| long time |
[Feb. 21st, 2008|12:31 am] |
Wow, so I haven't used this in awhile.
I'm now *living* in Sydney, by living I mean that I moved here about a month ago, staying in a shitty guest house in Glebe and I'm desperately trying to find an apartment to live in.
Starting to get worried.
I think I've only put down a deposit for one place, and that got denied because I said that I had only worked at Star City for a month, now I've put down a deposit for another place and said that I've worked for Tabcorp since March last year, which is technically true.
So hopefully I'll get it. But I'm not getting my hopes up.
Things will start to get desperate soon enough if I don't find a place. |
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| Sydney |
[Oct. 29th, 2007|02:34 am] |
I'm writing this at 3:30am in the morning in an internet cafe full of mostly asians who are all playing wow or some other game. I feel out of place and I love it.
This week in Sydney hasnt been as exciting as my last visits, I've been pretty tired, Steven has been very busy, so I've mostly taken up to wondering around the city at night time and either coming here to this internet cafe, window shopping and making a mental note of which street I'm on or gambling a little bit at this electronic casino on Pitt St ( I managed to turn $20 into $100 last night). I've resigned myself to plan B. I'm going to save up heaps, probably move to Sydney a few days before my birthday, stay in a hotel and find a place. I've looked at it financially and it seems to work a lot better than plan A.
I'll just have to somehow arrange for all my stuff to be moved from Brisbane to Sydney when I actually finally manage to find a place.
Steven and I have been looking at places, some of them are OK...but I've reached the stage where I'm just so sick of living in rats nests that I would like to have a nice, modern, clean apartment, in which I can fill with lots of Ikea furniture and other cool home things. So at the moment....and considering that Steven has his heart set on Pyrmont/Ultimo...its looking like $500 - $550 pw for a place. But I've come to terms with it, Starcity pays well and we should be able to afford it easily.
Im actually rather excited about it, and I know once I move here I'll have all the time in the world to explore Sydney bit by bit. |
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| The Little Black Dress |
[Oct. 1st, 2007|09:38 pm] |
I found myself asking myself a question I have not asked for quite some time. I feel once again, as though I have lost myself. I remember a number of months ago saying that I finally knew who I was and that is one of the greatest things that one person can have. But at the moment I am no longer quite sure. The end of the year is very near, and I look back and think of the person who I was at the start of this year and swear to myself to never be that foolish and naive again. Yet I can't help feeling like history is once again, going to repeat itself.
Steven is still caught in his depression, and I am still caught standing on the side lines with my pom poms, quietly trying to cheer him through it all, while still trying to remain unseen, I guess it's all for my own moral support - that everything will be alright.
But at least one thing is set in stone, he still def wants to move in together. Which is good.
This past month and a half of very little communication has opened my eyes to just how much of influence he is to me, he was my guide, my mentor who taught me so much of a world I have longed to apart of for so long. So for the first time, I was forced to find my own way and discover more cultures and styles and interests. |
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| update again |
[Sep. 11th, 2007|06:42 pm] |
well...things are ..alright. actually things are kinda sucky at the moment.
I've finally learned roulette after one months training...and now I'm finally dealing it..and its the best game to deal so far.
this also means longer shifts, which also means more money, which means its easier to save for sydney.
ah sydney, I have my table test and job interview at Star City in October.....I'll be heading to sydney for a week to go appartment hunting.
Things with Steven...arent the best at the moment... but I'm sure everything will fix itself up when I get to see him in 5-6 weeks...it always does...its always happened that way. one can only hope.
so yeah...life is now..stressfull..and a bit depressing sometimes...but ....at the end of the year it should all be over. |
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| Maths |
[Aug. 23rd, 2007|02:01 am] |
Maths. I hate it. I can't recall passing any maths classes in yr9 or yr10, and I deffinatly did not continue it in yr12, though I did try in yr11 but obviously gave it up with the thought of "I'm studying fashion design, I dont need much maths for that." how very much I would like to travel back into the past and meet my young stupid naive 16 or 17 year old self and give myself a good slap accross the face.
So now here I am, turning 21 in December and for some reason, lately...well more in the past week, I've found myself using this thing again.....I remember being on livejournal constantly...it was like an addiction, and now I just use it as a place to write my thoughts I guess...and update on my life. So yes, far from the now *shudder* naive and clueless teenager that I was ...I feel that with many experiences and meeting new people I have grown up into a rather presentable and so I'd like to think, sophisticated young lady. Or maybe not. Maybe I'm just on the way.
Maybe I'm just bullshitting. That's probable it. I'm sure I'll read back on this in a couple of days and laugh.
Anywho, my point being, is that I'm getting older, and with this becomes responsibilities and plans and what not. The plan at the moment? Well at the moment who knows whats going on with Steven or what is to become, but the overall plan still seems to be on track...move to Sydney, move in with Steven and persue our careers together while working at Starcity. Who knows if we'll get together, but at the moment I'm in the mood to be rather selfish and just think of my own future. My main career goal at the moment is that I'd very much like to become a trainer one day.
Oh by the way, I'm a Croupier.
Strange career choice for someone who failed maths in school, but I've been quite proud at how I've taught myself maths and how much I am actually enjoying it.
I think I was just kind of hurled into the gaming industry and started out not really wanting it to turn into a career...but dear old Tabcorp, the mothership of our sister casinos, has shown me the way and the many oppotunities....and very high pay rises...that there is to offer if one puts in the effort to acheive them.
So yes, one day I would very much like to master all the games and then years on down the track ...teach them, to other young croupiers.
I'm not quite sure what made me want to write this entry....I think maybe its the fact that I've been trying to teach myself how to calculate roulette payouts when only a certain amount of chips are left and what not. But yes, my job is awesome and i love it. |
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| urgh |
[Aug. 21st, 2007|05:03 pm] |
Everynow and then I find myself absolutly surged with anger and hatred and bitterness at what happened earlier this year. Usually this happends in my sleep, as my subconscious still seems determined to remind me of all the bullshit that happened in that house of hell. Since I've moved out of that rats nest, which at first claimed to be full of open minded and welcoming people, I've found myself not wanting anything to do with alternative music or society or anything related to the genres of goth, rock and especially art. I tried picking up a pencil for the first time a couple of days ago and couldnt find anything to draw because all I was reminded of was all the art wank and the shit paintings that line the walls and crowd the basement. Everything that I use to love now reminds me of the fucking bullshit that happened in 'the red paintings' house. Anything alternative that I use to own has been thrown out and replaced with something else.
You stupid bitch Moogie, you destroyed who I was and what I loved, you destroyed me.
That entire fucking house destroyed me.
I'm not only fucking angry because of all the bullshit that happened, but before I moved into that house for the first time in my life I felt like I knew who I was. And knowing who you are is the best thing anyone can own. But after a few months of living there, I didnt know, and now I still dont know, and now I have to find who I am all over again.
I hate this feeling. |
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[Aug. 19th, 2007|06:23 pm] |
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Ive decided, this time, I wont run away. I'll face what comes my way and what ever happends and still move to Sydney. So I'll move, and I'll stay, and I'll wait. No matter how long the wait is. |
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[Aug. 18th, 2007|06:25 pm] |
Backup plan:
Master Roulette and work on the cruise ships travelling the world. |
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[Aug. 14th, 2007|02:00 pm] |
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table test at starcity in october. |
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[Aug. 12th, 2007|04:36 pm] |
I had a dream about an old friend who I havent really thought about for a while...and it makes me think...think about everyone back in Canberra.
How is Alyce going these days? how are your plans going to move up to queensland? are you well? are you happy?
How is Courtney? I hear that you got another security job somewhere? how is life going...how is everything going?
But the thing that disturbed me in my dream...was about someone who was already drifting away before I moved away...
Tristain....where is Tristain? how is he? what is he doing with himself? is he still hanging around Kieram? has anyone ..heard anything?
And as selfish and self obsorbed I have been this year ...trying to find myself and find my future and plans and everything......my subconscious and my heart is screaming these names and I want to know how the fuck everyone is and what they're doing with themselves and make sure that everyone is well..
Alyce, Courtney, Tristain, Eowyn, Jess, Shayne, Mitch, Paddy, Rueben, Spikey, Paul, Kieren, Dale, Elliot, Freyja, Helen, hell even Bryn.
and as much as I know that deep down I will never speak or see most of these people ever again....I just hope that they're well...and life is going well for them..and that they're happy. |
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[Aug. 3rd, 2007|08:09 pm] |
Moving to Sydney at the end of the year.
Moving to Melbourne in 3-4 years.
I'm in love with most amazing boy ever.
I have Elle Macpherson and Calvin Klein underwear.
I have Sex Kitten, Allanah Hill, Cue and FCUK clothing.
I have Gucci sunglasses.
I have ten pairs of heels, most of them from Myer or Nine West.
I have a french manicure so I look presentable for work.
I don't have a Louis Vuitonn bag, but I will soon.
I like spending lots of money on cocktails when I go out for drinkies.
I like dining at fine resturants.
I like food like sushi, tradition japanese, modern australian and spanish.
I like a glass of wine with my meals.
I like indulging myself, but too much of a good thing can be bad.
I like dressing up when I go out.
I like culture, class and elegance. Something that I have lacked untill recently.
I'm coming back to Canberra in December for my 21st, it'll be interesting to see how everyone reacts to this change. |
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| Melbourne Vs Boganville aka 'Brisvegas' |
[Jul. 30th, 2007|03:56 pm] |
So I'm back, back from the wonderful city of Melbourne. I miss Steven already, the only person who I've been able to go to cocktail bars with and be able to appreciate the finer things in life with. My first moments back in Brisbane left me with the feeling of "oh god I have to get out of this shit hole" as I was crammed in the back seat of a Skyline speeding along the main road with dooge dooge music playing on full volume. Jame's friend had offered to come pick us up. I would have much rather spent the last of my money on a cab.
Oh god that week was good....wine, fine foods, cosy cafes and the most amazing shops hidden down alleyways and places that you just wouldnt expect to find anything of any interest.
It had its ups and down those...the downs being that Steven ran out of money half way through the week and me getting into a fight with a guy at a bar on our last night in Melbourne.
But besides that everything was good.
I very much look forward to moving to Sydney now...*sigh* |
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| Sunset |
[Jul. 21st, 2007|05:24 pm] |
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For the first time I can appreciate the beauty of another city that is not Canberra. The sun is setting upon the city, pink and violet clouds flow accross the background of a pale blue and yellow sky as bats fly into the sunset in flocks...and I can see it all from the front door of my bedroom. |
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| 21st |
[Jul. 8th, 2007|06:58 pm] |
Might be coming back to Canberra for my 21st Birthday.
wait and see. |
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| Hospitalized |
[Jun. 19th, 2007|10:05 pm] |
At the age of 20 I have somehow managed to fuck up my right kidney. On saturday night I ended up leaving work in an ambulance and going to the Royal hospital for a stay of about 36 hours before finally being let out with a bottle of antibiotics. So now I have to stay in bed and rest up for the rest of my week, drink lots of fluids and still manage to keep an appetite while on the diet of pain killers, antibiotics and now nausea tablets.
No more soft drink, a lot less junk food, heaps of water and very little alcohol. |
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| This journal was dead. |
[Jun. 2nd, 2007|03:34 pm] |
So, I've finally moved out of that rats nest in Woolloongabba. Now currently living in a lovely quiet little suburb close to the city where I can catch the ferry to work everyday just as the sun is setting. My mind is at peace, and once again I am happy at work and back to being a fast and fluent dealer. It's funny just how important your state of mind has to be for this job. Well for me anyway, before my dealing had become very sluggish, now its back to being normal. I'm happy and all is well with the world.
I think the only thing I find myself slightly pissed off about is that I spent about $4000 to move to Brisbane, and that stupid hag, Moogie, decided to force me out of the house, thus costing me another $2000 to relocate to another suburb. Expensive bitch.
So now that I am finally free of that place and I dont have to cop shit, I think the time has come to spill the beans. Where to start?
Well as some of you out there may know, about a month ago I posted up a very personal entry about how my life was going at that time, the next day however I was forced to take it down as Moogie had threatened to go to her lawyer and sue me for defamation. Over a livejournal entry. A livejournal entry about my life and the way I had been treated and shit I had encounted in that house. Anyone else find that slightly...insane?
I am still confused as to what exactly I did to her to cause such wrath, as she was the one that one day decided to just stop talking to me.
I find it funny that to the public she can come off as a very innocent 50 year old hippy..your usual art fag ...had a few too many joints in her past.. but still wouldnt harm a fly. yeah, right.
This woman made my life miserable while I lived there, she's torn the house apart into two sides, cost me a friendship, tested other friendships, acted very immaturely in front of guests, and even acted out violently by smashing household items and physically pushed me up against the wall then trying to smash down my door because I refused to listen to her bullshit.
Also, apparantly shes blaming me for her favourite dress to go missing, her reaction? She has threatened to get me fired from my job, my career. Her husband use to work for tabcorp and apparantly they are still friends with people, so her plan I asume is to get in contact with these people and get me fired so I cant work at another tabcorp casio again. She wants to ruin my career and my life, over a dress.
She's disgusting, she leaves used sanitary products in the bathroom for other people to clean up, go to the front of the house and you'll see cigarette butts everywhere on the front steps, she use to purpously play music to wake me up when I needed my sleep and energy for work, close doors in front of my face, be rude to my friends, she's fucking selfish too, ask her to do something and she'll blow up at you, try to talk to her about a situatoin and she'll refuse to even acknowledge it, but once she wants something, refuse to listen to her and she'll take it to a physical level.
Apparantly yesterday in the Myer centre, I was out with James and he told me that she basicly pushed down other people to try and get to me, I didnt even notice but she death stared James. What the fuck was she going to do to me? She's insane, she's mental, she's unbalanced ,she's phsycho, she's a fake and anyone who knows her should be very fucking cautious of her. |
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[May. 19th, 2007|04:54 pm] |
This Journal Is Dead.
www.melodramatic.com/users/laura_elizabeth |
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[May. 17th, 2007|05:01 am] |
You know how...over time..you just lose friends....people just move apart...and you lose contact with them.....yet you still have their phone number in your mobile. Always there, like a ghost almost. Some little tiny part that could alow you to contact them again..but you know you probably never will, just as they will never contact you.
I was getting a lift home from a Pit Boss from work tonight, we were talking about that...then he told me that he had phone numbers like that except for one which belonged to a woman that is now dead.
By the end of his story I was in tears and very much trying to hide it.
This woman would come into the Casino very often and gamble, at the time he was just a floor manager and because she was a regular he would always talk about her, eventually over time they became friends and he learnt a lot about her. She owned a business and she also helped children living on the street, she alowed them to come into her home and change, wash their clothes, have a shower as long as they didnt mess up the place, she would foster children, feed them, take care of them. She also had two sons of her own. And while doing that, she still could go and gamble at the casino, and she would win. She won a lot.
Then one day, she comes in with a scarf around her head. He doesnt ask why, but they joke around about it, she laughs. Then afterwards she tells him that she has cancer and that she has only 6 months to live. She lives for another 2 and a half years, and during the time travelled overseas with the money she won to try and have the cancer removed. But its too late, and eventually she stops coming into the casino. The cancer has spread through almost her entire body and she has to have a packet of morphine connected to her constantly. Then one day, he gets a phone call from her, she thanks him for his friendship, for his company and says her last goodbye.
The next she dies.
And he still keeps her phone number. |
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| I will make your empire come crashing down. |
[May. 11th, 2007|03:02 pm] |
I'm back.
I've been aproved for a house and I shall be moving out in 2 weeks time, the 29th to be exact.
A light has shined through and that old flame has been ignited.
No more shutting myself away in my room, I'll play my music how loud I want to
from now on, I'll hold my head high around you because you are dirt, filfth and at the very end, you'll learn just how much of a bitch I really can be.
Also,
My favourite pair of shoes have gone missing, from the smack bang dead centre of my room, I've checked every part of my room and I'm quite sure that I did not leave them somewhere else in the house.
So forgive me but the word 'theft' comes to mind and I cant help thinking of the one person who has so far shown that they are capable of doing things to fuck with peoples minds and shown that they are capable of destroying other peoples property.
I want my fucking shoes back. |
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[Apr. 12th, 2007|04:56 pm] |
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Best thing ^_^: Talking to Steven at 6am while we're both online looking at appartments in Sydney. |
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