| hey buddy. |
[16 Jan 2008|11:51am] |
MOVED.
if you'd like to know my new username & you don't
have me friended already, send me a message on myspace.
otherwise, NANNY NANNY BOO BOO,
YOU CAN'T CATCH ME :).
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| expose yourself. |
[23 Apr 2007|02:03pm] |
somewhat took this from erica, but we've all seen it a thousand and one times. i want anyone who comes across this to do it, whether you're my closest friend on my friends list or you're a complete stranger browsing through journals while you should be doing homework. i'm leaving this up & public forever & ever. so if it's next november when you read it, it doesn't matter, comment anyway :].
post anything that you want, but post it anonymously. post anything: a secret, a confession, a fear, a love, a picture, a story, a poem, song lyrics, your opinion about me... anything. something serious or something hilarious. something heartwarming or something heartbreaking. but be sure to post anonymously and honestly.
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| longest entry ever? |
[17 Jul 2006|03:20am] |
everyone should ignore this, it's honestly just for zachary. he's the only other person besides myself that'll get anything out of it, haha.
so yes, zachary. i was going through my oldoldold journal. from a year ago, before we were going out & a little bit after (it ends about a month into our relationship). i just thought some of this was so crazy to read, how different things are & everything yknow? it's just so weird. but in a good way :). ( yeahhhh. )
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| jack & coke, please take off your coat. |
[13 Jul 2006|02:11pm] |
| [ |
mood |
| |
cheerful |
] |
| [ |
music |
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augustana - bullets. |
] |
things to be thrilled about:
i'm probablyyyy going to see the format next wed!
project runway premier yesterday!
(wtf was up with vincent not being off'd!?! :O!!)
my brother is in jail until august 15th at the earliest!
(yes, that is a very, very, very good thing).
i'm going to go make bean&cheese tacos! yesss!
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| forgive sounds good, forget - i'm not sure i could. |
[12 Jul 2006|03:07pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
dixie chicks - not ready to make nice |
] |
i made my bed & i sleep like a baby
with no regrets, & i don't mind saying
that it's a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
& how in the world can the words that i said
send somebody so over the edge
that they'd write me a letter saying that i better
shut up & sing or my life will be over?
forgive sounds good. forget - i'm not sure i could.
they say 'time heals everything'. but i'm still waiting.
i told him, please, please never hurt me again. he told me he'd try his best. i know he can't promise anything. he said he would try & try with every ounce he has to never hurt me again. & in that moment, saying goodbye to him, he looked more beautiful than he ever had in a year. we were kissing. and i couldn't do it. i broke down & he held me tighter than he ever had before. he held me & whispered i love you, i'm sorry, i love you so much, i'm so so sorry, over and over and over again. it's such a strange thing, when the person who is breaking you down & hurting you so much is the same person who's embrace can make everything disappear. i know he's sorry, i know he means this. i know he'll never do it again. maybe i'm naive. maybe i shouldn't be content with this. but his best is all he says he can give me, and i'm okay with that.
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| we came down to watch the world walk by. |
[11 Jul 2006|02:59pm] |
| [ |
music |
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yellowcard - rough landing, holly. |
] |
things with zach & i are going pretty good, i must say. no, we aren't together (yet). i have no idea when we will be. it could be in a week or six weeks. but we're making a lot of progress. we both just want to start over. we both just want what we had last summer. somewhere along the last year, things just started going downhill. & it just kept going for months & months until we hit bottom, here. & neither of us want to throw it away, all we want is to turn this thing back around & push it back uphill. sure, the load is so much heavier. sure, we'll have to push a lot harder this time. but we're willing to try. i know someday it will be worth it.
also, on a completely unrelated note, could someone please tell me what font is used here? i've been dying to know for ages & it seems as if everyone on the planet has it but me, lol.
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| wait, they don't love you like i love you. |
[10 Jul 2006|02:16am] |
summer is passing much too fast.
much, much, much too fast. someone stop it.
psnewlayout.
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| the most important entry i will ever make. |
[09 Jul 2006|03:49pm] |
|
taylor was a good girl, never one to be late,
complain, or express ideas in her brain.
working on the night shift, passing out the tickets,
you're gonna have to pay her if you want to park here.
well, mommy's little dancer has quite a little secret,
working on the streets now, she's never gonna keep it.
it's quite an imposition and now she's only wishing
that she would have listened to the words they said.
poor taylor.
& she just wanders around uneffected by the winter winds.
and she'll pretend that she's somewhere else so far and clear
about two-thousand miles from here.
( i need this old train to break down. )
i've been writing a lot more lately. & it's all because of him.
i guess i have that to thank him for. at least.
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| where no one knows my name. |
[08 Jul 2006|04:42pm] |
okay, so this is how it's going to have to work now. the hiatus is technically over. but i won't be posting as frequently, no way. & as for communities i post in, the hiatus is still up. i just don't have the time right now, i'm terribly sorry. but i can't stay COMPLETELY away from posting in my lj, haha. i learned that pretty quickly. it's too routine for me.
while i'm thinking about it, i want to thank all of you. you guys are incredible. i have actually written down some of the things that you have said to me, to carry around with me these next few days/weeks/whatever. because the advice you've given me, the things you told me have really lifted me up & inspired me. you have no idea. i'm so glad i have you guys. thank you. i just hope someday i'll be able to do the same for you ♥.
anyways. so how am i doing? ( i'm not ready to make nice, i'm not ready to back down. )
i love this song. i always, always hated the dixie chicks. but this song is alot different from their old stuff, & i just love it. download it if you can, dixie chicks - i'm not ready to make nice.
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[07 Jul 2006|07:05pm] |
i was so sick of all this bullshit, so sick of crying & being heartbroken over what i knew but couldn't prove. so sick of being lied to. so i went straight to the source. i went straight to the girl. and i was right.
he cheated on me. we're done. at least i can cry with a reason now.
over a year, wasted. i gave so much to him. fucking shit i can't believe this.
i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him i hate him.
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| i just want to break you down so badly. |
[07 Jul 2006|12:43am] |
i went so long without falling into depression again. so fucking long. i went almost three fucking years. i never knew you could be with the person you love so much & still be so fucking unhappy. still cry yourself to sleep every night, still want to disappear into oblivion where you don't even need to think anymore, because this is all you can ever think about, how much you hate everything. still want to drown in every bottle of alcohol you see. i never knew. i can't live without him being mine, i can't do it. i had to do it once & i can't do it again, i know it. but i know that as long as i'm with him, he's going to keep breaking my heart, keep breaking me down more & more. i feel so numb. how can he do this to me? i know he doesn't love me the way he says, that's impossible. he can tell me all he fucking wants. until he shows me, this isn't going to end. god, i don't want to be depressed again. i know it's too late. i've been already for weeks, i've just now hit the lowest point again. fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck i can't take this.
( noone will understand the significance of this picture. noone will know why it breaks my heart. but i need to post it anyways. )
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| i want to run with the wild horses. |
[03 Jul 2006|05:49pm] |
| [ |
music |
| |
natasha bedingfield - wild horses |
] |
hiatus.
anyone who does any friend's cuts -
DON'T CUT ME.
i have no idea when i'll be back. i'll still be flisting, commenting (though how often, i don't know) & i'll be on myspace. if you need me or want to keep in touch (which there's many of you i'd really, really like to), you can always talk to me on there. see you 'round.
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| we're all mad in our own way. |
[03 Jul 2006|05:25pm] |
life isn't cooperating with me lately. i hate it. i want all of this to go away, for everything to just be normal again. but i can't have it that way & i know it. i deserve better. no more being naive. sorry i'm vague. it's not that i don't want you guys to know about it all. i just don't want to talk about it.
( gay. )
FUCK.
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| you could be in the back sayin', 'gimme, gimme'. |
[30 Jun 2006|02:29pm] |
| [ |
music |
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chris brown - gimme, gimme |
] |
+ haha, i love this song.
+ i have a new layout.
- my cell is disconnected. omfg. my umbilical cord!!
+ zachary & i are going to see superman tonight :).
+ & if not, we're still doing something together :))).
+ i'm going to mail ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) emmakendra's letter soon.
- but i seriously have no idea where our stamps are :(.
+ i haven't had one cramp today! this is amazing.
- my house is infested with flys. ugh, texas summers.
+ i saw over the hedge with my dad earlier. cuteeee.
+ i'm going to go take a nap now.
so, 8 + & 3 -. good day so far!
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| baby take what's left, baby take what's left of me. |
[29 Jun 2006|11:11pm] |
| [ |
music |
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nick lachey - what's left of me |
] |
god damn, i love maximum strength midol. it is my best friend. for life. well, not really life. more like for one week out of every month for life.
i bought this massively huge book of sudoku & a pack of 12 colorful sharpies from walmart yesterday. it feels like christmas to me, omfg. i shouldn't be so excited about crap like this, haha.
also, i am ecstatic. because: my mom is going to be gone from sunday - wednesday. why is this so fantastic? because she's letting me 'stay' at kasie's house two houses down. i say 'stay' because heidi (kasie's mom) won't give a shit & will let me sleep in my own frickin' bed two houses away & won't really tell my mom if i stay here alone the whole time. which means... ZACHARY & LAURA ALONEEE TIMEEEEE HELLLZZZZ YEAAAHHHH! ASSLOADS OF IT!!!!!
okay, done with that :).
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| every little thing that you do. |
[28 Jun 2006|11:33pm] |
today i made myself a new myspace layout & it is definately my most favorite piece of work i have ever done. now kasie & zachary want me to make them both one & i'm super excited about it :). you should check it out. if you have a myspace, comments are greatly appreciated. & if you do & don't have me added... do it! i love new frrriends :).
anywayyys. i got emma (emmakendra)'s letter in the mail today... & was like srsly surprised. it only took two days for a letter to get from seattle, washington to san antonio, texas. that's crazy, haha. but yeah. she's freaking adorable & i'm writing her back write now.
hm. i'm hungry :(. & i only have one more book in the hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy series (5 books) to finish! woooo.
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| you don't wear my chains. |
[28 Jun 2006|03:46am] |
look what i got bored & made for zachary hahaha.
sleeeeepieeeeesssss.
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| i smoke, i drink, i'm supposed to stop but i can't. |
[26 Jun 2006|10:26pm] |
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