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[24 Sep 2008|05:21pm] |
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i don't do stuff in college. i don't go to football games or frat parties or even to the dining hall. i am supposed to want to do those things according to my peers and probably my parents, but i don't do them. because football games are not fun. frat parties are not fun. dining hall food is terrible. i like to go to my classes and do my work and get grades for my work. i like to think that progress is being made in that aspect, or that i am at least moving forward. girls at this school are mostly really pretty and dress really nicely. i am thinking about getting another tattoo. probably of my mother's name below my boob over my heart. but i don't know. my side of the room looks cooler than kari's. i need to make more friends but the only way people suggest i do that is by going to school activities or joining clubs and i kind of want to make friends with a person or people who don't like to go to school activities and aren't really into clubs. i truly only want to hang out with zach and do nothing. there are some good tv shows on tonight and i am in the mood for some pasta.
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[23 Sep 2008|12:23am] |
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i'm afraid the only way i will feel better is if my parents don't end up getting a divorce. at this point they have changed their minds so many times that i am so used to thinking in the back of my mind that this is temporary. only i'm afraid that it's not temporary this time. i spend so much of my day being angry at them that by the time i try to sleep i can't pretend that i'm mad anymore. at the end of the day i am just heartbroken and disappointed. and it's so much easier to be mad than to be sad.
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[21 Sep 2008|10:43pm] |
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i cry every time my mother cries. i really can't help it. no matter what i always no exactly how she feels. home is a word that doesn't even exist anymore to me.
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[14 Sep 2008|08:42am] |
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i have a new friend. her name is abby and i really like her. she doesn't like to go to terrible parties where she doesn't know anyone and she is artistic and funny and she likes zach and coming over to the apartment to watch "it's always sunny in philadelphia" on dvd. she has really pretty curly hair and she rides her bike to her classes. we like the same alcoholic beverages. i am really happy that i am not so lonely at college anymore.
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[31 Aug 2008|06:23pm] |
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i just moved into college. my roommate is really sweet and my suitemates are pretty. i am really nervous because i don't know where i am and how to get places. and i only know a total of five people. fuck.
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[19 Aug 2008|10:03am] |
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like blades of grass, yet to be realized, bow as they pass. they are cold, still, waiting in the ether to form, feel, kill, propagate only to die.
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[01 Aug 2008|01:05am] |
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i hope i take a logic class in college.
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[01 Aug 2008|01:01am] |
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pro-life arguments piss me off so hard.
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[28 Apr 2008|03:59pm] |
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it feels like everything is at a standstill. once everyone goes where they have to go, things will be just the same here and it makes me wonder if other places will really be like that because that's life or maybe they won't because i'm older and everyone else will be older and out looking to start over just like me. i'm excited to find out. there are so few people left that seem to exist to me.
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[10 Apr 2008|09:16pm] |
if you don't like it when people whine about their lives in the elgays, please don't read this.
my life sucks.
i have no friends.
i have too much homework.
i hate a large majority of people
including people i act nicely towards.
i'm a bitch.
and i'm fucking selfish.
and i can't wait to get the fuck out of this place.
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| i am so happy |
[02 Apr 2008|06:50pm] |
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[01 Apr 2008|03:40pm] |
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i'm going to delaware. my parents are moving to florida. my life is changing and i'm pretty excited.
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[09 Mar 2008|10:25pm] |
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i am okay.
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[01 Mar 2008|10:26am] |
nostalgia isn't what it used to be
i can only picture the disappearing world when you touch me.
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[26 Feb 2008|06:25pm] |
there are all different kinds of hearts.
there are people hearts,
there are big whale hearts
lion hearts
bear hearts
fish hearts
little hummingbird hearts
and mouse hearts.
all kinds of hearts.
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[25 Feb 2008|08:29pm] |
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i miss my pretty friend that had the real kind of beauty that you could see when she laughed or stopped laughing or slept silently. i miss her and i don't believe in god, but if she did, i hope he is real for her sake and i hope he puts her someplace nice.
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[22 Feb 2008|12:33pm] |
i cut the tip of my thumb yesterday
with an exacto knife
it didn't hurt,
but it bled.
i wonder what you would have said
to me when you saw
little droplets mixed with epoxy
on a popsicle stick.
we are all looking
for some type of validation.
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[28 Jan 2008|08:48pm] |
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i just went to a wake for a girl i used to be best friends with. it breaks my heart to say, "that was my friend, heather", but for some reason, i keep repeating it to myself.
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[25 Jan 2008|09:31am] |
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beautiful girl, i am so sorry you had to go.
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[17 Jan 2008|10:46am] |
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the brain is really cool. i think it's incredible how chemicals can shoot out of one place and into another place for a person to feel happy or sad or taste a meatball or feel an orgasm or pain. When human beings sit and ponder their existence and the meaning of life, it's all chemicals and electricity going around to all these different places. shit like that can make me believe or disbelieve in god. I mean, the idea of god and the idea of anything all comes from those sparks and chemicals. it is possible that god wanted all these phenomenal reactions and mechanics to make us working, thinking, moving, functioning human beings. Then again, who the fucking hell would even think of that. I mean, as far as god goes, the people who believe in him/her/it focus on all these emotions and stories and shit on god, but i don't think that they even stop for a second to think about all these little minute crazy-ass fucking things. they can say the word "god" and it's all explained and i think that's bullshit.
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_elephantine's journal