i got it.

my brain feels like it's melting, i'm surprised my hair isnt falling out.
i'm doing a lot at work. and i'm learning heaps but i'm mentally: exhausted as well.

went to see "the dark night" last night.

i thought the heath ledger was great and the character of the joker was incredible.
the art direction for all the promo stuff (especially the joker posters) is of a very high standard,
and easily, the best batman flick.

the only qualification that i would put on the whole film is that it begins to get a bit messy towards the end with the complexity of the plots and many subplots, i thought maybe some of it could have been pruned back just a little.

another drive lesson

another practice test

just clammed up a bit. the same unnecessary headfuck always put myself through. ive had 5 practices now and failed them all, usually a different thing each time, but always one big 'instant' failpoint. expectations for the upcoming test are very very low and i've half a mind to book the next one in melbourne already.

the iphone:
i rode down to the optus shop at 9 but there was a queue of 30 people for a friggin phone. so i wasnt going to queue. it's beneath me. and its just a fucking phone. so no. i rode back home.

temptation peaked again mid afternoon when i saw an internet post that said there was no queue, and they still had stock. so i rode down again, got there, and then realised i'd left my wallet at home. bu-bow.

back i go.

and rode down a third time. went over all the plans. went over the pre paid options. umm'ed and arr'ed for ages and even fondled their last pre-pay phone.

when the time came, i couldn't say yes.
i didnt want to commit to a contract, didnt want to fork out for prepay, even i could probbably claim 80% of it back through work. i almost didnt want the liabilty of having the phone. in my gut, nothing really felt right, for whatever reason. i felt dirty being part of it all.

and so much to the annoyance of the salesperson i said no again. right at the last minute. after walking in with the intention of purchasing.

its something more than just cold feet.

i've never brought a new phone in my life, i don't use mine a great deal now (it's michelles great lil secondhand one), and i don't want to either. my two purchases this year have been two changes of clothes and a computer for work (75% of which was claimed back). somehow i've got into this habit of not spending any cash. and now i'm almost _fearful_ of doing so, you know, because i'm almost cirtain i won't get the most enjoyment possible out of whatever i spend on.

how stupid is that?

i've almost forgotten the point of purchasing things, unless they have immediate overwhelming practical value. which limits me to my pushbike, laptop and clothes. which is what i have now, and even then i took ages to decide and had to fight off the buyers remorse.

upshot: money saved? general fitness from riding 30km to and from the shops? no idea.

another driving lesson today, and a practice test which i flunked completley on some basic stuff. 4 fail points which is actually worse than the other attempts and i feel like im regressing. my brains more or less melted now. i don't really want to drive on a regular basus, i just want to do it legally if i have to but this process is really stressing me out, and i'll be useless for the rest of today.

I've decieded. This is my secound-favourate song of all time:

Blondie - Atomic.
There's not a great deal to say about this. When I'm out it ends up in my head; a lot. More often than not. And I like it, and I've never not liked it, start to finish its perfect.

Recently, inspired by the incredible 'Control', I've been listening to a bit of Joy Division for the first time.

LCD Soundsystem - Someone Great
I love the song, and maybe I've figured out the lyrics which have always stung me. maybe. Could it be about a stillborn birth? or a miscarriage? (theres a lot of discussion)

Girl Talk - Feed the Animals
At first this was a little annoying, like listening to someone try and find the right radio station. I'm naturally mashup-adverse, and here the cutting was a little too quick and theres was so much happening it was hard to nail down an emotion. But I was more or less hooked after the third listen for a couple of reasons.

For one, he's a talented guy and the mixes are incredible. The Radiohead & Jay Z one was startlingly good. The songs become their own creation rather than a collection of sample. And all these samples tend to trigger memories. Lots. Inspired to go back into collections and online to find some stuff I havnt heard in years after a five second snippet.

One of the samples used was by the The Cure and that got me on to their "best of" release. "A Forest" and "Inbetween Days" are still fantastic. I'd almost forgotten; but Wild Mood Swings but that was actually the first album I ever brought. I'm pretty sure. I got it from K-mart Chirnside Park and I'd built it up so much that I remember feeling a bit disappointed with my purchase after.

My first single? I brought it for a girl I had a crush on in year 8. It was a tape cassette single. C & C Music Factory - 'Do you want to get Funky?' I had no idea what it ment. I was in year 8 and innocent. I actually still think this song kicks ass. I've still got the freestylers mix.

My first CD single was The Grid - Swamp Thing. I don't think I still have it but I remember how it goes.

The other ones I had were DJ Shadow - Organ Donor. I made Chook buy it as a birthday present when I was in year 11. And I picked up 'Block Rockin Beats' by the Chemical Brothers at around the same time. That song is still awesome. And it makes me wonder when the last time I heard any beats in a chemical brothers tune was... probbably a very long time ago.

friday:
I watched a taped episode of Double Dare on VHS. complete with adverts from 1989. Utterly fantastic.

saterday night: i slept 14 hours.

today:
My back tyre was a bit flat, decieded to pump it up a little before riding to work but somehow managed to snap the valve nut as I attached the pump. The tyre deflated. A billion curses followed.

that small student supplemental loan i tookout in 1999? it was $3000 rationed over a year to pay for rent and food. the loan dissapeared from my linked bank account a couple of years later when i was overseas and i thought i'd shaken it and thus proclaimed myself debt free.

bzzt wrong. today i got a bill from the tax office, and its found me! with an additional 1k interest, nine years from taking it out, so $4000 in total. ouch. ow. i can pay it back this year but it will screw over my savings quite a bit. can you negotate with these guys? i was poor or overseas for most of that time there, ya know.

Midnight Juggernaughts: Road to Recovery (dystopia)

with

Pulp: Party Hard (this is hardcore)

afterthought: (would also work with 'shadows' pretty easily)

Video of busy train crossing in Bangalore

I like this. I think it reminds me of what I like about India without romanticising it too much. Always so much going on.