| Woken by catfighting |
[Sep. 22nd, 2008|05:11 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bloody cats | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Yowling | ] |
I've just been downstairs because of the thunderous clamour from our back garden, where a couple of cats have been fighting. It started in the usual way.
"Yarrrroowl," said one of the cats.
"Mraaaaaooo?" said the other.
"Wraaaaooow!" said the first, and with language like that being used, it was fisticuffs for sure. I actually went down because I could hear some loud noises from the plastic tubs we use to hold our recycling and I didn't want to have to round up 138 red bull cans tomorrow morning.
Cats are probably the most viciously psychotic animals we keep as pets. They piss all over everything to mark their territory, this territory is defended (or attacked) with fur-chopping claw swipes, display rarely being enough to end the dispute, they toy sadistically with small animals for no apparent reason and they are notoriously fickle and tending to what in a human would, I suppose, be called narcissism. They are brutal, unpleasant, raping, fighting, torturing little bastards.
They are also frequently depicted in pet-food adverts as having a frankly quasi-sexual relationship with their (always female) owners. You never see a man owning a cat in a pet-food commercial. You never see a female cat owner stroking a cat with anything less than sensual languor, either. The cat always looks post-coital in satisfaction and there is no way food that came from a can and smells like armpits can be that good.
This is clearly not totally a fiction of advertisers. For starters, advertisers will be using whatever strategy sells best, so presumably this taps into some psychological trait of cat-owners, but also I know a lot of women (and no men) who think these annoying little turds are the most beautiful, fluffily wonderful things ever created, even though they make the whole house smell like ammonia and raincoats and stay out all night chasing other women's cats and shitting on the neighbours' bushes, only turning up when they want a meal or some affection. Do they ever call? Do they buggery. Cats are basically abusive boyfriends, only smaller and hairier.
And yet you seem to see a lot of women lavishing stupid amounts of affection on cats. Just like abusive boyfriends.
Coincidence ... or conspiracy? |
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| Band names |
[Sep. 19th, 2008|02:12 pm] |
I'm looking for a good band name to replace Fake Teak. Any suggestions?
Euphony is valued above cleverness and it has to be something that could be unambiguously written down by most people after hearing it once (which is where Fake Teak is falling down, mainly). |
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| Airplane/treadmill |
[Sep. 8th, 2008|08:15 am] |
If the treadmill moves backwards so fast that the aeroplane is kept stationary by the friction of its wheels (which would happen eventually), then presumably it would be going so fast that the layer of air next to the treadmill would be enough to lift the aeroplane off anyway?
Of course you'd be in trouble as your altitude increased. |
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| Spamusement |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|01:35 pm] |
"Coffee Consumed At Britney Spears Home", I am told by my spam folder.
The minx.
Another message purports to be from "cong toutpuissant". I would not trifle with anyone going by such a name. |
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| Genius Logotype |
[Sep. 4th, 2008|11:46 am] |
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Dave Gorman's Blog mentioned they are working on a logo for the Genius TV series and listed a set of options, and I thought I could improve on one of them. See original post for context and, in fact, subscribe to the blog itself as the man is a hero.
I was frankly amazed what MS Paint can do if you push it hard.
And now, the final version ....
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| The synthesizer of kings |
[Aug. 22nd, 2008|07:36 pm] |
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I'm assembling a wishlist for my ultimate synthesizer as a long-term home build project. Any suggestions?
- DCOs based on ARP oscillator designs, like a 2600 or an Odyssey.
- DCFs based on the Moog four-pole resonant filter.
- All parameters can be controlled as polynomial functions of other parameters, allowing enveloping of resonance, cutoff frequency, volume, pitch, or anything at all in complex ways. This could give a formant-based approach to filtering as well as the more conventional harmonic-based approach. A great deal of sophistication would be possible.
- Each voice has two pairs of oscillators with independent DCA and LP and HP resonant filter controls for each, effectively emulating the dual voicing of the Yamaha CS80. All 16 voices are by default controlled from one master set of controls, but up to five voices can be co-opted for sequencing use if needed, and their parameters sequenced.
- It has the arpeggiation and sequencing capabilities of an EMS Synthi 100, obviously instantiated in software but with hard variable-function controls for ease of use. The five assignable voices give twenty oscillators, which can be independently programmed in the sequencer for Synthi 100-like monstrosities of sound.
- It looks like a spaceship.
- It weighs less than me.
This message has been brought to you by the "Andrew Can't Afford A Yamaha CS80" team. |
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| Paris Hilton: has she defibrillated satire? |
[Aug. 21st, 2008|06:26 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | baffled | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Half-Finished Fake Teak multitracks | ] |
The good bit is at 0:58, so you may want to skip forward to that.
I don't know what to think.
(NB According to Tom Lehrer, satire died when Henry Kissinger was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, as life had become satire. I can't tell if this is life or satire either, but I think it's probably undefined or paradoxical. Which is, like, totally hot.) |
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| The joy of mindless optimism |
[Aug. 11th, 2008|02:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  optimistic | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Ga Ga Ga Ga Ga (Spoon) | ] |
Once—roughly between the ages of eight and seventeen—there was a time when I believed all the world's problems were fundamentally soluble within my lifetime. Technically we can do much of it in the next few days, if only someone will get the word out. I believed that humans could not resist the obvious truths that there is enough world for everyone, that those who have much can help those who have little or nothing and that the pointlessness of competing to be top dog would be self-evident when it was demonstrated that none of us have to live like dogs at all.
At this point I had not met very many people.
Between the ages of around eighteen and around twenty-two, I made some important discoveries. Firstly, I discovered that intelligent people can be far more creatively stupid than those who merely have low IQs. Indeed, a brilliant mind containing an undetected prejudice can produce the kind of tormented logic that makes you wonder if the species is insane. I might be able to produce a scheme of elegant simplicity for saving the world, but there would exist people capable of demolishing it with a few well-chosen arguments and a completely false premise buried deep down a mineshaft.
Secondly, I discovered that no plan of elegant simplicity for saving the world exists. You can create an elegantly simple schema for such a plan, but nearly everything is complex. Any plan that works is going to be nearly incomprehensible, and anything nearly incomprehensible is going to be passed over for something catchy by the ordinary people who might support it.
The natural reaction to this is cynicism. I succumbed to it, very slowly.
Cynicism is, almost by definition, a lazy position, calling us to no action because it tells us no action will work. It is easy to see how a cynic would think cynicism is the eventual position a person will reach, but I believe I have discovered a further one.
Pascal, of course, found it first. Famously, he analyzed the costs and benefits of belief or disbelief in God case by case, accounting for each of the four possibilities, grouping them by the choice you can make (atheism or theism) and working out your potential cost or benefit.
While it is a lousy argument for theism (for one thing, it fails to account for agnosticism or different religions), it is a fantastic tool for all sorts of other things. Working out the consequences in each of a number of outcomes can give you surprising insights into how you can behave. So, assuming you ask politely, you may as well ask out the fabulously beautiful girl on the tube because the worst case is half an hour of excruciating embarrassment and the best case is a date (and sometimes both happen), whereas if you don't ask, all cases lead to nothing (which, I can confirm, is horribly boring).
You may also find that some simplified versions of the world's problems do in fact have solutions. You may even find that failure can lead to success. My brother pointed out that Wilberforce struggled for twenty years, and eventually failed to abolish slavery in one go, as had been his plan, yet slavery is illegal in the UK and many people are working to prevent it elsewhere. If he hadn't tried, he wouldn't have failed for twenty years. And then he wouldn't have succeeded.
I have therefore decided to combine the principles of primum non nocere and mindless optimism. As long as my actions do not cause harm, I may as well try and make the world better. Here's to resounding failure, and beginning again the next day. |
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| Mosley Harmless |
[Jul. 28th, 2008|12:39 pm] |
The Daily Mail has blazoned on its front page the following phrase:
MOSLEY RULING 'A THREAT TO OUR MORALS'
I haven't read the article and I'm not going to, because I value my sanity and Daily Mail articles have, historically, been unhelpful with that. It occurs to me, however, that the headline, because legible by people who will never buy the paper or read its content, constitutes a separate public statement by a newspaper, and that newspapers are probably very aware of this. Moreover, it strikes me that the headline alone represents an interesting, but flawed, ethical statement.
The Mosley ruling in question is presumably the decision that the News Of The World, broadly, should not have filmed Max Mosley and five dominatrices doing all sorts of startling things with one another, and certainly should not have stated that some of the startling things were Nazi-related. Max Mosley's morals I largely pass over. I certainly think he shouldn't have lied to his wife on quite so spectacular a scale. The News of the World's morals I also largely ignore, though I am not sure that Max Mosley's wife will not suffer more because of her enlightenment that she would have because of her ignorance.
It is, however, our morals that interest me—yours and mine. The reason for this is that I can only see one way in which this ruling affects them at all.
The proceedings were very specifically about a newspaper publishing inaccurate details about a man doing startling things. It could never have punished Max Mosley for lying to his wife, except perhaps by saying "serve you right"—but if we rely on such haphazard means to punish liars then few liars will be effectively deterred from lying.
Even less could it have punished him for his proclivities. Nor should it have. He would probably have enjoyed it, so whatever you think is right or wrong, why bother?
The only influence it has over our morals, mine and yours, is suggestion. We may suddenly decide that we should lie to our spouses and go on an heroic bender with courtesans with baseball bats. O woe for the country that it should be so.
If this is indeed the case, then there's an argument that the News Of The World acted against the public interest by publishing such sordid revelations, but I don't think it can be. Reverse the order of the payment and the beating and you have a (very elaborate) mugging, and I am as keen to be dominated as I am to be mugged.
By contrast, adverts for nearly everything have me coiled to a state of frenzied longing because advertisers know that, if I did actually believe their product would help me get chicks, I would buy it by the trainload. I don't believe it and don't buy ther products, but the longing for chicks remains. Every day I want to throw heavier objects at the television. Advertising promotes a lifestyle that is extravagant, unfulfilling, fantastical and, eventually, violent, since many find the only way to achieve a minimum of happiness in such an overblown society is to seize it.
So:
ADVERTISING A THREAT TO OUR MORALS |
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| Musical dreams ain't quite so bad |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|08:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Thick As A Brick (Jethro Tull) | ] |
I recently got an iPod alarm clock. (It's about £20 from Argos, for those of you who immediately went "I must own this wonder of science!") I'm not the world's best up-waker, to put it mildly, so this alarm clock may be a life-transforming development for me. Anyway, as of yore, Jethro Tull seems to be good music to wake up to, though in the good old days I had to still the annoying bleeping, reach up and push play on a tape deck, so this is Progress with a capital P, which incidentally looks a bit like a minim, which is appropriate because of what I am about to relate.
Yesterday morning I woke up to A Passion Play, a lovely piece of seventies prog I do not apologize in any way for enjoying. However, before I woke fully I had a short, but remarkable and very clear dream. I dreamt I was onstage with Jethro Tull, singing in unison with Ian Anderson. Martin Barre came up to me and was wondering why, when I was getting the words right, you could barely hear my singing over Ian's; I concluded that something like the following was happening. Because it was a dream, it was somewhat as though Ian's "oscillator" was hard-synced to my own (because he was entirely a product of my imagination), so our pitches were identical and in phase—in short. very hard to tell apart.
(I now realize, of course, that it was the other way round—my "oscillator" was hard-synced to the recording—but I still think that's pretty clear thinking for a man who's actually asleep.)
Just before I woke up, everyone said goodbye very nicely, and then someone gave me two pieces of sellotape, which he left stuck to my finger. I looked at them and, beneath the tape, saw pieces of paper with the words: "More dreams will come."
If more dreams do, indeed, come, I'll be sure to let you know. |
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| Festival de Bobital |
[Jul. 8th, 2008|03:22 pm] |
This is more an intention to post than an actual post; I am still recovering from a ferry journey with more than a passing resemblance to a rollercoaster ride and several hours of driving everybody home through, among other things, the flooding A31.
However, soon there will be a full account, which will include our biggest gigs to date, me signing two ladies (on request) and the time we played to dromedaries. |
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| Here we go round the Glastonberry bush |
[Jun. 30th, 2008|03:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Parade (Prince and the New Power Generation) | ] |
I once joked to a friend that I would see my first Glastonbury festival from the stage. Now I have. A chronicle is clearly necessary, and here it is.
( Thursday )
( Friday )
( Saturday )
( Sunday ) |
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| Festival Season |
[Jun. 14th, 2008|04:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Various Things I'm Writing | ] |
Today I am enjoying a quiet weekend of laundry and car-washing and things of that nature, which is just as well, because next weekend things start to spiral out of control. I cannot emphasize enough that this chaos will be good chaos.
Next weekend, we're playing a festival in Wales. I've just realized that that is literally all the information I have. It is quite small, I am driving us there, and it is in Wales. Somewhere.
The weekend after that we're playing this little thing called GLASTONBURY. Perhaps it is vulgar to boast about this on one's blog but I honestly, truthfully do not care. I do need wellies, though.
The weekend after that we're playing the Festival de Bobital in Brittany, meaning I get to drive to Calvados country, play a pretty big stage at the same festival as the Sex Pistols, and get paid for it. I will be eating crêpes like they're going out of fashion, believe me.
The weekend after that we're playing a festival in Milton Keynes. Last time I played there (actually in Wolverton) I quipped that we had hit the big time. Apparently, though, now we have. No idea where we're playing in shiny Milton Keynes but it probably isn't the bowl. I will still take a leaf out of Marilyn Manson's book and yell "MIL-TON KEEEYNES!" though.
The weekend after that I will be sleeping.
I hope.
I'm off to laugh uncontrollably and do some laundry. I do hope you're all feeling fab. |
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| Portland Arms Gig |
[May. 6th, 2008|02:36 pm] |
Attention all Cambridge people.
We're playing the Portland Arms this Thursday. It would be awesome if you could come because I don't get up to Cambridge nearly as often as I should. Quite apart from that, we're also quite good.
There are more at The David Goo Variety Band youtube channel if you're interested. Anyway, please come—some of you I haven't seen in aaaaages and some of you I barely get to see at all! We'll be there nice and early to set up so if you fancy a catch-up, come early too. |
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| Bat-cat |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|02:04 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  giggly | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Bat-Cat (Charlie and Lola) | ] |
Is it a cat?
No!
Is it a bat?
No!
Is it a cat-bat?
No!
I-i-it's:
Bat-Cat, the super cat,
He's a super-duper super cat,
Well fancy that,
A hero cat!
He flies and fights for kittens' rights, (oooh-oooh)
He saves the day in every way, (oooh-oooh)
Bat-Cat, the super cat,
He's a super-duper super cat,
A hero cat,
Well fancy that!
Let's—lets—let's hear it for Bat-Cat!
(Mraow!) |
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| GDP per capita world map |
[Apr. 28th, 2008|04:14 pm] |
I suddenly thought a map of world riches and poverty might be useful, and it turns out someone has already had the same idea!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_countries_by_GDP_(PPP)_per_capita
There's even a neat map of "above average/below average" areas. Now we need never wonder how to redistribute wealth again. |
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| Glastonbury from the stage |
[Apr. 23rd, 2008|03:42 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | excited | ] |
The David Goo Variety Band, whose bassist I am, has been invited to play the Stranger Than Paradise tent at this year's Glastonbury festival.
Years ago I joked I would like to see my first Glastonbury from the stage, and now I will. |
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| Eva |
[Mar. 24th, 2008|11:44 pm] |
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You know you're doing something right when your three-year-old niece sits down with her Easter eggs in a row and announces she is having a spiders' tea-party, which will be attended by friendly aliens and cuckoo-birds. |
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| Repair/Maintenance |
[Jan. 31st, 2008|02:08 pm] |
I think short bursts of maintenance when everything works fine could prevent the need for vast, complex and expensive repairs on huge numbers of occasions. I think this may apply to human relationships as well as machinery.
My tendency with machinery so far has been to run things till they break, then repair them. I mean to back up my fixed discs but I still haven't; I'm quite good at repairing things so it doesn't usually matter much, but two years ago I lost all my email and the new disc is reaching the age where it might do something bad to me one of these days.
However, I bought the Haynes manual for a Jaguar E-type (having fallen in love after driving one last September) and it suggests quite a thorough regimen of continuous maintenance. Repairing an E-type can be very, very expensive. The car's popularity then and now means there are suppliers for many of the parts you can't get from Jaguar any longer, but some parts have to be hand-made to order. Keeping it nice makes sense.
I realize my tendency with my own life has also been to run it till it breaks, then repair it. I suspect this is pretty common, and it's also probably quite common in terms of how we deal with people we know. "The squeaky wheel gets the grease" is a bromide that embodies the assumption that people don't bother oiling things very often, a philosophy antithetical to the one espoused by the Haynes manual.
Many of my friends have, at various times, needed repair; some haven't realized they needed repair because one of the things that was broken was their own perception of what they needed. Some are possibly in this state now.
So, from now on, I think I am going to start checking the oil level a little more often, and I suggest everyone else does the same thing. You never know when you might need a friend in working condition. |
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| Negative attention |
[Jan. 31st, 2008|01:55 pm] |
- These effects are seen.
- Toddlers being bad when ignored.
- Internet drama and trolling.
- Reckless behaviour among the isolated.
- Self-immolation.
- The amok.
- Normal service is ignored until suspended.
- Pain can be better than nullity.
- The carrot may outweigh the stick.
- Attention may be sought because it is needed.
- Emphases may be reversed from their correct positions.
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