"It will be worse than that; they will ignore me, I shall simply fade..."

fort_kanji 's request..

1. What was the last book you received as a gift? What did you think of it?
A signed copy of H. Murakami's <u>After Dark</u> when it came out for my birthday. I was thrilled.

2. What's the last book you gave as a gift? What made you choose it for the particular recipient?
For Lige I bought her Nabokov's <u>Pale Fire</u>, Dunn's <u>Geek Love</u> and R. Murakami's <u>Coin Locker Babies</u>. I wanted to get her what used to be my "top 3" books. I thought she would like them and I wanted to know what she made of them.

3. What's your favourite album of the year (so far)? Why do you like it?
I don't know about 2008. I think the last album I got into was Radiohead's Rainbows. Why do I like it? Listen to Recokoner.

4. What's been your favourite film (so far) of the year? Why?
I am guessing Dark Knight...

5. Do you save letters and postcards from friends/lovers? For how long?
For as long as they stay intact. I think... until I forget about them.

6. What are the five books you can't ever imagine not having on your shelves?
This list doesn't reflect my favorite books as much as books I really just cannot imagine NOT having on my shelf ... either for sentimental reasons or other significance.
Basic Writings of Nietzsche edited by Walter Kaufman - If only because of how much time and energy I spent on it (ie. latter part of undergrad and all of grad school). Dude, my thesis is mostly on this stuff...
I would say Windup Bird Chronicles by H. Murakami... but I actually gave away my copy to my cousin.
Ender's Game by Orson Scott Card.
Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley (uh... cause it's awesome. And AGAIN how much time and energy I spent on that book, world, and other fantasies. The MOORS, anyone?!?!)
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

7. What are the books you read five years ago that you still remember as somehow special?
Uh... consequently all of the above?

8. What are the books you read five years ago that you most wish you hadn't wasted your time on?
well THREE years ago, I read some Lord Earl Shaftsbury (no joke - nice porn name right?) 's Aesthetic Letters. Eh.
MORE than five years ago Sophear tried to get me to read some Fantasy book called Forest Runner... Rider... AHA! Green Rider. I'm sorry, but that was hours of my life I will never get back. I never finished it... thank god. Also around a bit more than 5 years ago I read ... Some book called "Ever After" or some weird Sci-fi Fantasy Fairytale book. It was the worst writing I have ever encountered. I can't even remember the name.

9. What's one book you were assigned for a class that became a personal favourite?
The Castle by Kafka and The Age of Reason by Sartre

10. What are the books that opened up the world to you or made you want to do new and different things with your life?
Balzac's Piere Goriot made me want to get off my ass. It made me depressed for slacking on my relationship with my mother. It just made me feel very inadequate.

11. What's the one book you'd give a lover to represent yourself and how you feel about them?
This might be bittersweet, but She Climbed Across the Table by Johnathan Lethem. It is basically about a woman who becomes obsessed with a scientific phenomenon... until it seems she is in love with it. The viewers follow her lover on his path to win her back... only, it's lacking, depressing and unsatisfactory. However, I think it is a fair assessment of how relationships go and people are taken for granted. Uh... I don't think I answered the question. Ry wasn't crazy about the book, btw.

12. What's the one thing that surprises you most about the way your tastes in books or music have evolved over the last few years?
I haven't been reading much fiction... which is a shame. I am trying to change that. I find it harder to care, though..

If you want to know the question comment here and I'll respond with them in a screened comment. Oh and if you ask for the questions you agree to post this in your LJ.

1. readahead 
2. ninjatech 
3. unbound_spirit 
4. clayb 
5. psychobutcute 
6. fort_kanji 
7. reanon 
8. ??? If I am close to them, I am close to them.
9. grohac 
10. taliesinsmuse 
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Yesterday I only did Yoga for 90 minutes.

Today I jogged for 5 miles.

Yoga - 90 minutes
Jogging - 5 miles

And some facts about Palin's speech

A very beautiful engagement party / reception for those who cannot make it to the wedding in Sri Lanka. Congratulations to Suranga and Manoj. I want to go to Sri Lanka to see the elephants that Susu rents.

I posted this on www.winglike.com, but this is the funniest thing I've seen in a while.

I was a little apprehensive about coming here. However, now that I am here I am really excited. We just arrived in Setagaya Ward, Tokyo, yesterday. Today, we have vouchers to go to the Ghibli museum in Mitaka (the Miyazaki one). Otherwise, we are in Tokyo for a week and then we are planning on heading out to Kansai.

The smell of this place is really making me sentimental. I really enjoy being here. I have to say that I am disappointed I won't be getting to go to Kyushuu to visit my Grandmother. I had to recall why I originally didn't make those plans. (My grandmother sold her house... and things were a bit hectic... long travel... and just not worth the bother if I wasn't going to stay there for a while. I usually come to Japan for 3 months at a time.)

It's weird being here without my mother or without seeing family. I view this country as a total family affair... so... but this time, I think we will be able to hang out and engulf some of the night life around here.

Check out Ryan's Prospect Park Stravinsky's Rite of Spring Remix concert on NPR.

I had a low fever - 100-101 last night and 99-100 tonight. My back aches in the typical flu fashion...

argh.

I have alternating pain from the mid back to the lower back (near my tailbone). It causes me to jump (when it's bad) from bending at the lower back to wash my face at the sink. I can barely stand to bend to sit or put the pressure to get up. Standing causes no troubles.

Uhg. Sciatic nerve? Tight Hipflexors? Hamstrings? I don't know.

Although I didn't think it was from running, I think it was a combination of running and sitting. It bothers me the most when I sit on cushiony surfaces that are too low at a certain angle. It hurts!

I am creaky. Maybe I am old. ;_; it comes and goes. It was worse last Wednesday, but today my midback is a little achy.

I have been scouring the internet for advice. I know that it isn't a good solution. I know this from my heart attack scare that was just heart burn (dude, I have never had heart burn and it was UNCOMFORTABLE). I have tried yoga poses (bridge, child pose, and half moon). I have tried strengthening lunges for flexors and hamstrings... and lower back strengthening by sort of flailing like a dead fish on my stomach.

I am not sure if this is all helping. HA HA HA HA. I am like a bad self destructive help example.

Which is just to say, two weeks ago, I was an emo poem for no reason. Please read poem as "asshole."

I finished reading:
Omnivore's Dilemma by Michael Pollan
Pere Goriot by Honore Balzac
Shadow of the Giant by Orson Scott Card

Reading now:
The God Delusion by Richard Dawkins

In any case, this week is crunch time to finish my thesis. This is the reason why I am here in LJ. Nice to see you guys. I finally feel up to seeing people. I saw Genevieve after she returned from London and Prague and spent lots of time with Chris B. when he came up here from Buffalo. Chris in on a question to finish all of Balzac's 90 something novels. He gave me Pere Goriot to wet my lips. Daniel also came back to find an apartment from Germany and is permanently back tonight. Lots of beer, art galleries, and EuroCup (boo Germany).

I started going to these philosophy reading groups hosted by my acquaintance / phil prof James. I caught bits and chapters of Nichomachean Ethics (by Aristotle) and Moral Luck (by Bernard Williams). I can't get into Ethics soley on its own. I cannot. Maybe this is because I have no strong convictions on the matter. I also scoff at the ideological scheme. Virtue ethics and Kantian ethics offer interesting ideas, but I have no questions. I am not really engaged with the material.

I bothered him for more stuff on Epistemology, which I am looking forward to.

I figured that would get my feet wet again..

Look, here is the thing. After having a corporate job for a while, I came to a few conclusions:

I HATE 9-5 office jobs. I like traveling. I hate traveling for work. I like having money. I hate working the long hours.

I think these things would change if I worked for a company I can get behind, such as a non profit org or something. However, at the moment, I can't really get behind luxury LCDs. However, regardless of how much I hate it, I need the money. Maybe I am a sell out?

I want to get a PhD in Philosophy, but with the market being what it is, I don't think I can justify it. I pursued it for so long, because I had this ideological notion that it would work itself out and I can start making money in my 30s. However, I feel the pressure... I have loans to pay off, banks are sucking now, and Gen's bank won't even allow her to consolidate hers. Also, if I am not cut out for a future in it, I should cut my losses and work on creating a foundation for money-making (get into a job that allows for upward movement). Right? And I need to take care of my mom.

I hated working in that company... I quit in April and I don't regret a thing. However, that's how I paid for Germany and that is how I am paying for my trip to Japan next week.

I mean for this to be more than the money. Truth is... I should work on at least being secure for the next few years, correct?

Uhg.

---

I have gained weight... like 20 lbs from February to May... So, when I went to Germany, I joined Daniel in his regimen. We got up at 5am to get to the gym at 6am. I did cardio for an hour. Then Daniel had me on machines for an 90 minutes. I never use these things. Then, we finished with some more cardio and we were out of the gym at 9am. It was intense! I HURT for the whole time there ... but it was a good hurt. I was also able to sleep a lot as an upside... no insomnia here. This only lasted for a week, but it was an ass kicking week. I can't imagine doing something like that here. I don't have 3 hours to dedicate to the gym after getting a job. (and I need a job to justify the costs of a gym)

I didn't really lose anything, though, but it kick started the body... I ate lots of sausages in Germany. And I drank lots of beer... on the subway and in public... Then I ate some more potato dumplings... Then I had some ApfelWein. But I didn't really gain anything. So it was fine.

---

Then I came back and did NOTHING... NOTHING for most of June.

So, beginning of July, I started exercising more diligently again.

However, something hurt my back. I was doing some pilates-like leg lifts to tone the lower abs... and then the next day my lower back HURT. I could barely get around and walk. I couldn't bend my hips over the sink to wash my face... or get up once I sit down. I thought it was a fluke and took it easy. Then... for no reason what so ever, last Wednesday, it happened again. This time, it's not like I did a single crunch or any toning for that matter. I ran. That's it. I sat on a weird low chair. (is that it?) It has gone away for the most part. I am hoping that will be the end of it.

I am creaky or something...

I think I am spending my days as a worthless human being.

That being said, for the past two days I have been reading Natsuo Kirino's "Out." It's a novel about four alienated women working the night shift at the factory. Each one has either or all of terrible spouses, ungrateful relatives, and they are all hard up for cash. It's a depressing novel about people scrounging around with a minimal level of prosperity, hope, and nothing really changes throughout the course of the novel. There are dead bodies involved and a great amount of time dedicated to chopping them up into manageable pieces.

MORBID.

And I spent until 5am or so reading this becoming thoroughly depressed. I feel like environment I am in is a pale version of some depressing book, sometimes. I started having a panic attack about money somewhere around 4am. Uhg.

Kirino's novels all have the same type of tone, where nothing changes for the positive and webs becoming stickier and we're all stuck in this bleak little pot. Her characters cannot get out of the darkness and some even thrive there. I have to say, I really enjoyed "Grotesque." However, "Out" is just depressing.

I need to feel alive.

But the boyfriend has promised me that we will do something fun today.

Those of you on facebook probably saw these all ready.

( link )

So yes, Fette Sau, this is definitely a place to visit if you were in NYC. This is not a place you order sides... if anything, I hear their beans are DELICIOUS. I wouldn't know, because by the time we ordered around 6-7pm, they were all out for the night. Nothing there is really vegetarian, and what I ended up getting was a huge mound of pulled pork, sausage links, and pork cheeks. There were also brisket... and I unfortunately missed out on smoked pulled pork belly. I also had lots of beer and bourbon. Yes.




Following, we went to Barcade, where the walls are lined with old school arcade games - all for a quarter.


(you see that girl right there? she is the champion of Ms. Pacman!)

The next day, on my actual birthday, I went to Spice Market. It's like Thai Vietnamese fusion in a beautiful cushioned atmosphere, complete with beautiful lanterns and kettles... that just added to it's elegance. The food was quite good. Lige kept telling me about Spice Market, the few times she went. I especially enjoyed the fried crab salad and the fried onion salad. I also had the fried cod (mmm... I see a pattern?)



I think my life these days have been dictated by food. Right before I went to Germany (the day before I left), I got to go to Hakata Ippudo - this new Japanese ramen place that just opened up. Apparently the Ippudo chain in Japan is known far and wide... And my gosh this is delicious. This still does not beat Tontoro in Kagoshima (and I hear there is a place in NJ in Mitsuwa that has this...). I love these greasy succulent pork broth dishes SO much. They are THE best. I am delighted at this discovery. I just went back there for lunch yesterday with Ryan, and we were so pleased with the lunch set, which includes a pork over rice donburi dish for an extra $3 (and pickes!!)

Sigh. There is so much good food in the City, I think I will burst.

I wasn't much of a fan of the Frankfurter. I much preferred the Bulvarian alternative. I did like the Apfelwein, very much. It was very strong.

I don't know what I am doing these days. I am trying to get my footing back on some sort of daily life, but it isn't working. I am working through the savings I piled up through my last job, and I need to find something new shortly.

I've been picking up a lot of Jonathan Lethem. I've gone through two of his collections of short stories (Men and Cartoons and The Wall of the Sky, The Wall of the Eye) and his short novels, such as: As She Climbed Across the Table and Motherless Brooklyn. I feel like a lot of people here would enjoy these books as well. Otherwise, I have been really into some familiar light reading with Orson Scott Card. I have been going through the rest of the Ender books I never got a chance to years ago. I've been reading Ender's Shadow, Shadow Puppets, and Shadow of the Hegemon. I would much rather read those on the plane and stuff my head with Angelina Jolie's big belly in OK magazine then go through my Adorno readings.

I am pretty much done with that.

I find myself retracing my steps. Why did I take that turn there? Why did I end up where I am now. Why the fuck is this shoe up my ass? You know, the normal questions.

Otherwise, I have been completely indulgent and eating out... I went out to Fette Sau (Fat Pig - in German), this butcher shop type place in Wiliamsburg for my birthday eve (last Sat. of April). Basically all the beers on tap - the little lever things are butcher knives. The place is set up like a big butcher shop in a garage with picnic tables. Then, on a tray with wax paper, they give you meat by the 1/4-1lb. However much you want. You go there to gorge on meat meat and more meat. It isn't cheap, either... and it's delicious. It's a place where trendy hipsters can go and not fucking be vegetarian, for once. I feel like. I went, because I heard they bbq/smoke/cure all the meat themselves fresh... they usually run out of the choice meats by 7pm.

Ack... gotta go. I will continue this rant later.

I’m in Frankfurt, Germany, right know. Instead of heading to Berlin tomorrow to pretend to be a lesbian (long story), we might just rent a car and go to Stuttgard and southern Germany or head to Amsterdam and Koln for a few days. It depends if the car company lets us take it up to Amsterdam…

mwa ha ha ha..

I was never very good at balancing things...

I had to pay $600 in taxes today.

I am no longer employed at that LCD company.

I am leaving for Frankfurt, Germany on the 5th of May. The original plan was to get a one way ticket... once upon a time.

I am finishing up my thesis finally.

Then, I don't know.

Bla bla bla bla...

I have been MIA... hiding from all the search parties.