amazinganne's Journal

8:33pm: New Year, New Me?
So - I doubt anyone reads this thing. ...it is going to be more of a tracking tool for me to reflect on myself. If you happen to stumble across me, feel free to read away, it just may make you feel a bit more sane. :o) ...on that same note - if you are reading this, and do know me, please pretend you arent reading it. I don't care if you know my inner most fucked-up-ed-ness; I just don't want to know you know.

I suck at long term goals, anyone that knows me knows that I love instant gratification. I think that I why I suck at losing weight - that combined with a need to eat my feelings, and since we are being honest, an oral fixation (shutup, i admit to liking it). Anyway, it boils down to this: I am finally tired of being fat. Really fucking tired of it. I am tired of not wanting to take my son to H2Oasis - I don't enjoy sex like I used to (how anyone wants to screw me is beyond comprehension, but that is their issue). I am uncomfortable in airline seats - I realize that no one, save for small children, is comfortable in airline seats, but still, it could be better. I dont want my son to be embarassed by his mom - worse yet, I dont want to die. My life sucked for the majority of it - due to parents that died cause they were fat asses. ...lets not do that to him. Hell, I had 2 parents and blew through both by the time I was 13 - he only has one. Last and least, there is a man out there, lets call him WB. WB has been around for a very long time (by my standards), and WB hurt me like no other. ...I know it is dumb - but I want to look hot - really fucking hot. So hot that he wishes he could have me again. C'Mon karma, help me out here!

So, it is Jan 1st 2006. No, I am not gonna join a gym - and this really isnt a new years resolution. I just got to thinking the other day - a year really flys buy - you think about that, well, this time of the year usually. I thought that if I tried, really applied myself to one thing, I bet I could be a bit happier. So, I decided to shut the fuck up and suck it up. I have always been drawn to medifast, closest thing to instant gratification you can get. Yes, I know, I know - life habits, blah blah blah - I am a person with no patience, combined with a bit more then 100 lbs to lose - you think I am gonna stick with salads and a treadmill for the next 3 years? Fuck that - if I really really stick it out, I can be where I need to be in 6-8 months. That is nothing! So, I stared today - not becuase it is a "new year" but becuase it is an easy marker. ...easy reference. On that note - here is what I consumed today.

MEDIFAST MEALS
French Vanilla Berry Oatmeal 110
French Vanilla Shake w/diet orange soda 90
Dutch Chocolate Shake w/diet cherry coke 90
Chocolate Peanut Butter Bar 170
French Vanilla Shake Cookies (blech) 90

SNACKS
2 Pickle Spears 11
1 Cup Chicken Broth 38

Total Calories: 599

I feel like I wanna run across the street to Arby's and eat a large order of cheese sticks - followed by a very large rum and rum and rum and coke - but, Arby's - and the rum, will be there in a few months. ...and hopefully, there will be less of me here as well.

10:26pm: Not much here
No really, there isn't much to read about, but I figured I would update just to make Alan happy. Well, last weekend was movie weekend. I started with E.T, then watched Boogie Nights. This is alot for me, 1) because I have adult ADD, and find watching movies quite hard, and 2) because Boogie Nights is WAY long. I held on like a trooper and managed both. I also got Bradley the coveted "Birthday Outfit". He will be the king of the Roller Rink in his Flaming Dragon Shirt and new pants. He is excited for sure. Speaking of Birthdays, if you are reading this, you probably should be at the dimond rink at 2 pm this sunday for his party. Presents aren't necessary, but everyone always asks, so...Bradley loves stuff to make or build (try Classic toys) and he is going to Disney next month, so anything travel related is cool too. If all else fails, pass the kid 5 crisp dollar bills and he will love you for life :o)

Someone from work passed me a garbage bag full of romance novels - if you are a fan stop by the house and grab a few. I also have an ass load of girl scout cookies. Come and eat them PLEASE. If you dont, I will, and I have to wear a swimsuit in public in 4 weeks. I need them out of the house now please!!!

I can't really think of much else, besides, I am freezing and need to get in bed and start working on the trashy novels!!!

Ciao for now!

~Me

8:41pm: In an effort to keep my word...
...I bring to you - an update! The rosy cozy getting along process at work is continuing. We are halfway through our Myers-Briggs testing, I will let you know the results next time I update. After that we have "mediation". A few weeks ago we spent one on one time with a mediation consultant, we were supposed to be honest about how we felt about our work environment, our coworkers, our boss, and our bosses boss. I think I very may well have been the only person that was honest...but then, would you expect anything else from me? Anyway - we are going to have a copy of everyone's answers, then discuss them as a group. Please let me know if you know of any employment opportunities, I will be needing it.

Bradley, Scooter, and I went to the snow sculptures tonight. There was some great work there, too bad much of it melted and fell over from the nice warm day we had yesterday. It was a good activity just the same, we got out of the house and moved around a bit. There was a "security guard" there - that was following us around. I realized that Bradley and I are quite scary...and the bounding puppy just completes the scary trifecta. ...anyway - he decides it would be smart to make some sort of bird/cat/dying calf noise at the dog, while walking twords us. As if that wasn't enough to win the genius award for the night, he then thrusts his hand directly into my 100+lb dog's face. He topped of his stupid moves for the night by asking if the dog would bite, after the face thrusting. Did he not see the mouth that could surround the majority of his forearm? Did he not see the teeth that were glistening under the lights so kindly provided my GCI (why didnt the electric company donate the lighting?) Anyway - point is...if he had been bit, it most likely would have been my ass. What is wrong with people?!?! I realize that dogs are friendly and cute...but the point of mine is not only companionship, but protection. I cant imagine walking up and petting someone purse size rat dog with out asking - let alone a person sized beast. Never mind that guys job is not to play with my beast dog...but to "protect" the snow sculptures from the hoodrats like Bradley and I that are viewing them.

Lots of people at work have been asking me about cell phones...I guess ACS is making everyone switch to CDMA. The people that ask me questions seem to think that phones are my favorite thing in the world...and that I am a veritable fountain of phone knowledge. That I can quote minute plans, prices, and epinions.com ratings off the top of my head. "Hey Anne, you are the phone chick...what cell plan should I get? What phone is the best?" My answer is - get what you want - you are a grownup, make a fucking decision. Do I consult you about which brand of mac and cheese to buy? Or if I need 6 or 8 pairs of new socks? No, I compare and purchase. I swear, if these people ever learned how to use google, I would be out of a job. Oh wait, that is gonna happen soon anyway.

Well, that is all for now. I am off to find something to do that isn't stats homework.

Ciao for now!

~me

3:06pm: The neglect is over
I have neglected to update you all on my exciting life. Not because I forgot. The real reason is even more embarrassing. I was afraid. See, I have the relationship thing going for me....I was afraid that if I wrote about it, that I would jinx it. I know it sounds stupid, but it is the truth. So, for those of you that don't know, my life is pretty much the same as always, except there is a man in my life now. Yes boys and girls, you heard correctly. The dawn of a new era is here! Anne is actually in a long term, monogamous relationship with a man. For my readers who are currently residing in hell, I profusely apologize for the cold front.

What else? I have new shoes. I have been stubbing my toes so much that I have finally purchased a pair of shoes that the sole actually come OVER the toe area. This is really the footwear equivalent of walking around while wearing a helmet. As if over grown soles aren't enough, I purchased these shoes in purple suede. Please note, the purchase of said shoes would have never happened pre-relationship. These shoes SCREAM the fact that I am in a solid relationship. No unattached person that places any value on sexual attraction would even look at these fine foot fashions. Other news - I am taking a Stats class. My only comment is "Fuck Math". Life is generally good!

Bradley is doing amazing at his gymnastics! He is doing unassisted front and back handsprings. If anyone wants to see, you can observe him at 10 am the first 10 days of the month at AGA. You cant miss it...he is the short black one. ...I didn't realize how "white" that school was until I dropped him off at noon the other day. It was like a aryan nation preschool convention. It is kinda cool though, knowing that one day my munchkin is gonna SEVERELY piss off some white girls dad. ...ah, can't wait till high school!

Scooter has finally calmed down. I think he has stopped growing too, well...maybe. He is turning into a sweet dog that is good about protecting the house. The only downside is that he is drooling now. I actually slid through a puddle on the kitchen floor the other day (thank god I had on my special shoes!)

OK, back to work for me. ..yes, I wrote this while working. What were you expecting to do between 8 and 5 on a weekday? ...and Alan, I PROMISE I will have more interesting excerpts from the life of Anne soon!

Ciao for now!

~Me

6:39pm: I am such a KLUTZ!!!
I have yet again committed to something and failed to deliver. At least I am consistent. I was honored with a link, and have done nothing to keep my blog updated. See, the thing is, nothing is really happening...but I will fill you in on the off chance that you life is actually less eventful then mine.

Well, this week I hosted the "network retreat" for work at my house. Basically, everyone that does computer network related stuff came to my house. It was a house full of people that like meat for breakfast. My house still smells like the four pounds of bacon and two pounds of sausage I cooked for them. MMMM, the smell of Pork! Well, that combined with the singed flesh when I accidentally grabbed a 425 degree pan with my bare hands was just great. If that wasn't enough, later that day I somehow managed to bang the hell out of my knee on someone's door, AND the damn dog dropped his mammoth bone on my ankle. My good ankle. I really thought he broke the bone for about 20 minutes, the pain was insane! Also I somehow broke my friends rainbow vaccuum, after I went through 2 of my own this week. They are supposed to be non breakable. Coincidence you say...or no, this is the way my life goes.

Bradley is doing well at school. I can't seem to feed him enough. As soon as I get done the dishes, he is starving again. I don't think he is grazing out of boredom, he is seriously chowing. He isn't gaining weight, so he must need the food.

Scooter is becoming an official pain in the ass. He has gone from a cute puppy, to a huge puppy that ate my shoe the other day. He is wanting to chew bradley's toys, run around like a nut, and cause general havoc. He is just being a puppy, just wanting attention, but damn, it drives me up a friggin wall. Maybe he will settle and all will be good, if not, I could just feed him to Bradley.

Other then that, I met a guy last weekend. I saw his personal ad on yahoo personals and just knew that I had to talk to him. I sent him a free icebreaker thingy, he emailed back, I emailed him...yada yada, we met that afternoon. We have seen each other a few times since then, and it seems to be going well. I really like this one. Not just for looks, or because he is fun to play with, but I actually like him as a human of the opposite sex that is capable of carying on conversation. He is smart, funny, interesting, an adult (yes, this is an attribute worth mentioning), attractive, and oddest of all...he thinks I am pretty. Yes, my friends, a boy actually may like me. Of course by the time I update again I am sure he will have done something odd, like tell me he is actually a transexual, or bestow a gift of a giraffe or something upon me. But until that time comes, it is nice to pretend that I may one day be capable of a real relationship.

Well, that is Anne's life in a nutshell. Gripping, huh? Well, don't be too jealous. If you really really want, I can let you borrow Scooter and Bradley for the weekend so you too can experince the excitement that we refer to as the life of Anne.

Ciao for now!

~me

9:38pm: This will only hurt for a minute
Apologies in advance, but I am in a bad mood. That being said, here we go... Know what I can't stand? People who can't figure out how to use their damn computer and expect you to help them just because that is what your day job is. If your friend was, say, a proctologist, would you pepper them with butt questions every time you had one? NO. Then why oh why am I expected to be patient constantly? I just sat here for 20 minutes trying to coach a stranger through viewing my webcam. Click the button that says WEBCAM. Why did I keep trying? That is the question of the hour. He was one of those "lemme reboot" people. Reboot what? ...your brain?!?! Rebooting your computer doesn't help you function in life. Geeze people. Funny thing, as I type this I can't get my mic to work... Karma you say? Why voice chat with a friend in town anyway? Pick up the damn phone. Being a wanna be geek is not easy!

What next? I am getting sick again I think. Hopefully I can hold our for another few days...I really don't want to take more time off of work. Besides, if I spread it the office will be empty, and I may enjoy working for a change.

Other random stuff: Karl is officially a member of the red baron pizza club (he even has a certificate); I am still trying for the chinese buffet club. I went to the Alaska NORAD center on base last night with school; that was really cool. Very 1950's, but since Russina hasn't bombed Alasksa yet, I guess the stuff is working. Still no interesting men in my life, but if I finally settled down my friends would lose their entertainment, so I will keep dating the weirdos. I think there is a new shipment coming back to AK from the war, I am sure that will keep me busy for a while. The dog is now almost 7 months old and is officially tied for size with my cousin's full size great dane. The good news is he will stop growing at 24 months. I am checking out saddles on Ebay so he can give pony rides around the block to help recover the cost of his food. Word to the wise-NEVER EVER accept a puppy that has paws the size of your head as a present. Micro-phallus Mike, if you are reading this, thanks for Scooter. He may crap the size of my leg 4 times a day, but he really is a sweet dog.

Ok, that is enough for one night.

Ciao for now.

9:19pm: So I lied
I said I would update often, but in the grand scheme of this, it really hasn't been that long. I have been sick all week, not just a bit sick, but so sick that I really didn't move for 3 days in a row. Today I had the energy to apply lotion after my shower, that much activity is quite the improvement, therefore I must be getting better.

I have been on my new depression meds for 3 weeks now. I am taking Lexapro. I started feeling better the day after I started them, I admit I was quite giddy about 3 hours after taking them at first, but everything seems to have leveled out. I was scared when I googled Lexapro, the majority of the entries are testimonies from the families of people who killed themselves right after starting the drug. I started looking up the other major seratonin enhancers, only to find the same comments. My un-professional opinion is this...more people on anti-depressants kill themselves because they are predisposed to kill themselves anyway. HELLO...they are taking the damn drugs because they are depressed. The drugs usually take a few weeks to work, of course the suicide rate is higher then a new, say, bloodpressure medication. I bet research would say that more people die of heartattacks that are taking high blood pressure meds, then those that are on cold medication...hmm, just a guess though.

What else? I lost 6 lbs in a week and a half on my new eating plan. I have to admit that I haven't been as strict as I was in the beginning, so I am not expecting such a dramatic result when I go to the docs next month for a med/weight check. I have been consuming between 1000 and 1500 calories a day. My new best friend is hard boiled eggs, I love the damn things. Kinda gross though, like eating a chickens' period...hey, does this mean that I have earned my red wings? :P

Wow, that was gross, buy a perfect way to end...

~Ciao for now

11:00pm: In the beginning
Since this is the way that the most published book on earth starts, I figured it would be a good enough to start my first weblog entry ...though I am not so sure I really want people to read this. Tonights entry will be short. The reason I am doing this is because I feel broken, I want to fix me. I lose paper all the time, but can seem to find the web daily :P Maybe if I get my personal shit out there, and know that others have the potential to read it, I may actually have some motivation to fix me. This makes me sound like a horrible mess, but it is not really that bad. Besides, if I keep my dating stories in here, and my friends are correct, this thing should be able to go to press and make me some money after a few months. Oh well, my post-operative puppy is needing some attention, so I will go, with the promise of leaving you something entertaining tomorrow.

~Ciao for now