Date:	2008-07-23 22:09
Subject:	Presenting Elvis
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

My new car is a pretty big deal to me. It's the first time I've ever owned a new car. It's also the first time I've ever had anything that wasn't the basic standard model. This little guy--a 2009 Ford Fusion--has sport suspension, a sun roof, leather interior, complete with blue suede accents, and interior "ambient" lighting (ie if its dark out the floor and cupholders light up and change colors). Due to the blue suede, I named him Elvis, pronounced EL-vays and his first programed stationed on the included Sirius radio is appropriately the all Elvis channel. I wasn't even looking at the Fusion, we were at the dealership looking at a Focus when my dad convinced me to take a look at one. I drove this one and I was hooked. Even though I hadn't looked at all the cars on my list (specifically the Vibe) I bought Elvis anyway. I still wonder how I would have liked the Vibe, but I loves me my new car something fierce.

( My new car, Elvis )

Date:	2008-07-20 21:57
Subject:	29 down... hopefully a lot more to go.
Security:	Public
Mood:	content

It's official. I've now made 29 trips around on the sun. As years go the 29th year of my existence was a pretty good one. I moved into a great apartment, performed well at my job (netting me a promotion), got rid of all of my non-educational related debt, gained about 5 lbs, lost almost 40 lbs, went on a couple dates, had good times with great friends, traveled a bit, faced some of my biggest fears, and proved that there is very little in this world I can't do if I put my mind to it--from teaching myself to run to working 16 hour days in a grueling environment while being shot at. There isn't much I would have changed, not that I can think of at least. And perhaps that's what matters most.

The 30th year has started out pretty well so far--mom bought me new clothes, I went out to dinner with la familia and tomorrow I get a much needed hair cut and pick up the new car. If anything I think my goal in the next year is, in the words of "Eye of the Tiger," is to not trade my passion for glory. I want to keep running, pushing to longer distances and faster speeds. I want to keep my eyes open to challenges and new adventures in the line of duty. I also want to read a few more books, enjoy a few more sunsets and savor a few more of those rare moments in life with the people I love. I'm also looking quite a bit forward to welcoming a few new people in to the world--thanks to my fertile friends. And who knows, this might even be the year when I finally find myself able to find someone to share those experiences with, inshallah, and if not maybe this will be the year that I actually become fully happy with doing it all on my own.

Date:	2008-07-17 22:48
Subject:	Things I miss about my recent life...
Security:	Public
Mood:	exhausted

1) Having people who did my laundry for me.
2) Be it ever so horrible, someone made my food for me.
3) Never having to care about what I wore because it was the same thing every day.
4) No time to think.

I'm so tired. I still need to pack to go home tomorrow. And then drive home tomorrow. And pray that my car gets home tomorrow without over heating and dying half way there.

Date:	2008-07-13 09:51
Subject:	Some day you'll return to your valleys and your farms...
Security:	Public
Mood:	indescribable

And you'll no longer burn to be brothers in arms....

For those keeping track, I've been gone for 105 days. Amongst other things, I spent the past 3.5 months learning that if you hear a mortar go off, it means your still alive, and then you roll over and go back to sleep. It's going to take a lot of time to adjust to being back and it's possible I'll be gone again before I do. We shall see. More later, but for now, first things first. Time to go to church.

Date:	2008-03-23 15:14
Subject:	Cue the Rocky theme music..
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

At Easter brunch today, stupidity took over sense and I agreed to hike the Bald Eagle Mountain Megatransect, a 24.9 mile trail run/hike, this fall. I plan to mostly do hiking instead of running but you never know. Training tips greatly appreciated, especially ones that can be done on a treadmill since I won't be seeing the great outdoors much at all between now and July. So far all I can think of is walking at a good pace on a really really high incline. Maybe that's what I'll do on my off days from running. This is good though because it gives me a new training goal, and I'm all about training for an event vs. being in the gym just to be there.

It was now about noon, and darkness came over the whole land until three in the afternoon, for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last.

On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, "Why do you look for the living among the dead? He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 'The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.' Luke 23:44-46; 24:1-7

Date:	2008-03-22 11:00
Subject:	growing up
Security:	Public
Mood:	accomplished

I'm not sure when it happened but events of the last week or so have demonstrated to me that I may have accidentally a some point grown up, a bit. Sure, I still sweat some of the small stuff, but things that really would have irked me or thrown me for a loop in the past just sorta roll off these days. And personally, I kinda dig it. So far, even some of the big stuff that I would have all sorts of legitimacy in worrying about isn't getting to me. And that is a really really good thing.

Date:	2008-03-18 19:12
Subject:	Feet fail me not
Security:	Public
Mood:	good

Some days working out is hard. Today would be one of those days. To be honest it went pretty well for the first 2.5 miles, and the last .5 mile, but mile run between those was tough. The worst part wasn't the running though--it was feeling like puking when I went to CVS because my blood sugar had crashed.

However, I ran 3 miles today, so really I should be happy. And my muscles hurt from lifting yesterday--it's a great pain.

Lastly, I've already managed to pretty much lose the weight I gained at my training last week (thinking most of it was probably water weight since it came off pretty dang fast) so I'm back to -20 since October. I probably won't lose the 3 more lbs I wanted to before the end of next week, but I think I still did pretty well for myself (my goal which I set back in November was to be 3 lbs lighter than I am right now by the end of the month).

After lastly, I was home by 7pm tonight even after a stop at CVS.

Further after lastly, I really need to stop giving into DUMB and catch up with my work. I'd blame the fact that not really being in the office for 3 weeks has made me lazy, but that's not so much it. It's that I am totally weak willed and easily tempted to stupidity. Stupid being stupid. Although, on the other hand, down time is nice after the past bit of crazy and increased crazy that I'll be encountering very soon.

Date:	2008-03-17 22:24
Subject:	On Pants
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay

My skinny jeans--you know the ones that I stopped even trying to wear around October--are falling down on me. The smallest jeans I ever owned as an adult--which I wasn't even able to pull up as of last year--can be zipped without lying down. And yet, despite being able to fit into the new pants which I'd been setting my sights on and tailored my workout for I ended up going with mens pants anyway (which was the backup plan) just because they had better fabrics, better colors, better styles and fit better over my non-existent butt/hips (or at least non-existent in comparison with my waist, ie they're not the standard proportions most women's are and thus I usually have lots of room to spare in the butt/hips if pants fit my waist).

Honestly, I swear my life at the moment has greater depth to it than pants. However, if I were to get into it all right now I might have a panic attack. So we'll skip that.

Otherwise the notoriously fierce mamajlo and her BRILLIANT husband PDiddy came to visit this weekend. It was nothing short of well fierce (or as Posh would say, Major). We played tourist all over town, ate tons and even saw a movie (Miss Pettigrew gets rave reviews from moi). But now I have to catch up at work after 3 weeks out of the office, boo!

I was gone last week. I'm back again. If I missed anything of crucial importance, please do let me know.

Date:	2008-03-08 17:42
Subject:	O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!
Security:	Public
Mood:	cheerful

Victory is mine, victory is mine. Great day in the morning people, victory is mine.

I went to buy pants today. They fit. Not only did they fit but the Columbia brand pants I got, the XL was too big and so I had to get a Large.

Take that pants!

Date:	2008-03-06 20:51
Subject:	The universe disagrees
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

I've been trying to do away with my "don't trust anyone" mentality and embrace the thought that I don't have to do every thing myself and can really trust other people to do what they say they are going to do/pick up the slack when I really can't (at least in a work setting). All such attempts have proven that people are mildly incompetent and that this approach leads to late nights at work and spending lunch hours fixing problems instead of eating. It also leads to me complaining more than usual. And if it doesn't work at work, there's no way in heck that'll work outside of work.

*headdesk*

Date:	2008-03-04 22:17
Subject:	Experiments
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay

Jogging: Made it to the gym today for the first time in more than a few days. I don't like the treadmills here at my apartment, so I tried something different--I jogged SLOW, but I went for 30 minutes without stopping. I covered just over 2 miles in that time, plus a bit more during my warm up and cool down. This is the first time I've jogged for 2 miles, first time I've gone for more than 15 minutes straight. Even though it was slow I was proud of myself.

Eating: I unintentionally discovered last week how much food a person needs when they're actually doing physical activity during the day--the answer is a lot. I tried to eat like I normally do, but I was starving by 10 am, and the span between dinner and lunch I got so hungry it hurt. So, I upped my food intake, even allowed myself a few desserts, and I still lost a pound.

For the past two days I've been unintentionally only eating a salad for lunch--mostly mixed greens, a bit of dressing. It turns out that if you're only sitting around on your bum you don't need to eat all that much. I didn't even get hungry.

Otherwise, I still love the Biggest Loser. I haven't seen more than the results recently since I've been working for my own loss, but it's really interesting to see the changes these folks have made and much more inspiring than watching them work out (which I try to do several times a week myself).

Date:	2008-03-03 22:05
Subject:	Thoughts
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay

--Life is about compromise with yourself sometimes and sometimes its about trusting other people to do what they say they will. Its also about flexibility and remembering what is worth caring about. And once in a while, it's about forgiving yourself for your own failures.

--February results: Total gym time 24 hours and 45 minutes. Revised goal was 16 hours (travel got cut back, expectations went up). I lost 5 lbs in February for a total of 12 lbs since Christmas. March goal is 16 hours in the gym and 5 lbs. 5 lbs would basically put me back in the lowest range of my adult life.

--I love that even when I'm not a particularly big fan of the sermon (or in this week's case the delivery there of), I seem to walk away with something positive from church. I spent a lot of time this week focusing more on the scripture that was being quoted than the overall theme of the pastor's message but that worked out alright for me and I left church feeling a lot more peaceful than I had gone in.

--Mantra of the week comes from this week's church service, because I've seen it so true in my life in recent weeks...

But He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.--2 Corinthians 12: 9-10

Date:	2008-02-23 23:03
Subject:	meme
Security:	Public
Mood:	anxious

Accurate? The judge you be.

A venerated sage with vast power and knowledge, you gently guide forces around you while serving as a champion of the light.

Judge me by my size, do you? And well you should not - for my ally is the Force. And a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us, and binds us. Luminescent beings are we, not this crude matter! You must feel the Force around you, everywhere.

Date:	2008-02-22 18:16
Subject:	Is it over yet?
Security:	Public
Mood:	exhausted

Some might say that it is the height of laziness to order delivery from a block around the corner. They may be right, but ask them again after a week when you've worked 12-16 hour days, didn't get much sleep and get to do another 12 hours on the weekend. At that point it seems like the only way you can convince yourself to lift your hand to your mouth to do the eating.

My week has been a combination of Murphy's Law and the adage "If you want to hear God laugh tell Him your plans." To be funny the universe added PMS to the mix with a good heap of sleep deprivation today. If this keeps up into next week I might not be long for this world. But for now I'm going to eat my delivered food, watch my Gladiator's Story on the military channel, and then go to bed so that I can do this all over again tomorrow. More than likely, I'll see ya all again next week.

Shirataki noodles are the best food ever. I've only tried out the tofu ones so far, but it's a nice way to add bulk to dinner without adding too much in the extra calorie column.

Asian grocery stores, particular H-mart, generally scare me. But the cheap produce, the half price Shirataki noodles and the fact that they sell more authentic Mexican ingredients than most "main stream" grocery stores is growing on me.

Lastly it turns out that the Eddie Bauer pants weren't too small all these years (ok, at some points they were too small), the cut of their pants just doesn't flatter my shape at all. They've got a 10 inch difference between their waist and hip measurements, and I just don't need all that space. Now that the waist on these pants is actually in the more or less fitting category, the hips and butt look ridiculous.

Date:	2008-02-17 15:52
Subject:	Logic dictates...
Security:	Public
Mood:	motivated

I'm back up in PA since it's the last chance I'll have to visit the family in quite some time. We've been doing the usual things that we do as a family--ie eat ridiculous amounts, sleep, and watch movies--but as an added bonus we decided to visit the local branch of the national sporting goods store in town. In a place where I'm actually in the "medium" part of the spectrum as far as body size is concerned, you'd think you'd be able to find hiking pants (cargo style, with some sort of wicking system) in my size--even if they ran small. The largest size they had was a size 14, one size smaller than what I'm wearing at the moment. I tried them on, just to see what would happen. They zipped, but they looked like they were painted on. Even one size larger--had they had it--would have been made for a 32 inch waist (most women's size 16, which is what I've got on right now, are made for a 34-35 inch waist), but I think I would have had a fighting chance with those. So if anyone needs me, I'll be down in the basement giving the parents' elliptical the first workout its seens since I was home for Christmas. I'm still in a place where I can safely increase my workout times and decrease calorie intake--I just need to make sure that stays priority even when I'm traveling.

On the plus side though, my parents got me a new Steelers hoodie :)

Date:	2008-02-15 20:33
Subject:	The other thing I forgot...
Security:	Public
Mood:	okay

As of this morning, I've lost 10 lbs since 29 December. I've got about 6 weeks and need to lose six more, but I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to put up the numbers since I'm going to be traveling for at least half of that. Really, it's not the lbs that matter--it's the inches in the general waist area--but I've got some serious work that needs to be done since apparently women my size apparently don't participate in outdoor sports (or so you'd think from the size of gear available at most sporting goods stores).

Date:	2008-02-15 20:25
Subject:	Stuff...
Security:	Public
Mood:	sleepy

It's been a long week. But for a single girl, my valentine's day wasn't so bad--my parents sent me a v-day package including a bit of pocket money and some chocolate covered pretzels, an old college friend left me a message that almost brought tears to my eyes, and my roommate and her boyfriend weren't making out on the couch when I got home--meaning I could crash on to it.

Tonight/today though, I'm really hoping I have PMS. Work, quite simply put was rough. Talk about driving one to internalize the statement "you are not a beautiful and unique snowflake", the "all singing all dancing crap of the world" though, that's me. And for the record, I know my work is good. People who aren't my direct supervisors but still more senior than me said so. So, after a crap day I went to happy hour with some folks, including that guy I like (because, for those that know me well, there's always a "that guy I like"). This guy, who invited me to come out, is actually single and straight. But I have a hard time telling if he likes me, or if he just knows I like him and keeps me around to stroke his ego. Regardless, is it just me who gets some sort of odd "crush withdrawal" after hanging out with someone you like where you get in some sort of odd funktastic mood? Eh, thankfully it doesn't matter much, after next Friday we probably won't see each other for quite some time if we ever really do see each other much again. And now for laundry and sleep. I'm going home tomorrow, yay!