Alethea's LiveJournal

Southern Baptist Scholar Links Spouse Abuse to Wives' Refusal to Submit to Their Husbands

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong!

"Stay with your husband and be a good submissive Christian wife" is one of the often-cited reasons that women stay in abusive relationships. It's senseless victim-blaming rooted in archaic social constructs and it blames the husband's sin on the wife, thus easing his moral responsibility.

Argh. I can barely write about this. It's so frustrating. I'm so embarrassed to be a former Southern Baptist.

This, however, made me laugh very bitterly:

"The calling to be biblically faithful will mean upholding some truths in our culture that they despise," he said. "How are we going to respond to that? We are faced with a huge question at that point. Will we fear men and compromise our faith to be men-pleasers, or will we fear God and be faithful to his word--whatever other people think or do?" [emphasis mine]

Really? Because it sounds like you're asking women to be "men-pleasers."

Edit: Fixed the link. Sorry about that!

Edit2: Responses to this guy's sermon here and here. So far, no one from the Southern Baptist camp seems to be railing against this guy.

Md. Plantation Attic Holds 400 Years of Documents

For four centuries, they were the ultimate pack rats. Now a Maryland family's massive collection of letters, maps and printed bills has surfaced in the attic of a former plantation, providing a firsthand account of life from the 1660s through World War II.

Selected items mentioned in the article:

• 19th century inventory sheet that includes "Negro woman, Sarah, about 27 years old, $25"
•  A lock of hair from a letter dated Valentine's Day, 1801
• A love poem from the 1830s ("in which a young man graphically tells his sweetheart what he'd do if he sneaked into her room on a winter's night")
• anti-slavery petitions stacked alongside records of slaves sent to Natchez, Mississippi
• "Correspondence with W.H. Emory and wife in regard to his resignation from U.S. Army, 1861." Emory almost resigned prior to the Civil War, but stayed with the Union.
• "Two sons also fought in the Civil War — one for the Union, one for the Confederacy. Bundles of letters from all family members detail their divided feelings."
• A broadside blasting then-President Martin Van Buren for favoring voting rights for "every free negro." "After the heat of a campaign, this printed matter was thrown out or put to other uses, including the outhouse." (so it's really rare for these things to survive)
  
• "notes on an aspect of slavery historians know little about: the practice of renting slave labor to neighbors and plantations farther south."
  

Washington College has had access to the plantation for years, but Goodheart said he assumed the papers in the attic weren't old or important.

Bet you feel stupid now.

Wow, I would love to dig through that stuff. If they don't make a book or a museum out of this family's life, I will be extremely disappointed.

A Bible verse taped to a whiteboard in Floyd Brown’s office that he uses to track his efforts to attack Senator Barack Obama reads, “That is why for Christ’s sake I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.”

Hey, Floyd...you're doing it wrong.

We don't issue insults, hardships, persecutions, and difficulties for Christ's sake, you know.

Either that, or he has some sort of martyr complex, which would still put him in the wrong because the verse is referring specifically to enduring attacks against one's faith. That, of course, is horribly ironic; one of his commercials attacks Obama's Christian faith.

At least, for now, he can't secure much of the funding he needs.

Bad news: the adorable 1920s bungalow I really wanted sold last night.

Good news: I got in touch with a realtor who specializes in selling historic homes; she even lives in a historic home. She's promised me that she will help me find "just the right home" and will even show me homes that are pre-market and in the renovation stage so that we "can even pick out what countertop [we] want." I'm taking this with a grain of salt, but I still think she could give us the edge that we need.

Elderly woman refuses to sell her house to developers, so they build around her.


She really had the guts to live and die by her own terms.

The story also reminded me of Disney's adaptation of The Little House, a children's book about a house overwhelmed by "progress."

Phil and I have been looking into buying a house. We're looking at a number of houses in OKC close to where he works, like these adorable old houses. I really want an older home, specifically a bungalow (the ones linked on "adorable" and "houses" are bungalows). I've been researching how to buy a house, including the issues related to buying an older (historic) home. With kids being a real possibility within the next couple of years, it's time to move up. I don't really like the idea of living in the center of OKC, but that's the only place that has these kinds of houses. At least the neighborhoods are mostly nice and being close to Phil's work will save gas.

If Obama and McCain were food, what would they be?

Woman buying beer says of kids: 'I don’t want them anymore anyway'

She channeled suffragists who gathered in Seneca Falls, N.Y., in 1848. She noted that biases against women still exist. And she spoke to female insecurity, urging women not to take the wrong message from her defeat and fail to try to achieve their dreams.

"It would break my heart if, in falling short of my goal, I in any way discouraged any of you from pursuing yours," she said. "When you stumble, keep faith. And, when you're knocked down, get right back up and never listen to anyone who says you can't or shouldn't go on."

From here.

Yeah, it's not easy. It almost sounds trite. But it's all we have.

So, I was "let go" at the YWCA today.

I was pretty heartbroken, but it's OK. They pretty much said "Yeah...we don't think this is working." And, in the end, I said, "You know, it isn't." It was sort of like a dating relationship where you like each other but you're not really feeling the chemistry. I love the YWCA; it's an awesome organization, I support them 100%, and I have absolutely nothing negative to say about them.

Part of the job was doing outreach -- creating and giving presentations on important topics, hosting a booth, handing out info, chatting to people about the Y. I really loved that, and the experience showed me what I can do and what I like doing. I had some really awesome speaking engagements lined up, and I'm sad that I don't get to do those anymore.

The other part was managing the volunteer program. I'm not a leader or an organizer. I mean, I did pretty well at that one website as a leader/organizer, but I was so burned out afterward, and I think that impacted this job as well. I honestly hated calling potential volunteers, leaving messages, calling them back, then walking them through 10-18 hours of training, a huge pile of paperwork, and strict regulations. I hated shooting people down by explaining the extensive training requirements. I hated making people feel guilty and obligated when I'd ask if they still wanted to volunteer. I dreaded organizing volunteer projects -- that is, the dozens of little things you have to arrange and the dozens of people you have to call. Some aspects of the job were intruding on my personal life as well; while I was willing to live with that, I could see how it was going to be a problem at times.

It was really getting to the point that sometimes I didn't like going to work because I dreaded managing the volunteer program. If the job was outreach only, I think I would have done really well.

I hope they can find someone who can get the program in shape -- someone with years of experience in volunteer programs and the patience to lead people through the regulations. It's definitely not me. I'm not enthusiastic about leading volunteers, and I don't have what it takes to get the program up and running. It'd been in the dire straits for a while and I could see that there was no way I'd be able to salvage it. They might as well have assigned me 50 pages of advanced algebra.

This isn't a "sour grapes" attitude. It's the way I've felt ever since I started. In fact, the other night I told Phil that I was planning on moving on when it was appropriate because I didn't want to be a volunteer coordinator.

That said, I'm ready to move on. I don't feel like a failure. I do, however, feel like I found out what I can and can't do.

And you know, the one thing that I couldn't stop thinking for the past year that I've been working was "I really wish that could go back to the museum."

So, I'm going to do just that.

1. On Saturday morning, Phil noticed a weird bite/rash under my right arm. He just started a new job with American Fidelity, so we are between insurance provides. Read: no insurance. So, I was hesitant to go to the doctor and I thought it'd go away on its own. I ended up going today because the redness/swelling/fever/itch/soreness was spreading down my arm and I had no clue what it was. Phil's theory was that it's a spider bite; my theory was that it's an infection and/or rash, since it's so feverish.

Turns out it really is a spider bite, not much venom, and the doctor said my lymphatic system was doing a good job of containing and fighting it, in spite of gravity pulling the poison down my arm.


2. I came back to work after lunch today, and while I was walking up the stairs, I started hearing faint music. As I headed for the timeclock, I began to recognize the song. It was an FFVII song, and it sounded like the battle music. I thought it was really weird...why in the world was FFVII battle music playing at the YWCA? Then I realized it was coming from my purse.

Apparently, I'd bumped my purse just right, turned my PSP on, and booted up Crisis Core.

This is why Phil and I love spring in Oklahoma.

Around 4:30PM, we headed north on I-35 out of Oklahoma City. Phil was talking via cell phone to his cousin, who was watching the radar at his home in Texas on CNN, of all channels. He gave us directions and we ended up around a very small town called Orlando; it's one of those Oklahoma towns you never hear about unless...well...a tornado is headed toward it.

There were lots of stormchasers out -- local news crews, professional chasers, amateurs, and even car and truck loads of local yokels out trying to get a good look at the storm. We parked on the north side of Orlando, but emergency vehicles redirected us to the south side of town.

Pictures of clouds and stormchaser crews here and here. I opened the door of the truck and aimed my camera upward to get a shot of the clouds and captured rotation footage. Yeah, fear my Okie accent. Ugh.

Overhead rotation was our cue to move further south. We set up again at a safe distance, but there were too many trees blocking our view. We moved west a bit and parked next to a wheat field. There were several other people there watching as well.

We didn't have to wait long for something to develop. Not one, but two tornadoes formed right on the horizon, and I got it on video.

(EDIT: Phil posted the vid on youtube, so you don't have to wait on slow dreamhaven)

Please note: we are positioned behind the storm. There was absolutely no danger. The guy parked next to us started chickening out; you can hear him start his truck and drive away in the video. Also, Phil's cell phone goes off and he talks to his cousin about the storm some more. I also say out that at one point that don't see a tornado anymore, even though it's still on the screen. I was watching the scenery on my camera's display, so it was hard to make out finer details.

After those fizzled out, we drove back toward I-35 while listening to the radio. Apparently, the big one hit the next town over. The stormchaser on the radio was chattering excitedly about airborne debris (including a trampoline) and sheet metal scattered in the wake. That one was rainwrapped (obscured from view by heavy rain) and you had to be inside the storm to see it. No thanks.

Last shot: the back of the storm.

Swiped from linmayu 

Go here and browse the random quotes until you find five (or however many that works for you) that you think reflect who you are or what you believe. Repost and tag five friends (if you want). I'm not going to tag anyone, but if you want, feel free to play along.

I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it.
Jack Handey (1949 - )

The best and safest thing is to keep a balance in your life, acknowledge the great powers around us and in us. If you can do that, and live that way, you are really a wise man.
Euripides (484 BC - 406 BC)

Education's purpose is to replace an empty mind with an open one.
Malcolm Forbes (1919 - 1990), in Forbes Magazine

If we can connect in some tiny way with a human that doesn't agree with us, then maybe we won't blow up the planet.
Nancy White, Us and Them: A Blog Conversation Survival Guide, SXSW 2006

Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say and not giving a damn.
Gore Vidal (1925 - )

I'll be out of town until 5/10. Be good while I'm gone! Yes, I mean you slayerofgod.

RandomNPC people: WA XF, Act 4 (final act), will probably complete it during vacation.

In less than one week, I will be catching the airship to your lovely city, so here's a short list of quests for us to do:

Park playday (and picnic?)
Chicago Botanic Gardens
Chemically Imbalanced Comedy - not necessarily this, but it was recommended by a Chicago travel guide. I thought it might be nice to go to a real comedy club, since they are so hard to find here in Okieland. Feel free to suggest a better one or to not go to one at all!
Gaming night(s) - cards and video games galore, and Phil wants to challenge jeshala to some Guitar Hero.
Sears Tower
Museum of Science and Industry - only building still standing from 1893 World's Fair, apparently! Plus it looks like a kickass museum.

Pics!

Awesome blown glass sculpture thing
Glass blowing demonstration: 1 2 3 4 (I have more, guess I should make a flickr slideshow or something)
Phil eating a chocolate-covered frozen banana. CTY's gonna have a field day with this one.
Hooray for purchasing legitimate art. I bought two silk paintings from Taiwan artist David Yeh.
View of the Crystal Bridge at the Myriad Botanical Gardens.
Whirly thing
Another whirly thing
I call this one "Apocalypse Swingset"
Flower pics, mostly orchids: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11
View inside the Crystal Bridge
Weird pink plants

I brought my paper parasol (the one I got at the Norman Renaissance Fair) with me today since it was so sunny (and I really love carrying it around). I was the only one there with a parasol, which was kinda cool. As we were leaving, we walked by a family, and the little girl shouted, "Oh wow! Look at that pretty umbrella!" Totally made my day.

Anyway, the gardens seemed like a great place for pics, so here are a couple of pics of me with my parasol: 1 2

Bonus: Phil vs. a giant turkey leg at the Norman Renaissance Fair

In June, the YWCA will have its annual black-tie formal affair: Purple Sash. It's a high-end gala (the second "fanciest" charity event in Oklahoma), and I need a dress for it.

Considering my love for all things Edwardian (see: icon), an Edwardian evening gown is the best and most obvious choice. The Edwardian period (about 1901-1914 or so) has some truly amazing gowns.

After exploring dozens of online vintage and reproduction clothing stores, ebay, and even etsy, I have reached the following conclusions:

1. Actual vintage clothing is expensive (duh).
2. Actual vintage clothing tends to look bedraggled, which is obvious considering that the pieces I want are almost a century old.
3. Actual vintage clothing is fragile, and if I tore something or got food/drink on it, I would absolutely "come unglued" and have a spaz attack because "@#%& I have ruined an irreplaceable piece of history @#%&!*@#%!!!!!"; therefore actual vintage clothing is not ideal for party use. It's also deemed unethical by some historians to actually wear museum-quality pieces.
4. Actual vintage clothing tends to run in small sizes. Prior to fast food, television, and easy transportation, people were very slender. It's common to find dresses with waistlines in the 20s; dress waistlines in the 30s are almost non-existent (and thus highly prized and quickly sold to whichever buxom lady has the biggest purse and the fastest mouse-clicking skills).
5. Reproduction clothing can be difficult to find. Ready-made outfits are rare; custom costumers are here and there but the process is time-consuming.

Here are my options:

1. Purchase this pattern or this pattern (both are actual Edwardian dresses with patterns that have been adjusted to "modern" sizes), and commission a dressmaker. While this will give me a "custom" and historically-accurate dress that could be re-used in museum work, I'd have to find a dressmaker (I know a few who are experts at historical costuming) and they'd only have two months to complete the dress. It seems like too much trouble, though it is an avenue I intend to pursue should I ever seriously get into historical costuming.
2. Keep searching for an actual vintage dress. I've pretty much scrapped this idea for all the aforementioned reasons.
3. Purchase one of the unbelievably beautiful ready-made (but not historically accurate) dresses from VictorianTradingCo.com. I hate to buy something so mass-produced, but it's far better than buying a mass-produced modern gown off the rack at a department store (...ugh...memories of prom dress shopping...). Calla Lily, Rouge, and this remarkable black dress that integrates a number of popular Edwardian dress elements and even vaguely resembles this authentic dress. Calla Lily might not be formal enough for a black-tie affair, but Rouge and the black dress would be perfect. Rouge would show off my bosom (a lot), but the black one is so pretty and very Edwardian. Throw in a pair of Edwardian-style shoes, jewelry, and a hair ornament, and I'd be set.

Anyone have any input?

edit: wtf numbering

Here.

Tonight I represented the YWCA at a local Voices of Men presentation. Feel free to check out the site. Ben is an awesome guy, and his performances are funny and informative. He uses celebrity/character impersonations to convey important messages about sexual assault, sexism, and domestic violence.

I have to say, it's pretty interesting to hear Austin Powers talking about how "groovy" feminism is.

OK, so maybe this won't be "epic."

My new job is awesome, though kind of crazy because I have to rebuild the volunteer program. I've also been coordinating outreach events and stuff. In my downtime at work (which isn't often), I've been reading books on topics like sexual assault and victim-blaming. Overall, I really like the YWCA. It's nice to go to staff meetings where people discuss critical local issues (like pending legislation and current events), then take the time to laugh and joke about everyday foibles at the Y. It's also nice to leave staff meetings feeling encouraged and empowered instead of helpless and bogged down by internal problems and politics. The YWCA really has its act together as far as pursuing grants and opportunities to serve the community, but also with internal policies and workplace culture. I just hope that I can keep up with all the awesomeness. It's almost overwhelming at times and it's brought my issues with self-esteem (read: lack thereof) to the surface, at least within myself. I sense an opportunity for personal growth.

Phil and I went to a Renaissance Fair a week or so ago. I bought an Asian paper/bamboo parasol (mainly because Kaylee in Firefly has one) and I talked Phil into buying a sword. A real one, hand-forged, ready for combat use, etc. He said that wearing it made him feel "badass." Now he wants to get chainmail to go with it.

I've been playing Wild ARMS XF and hating about 90% of it. Review will be up on RandomNPC once I can actually get through the "challenging" battles and brainless dialog.