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09:11pm 28/04/2005 |
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I was watching TV today while Frankie was doing the calendar project with Orion. Kieriana was asleep in my arms and my mind was wandering. I started thinking about the birth certificate and how I oh so need to get it done. Kieriana has a check up May 19th and I need to have her on the insurance BEFORE then. Chances are I'll get it done. It'll be close but it's doable. Then, suddenly, I had a very strong sense of fear. More like terror. I even yelled out because of it. Frankie and Orion kept on asking me what was wrong and all I could say is, "I don't know. I was just very afraid for some reason." The whole issue with the insurance and the BC isn't freaking me out. It's on my mind but nothing I'm afriad of. I mean, if Kieriana isn't on the insurance I can postpone her appointment. NO biggie, nothing to worry about. I keep on looking back at what I was thinking about, trying to figure out why it happened. I was only thinking about Kieriana and the appointment. How I want to get her vaxed (weighed pros and cons on both sides and we find vaxxing to be the option for us). *sigh* Maybe it was nothing or maybe it was the dreams I've been having lately (don't ask). Or maybe how I'll find myself afraid sometimes for apparently no reason. (like last night when I was overwhelmingly afraid of the stairs). Blarg...I need to cleanse. I mean really cleanse. Body as well as spirit. Unfortunatly I'm not sure detox is a good idea while breastfeeding. I've heard conflicting arguments about it. So, I'm not going to do it just yet. Not until Kieriana is on solids. But, I am going to work on my health in more ways than one. That's the plan anyways. Well, time for bed. Have to drive Frankie to work tomorrow at about 5 am. Then the rest of the day is going to be pretty busy. Watching Frankie's ship leave at 9 am, food shopping, possible SDHHC park day, possible hanging out with some friends, etc. Maybe the feeling was caused by my uncertainty about being alone while Frankie is gone. I do have issues with being alone and I know it won't be easy to juggle both kids by myself. Especially since I've gotten so used to Frankie's help lately (he's been doing A LOT around here). |
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Post - Read 21 - Add to Memories - Tell a Friend - Link
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04:31am 29/04/2005 (UTC) |
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Okay that is freaky.. I hope everything is still good when you read this. ;) I say goodonya for weighing pros and cons. I don't vax, but I support those that do so long as they have actually looked into it rather than just listening to some doc talking out their butt. You're a good mommy! |
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02:41pm 29/04/2005 (UTC) |
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*hugs* Yeah everything's going ok today. Though, last night before I went to bed I looked at Frankie and had an odd feeling that I won't see him again. Probably nerves because he leaves today. As for vaxxing...I feel the same way you do on both sides. Most people vax because they don't know any better (ie. just listening to the doc) and some people don't vax for the same reason (ie. just listening to what their friend's say). So long as a parent has done their research I'll support their decision, whichever one it is. *hugglies* |
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12:52pm 29/04/2005 (UTC) |
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Its weird ~ I mean I don't know you at all (other than from here) but I also had such a weird feeling reading that. I don't at all know how to explain it. (I don't even know why I am telling you, since I can't explain it!)
I admire you. That would be hard with Frankie gone for so long. When is he leaving? How long will he be gone? That must be hard for him to.
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02:50pm 29/04/2005 (UTC) |
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He leaves today and will be gone for 6 months. Yeah, it's hard on him too. Last night he was holding Kieriana and said, "I won't be able to do this for so long." |
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03:33pm 29/04/2005 (UTC) |
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I agree with your plan of action about breastfeeding. It seems to me that while cleaning yourself out, your body would be in flux as the balances shifted, and that would come out (so to speak) in your breast milk. It's better to not risk a deficiency somewhere, even if it evens itself out later on. On the moment of terror, barring it being about something to do with Frankie or your kids, I'd suspect something was prodding you. Have you checked the strength of your shields recently? Things to think about. :) |
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05:41pm 29/04/2005 (UTC) |
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My shields have been weird lately. I've been meaning to work on them. But, it's hard to meditate lately between taking care of Orion and nursing Kieriana so much. |
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10:52pm 29/04/2005 (UTC) |
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I wonder what Kieriana's reaction would be if you ran energy with her around? :) |
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03:08pm 30/04/2005 (UTC) |
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good question. I used to sort of exercise my shields I guess you could say. Where I would take them down (in a place I felt safe enough to do so) and just feel everything and then put them up really tight to where I couldn't feel anything and then let them where I like them. Where they're up enough for protection but I can still feel everything...sort of like a filter. Only what I wanted to could come in. I haven't done that since I was pregnant with Orion. I don't know why, different mindset I guess. I wasn't able to meditate well while we were in Point Mugu and I couldn't at all in Red Bluff. I love the feel of San Diego though and I find I can meditate here easily (I get really sensitive when I meditate so I prefer to do it somewhere that feels good). I've often wondered if Orion would be able to sense me opening my shields like that. I do sort of bring them into my shields when I'm holding them, only because I like the feel of them and feel protective of them (naturally). Kieriana has even begun waking up almost immediatly after I set her down and walk away to go do something. I haven't figured if it's an energy thing (she's definitly psi vamp like I am and so she gets more than milk from me) or if it's a baby thing. lol Probably a little of both. |
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11:17pm 01/05/2005 (UTC) |
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You might think of the psychic and magical protection of your children, then, if you find you're lacking the proper focus. When things happen to you, being that they are your children and pretty much unindividuated as yet, it happens to them as well. Your seriousness about the matter will help them each understand how important these things are. From my point of view, Orion is old enough to learn how to ground and shield. I suspect you've taught him a little of that, but if the shields are at all weak or loose, it never hurts to have extra help insuring that they are strong. And helping you will give Orion some satisfaction. He just has to learn enough to be helpful, and that will give him the baseline skills he needs for self-protection. :) |
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11:57pm 01/05/2005 (UTC) |
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Yes, I've tried to teach Orion how to meditate and shield before. He's also helped me with house cleansings. The ritual was easy, he just followed what I did. Even though he was mostly going through the motions, it was a beginning. But, meditation and shielding is something else. I try to teach him to meditate and he's more interested in running around. lol The shielding is something I learned to do through meditation. It's always been something I taught myself, with the exception of talking about it with friends on occasion and learning something new that way. I'm not really sure how to teach it. I have a book that kind of explains shielding and children but I lent it to a friend and can't for the life of me remember who. I'm hoping that the children's circle I'm starting will help. We have our first ritual this next full moon. Then, as Orion gets used to it, I think it'll be easier to work on other things too. My hope is that he'll start to have more an interest in learning how to shield, meditate, work with energy, etc. |
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12:31am 02/05/2005 (UTC) |
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Shielding is easy. Imagine a bubble around you. Now imagine that the bubble is very, very hard. Presto, one shield. Everything after that is icing - make the bubble reflective, like a mirror. Make the bubble slippery. Make the bubble spin so things can't attach to it. Imagine another bubble outside the first one, doing something else. Making a shield is a combination of visualization exercise and fun thing to do. When Orion has a shield up, throw an energy ball at it and see if he a) can feel the impact, and b) his shield holds up. If his shield holds up under the strain, he's learned how to shield, and just thinking about shielding (plus the occasional reminder) will make his shields gradually stronger. If not, keep working at it, and maybe schedule another time to sit down later and do more practice. Then teach him to move energy, using the symbolism of light or warmth or liquid to help him imagine the energy he's moving. Toss a ball of energy back and forth. Teach him to build his own ball. Teach him how to put a feeling into the ball and then let you figure out what the feeling is. Put a feeling into a ball and give it back and see if he can guess what feeling you put into it. Once he can do that much, teaching him to ground will make a lot more sense. Teach him to put energy into the center of the earth, or at least very deep. Use the "straw into the earth" symbolism, or the lightning rod idea, if he understands that. Teach him how to tell when he's grounded enough and when he's grounded too much, and what those things feel like. See if he can ground out your ball of energy. Most magick is really simple in concept. Don't stress too much. As long as it's interactive and fun, he'll learn quickly. :) |
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02:09am 02/05/2005 (UTC) |
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WOW! That is so simple an explanation! I usually don't visualize, I "feel". So, for me it's a matter of what feels like what. VERY hard to explain to someone else. lol I've never "thrown an energy ball" but I have changed the flow of energy. Do you think that would work or would it be too subtle? I'm more used to changing ick to yum (way I see it in my head...think negative to positive) and not vice versa. Thanks for the simple imagery concept. I'll start working with him on it! |
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02:55pm 02/05/2005 (UTC) |
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Well, regardless of what sense you use to do magick, it's basically the same. The symbols produce the same result. The only difference is in how you get the result you want. Even tho the word "visualization" refers to the eyes, the same concept can be applied to any other sense... it's just using imagination to create a sensation. So if you're trying to harden a shield, a visual person would make it a brick wall, while a kinesthetic person (you and me) would make it feel hard and solid. It all depends on what your primary mode of experience is. My primary sense is feeling, but I have learned through practice to create imagery (a little), so I can use those symbols too. Feelings are just much more powerful for me than pictures, and I sense things that way too. So you've never made a packet of energy to apply to somewhere, or even to play with? You should try it sometime. I call it a ball because it's easier for me to think about, but it might just as easily be a pillow for all that it matters. Diverting energy is actually a slightly more advanced technique than making a ball with energy, and generally when you divert energy there's some larger amount you're diverting, like dividing strands of thread, or putting your hands in a creek to change the flow of water. Just because of the amounts you're interacting with it might be slightly more dangerous to teach him to divert energy than to produce and manipulate small portions of it. With discrete packets, Orion is free to make more mistakes without the energy flow building up inside him and causing problems. |
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03:44pm 02/05/2005 (UTC) |
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Interesting. You know, you have me trying to think of what I feel in terms of words. lol For instance, when I'm cleansing a space I sort of feel the negative energy pulling away and oozing out of the surfaces and comming together infront of me in a sort of sphere (never really thought about it like that). It kind of feels like that play slime kids have and is sticky. Then I just feel it change from slime to a softer energy...I can only describe it as fluffy air. lol Then the energy returns to where it was, all clean and light and pretty (if I were to visualize it...positive would be sparkly light you can touch and negative would be black slimey tar like stuff. I do play with energy sometimes. usually when I'm meditating. I just feel it moving around me. I used to try to do it while dancing at clubs. But, then I would start drinking. lol There is something I worked with Orion before. I had us both sit infront of eachother and hold up our hands. I taught him to feel the energy between our hands. I haven't done that in a long time though. He was able to feel something but wasn't very interested in it. I haven't tried in a long while...maybe he would have interest now. You've given me so many ideas of stuff I can work with him on. Thanks hon! |
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04:20am 03/05/2005 (UTC) |
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That's good symbolism practice for you. :) And yes, you don't want Orion to start drinking at this stage, but the awareness of energy you got when dancing was good practice for you all the same, and contributed to your ability with it now. But I suppose you could always teach Orion to dance... :) The building an energy ball is just like your exercise with Orion. You put your hands together with enough room to hold a ball, and then you pour energy into it until you can feel the shape in your hands. This has the added effect of giving you instant feedback because you didn't have anything in your hands, and now you can feel something there. You're welcome. Keep up the good work. Remember, if you have a problem conceptualizing something, let me know and maybe I can help you with it. :) |
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02:10pm 03/05/2005 (UTC) |
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Funny thing happened yesterday. Orion asked me if I could teach him magic. I don't know what kind of magic he was refering to...if it was magic tricks or real magick. So, I started to teach him to visualize. I figure that'll be a good place to start. |
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02:51am 04/05/2005 (UTC) |
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It'll help him understand better how to arrange a trick if he means that sort, too, plus he'll need a good mirror. Of course a mirror won't help him with magick unless he learns to scry. :) So did you ask him what sort he meant? :) |
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03:59am 04/05/2005 (UTC) |
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Yeah, but i'm not sure what to make of his answer. He took a sponge, put it in water, folded it, and then pushed it against the door (we were cleaning). He said he wanted to learn "that" lol He calls everything magic right now. I think a lot of it has to do with him imagining something and my not being able to read his mind. lol So, I just smile and nod, assuming that he's seeing things in his own way. |
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05:43am 04/05/2005 (UTC) |
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And could you sense anything from him? He might be attempting to push energy without really understanding how to do it to be noticeable. I'm assuming that since I don't recognize what he did as a trick, he must be referring to energy work. I generally try to avoid using the word magick verbally, since you can't really tell if the k is in there or not when you say it. I prefer to talk about specific techniques if I can. Energy Work, versus Stage Magic or Street Magic. It seems clearer to me. |
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03:55pm 04/05/2005 (UTC) |
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I saw what he did as taking something and changing it into something else for a purpose. What that means...I'm not sure. He does that a lot though. He'll take something, change it's shape or purpose, and tell me it's magic. It kind of sounds like magic without the K. But, in my mind it could also be magick. Changing the form of energy for a specific purpose. Like when I cleanse. But, I don't think he knows that's magick, if he's aware of it at all. I know I didn't think of such things as magick until someone told me. But, he has seen magic tricks on TV. I did explain to him that there is a difference between real magick and the stage magic he sees on TV. I think to end confusion I'm not going to always call it magick. Instead I'll call it whatever we're doing...be more specific. "playing with energy" "cleansing" "shielding" "spells" etc |
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05:36pm 04/05/2005 (UTC) |
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He's starting to get the why of magick, but not the how. It's very encouraging. But he still needs the technique, a little coaching, and some practice with someone checking his work afterward to really get the energy work concepts, and to be useful around the house. The more he actually knows how to do, the more likely it is he'll grasp the greater concept of "imagination plus symbols plus willpower equals change". Yes, I think the language change will help clarify things. Good going. :) |
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