Life is just one big RPG

I have decided that...

- being that I am entering the job market soon to pursue a "career" and that

- I write journal entries mostly for myself but sometimes just for those whom I am far away from to keep up to date on little goings on and that

- I often don't feel comfortable writing things about people I come into contact on a daily basis be those thing good or bad with the possibility of them seeing them without me knowing and it making awkward social happenings

...it is time to switch over to a friends-only account.


If you are a friend and do not have a lj account but wish to keep in touch since I will now be writing more often (hopefully) comment and i will set up an account specifically for those who don't want the trouble of an account/liability but still want access.


My next post will be my last for my friends only banner.

So... this is my fucking beautiful new bike. A 13"/33cm Trek 2008 Women's 7.2 Hybrid with Hard Case tires.

And tomorrow I'm going to fake trash it so that it will be less likely to be stolen.







If I had bought the $250 low end commuter from REI two hours away this would be a lot easier to do.





I also really want to watch my DVD that came with my bike, but my mac won't play it... *grumblegrumblergrumble*

Though I do admit the Runnig with Scissors is an awesome fucking movie and I am not ashamed to admit that I almost cried 3 times and actually did once.

I think that's all for today... Oh! Except that I got to spend the day cruising in the Yaris with my mom. Hell yeah I'm willing to admit that. My mom is the fucking BOMB!

I had a bad start.

I was up until 3am downloading albums of pictures of Dazza for work, which I didn't have to do, but I had waited up for Casey to call and then figured I may as well finish the page's worth of galleries.

I am SO DUMB.

I slept straight through my alarms (I know I set them before I went to bed) because 6 hours is apparently not enough for my body. :/ I got a wake up call and ran to work a half hour late. Brad and I took a walk in which I felt horrible about being late like I always do, but it was a little humiliating because he was so nice and covert about it. It wasn't until we were down the stairs and he said that it was because his office was not so private that the sinking feeling hit me. He asked if everything was ok and I responded that it was and that it's just that summer is so unregulated and up in the air. Before I left at 2 Meg and Marielle gave good advice that I should have something else to wake up for first. Though this time I had had a little extra internship I was supposed to do that I also slept through. I'm AMAZING aren't I!?

So I got home and snuck their location in central park from Anthony and told him I didn't know when I was getting off. A little time in the restroom and I had my hair "did" and my drag make-up done as per request and I was out the door.

I have to say I love the attention I get when I'm in drag. I'm not so naturally that everyone assumes I'm a guy but just enough to make them wonder and shake up some preconceptions. Drag is such a fun social experiment.

So I take the subway up and am almost ignored until Anthony picks me out on the path coming over towards them and waves. I hop the fence with the soda and Katie's present and it's hugs all around. Peter, Katie, Anthony and his sister are there.

With a laugh Katie opens her present (a book on making cocktails) which I got so that if I have dreams about my residents again she can be a little more sophisticated when she's drunk in them. lol. We just chilled and talked and laughed and remembered the good old times until Anthony had to leave and Ting finally showed up a little later and we became ribbon ninjas under the power invested on us by Anthony's ribbon wrappers from Katie's present.

There will be pictures on facebook.

From there Peter and Anthony's sister left for Saks (sp?) and Katie, Ting and I headed back for the subway. On the way there I knocked my head going under scafolding but was well prepared with an icepack from the cooler. Ting made a much bigger deal about it than it really was.

I'm going tomorrow to look at Laurel's bike that she would lend me for the summer. I really just want my bike back. I would also like all the stuff that was taken from my room in the VY back.

It's funny that I left my door unlocked a million and 2 times during the school year and nothing was stolen. I leave it locked for a week while I go to Canada and my good part of my life is stolen.

Why would someone steal these things? That's not really a good question cause there are a million reasons, but it seems like a better question to ask than "why did they steal those things from me?" because the first one actually has an answer. I guess whomever it was either steals now because it's what they do and they don't care about the people they steal from or they thought I was rich enough to afford a new one since it was a decent bike.

I thought maybe I could look at this as an opportunity to start over, but I really just want my old stuff back. I don't want my parents blowing their money on me. I want to support myself and be independent, but I don't have time with my internship and RA stuff and everything else. In honesty I also don't want to grow up. All I want is one more free summer, like one where I could just up and leave on a road trip for a week or something, ya know? I hate money because I don't want to live dependent on it, but that's what I'm going to end up doing. I will have no squishy jobs. I will always struggle to make the bills and stay out of debt (if I ever get out of the debt I have from deciding to go to SVA).

But money is no object and you have to follow your dreams and stuff, right?

Yeah, I guess...

Until, of course someone steals the bike your dad gave you (the only symbol of generosity in relation to not being super-hard-core-stingy about money) that you've had since ninth grade...

FUCKER

Tig signed my hat, my lucky hat. ...

And then I had pie and went to bed.

I had a lot more to say... but life is too busy

First full day in Toronto (after a full glass of white wine and 10ish hours of sleep) and I spend most of it indoors. Though from the others I hear that outside it I wasn't the cup o' tea weather we expected, but more like a real boiling cup o' tea. Inside of Bonnie and Tony's apartment (which is fucking beautiful) I finally have my computer running at average speed after hours of watching file transfers and 2 very panicy hours of believing that I had lost 40GB of transfered work (a good portion of which had been trashed from my HD).

At 3:30 we started to get ready for dinner and by 5:15 we were finally ready after my mom's paniced urgings for us to be out the door since we would surely be late. We were the first people their besides the hosts. I meet a LOT of family and 5 or so people I knew well through their mention and stories of them. The food was delectable!
The salad was rolled up in a cucumber that acted like a napkin ring and the dressing was kind of like thousand island. The main entree, salmon for me, we so delicious it was to die for. it had a flaky crust around the parimeter (like rice on sushi) and inside it in the center it had sauteed mushrooms and it was all over a delicioud gravy sauce. The greenbeen and grilled tomatoe were just as delicious. I love my family, but I really can't wait for dinner tomorrow night, haha.

Afterwards, Jamie and I had another dinner with our housing hosts, Bonnie and Tony, the Matza Pizzas (not-so-distant cousins on my mother's grandfater's side). They took us to Little Italy and we ended up at a place called Li'Ly (haha). The eggplant was delicious and I had my first martini, i think it was Pear Apple (various vodka like things flavored with pear, melon, and apple). the downstairs (where the bathroom was) was a dance floor in a low ceilinged space mostly black or dark brown with reds and rounded corners that made it look like an underground space ship.

After diner we walked around Little Italy and saw some interesting stuff. There were lots of cute patio bars, a couple in an old fashion light green VW Bug (that had a cylinder outside the side window horizontally that Tony found out was air conditioner), and lots of naked bikers. Wait.... WHAT!? Yes my friends 10-15 or maybe more naked bicyclers and many a cute girl among them. Bonnie explained they're a group who is trying to raise money... cool either way.

When we finally found the car we were all exhausted and ready to go home. And now... I am more than ready for bed.

Things seem to be going well. lets hope I don't jinx stuff.

I just got my hair did and it looks swell, I finally have a proper looking mohawk that is willing to stay up. Only issue is that it curls at the front just enough so it's like the opposite of the super man curl (not at all a pompedor though!! thank goodness)

My rubber tree plant, Hobbes, is thriving in the new environment of the new res. He's even grown a new leaf to start to recoup from the three he lost in vandy Y! He's such a cute little bugger. I also talk to him a lot more so it's better for both of us.

The internship I have with Drew at Blam! is amazing. He's really decided to take me under his wing and teach me everything he knows about going from the ground up. It's a much better ed-u-macation than most other internships give.

Speaking of other internships I do have the wonderful opportunity of interviewing for the editorial internship at Vertigo tomorrow. It's gonna be chill because I already know Shelly Bond, but I'm still pretty nervous about it. I'm thinking of spending the morning at the comic shop/book store refressing my memory of their history of comics.

I'm going to visit Kali again on Wed midday (I got to spend 7 whole hours with her on sunday!) and then head out to Jersey for dinner. On Thurs we leave for toronto! I'm kinda looking forward to seeing how many people/relatives I can weird out at the Bar Mitzvah, though I'm in much greater anticipation concerning the lesbian and gay film fest going on that weekend.

Crossing my fingers that this keeps up.

( The Story of Graduation )

Goodnight folks

Today I accomplished the feat of ultimate pale art freak in that I got sunburned on my forearms from spending three hours drawing outside for John's class at high noon. It was well worth it though because the drawings I did he said are one's he'd love to put in a show and that I will be proud of for years to come.

In other news I would like to say that I officially hate Advanced Copy Center and hope to god I can trick them into giving me a quote so that I can take it to Unique Copy so they can do the job. Viva la Inkstains!

Also I got to see Raina and Dave today... their married now-cool. Cartoonist love is so the way to go. they made a comic to give out at their wedding. I still feel really bad that I wasn't able to do something for them for a wedding present. Maybe something for their first year aniversary(sp?). I've always wanted to draw like Raina and have been totally inspired to do auto-bio comics by her which I hope to make up half of my senior portfolio. Dave I've alway thought of as a super sweet really intelligent guy, I really look up to him as an editor. I really feel him about art, we're both good but our styles don't seem to wow people the way other styles do.

To end the night Ting and I sang the TMNT theme song and she sang it in chinese. Plus now I know what my door decks are for next year since there will be four people in each suite. Score.

Today was ok. I slept more than I had planned to and didn't get much thesis done... it took me up to 7 hours to do two pannels of the battle room cause they were establishing shots and required going at the speed of a three toed sloth. They came out pretty boss though. I'm not ok with myself for failing to get enough done to get in the show (not that I've completely given up yet, I still have one more week). I got to class on time and my internal clock was responsible for waking up just in time and I had enough will power to listen to it. Big Plus.

After class I went to the Women's Leadership Award ceremony and found out no one appreciates me for Cartoon Allies or Inkstains yet, but they do appreciate me as an outstanding Resident Assistant of the female variety in how I overcame the obsticles at the VY. It's really nice to know my work as an RA is appreciated beyond the awesome friends I have as residents and the whole awesome experience in general. I'm thinking I would like to try to see about a Residence Life job after I graduate if there is one I could get. Thanks Res Life and Brad for seeing me as a "woman of courage and vision." Also congrats to everyone else who won in the other catagories. A lot of great girls got the appreciation they deserve. Thanks to Cindy, Eric, Caroline and Laura who were there for free food and didn't mind clapping for me.

After the reception it was off to the Senior Studios and I finished inking my boarders. Woot. Then I talked a bunch with seniors. I'm really gonna fucking miss them. :/ Then I went to Cheri's to get the covers for the last issue of inkstains and the printer was so slow that I was late for my RA meeting by 30 min, but it was ok cause it went on for another 2 hours as usual. The Marymount RA's and Julie are fucking A... and that's about as much detail as I can put here, haha.

One quick change and a fast phone call to Andy and I had a date to the Half-Assed Semi-formal for the last hour that was left. Before that we put off our fashionably late entrance in the back seat of his 1998 Honda Civic if you know what I mean. Ohhhhhh yeah baby. That boy was like starving puppy, panting and begging for more. ; ) The party itself was actually pretty lame minus some interesting drunk conversations and being able to unbutton your shirt halfway down cause that's how we half-ass-semi-formal it bitch. We left for lyric, shared fries and conversation with leisel and stephen then had some alone time in Andy's love shack in the GW. I left with promises to shoot digital this summer and hit the gayboi clubs together.

The bus sucked and passed right by me at the stop. IT WAS A FUCKING LIMITED STOP! So I decided to blow off some steam and just walk home thanks to the warmth of Andy's coat and hat.

I thought of casey a few times, mostly thinking about the things we had planned for next week in the city that we won't be doing for a long time, but a romantic thought once or twice...

I ran into Louis on his way to his BF's house. He's awesome. I'm gonna miss him this summer.

Got home, peed, watched the start of a good looking movie called Bully that I need to see in full some day, and put in my "Women of Courage and Vision" CD to web browse and fall asleep to. There's a cute musician on MySpace and I hope I've set things up to possibly see some old friends I've been missing a lot. I failed to create Kali's Facebook profile because she's not thirteen yet and the registration doesn't reset once you fuck up. Then I clicked on Casey's blurty expecting it not to be updated, like usual...

( Casey...Stuff )

I can't stop sleeping!!!!

And no it is NOT great, it SUCKS.


I think I may have hypersomnia. It's getting to the point where I sleep so much that I can't get anyhing done not to mention even think of catching up. On average I sleep probably 10 hours a night ( two late/all-nighters and five days of sleeping at least 13 hours). When I am awake I get spurts every hour or two when I feel exceptionally tired and get dizzy to the point where I feel fourced to want to lie down. : [

Anyone know a good sleep specialist or a good inexpensive accupuncturist?

Thesis is due wed... I might possibly be half done by then. Siiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

In complete opposition to the last post I want to appologise to those who I've been a jerk to lately. I let the pressure get to me and I cracked a little. Ok, maybe a lot. I mean even I know different isn't spelled d-i-f-f-e-r-A-n-t!

Here's a brief explination of the pressures:
-I stopped talking to a best friend who I had sickly made into more than she was and we were because I was obssesed with her and it just wasn't right for me to continue decieving us both into thinking we were ok.
-A good friend of mine and RA office duty partner suddenly quit without ever mentioning anything to me and I haven't heared a word from her since (I hope she's ok, but I'm pissed if she is)
-I've failed Junior Thesis, or at the very least I've failed to get into the show, something I've been looking forward to for the past 2-3 years. Huge bummer and a super big reajustments of expectations.
-I've been pulling all nighters like crazy... so my brain chemistry is fucked.
-I haven't seen my puppy in at least 3 months... you can't really talk to a dog over the phone to make up for that.
-My room is a mess and it's driving me insane as it always does. Every time I clean it the room becomes a mess again within 24 hours.
-I have not a kitchen of my own to make healthy meals. Thus I always feel a certain level of crap. Watch Super Size Me if you doubt this.

Some of these are new and some are just constants that have just lowered my tolerance. None of these are excuses, just explinations.

Lots of ok and good thins happen to me too, I just love to dwell on the aweful, I'm an Angst Pirate for a reason.

I just wanted to say that with all the horrible failure that Junior Thesis has become the epoch of one's cartooning career at SVA, or so I had and still mostly believe, the following made my day and has at least temporarily ended my depressive slump:

Dear Nina:

Greetings! I would like to inform you that you have been nominated to receive a 2007 Women's Leadership Award. This award is given out during the month of March, which is Women's History Month.

The award is given to women student leaders who have exhibited amazing leadership ability and community spirit, both on and off campus.

Winners will be announced at the 2007 Women's Leadership Award Reception on Wednesday March 28, 2007 at 6 pm in the Monkey Bar Lounge, 217 East 23 Street.

I hope that you can join us for this celebration. The event begins at 6 pm. There will be a guest speaker, food, music, awards and fun!

If you CAN NOT attend, please email me. If you CAN be there, awesome! I hope to see you next Wednesday 3.28.07 at 6 pm. Feel free to bring a guest.

Congratulations on your nomination.

Regards,
Tina Crayton
Associate Director of Student Activities
212.592.2141

If you'd like to come. I'd love to share the glory or the not-so-glory with the people that actually willing to listen to me babble on about boring things and are willing to consider that leadership. Thanks to everyone for getting me to the point of being nominated, especially whoever nominated me.

I realized that as much as something bad happening to you may be your own fault that only makes it hurt more.

Girls may be fucking nuts, but right now I feel like a god damn psychopath. Thank you Rob Zombie and Mindless Self Indulgence.


( I probably shouldn't, but certain people deserve to read this so I'm leaving it public )

Louis Broccoli cut my hair in the mens bathroom... I still need to take another shower because I am covered in millions of tiny hairs, especially in my clevage, which does exist damnit!

No photos yet, we still have to trim the hawk cause it's a little long, but his number 12 is back at home. Thank goodness next week is spring break. (Speaking of which, maybe next year I will go somewhere hot. Are there lesbians in Ft. Lauderdale or only gay boys?) Look for pics on facebook soon.

Also in news is that I have my assingment for next year to live in St. Marks. I'm gonna have enough room for an airbed and all my selves of crap (once I get rid of 80% of it). So excited to be RAing with Tyler and Meg. Next year is gonna be hot.

I've been working on my thesis for the past 8 hours minus a few breaks and all I have to show for it is almost one and a half pages... I really hope I get to be an editor... I'm so much better at organizing people and events and directing the creation of things. Then again I feel like it's the cop-out. I dunno... I'm just so nervous about graduating in just over a year. I don't want it to happen because I'm afraid of the sink or swim that happens right after graduation.

I'm also afraid of a lot of other things. I wish my classes weren't so socially aware or interested in following current events, it's really horribly depressing and stressful. I'd probably be happier stressing over the little everyday things and stopping at that. Like the girl thing. I was angry because I felt very strung along by girls, but then again, who's damn fault is it for getting strung in the first place. Moi. So I want to formally apologise for wishing all of woman-kind into a volcano. I let myself dream up scenerios with people I like and am comfortable with because it gives the immediate gratification of a happy moment. Instead I need to forget about that crap and focus on things like my thesis more, not that my thesis is being very gratifying. I spend as much time as I feel I can fit into my schedual on it without failing my other classes and while still giving myself a chance to breath every one in a while. However this seems not to be working because my High School work ethic has been shot since second semester freshman year. Or rather since I took on Cartoon Allies. Then I had embrased the lack of work ethic toward my classes by being proud of my work ethic for the club, but now I feel like both my classes and the club aren't really up to snuff. Nothing I've done lately has been extrordinary or horrendous, just mediocre all around.

Jessica Able is coming today. I told Teylor I didn't care. I'm scared shitless that I'm a disappointment to her in terms of fulfilling any potential she might have thought that I had when we organized the first Freshmeat together.

Girls aren't so bad. Life is just poop.

Ok... so maybe I'm not ready to go to bed... maybe I just did something that made me see something, which made me think of something that made me horribly jealous and angry. Perhaps it is something that has happened before and so I don't feel at all justified in having the huge mood swing that seems to have been triggered at this moment which is a portion of why I'm talking in "maybies" and "might haves" and "perhapses."

D:<

I'm just really sick and tired of this idea of trying to find someone... Jaz was joking around and reading everyone their zodiac stuff and a lot of it rings true to each of us whether or not it's our sign, but we pay much closer attention to the things that some silly astrologist tells us about our romantic lives and how we lead them. So mine said a lot about how I'm vain and self centered in relationships, at least to start and then I'm all worried about equality and how that often keeps me from making up my damn mind. I know that the latter half is horribly true and accurate, you can give me your opinion of the first. To follow up on my first point it said I feel horribly out of balance when I'm not with someone (though good friends can often fill this balance) and I feel quite off kilter. It also said that were someone to want me the best way to make me come after them is to make me jealous and play keep away... also horribly true. It has also been what all four girls I've been attracted to this semester have been doing whether they are concious of it or not... and it's not just them doing it either. I feel like almost every girl that I've liked that has a relationship is grinding it into my face like a bloody pattie of raw ground beef.... AUGH! It's not their fault but it's still driving me nuts and I can't tell any of them what they're doing without feeling creepy, insecure and childish. So instead I'm just going to hate girls the way most girls hate boys and boys girls in elementry school. I stick out my tongue at you all! I'm done. Finished. Had it! All the girls in the world could die in a horrible volcano accident and I wouldn't turn my head to look... well except for the fact that I would be dying or dead too and not quite enjoying it. Good grief, sometimes I wish I loved the cock. Girls are poop-heads.

"You make me come/You make me complete/You make me completely miserable."-Lit "Miserable," A Place in the Sun

P.S. Kali, my warm puppy of love, you are my only exception to this horrible tragedy.

I have decided to give up on most things in life. And by most things I mean girls... they're just imposible.

Everything else seems to be on the up and up though. I'm getting back on track one task at a time. I cleaned my room for the first time in a month and I can see both my bed and my floor at the same time... It's amazing! I'm going to be taking a trip to nj in a few weeks during break to take things back to nj...mostly recycling. I really wish that I could go to FL for break now. I think it would do me really well, but I just found out today that RA's have office hours during that week. (insert big sigh here) I kinda hate to say it but I'm really really starting to miss my mom. We talk every other day almost and catch up but it's not the same. I was getting annoyed last semester having to go to NJ every weekend to see her... which took up a lot of time and might have been overkill, but I would maybe rather see her once every other week. That would be really nice. I also found out about a month ago that she won't be back for passover like she said she would when she asked me to pick between passover and thanksgiving with her. I will have one with my residents/friends who will all more than enjoy the free food, but passover is the jewish thanksgiving and I would really rather be with family. Perhaps I can take a week of of school and go down to FL for passover. That would be really awesome.

I realize now I've rambled a bit... I suppose I had some things I wish I could get off my chest... there's a whoooooole lot more about girls I'd be more to happy than to rant about but it's just not ready for public eyes.

Ou!Oh! i just remembered. I just applied to the scholastic summer internship... I really hpe I get it. I'll have lots of fun doing children's books AND I'll be paid $11/hour, 35 hours per week for 6 weeks!!! That's (350+35=385 x 6= uhmn... 30 + 480 +1800=) 2,310 minus taxes. (you have no idea how long that just took me... jeez I'm getting rusty. But yeah so that would be really awesome, but if I don't get that then I can always intern at DC or maybe I could possibly spend the first month of summer at DC sine the last two weeks of summer will be RA training.

I'm really hyped up about housing next year. I mean... I could have my own kitchen and bathroom... that I have to share with two other people, but hell idon't care... I will cook for them until we all all fat and rollie pollie. YUM. Though I really will miss my residents from this year, except they won't have to be my residents anymore, they can just be my friends.

I also can't wait until I'm 21 next year... that's gonna be the best. I'm finally gonna be able to go to a lesbian bar without having snuck in and having to worry about being caught and kicked out. Course the night will start out at some straight bar since my "breeder" friends out number the queers. (Just joshin' with the breeder reference there, kids.)

My heater is making little piping sounds at me it's kinda cute, but won't be in another 5 minutes when it still hasn't stopped.

Wow... 5 am time to try to sleep for a while. Tomorrow I must wake up, go to the gym, shower, do my reading for class, draw some of my comic and work on my puppet... Only about two things more than I will be able to accomplish!

And with that I say good night! (Especially to my nervous, emotional, sexy, heroine of the night Katherine Heigl/Izzy Stevens)