Other Rose (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} akycha) wrote,@ 2004-07-30 14:32:00 |
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Shadowplay: Any Sufficiently Advanced Technology Is Indistinguishable From The Moral High Ground
[Scene: a dark backdrop painted with stars and planets. A fantastic sculpture, clearly made out of broken bits of the UFO, is dangled in front of it on a fishing-pole sort of affair.]
B-ko: [Offstage, her voice deepened to sound "manly"] The Nimrod Project was our last, best hope for peace. It was the dawn of the Twenty-Fifth Space Age, and this project was a diplomat's dream. A giant conglomeration of space stations, located in neutral territory as a port of call - home away from home for businesspeople, politicians, tourists, and even humans. All kinds of life forms wrapped in two million, five hundred thousand tons of spinning metal and advanced ceramics. A shining beacon in space, all alone in the night. This is the story of the last of the great space stations. The year is irrelevant. The name of the place is Ziggurat Twelve.
A-ko: [in a hissing whisper] Sparklers!
C-ko: [also whispering] Right! [Sparklers are tossed onto the "stage."]
[Fade out. Scene: B-ko and A-ko stand on the hastily-assembled "bridge" of a space station. It looks rather as though it has been constructed out of the interior of a flying saucer, some televisions, and some furniture, but it will pass. B-ko and A-ko wear smart, military-looking uniforms. B-ko's hair has been cropped short to a military cut or else she is wearing a wig]
B-ko: [Still speaking in a deep voice.] Since the Ambassador from Earth has not arrived yet, I will have to go personally to Rigel-Zeta-Thirteen to make First Contact with these aliens. They have demanded to speak to someone of high rank.
A-ko: [Wearing her hair in a single severe ponytail] Are you sure that is wise, Commander?
B-ko: These are extremely advanced aliens. I am sure that our species will mutually benefit. Besides, after dealing with the alien diplomats here, I certainly have a lot of practice. I'm sure it will be a piece of cake.
A-ko: You know, sir, it's never wise to say that sort of thing.
[Crackle of static.]
C-ko's voice, from just off-screen: Er, Lieutenant. One of the diplomats is demanding to speak to the Commander right now.
Gir's voice, off-screen: [Crackly with static] Waaaaaaannnnnttttt TTAAAAAAAAACCCCCOOOOOOSS!!!! And a giant trade concession too!
B-ko: [Hastily] Tell them I just left. [Starts to exit stage left, then pauses] I know that Ziggurat Twelve will be in good hands, Lieutenant.
A-ko: Of course, Commander. [Stares at the communication screen, then addresses C-ko, offstage.] Put him on hold.
[Scene: B-ko is strapped into the controls of what is clearly meant to be a small spaceship of some sort. A hand passes close by the camera, carrying a globe. Then lights flash and the spaceship trembles and loud bangs are heard.]
B-ko: Computer! What was that!
C-ko: [offstage doing a very prim and feminine voice] Unknown.
B-ko: Run diagnostic scan, you idiot!
C-ko: There is a malfunction in the propulsion core. Temperature rising beyond safety parameters. Do you wish to drop out of warp? Destination is point five two three lightyears away.
B-ko: Drop out of warp and jettison the core!
C-ko: Leaving warp now. Turbulence expected. [The whole ship shakes back and forth until B-ko's teeth rattle.] Not possible to jettison the core as the necessary machinery is fused. Radiation levels are now in the red zone.
B-ko: Eject! Aaaaaah! [Large explosion of light]
[Meanwhile, back on Ziggurat Twelve... Scene: a large board room with a table. A-ko, in the military uniform, Gir, wearing an all-enveloping cloak and a bucket on his head, and C-ko in an elaborate frock coat and truly amazing hairdo are all sitting around the table. Behind A-ko there is some sort of banner with a pyramid thing on it.]
A-ko: [Wearily] And just why do you want us to favor you with this, this taco trade agreement, Ambassador Gir? You've never been particularly interested in trade before.
Gir: [Voice echoing hollowly in the plastic bucket] Because we must obey the taco man.
A-ko: I... see.
C-ko: [In a truly improbable accent] I do not believe that we are sitting here arguing about greasy Earth foodstuffs! This is a total waste of time!
A-ko: Now, a trade agreement could be of benefit to both our peoples...
C-ko: Pah! It is an Earth product!
A-ko: Well, um, perhaps your empire would also be interested in being involved with importing them. [Smiles brightly.]
C-ko: Lieutenant, have you ever tasted a taco?
A-ko: Well, I...
C-ko: I have. Yesterday. And I assure you that my Empire has no need to import the flavor of stale boredom wrapped around acid indigestion. We have enough of that already at home. Good day. [Gets up and stalks out with dignity, coat-tails flapping.]
A-ko: [Puts her head in her hands]
Gir: [Hollowly] Your head looks like a burrito.
[Scene: An alien ship. We can tell that it's alien because it's dimly lit and has lots of curves to it. B-ko is lying on a bed with lots of technology (flashing lights) around it-- probably a medical bay. C-ko, dressed in long robes, on high heels to make her impressively tall, and wearing antennae, stands over B-ko.]
C-ko: [In a gentle, musical voice] How are you feeling, earth-being? I regret to inform you that due to a flaw in your technology, you have been badly injured. However, do not worry! Our superior medical knowledge will enable us to repair you efficiently and painlessly. We are dedicated to humane and ethical practices.
B-ko: Where am I? You... I've never seen a being like you, and yet you speak English!
C-ko: You are on a ship around the star you know as Rigel-Zeta-Thirteen. I accessed the data banks on your ship's computer to learn your language. A very artistic means of expressing one's-self, is it not?
B-ko: Rigel-Zeta-Thirteen? Then... this is my destination! I am Jean-Kirk Clairidan, Commander of Ziggurat Twelve, here as an interim Ambassador for Earth! Aaauuuu....
C-ko: You must not strain yourself. You can speak more formally with us when you are well.
B-ko: What's... the matter... with me?
C-ko: You were exposed to a high number of stressors to your bodily integrity. The radiation from your warp core, the ragged reentry into normal space, and your proximity to a rather unusual star have all placed a high stress on your chromosomal DNA, causing certain cells to undergo a very high growth rate and certain chromosomes to break or replicate in abnormal ways. Fortunately, we are accomplished DNA surgeons, and we will have you back to normal in no time! I'm afraid there is a very small portion of DNA which we cannot mend, but having researched your species, we have found that since a great number of your people live without it, you will be able to as well, without any adverse affects at all.
B-ko: Unable to mend... What can't you mend?
C-ko: The process will be completely painless, and you needn't worry about losing memories or personality or anything like that. There's just no possibility that could occur. And although trifling little things like scars vanish during the rebuilding process, you have to remember that it's all your body. We rebuild your body, but it is still made up entirely of you.
B-ko: Wait! I have to know! What can't you fix? What's going to be different?
C-ko: Oh, there's this little chromosome, smaller than the others. Your geneticists call it the Y chromosome. It took a great deal of damage and we can't seem to get it to work correctly, so we're going to replace it.
B-ko: Replace it?
C-ko: With a healthy X chromosome, of course. Our studies of your species indicate that half your population have this genotype, it's perfectly healthy.
B-ko: But then I'd be a woman!
C-ko: I beg your pardon?
B-ko: You can't do this to me! I'm a man! You can't turn me into a woman! I'd rather die, you hear me! I'd rather DIE!
C-ko: Well, um, your quaint religious beliefs deserve respect of course, and if we could save that poor little chromosome we could, but our medical ethics demand that we save lives, and so I'm going to have to go ahead with the operation anyway. You'll die, else.
B-ko: You can't do this to me! You can't do this to me!
[Scene: A-ko on the bridge of Ziggurat Twelve.]
C-ko: [off-screen] Lieutenant, there's another call in from the Diplomatic Wing.
A-ko: On screen.
[A-ko faces the screen, puts on a bright smile and says the following very quickly:]
A-ko: Hello. You have reached Lieutenant Commander Innana of Ziggurat Twelve. I cannot take your call right now, because I am busy taking the calls of a dozen other sentients who think that their business is important enough to bother me with. Is your business important enough? I suggest that you think about that very carefully before you leave a message, because right now, not only am I the person in charge of all the military forces which protect this fragile tin can, but I will also personally hunt you down and make you wish you had never been born, hatched, budded, or grown in a tank if you waste my time. Have a nice day!
[A-ko slaps the screen off.]
C-ko: [off-screen] Lieutenant, it's Ambassador Gir again.
[A-ko bangs her head on the screen.]
[Scene: On an alien ship. C-ko dressed tall, with antennae; B-ko in a hospital gown. Hair still short, but outline and voice unmistakably female.]
B-ko: I... can't believe you did this to me. I cannot believe it.
C-ko: You will get used to it, I am sure. After all, it's exactly the same body, the same DNA, the same cells, just grown differently.
B-ko: IT IS NOT THE SAME!
C-ko: Well, I am sure you see that it is important to save lives. Why, your own medical practitioners take an oath to do the same thing! We were sure you would understand.
B-ko: But this... but I... I'm not the same!
C-ko: Well, everyone has experiences which change them. I'm sure you wouldn't rather have died.
B-ko: [Opens mouth, nothing comes out.]
C-ko: Well, since this was such an unexpected shock for you, we'll send you back to your little space station and wait for the proper Earth ambassador.
B-ko: You can't... I mean I can't believe you... This arrogance!
C-ko: It's no good having hysterics. Run along now.
[Scene: Bridge of Ziggurat Twelve. A-ko is sitting at the main station, feet up, with a coffee cup in one hand. C-ko, dressed in a less-important military uniform, is sitting at another bank of monitors.]
B-ko: [Strides in]
A-ko: [Scrambles to her feet] Commander! When did you get... What happened to you!?!?
C-ko: Commander?
B-ko: I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. It.
A-ko: But... you...
B-ko: I said--
A-ko: [Holds up hands peaceably] Okay, okay, whatever you say. Sir.
B-ko: [Winces.]
C-ko: [Has turned back resolutely and says without turning around] There is a thank-you message from Ambassador Gir on the screen, Lieutenant.
B-ko: Ah. Er. So, did you take care of that little trade matter, Lieutenant?
A-ko: Yes, Commander, I did.
B-ko: What did you do?
A-ko: I promised Ambassador Gir a lifetime supply of tacos on the station, and he agreed to drop the trade part of the matter entirely. Sir.
B-ko: [Wincing.] Ah, yes. Quick thinking, Lieutenant.
[Scene: An office in Ziggurat Twelve. Large desk with a banner behind it; the banner depicts something like a pyramid. There is a screen on the wall. B-ko sits at the desk, looking dejected.]
C-ko's voice: [from screen on the wall]: And so, Commander, I'm sure you understand why we're relieving you of your command. Your replacement will be coming onboard in two hours.
B-ko: Yes, sir.
C-ko: It's an unprecedented event. You'll want some time off, anyway.
B-ko: Yes.
C-ko: Aren't you going to say anything, Commander?!?!
B-ko: [Standing up violently, pushing the chair back, and marching around the desk] I told them not to do it! I told them I would rather die! This isn't my fault!
C-ko: No one is saying it's your fault, Commander, but it's happened and we have to deal with it. There's nothing to be done now.
B-ko: What's going to happen to me?
C-ko: We'll give you a nice post as a second-in-command somewhere.
[Scene: A garden on Ziggurat Twelve, full of potted plants. B-ko sits, still wearing the military uniform, gloomily contemplating something in her hands. As the camera pulls away, we can see that the object is a bra.]
[Scene: a dark backdrop painted with stars and planets. A fantastic sculpture, clearly made out of broken bits of the UFO, is dangled in front of it on a fishing-pole sort of affair.]
B-ko: [Offstage, her voice deepened to sound "manly"] The Nimrod Project was our last, best hope for peace. It was the dawn of the Twenty-Fifth Space Age, and this project was a diplomat's dream. A giant conglomeration of space stations, located in neutral territory as a port of call - home away from home for businesspeople, politicians, tourists, and even humans. All kinds of life forms wrapped in two million, five hundred thousand tons of spinning metal and advanced ceramics. A shining beacon in space, all alone in the night. This is the story of the last of the great space stations. The year is irrelevant. The name of the place is Ziggurat Twelve.
A-ko: [in a hissing whisper] Sparklers!
C-ko: [also whispering] Right! [Sparklers are tossed onto the "stage."]
[Fade out. Scene: B-ko and A-ko stand on the hastily-assembled "bridge" of a space station. It looks rather as though it has been constructed out of the interior of a flying saucer, some televisions, and some furniture, but it will pass. B-ko and A-ko wear smart, military-looking uniforms. B-ko's hair has been cropped short to a military cut or else she is wearing a wig]
B-ko: [Still speaking in a deep voice.] Since the Ambassador from Earth has not arrived yet, I will have to go personally to Rigel-Zeta-Thirteen to make First Contact with these aliens. They have demanded to speak to someone of high rank.
A-ko: [Wearing her hair in a single severe ponytail] Are you sure that is wise, Commander?
B-ko: These are extremely advanced aliens. I am sure that our species will mutually benefit. Besides, after dealing with the alien diplomats here, I certainly have a lot of practice. I'm sure it will be a piece of cake.
A-ko: You know, sir, it's never wise to say that sort of thing.
[Crackle of static.]
C-ko's voice, from just off-screen: Er, Lieutenant. One of the diplomats is demanding to speak to the Commander right now.
Gir's voice, off-screen: [Crackly with static] Waaaaaaannnnnttttt TTAAAAAAAAACCCCCOOOOOOSS!!!! And a giant trade concession too!
B-ko: [Hastily] Tell them I just left. [Starts to exit stage left, then pauses] I know that Ziggurat Twelve will be in good hands, Lieutenant.
A-ko: Of course, Commander. [Stares at the communication screen, then addresses C-ko, offstage.] Put him on hold.
[Scene: B-ko is strapped into the controls of what is clearly meant to be a small spaceship of some sort. A hand passes close by the camera, carrying a globe. Then lights flash and the spaceship trembles and loud bangs are heard.]
B-ko: Computer! What was that!
C-ko: [offstage doing a very prim and feminine voice] Unknown.
B-ko: Run diagnostic scan, you idiot!
C-ko: There is a malfunction in the propulsion core. Temperature rising beyond safety parameters. Do you wish to drop out of warp? Destination is point five two three lightyears away.
B-ko: Drop out of warp and jettison the core!
C-ko: Leaving warp now. Turbulence expected. [The whole ship shakes back and forth until B-ko's teeth rattle.] Not possible to jettison the core as the necessary machinery is fused. Radiation levels are now in the red zone.
B-ko: Eject! Aaaaaah! [Large explosion of light]
[Meanwhile, back on Ziggurat Twelve... Scene: a large board room with a table. A-ko, in the military uniform, Gir, wearing an all-enveloping cloak and a bucket on his head, and C-ko in an elaborate frock coat and truly amazing hairdo are all sitting around the table. Behind A-ko there is some sort of banner with a pyramid thing on it.]
A-ko: [Wearily] And just why do you want us to favor you with this, this taco trade agreement, Ambassador Gir? You've never been particularly interested in trade before.
Gir: [Voice echoing hollowly in the plastic bucket] Because we must obey the taco man.
A-ko: I... see.
C-ko: [In a truly improbable accent] I do not believe that we are sitting here arguing about greasy Earth foodstuffs! This is a total waste of time!
A-ko: Now, a trade agreement could be of benefit to both our peoples...
C-ko: Pah! It is an Earth product!
A-ko: Well, um, perhaps your empire would also be interested in being involved with importing them. [Smiles brightly.]
C-ko: Lieutenant, have you ever tasted a taco?
A-ko: Well, I...
C-ko: I have. Yesterday. And I assure you that my Empire has no need to import the flavor of stale boredom wrapped around acid indigestion. We have enough of that already at home. Good day. [Gets up and stalks out with dignity, coat-tails flapping.]
A-ko: [Puts her head in her hands]
Gir: [Hollowly] Your head looks like a burrito.
[Scene: An alien ship. We can tell that it's alien because it's dimly lit and has lots of curves to it. B-ko is lying on a bed with lots of technology (flashing lights) around it-- probably a medical bay. C-ko, dressed in long robes, on high heels to make her impressively tall, and wearing antennae, stands over B-ko.]
C-ko: [In a gentle, musical voice] How are you feeling, earth-being? I regret to inform you that due to a flaw in your technology, you have been badly injured. However, do not worry! Our superior medical knowledge will enable us to repair you efficiently and painlessly. We are dedicated to humane and ethical practices.
B-ko: Where am I? You... I've never seen a being like you, and yet you speak English!
C-ko: You are on a ship around the star you know as Rigel-Zeta-Thirteen. I accessed the data banks on your ship's computer to learn your language. A very artistic means of expressing one's-self, is it not?
B-ko: Rigel-Zeta-Thirteen? Then... this is my destination! I am Jean-Kirk Clairidan, Commander of Ziggurat Twelve, here as an interim Ambassador for Earth! Aaauuuu....
C-ko: You must not strain yourself. You can speak more formally with us when you are well.
B-ko: What's... the matter... with me?
C-ko: You were exposed to a high number of stressors to your bodily integrity. The radiation from your warp core, the ragged reentry into normal space, and your proximity to a rather unusual star have all placed a high stress on your chromosomal DNA, causing certain cells to undergo a very high growth rate and certain chromosomes to break or replicate in abnormal ways. Fortunately, we are accomplished DNA surgeons, and we will have you back to normal in no time! I'm afraid there is a very small portion of DNA which we cannot mend, but having researched your species, we have found that since a great number of your people live without it, you will be able to as well, without any adverse affects at all.
B-ko: Unable to mend... What can't you mend?
C-ko: The process will be completely painless, and you needn't worry about losing memories or personality or anything like that. There's just no possibility that could occur. And although trifling little things like scars vanish during the rebuilding process, you have to remember that it's all your body. We rebuild your body, but it is still made up entirely of you.
B-ko: Wait! I have to know! What can't you fix? What's going to be different?
C-ko: Oh, there's this little chromosome, smaller than the others. Your geneticists call it the Y chromosome. It took a great deal of damage and we can't seem to get it to work correctly, so we're going to replace it.
B-ko: Replace it?
C-ko: With a healthy X chromosome, of course. Our studies of your species indicate that half your population have this genotype, it's perfectly healthy.
B-ko: But then I'd be a woman!
C-ko: I beg your pardon?
B-ko: You can't do this to me! I'm a man! You can't turn me into a woman! I'd rather die, you hear me! I'd rather DIE!
C-ko: Well, um, your quaint religious beliefs deserve respect of course, and if we could save that poor little chromosome we could, but our medical ethics demand that we save lives, and so I'm going to have to go ahead with the operation anyway. You'll die, else.
B-ko: You can't do this to me! You can't do this to me!
[Scene: A-ko on the bridge of Ziggurat Twelve.]
C-ko: [off-screen] Lieutenant, there's another call in from the Diplomatic Wing.
A-ko: On screen.
[A-ko faces the screen, puts on a bright smile and says the following very quickly:]
A-ko: Hello. You have reached Lieutenant Commander Innana of Ziggurat Twelve. I cannot take your call right now, because I am busy taking the calls of a dozen other sentients who think that their business is important enough to bother me with. Is your business important enough? I suggest that you think about that very carefully before you leave a message, because right now, not only am I the person in charge of all the military forces which protect this fragile tin can, but I will also personally hunt you down and make you wish you had never been born, hatched, budded, or grown in a tank if you waste my time. Have a nice day!
[A-ko slaps the screen off.]
C-ko: [off-screen] Lieutenant, it's Ambassador Gir again.
[A-ko bangs her head on the screen.]
[Scene: On an alien ship. C-ko dressed tall, with antennae; B-ko in a hospital gown. Hair still short, but outline and voice unmistakably female.]
B-ko: I... can't believe you did this to me. I cannot believe it.
C-ko: You will get used to it, I am sure. After all, it's exactly the same body, the same DNA, the same cells, just grown differently.
B-ko: IT IS NOT THE SAME!
C-ko: Well, I am sure you see that it is important to save lives. Why, your own medical practitioners take an oath to do the same thing! We were sure you would understand.
B-ko: But this... but I... I'm not the same!
C-ko: Well, everyone has experiences which change them. I'm sure you wouldn't rather have died.
B-ko: [Opens mouth, nothing comes out.]
C-ko: Well, since this was such an unexpected shock for you, we'll send you back to your little space station and wait for the proper Earth ambassador.
B-ko: You can't... I mean I can't believe you... This arrogance!
C-ko: It's no good having hysterics. Run along now.
[Scene: Bridge of Ziggurat Twelve. A-ko is sitting at the main station, feet up, with a coffee cup in one hand. C-ko, dressed in a less-important military uniform, is sitting at another bank of monitors.]
B-ko: [Strides in]
A-ko: [Scrambles to her feet] Commander! When did you get... What happened to you!?!?
C-ko: Commander?
B-ko: I. Don't. Want. To. Talk. About. It.
A-ko: But... you...
B-ko: I said--
A-ko: [Holds up hands peaceably] Okay, okay, whatever you say. Sir.
B-ko: [Winces.]
C-ko: [Has turned back resolutely and says without turning around] There is a thank-you message from Ambassador Gir on the screen, Lieutenant.
B-ko: Ah. Er. So, did you take care of that little trade matter, Lieutenant?
A-ko: Yes, Commander, I did.
B-ko: What did you do?
A-ko: I promised Ambassador Gir a lifetime supply of tacos on the station, and he agreed to drop the trade part of the matter entirely. Sir.
B-ko: [Wincing.] Ah, yes. Quick thinking, Lieutenant.
[Scene: An office in Ziggurat Twelve. Large desk with a banner behind it; the banner depicts something like a pyramid. There is a screen on the wall. B-ko sits at the desk, looking dejected.]
C-ko's voice: [from screen on the wall]: And so, Commander, I'm sure you understand why we're relieving you of your command. Your replacement will be coming onboard in two hours.
B-ko: Yes, sir.
C-ko: It's an unprecedented event. You'll want some time off, anyway.
B-ko: Yes.
C-ko: Aren't you going to say anything, Commander?!?!
B-ko: [Standing up violently, pushing the chair back, and marching around the desk] I told them not to do it! I told them I would rather die! This isn't my fault!
C-ko: No one is saying it's your fault, Commander, but it's happened and we have to deal with it. There's nothing to be done now.
B-ko: What's going to happen to me?
C-ko: We'll give you a nice post as a second-in-command somewhere.
[Scene: A garden on Ziggurat Twelve, full of potted plants. B-ko sits, still wearing the military uniform, gloomily contemplating something in her hands. As the camera pulls away, we can see that the object is a bra.]
