line up.
Nothing worth anything really going on. Life is busy as usual, but, you know... I get by. Things are fine. I do my stuff, I get it done, we move on to the next scheduled event. I wouldn't say I'm feeling stressed or even lazy, maybe just unproductive.
And maybe I'll feel better once I do my Government outline.
|
|
| don't go wasting your emotion, lay all your love on me |
[19 Nov 2006|11:01am] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
awake |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Lay All Your Love on Me / Information Society |
] |
If you wake up to crappy weather and just know that the day is going to be crappy, why get out of bed?
I've been doing a lot of dreaming lately. Both dreaming while asleep and dreaming while awake. On that route, I've also been doing a lot of sleeping lately - whether it's a two hour nap after school, or dozing off during Astronomy (eheh... whoops?). But about the dreams. The nighttime dreams are pretty typical - sporatic and random and making absolutely no sense. But I've also been doing a whole lot of day-dreaming about what life will be like in college, and what life would be like if my friends from California and New York came to visit me.
I will, however, stop pointing out how much I'd like to leave Marquette. That fact is now pretty obvious, and moping about it won't make Senior year go by any faster. And it really shouldn't go by any faster, I mean, I'm supposed to be enjoying this and in a sense I really am.
Getting trained in on the FM station soon at work the Monday after Thanksgiving. I think my first gig is only a remote broadcast, but it's just another step closer to being a DJ. ;D
I'm also kind of wishing I could just spend Thanksgiving at home. Then I could actually follow what Mr. Cole wrote on the schedule for AP Gov; "Eat too much, give thanks, and fall asleep on the couch." No, my Thanksgivings consist of getting annoyed with my intimate family, watching Auntie Dee gnaw on a turkey neck and entertaining my cousins under the age of 10 for about five hours. Not a whole lot of time left over for giving thanks ;3
I'm pretty much updating for the sake of updating and getting away from the previous emo entry. Rahblahblah!
MONEY IN THE MAIL~ May I no longer be poor!
|
|
| Random emo... wanksting |
[11 Nov 2006|12:04pm] |
|
MySpace makes me angry and hurt and upset. Like I don't know so many things about all these people, that everyone's so different and changed, or maybe they're just putting on a mask. No one cares about values, they're just out to impress everyone else. You don't really know who half the people on your "friends" list are.
Maybe I'll elaborate a little, but I won't put any names. ( I'm not out to attack anyone. )
I don't feel so hot about myself right now, either.
I really think it's high time I left Marquette. :(
|
|
|
[08 Nov 2006|07:42pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
full |
] |
| [ |
music |
| |
Streetcorner Symphony / Rob Thomas |
] |
I find it strange that my parents now have absolutely no problem with leaving me to fend for myself. The weekend where I was utterly alone was perhaps an experimental one that proved a success; look, Laura really is self-sufficient! At any rate, I was left the house to myself for the evening while both parents left work, went out to dinner, and then skittered off to conferences.
I made a garlic salmon alfredo for myself. It was delicious.
Grades for the marking period are good, half days this week brighten my skies (for lack of a better corny phrase), Florch with Ellen makes me laugh, and because Lauren, Ellen and myself were just annoying enough, Dr. Ludwig let us into jazz band. We have no idea what, exactly, we'll do yet - but he claimed that he felt guilty denying us something we were so interested in. So, basically; "Okay, fine, you're in the Jazz Band, now shut up."
I've been checking out Salem's pictures, and they make me really excited to go to college. :)
-------
I am highly self-sufficient.
I am tired and fed up.
I am a self-proclaimed freak.
I am a hard-core band geek.
I am brutally honest.
I am obnoxious.
I am usually making it up.
I am loyal.
I am passionate.
I am stubborn.
I like going out to eat.
I like to analyze literature.
I like jelly-beans.
I like waking up at just the right time.
I like mixing coffee with my hot chocolate.
I like applying what I've learned.
I like writing.
I like being a senior.
I like making others laugh.
I like reading PostSecret.
I hate mushy, brown, wet snow.
I hate a typical day.
I hate sluuuugs.
I hate grouping.
I hate people trying to be something.
I hate turkey.
I hate the noise Cell's tail makes.
I hate politics.
I hate State bashers!
I hate dry air.
I love seafood.
I love to drive my car.
I love chocolate.
I love to travel.
I love speaking a foreign language.
I love feeling in harmony.
I love color.
I love a variety of weather.
I love thai food.
I love beauty.
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
animalcrackerz's journal
