Whispers

I would like to apologize to everyone on my friends list for not reading or commenting recently. I have been working double shifts plus overtime, taking kids to school, therapies, the swimming pool and wherever they need to go, and in my free hours I was visiting the Angel in Budapest. maybe it is understandable that updating LJ has not been one of my priorities, so I just noticed that my paid account expired. I doubt I'll renew it any time soon, so the pictures will be lost by that time.

We had a bit of scare with Matthew last week. He had flu-like symptoms and some fairly nasty bruises, plus hard and enlarged lymph nodes. Knowing Derek's history he was checked from head to toe, but luckily it was nothing but a very nasty viral infection. Later we figured out where he got the bruises: he fell off the slide at the nursery school. I kept him home for a few days: he came to work with me and slept through the day in the infirmary. He is slightly anemic as well, but now he is recovering from both the infection and the anemia. I keep a close eye on him, we don't want any complications here!

Justin, meanwhile, started swimming at Craig's team's young swimmers program. At the moment he is the youngest swimmer there. He really enjoys it. We hope Matthew can start soon. They wear big boy Speedos! I really enjoy taking Justin, it is a lot of fun for both of us. I get some work out as well and Justin gets a lot of swimming. They have 25-minute-long sessions at the pool and they can use the playground before and after.

Craig has been coming to work with me as well. Since I tutor most of the kids at the center and we have a third grader they work together. It works wonders for both of them! Unfortunatelly we will have Tomi for 6-8 months only before he goes back to regular school. His parents would like to keep him here as long as possible, but they have no options with that. He never went to special schools, but he had several surgeries in the summer and will have another one on his Achilles in November, so he needs intensive PT. He spends one night a week at the center to help with living skills (and give the parents a break), otherwise he commutes.

I have an oncologist appointment for tomorrow. keep your fingers crossed for me, please!

Today it is beautiful outside. Finally sunny, not too hot but no longer cold. I spent most of the morning outside with the Angel and the kids. I even exercised my lungs and set the baby pool up for the greatest joy of the kids. I did some light gardening and consulted the Angel who is working on a site for me. I was also involved in building some sand castles and tended to some scraped knees before I could finally sit down and read a little.

And now I have to run and get the kids out of the baby pool. I have to save my fostering rant for later.

I got up at 4 and turned on the AC. Got ready and left for Budapest. Heavy traffic, many people from Austria/Germany and Slovakia are going to Budapest and then onto Mogyoród for the Hungarian GP of the Formula 1 series. It took mealmost four hours to get to Budapest instead of two. The Angel was already to go: packed and dressed and finished with breakfast.

Coming home was a lot smoother, barely any outgoing traffic, which was nice. I was listening to the new CD I borrowed from a co-worker. It is former Megasztár contestant/hair dresser/would-be-gay-icon Bartók Krisztián's CD. It is mostly 80's disco with some well known gay anthems. Not my usual type of music, but it was nice to listen to it in the car. It is one of those things we love to do with the Angel: listen to not-exactly-our-type-of-music in the car. Of course it is hard to find music that is not his type unless one is ready to listen to rap and techno. He has recently introduced me to 80's, early 90's Europop. Like Wham. And Jason Donovan. And Bros. Scary.

We have been replanning some of the house, especially the kids' rooms. We want to move the twins back to their own room, so Craig can have his room back and it can be used for studying, working and sleeping as well. The twins have been sleeping there with him for a while using their room as a play room, but that should end. The upstairs empty area is going to be a quasi play/family room, with the old couch moving up there as well as the old recliner and a bunch of cute things from IKEA. On Monday we should stop by IKEA on the way back to Budapest. There is one right by M1 at Budaörs, we go there quite frequently.

Tomorrow I am planning on a lazy morning by the pool, with some swimming, some fooling around and just enjoying being back together. :-) I think we shall order out for lunch and then I'll cook something for dinner. Any ideas?

Trying to clean nd organize the house. I am off work now, nbut since I don't get paid till Monday I can't afford driving to Budapest to see him. This is killing me. I miss him. Luckily I can bring him home for the weekend, and then mid next week he will be coming home for several weeks, and we can go to respite camp together.

The kids and the rest of the family are coming home on Tuesday. I am sure they are full of excitement and happiness and stories to tell. Janice is going to stay here for a few days. She accumulated so much overtime that she was sent on 9 weeks of vacation, because she is absolutely needed during the winter months. Good for her. We love to have her here and she loves staying here.

Next week we have to take Justin to the eye exam and have to schedule Matthew's BERA. Craig has an audiologist appointment coming up, I have to schedule that as well. It would be nice if it could be the same time I take Matthew in for the BERA--same place, different audiologists. He has been complaining about distorted sounds with his CI so I guess a new mapping and/or program adjustments are in oreder now. We should also check about getting a digital aid on his non implanted ear, but I am not sure we can afford that now. We also have to decide whether to continue with home schooling this next term.

That reminds me that I have to check with the education coordinator whether the twins are to stay in the nursery school or they can both move on to the preschool/kindergarten, because I can't manage dropping them off at two different places in the morning. Now my guess would be to keep them in the nursery school for as long as possible as they are only 2 and they can't start school till the September after their 7th birthday (unless they have Derek's brains) because they were born in the summer. The nursery school is actually better about providing therapies on site, so I'd love it if I didn't have to take to Matthew to four different appointments a week, only the two that we have had so far. The surdotherapist now does house visits every other week, so we go only once every two weeks. The conductive therapy thing is the other thing I have to attend once a week so I can learn what he needs and then do it with him at home as well.

Child Welfare Agency is coming for a visit on next Friday. That will be interesting for sure! Hopefully I'll be done with laundry by then. And hopefully we will have the new furniture set up as well. Gosh, I love IKEA!

My Angel is now published! Yay! The book he coauthored went live yesterday! Anyone can take a look at it here!

It was a long process and hard work for him and seadolphin to complete this book. Hurricanes, illnesses, a move all hindered the progress. Congratulations!

Away. Will be back on July 4th.

After all, yesterday was a good day, up until I had to take the Angel to the E.R. for his migraine. Projectile vomiting is not fun, and that is what i saw in the E.R. No, not the angel, he was just having dry heaves as he had skipped dinner. That is always a fairly good sign that something is not right, especially since I made a fresh Caesar salad with fish.

I just so wish I could pull him away from the screen when he has a headache.

On another note, I am going to the Staff Retreat in 9 days! I am totally excited, I haven't really been anywhere work free since Tenerife! No kids, no Angel, no work, just some friends from work, a lake, hills, deer and most likely plenty of alcopop. The information booklet says there are great bike and running paths and it is my intention to make use of both. I need to get fit again! I have gained some weight and my stamina... well, I have to look at the dictionary to find out what stamina is these days! Finally, I'll have a whole week to spend on regenerating some of the strength and energy I seem to have lost over the last year and a half. I am taking my bike, some books, and my cell phone so I can be found if there is any trouble with the kids or the Angel, but no laptops, no video games, no TV... and quite possibly no radio either. So if anything happens in the world while I'm gone I won't know about it till I get back!

I am taking my disc man.

Before we can leave, however, we have a few very special things going on here. Later today I'll get the kids and then stop by at some shops to get some Father's Day things for a very special dad. I have to admit that Father's Day was never a big thing for me. It was the compulsory made dad breakfast and pretend everything is all right day for me for years. When I moved here I all but forgot about it as it is not widely celebrated in Hungary. I think I have seen only one display in the candy store to remind people it is Father's Day. But then again, back when I first came to Hungary Halloween was all but unheard of... Back to my point. Last year we didn't celebrate. But this year is different and special. It is now time to celebrate. We are a family here. We have overcome a lot of crap in the last two years. We are happy. We love each other.

Daniel finally taught me how to open a bottle with the door lock.

Tuesday is the twins' second birthday and as we have not done any shopping so far, Monday shall find us going from store to store like mad. We put together a nice list of what we'd like to get, if we can, for them. If we are very lucky it will take only two stops to get everything. It would be nice if I could be home by two.

This week is finally over. I just hope next week brings better weather, more smiles and the such. We had that depressing early summer weather with high humidity and little to offer refuge from heavy, foul smelling air.

Mood at work was almost as depressed as at home. The weather seemed to have erased all the enthusiasm of patients and staff alike. We also had to deal with a very serious problem of clique forming and name calling, and even bullying. Arguements among the staff didn't make it easier. But the week is finally over. Next week will be better. I just have this feeling.

I won a 0.5 l bottle of Coca Cola!

Coffee break. I love coffee breaks! Normally I'd be taking this break outside with my group, but since it is storm season everything is muddy. We have nice picnic tables in the middle of the sea of mud that is known as the "park", so sadly I am now confined to the staff room. The staff room is a strange room. The coffee table broke a few weeks ago, so now an old, monster size TV serves as a table. The insides were removed a while back, and it is just the right size for three or four people having a cup of coffee.

Then there is the bunk bed where the staff can take a nap. Everyone has their own bedding, all of which are now being aired, making the room look like a big, soft bed. I am sitting between the doctor-on-duty's dinosaur blanket and the art therapist's Mon-Chi-Chi pillow. Thos of you, who do not know what a mon-chi-chi is, peak behind the cut!

( Mon-chi-chi hiding here )

Monchichis were really popular here a few years--like 15, 20--ago, and the twins and Craig have some of them, coming from a friend who collected them as a child. She also admitted to owning a pillowcase that is still in use and carefully mended. Yeah. I do prefer my kids playing with cute monkeys than Pokémons. The twins love to dance around to the monchichi song! Yes, there was one in the 80's, and yes, I cannot decide how to spell the name of those "baby faced, furry monkeys" (babaarcú szörős majmocska).

OK, coffee and cookies are gone. That means... back to work!

Kids are gone for the weekend. It is a slow, relaxing weekend, playing around withthe new TV channels, catching up on fandoms and trying to get Craig's speech processor fixed. Actually it is just a battery problem in the box processor, which heprefers to use in the classroom, but we can't figure out what is wrong with it. The rechergables work in everything else. The speech processor works with fresh Duracells. But it won't work with the rechargables. Which is a problem,a s insurance doesn't pay for AA batteries and Craig goes through 4 batteries in like two days, and I am talking about the extra long life ones, that cost nearly $2.00 a piece.

I cannot wait to go back to work on Monday! It is something I love and the last few weeks there have been some very positive changes. More on that later.

The Angel made some brownies for his brother. He let me have some and now I am a very happy camper and this, once again, is a weird update.

Well, the end of March, beginning of April is always birthday rich for us! First The Angell and his Twin had theirs on the 31st, then our son Craig has his today. Then on the 10th it will be Ethan's. Also a friend, Jim Shafer would have been 58 yesterday, but he passed away on March 7th. So this time of the year is a great time to remember and celebrate. And with John Paul II passing away yesterday and Easter having been only a week ago this year it has become extra special.

This morning we started by giving Craig his presents, one of which was the Angel's childhood Bible with a brief message from the Pope. Craig was delighted! He feels like now he has a part of history, and I think he is right.

When I was eight, I got a set of scriptures for my birthday/baptism. The Book of Mormon was signed by President Kimball, who was the prophet at that time, and President Benson, one of the apostles and the next prophet. I was so happy with it! I was so proud of it that i had a Book of Mormon that was signed by the Prophet! I was showing it to everyone! And I took this set of scriptures on my mission with me, not one of the newer, fancier versions because I felt connected to God through having the actual writing of two prophets of god with me. However, my mission soon taught me to think otherwise.

Well, today is a day of celebration in our home. I truly hope and wish that this coming year will be as happy for Craig as today is!

Happy Birthday, son!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

Living with a young man, who is Irish this day should be extra special, you'd think. It is, but not because of the reason you might think! We will, however, host a St. Paddy Party on Sunday (as Saturday is a work day here to make up for Monday we had off) if the Angel gets better, that is.

Ethan was my son, born on April 10, 1997. He was conceived not long after my return from Hungary and his mother, his mother's partner, I and my partner were all very much excited about his birth. He was born about 10 days before his due date, but he was healthy and strong and he could come home to the house that his moms and we rented together. All seemed fine till April 22nd when Ethan started to run a high fever. We immediately took him back to the hospital where he fought courageously for five more days before he passed away.

It wasn't until several weeks later that we found out that he was born with a rare condition that made his immune system unable to fight infections. While his initial blood counts looked normal, he had no protection whatsoever against infections. His life was longer than most children with this condition live, so we were very blessed with the 17 days he spent with us. Because these seventeen days gave us many memories of our son. His smile, his voice, his beautiful brown eyes--he was born with brown eyes--and the feel of his soft skin.

Ethan would be turning 8 next month. His little brother is 6 on the 3rd--he had the due date of Ethan's second birthday--and he is asking questions about his mother and his big brother. It is starting to get really hard to answer those questions, I am not quite sure how to answer and how to explain things about Ethan and his mother. I often wonder what Ethan would be like now if he had lived. I often wonder how the boys would be getting along, or if Craig would be alive at all if Ethan hadn't died.

This time of the year it is always getting a little difficult for me. For years I was deprived of the presence of Craig as well, and the weeks leading up to their birthdays and Ethan's anniversary was a time of deep depression for me. These last two years that has changed, but it is still a challenging period. In a way I feel like that I had to sort these things out for myself by myself--it seems fathers get a lot less help with the grief process. There are support groups for mothers both on and offline, but I never had the chance of finding one for fathers after Ethan passed away.

Now the grief is mostly gone when I think of my first born son, and gradually the happy memories became the stronger ones, but life has still its ups and downs when it comes to remembering my son, Ethan.

Looks like the flu wave is finally gone. I had to miss several days at work *looks sadly at paycheck* because all three kids were sick and couldn't go to school.

Being home with the kids is a wonderful thing when they are healthy, but as soon as they catch a bug they turn into little monsters. Amazing transformations occur! I have to say that all three boys are real man that way.

This week was a great time to observe the difference between my twin sons when sick at the same time. Justin gets really fussy, he doesn't want to stay in bed, he cries and screams till he gets picked up, read to, or just snuggled with. He puts up a fight every time we have to do something like taking meds or having a meal or even... at bath time, which is normally Justin's favorite activity. Or maybe second favorte after stuffing his tummy. He runs if he gets the chance and well, he can run fast for a 20-month-old!

Matthew, on the other hand, is just very quiet. Not talking, not signing, not really crying either. Just holding onto his mouse and his pillow and making a bed for himself wherever he happens to be. He lies down, gives out great big sighs and sucks on his thumb while looking at me accusingly. OK, so I think he looks accusingly. He looks equally miserable, and he knows just how to make people pity him and spoil him. I think he takes after his daddy!

Luckily it passed after three days. I have now three delightful, wonderful and charming boys back in school (Craig has his day at the local school on Fridays now) and I am back at work. I am loving work!

We have new trainees, which is simply fabulous! Less work on everyone else. Less overtime. Less unpaid overtime. But instead of overtime we get mento payments! Which is just a little bit higher than overtime. So life is treating me good at work. With the new trainees I might even get off the ped floor, which would be awesome. I still don't like to work with little kids. I am hoping to get back to the teens or young adults where I feel home and where, I think, I can do the best! It was an awesome experience to work with the YA quads a while back. With March 1 there are new assignments, but since today is my first day back at work I haven't seen them yet. I just hope that the rotation gods love me for once!

Happy Belated Birthday to nortylak!

First of all, a great big Thank You goes out to Mom-in-law!

( The Friend List Icon Meme )