Why, thank you ma'am ;)

I'm actually thinking about it right now! Thanks for the encouragement!

further proof that Jayne was bi and everyone knew it.

Snerk. I'm surprised it wasn't part of the mudders' song about him.
He could be bi AND run a string of boy-whores...

I hadn't thought of doing it as a flashback type of thing. I'm thinking on it. I'm not sure if I could pull the idea off (so to speak), but I'm thinking about it.

Would he be plaiting Simon's hair to make him look hotter, and therefore draw in more of an asking price?

You know, I had no intention of writing this thing; I was just amused by the idea. But now I'm thinking of writing it, because, um. Jayne. And whores.

Right. I should be sleeping, but I'm now working on a whore story. An airquote serious whore story. But here's a silly one for you. Bad you for giving me ideas and encouragement!

*

Mal explains it to them, in small words so even Jayne himself understands. And at the end of it all, Jayne asks, just to get it clear in his head, "So, we need money. And no one will hire us, 'cause of the stunt we pulled with the Reavers?"

Mal nods, slowly. "They think we're all a bit cracked. It'll die down, but right now, we're humped. So unless one of you got a plan that'll bring cash, I'm going to have to set us down for a space."

That ain't no good. Jayne knows as well as the rest of them (except maybe Simon, who don't seem to have half a clue about how the 'verse out here works, most days) that if Mal sets the ship down, chances are she won't be flying again. So, he says, "I got an idea."

*

Thing that none of them know is that way back, Jayne ran a string of whores. Boy whores, mostly. Hell, entirely. That's what folk liked, back where he was from; plus there were always more male kids than girls. So the girls grew up and got married (after some fierce competition on the part of the boys). And the extra boys, well, some of them grew up to be whores. Decent job, honest living, and they made their own hours.

Jayne fell into running a bunch of them, mostly by the fact that he fell into regular sexing with one of them. He learned the business real well; learned from watching the whores negotiate prices too. Taught him a thing or two about negotiating his own price, later in life.

Mostly them whores were a pain in his ass. Always fighting with each other over the best marks. Jayne had had to break up a bunch of whore fights. Then give out punishments. That meant a thrust, so all in all, it weren't that hard of a duty.

But hell, he's never seen a bunch of men preen and primp the way them boy-whores did. Except Simon, of course, even if he does it on the sly when he don't think no one is looking.

Heh. Sly.

Anyhow. Jayne learned the business of running a passel of whores and making a profit doing it. All without losing one of them whores to violence or disease or marriage.

It had been shiny. But it got a mite dull after a time, so he'd gone and found a replacement, and headed out to be a merc.

Guy's got to stretch his limits, some days.

*

He finishes explaining his background, and most of them are looking right stunned. Especially Simon.

"You were a – madam?"

Jayne scowls. "Nope. Just had a passel of whores."

Simon looks disgusted, but Zoe asks, "Is that a bit like juggling goslings, Jayne?"

That don't make no sense, so he just ignores it. "It were a real good gig. Plus, them whores, they got real grateful when I took care of them who might be beating on them." He smiles at a particularly good memory. "Hell, one time I stopped a bit of scum from cutting on Eric. His boyfriend – also a whore – was real grateful, so they took me back to Eric's room, and we –"

"Jayne! Is there a rutting point to this story?"

Jayne looks at Mal, kinda puzzled. He thought Mal would have gotten it by now. "Hell, yeah. We could whore."

and here's the second part:

The silence is long. Real long. Finally, Simon asks,

"Whore?" His voice sounds hollow.

"Yeah! I know the business. Could fly Serenity here and there, whoring."

"Whoring." Mal's voice is flat. "Who exactly would?"

Jayne looks around the table, taking them in one by one. "Little sister's out. Can't have her hurting the customers. Bad public relations. Kaylee maybe. She likes a good thrust." He grins at her. "Right?"

"Jayne! I ain't a whore."

"Nope. But you could be." Hell, they all could be, if they needed it. Just need to try something new, learn something different. He looks at them again. "Simon, that's obvious. Him being fancified, he'd pull in good coin. I could get you more too, if I could do something with that hair he's got."

Simon's hand flies to his head, "My hair? What's wrong with – wait. I'm not whoring, Jayne."

"Bet you can't even imagine the rates I could get for you." He skips right over Zoe. Ain't no way he'd try that. "Inara's already whoring, she don't count."

She frowns at him. "Companion, Jayne. Not whore."

He shrugs. Thrust's a thrust, don't matter what you call the one you're paying for it. He turns to Mal. "Even with just them two, we'd pull in decent money. Especially if they kept it up five or six hours a day." Whores work hard though, and he knows that after that, they ain't no good for a space. Gotta rest it up to keep it fresh. "They get 60 percent, we get 40, for running 'em and also for protection. Negotiation, that sort of thing."

Mal's maybe almost smiling. Jayne ain't sure if that's good. "I ain't sure about Kaylee. I need my mechanic not distracted."

Well, that cuts down their profit almost half right there.

Mal's smiling now for sure, like he's got a funny joke in his head. Jayne don't see how any of this is funny. It's a decent plan. "Simon though. He just sits around most days –"

"Hey!"

Mal just keeps talking. "Seeing as we don't have any sick or wounded right now. Seems a waste of his time,"

Simon's got a look on his face, like he's going to kill Mal slowly. Jayne knows that feeling well. "You want wounded and sick? I can give you that."

But Jayne's done some quick calculating, and Simon, even with his fancy clothes and big words and pretty mouth, he won't pull in enough. Plan only works with a minimum of two.

"Ain't enough."

They all turn back to him. "What?" Mal asks.

"Even Simon ain't gonna pull in what we need."

"So?"

Jayne shrugs, looks straight at Mal. "Only one left to help out. You."

There's muffled laughter to his right, and he figures it can only be coming from Inara. He ignores it and continues, "Don't figure you'd get much, you being ornery and all that. But some folk like someone who's a pain in their ass for sexing. You know, them that like to be browbeaten first. Or during. So maybe you'd do some good. Wouldn't make near as much as Simon, but it'd be something."

Mal crosses his arms, leans against the table. "I would not make less than Simon."

Jayne leans forward himself. "I know the business."

They stare at each other until Inara clears her throat. "I never thought I'd say this, but I agree with Jayne. Mal, you'd probably bring us a loss." Her face is serious. "I expect we'd have to give refunds. Possibly even compensation."

"I ain't whoring!"

Well, maybe it's for the best. But Simon –

"Neither am I."

It's a shame, 'cause Jayne sometimes misses those whore-running days. The stories, the beating on the marks that got stupid, the after hours sex. It were all good. Ain't his fault if the crew is too high on themselves to give it a go. Except Inara, of course. She's a good sport, backing him up like that. Professional all the way, Inara.

"I'm just offering a plan."

"It's a gorram bad plan, you moron!"

Mal can say what he wants, but Jayne knows he's just sore 'cause of the reality that he wouldn't be making much coin.

But Jayne don't care about Mal's wounded feelings now. Or ever. They've got a real problem, not having money. Luckily, Jayne's had lots of other experiences, before getting on this crew. So he thinks on it a minute, comes up with something else, says, "I got another idea."

Mal scowls at him. Simon frowns, Kaylee sits up. Zoe looks bored. Inara smiles.

Right. This one's even better.

Jayne would be the best pimp, ever.

He would be fair, with heavy fists for those that tried to screw with his boys.Um, plus he'd love the er, lifestyle.

I am so thrilled you're writing a airquote serious one

In reality, I fear it sucks. It's about Jayne's old whore-running days, and I'm not sure it's worth the space it takes up on my harddrive. The small, small space. Oh well. It's a fun idea. Thanks for reading this one though - I wanted to make it more funny, but it didn't quite come.

Hey! YOU should write a Jayne and Mal and Simon whoring story. Yeah! It would be great!

o matter how serious Jayne is about his idea everyone else is running with it only for a few laughs

Exactly! Especially Mal, who can use it to dig at Simon. I'm glad you enjoyed this.

hell the man couldn't have survived as long as he has in the business(ess) he's in without having a good head on his admittedly broad shoulders.

I agree. Jayne might be dumb in a lot of ways, but he's got survival instincts, and he has survived this long. I also think he's quite adaptable - he can move from situation to situation rather easily, and take on the jobs that would need to be done (as long as it involved violence in some form, anyway).

*grin* I'm glad it was funny as I was somewhat out of my head as I typed it up. I like the idea of Jayne being a man of many skills or something -- he's a merc, but he goes where the money is, and if that means running whores - well, why not?

Also, I think that Jayne wouldn't have the value judgement that Mal has re:whores. I think he'd see them as professionals, making money as best they can, and take what he wants from it. He wouldn't be thinking about morals and all of that. They're just folk, the way he is.

I'm becoming more convinced about this myself. I didn't think of it as an actual story idea, but the more I think about it, the more I like it. :)

The way Jayne reacts to that line in Jaynestown is also so good - "Ain't one of mine", like he's seen better or something. Nothing phases him. Oh, Jaynestown. Such a good episode.

Fic: love the interaction

Thank you! I wrote it at like 2:30 in the morning, sobering up but too wired to sleep. So I'm glad you enjoyed (and that it wasn't a mess of incoherent ramblings).

re: friending - That's definately OK. In fact, it's shiny. I'll friend you back.

I'm pleased that you think the ficlet is funny. Especially Inara going along with Jayne re: Mal. OF course, she would, just to dig at Mal a little. She's devious, Inara.

Thanks!