Here it is, a piece in the At-Last!verse.

There's a prequel, as well; not necessary to read, but there should you choose to: http://www.livejournal.com/users/_beetle_/47397.html

Also? I wrote "Family Guy" slash for slashthedrabble: http://www.livejournal.com/community/slashthedrabble/177073.html#cutid1

I am a sick puppy.

All poetry and lyrics herein belong to their creators and not to me.

Name: empty_inside
Preferred Pairing: S/X
Backup Pairing: S/W
Preferred Rating: R
3 things you do NOT want to see: Het in any form, character death or pre season 4 setting.
Favorite Genre of fic(I.E. AU, Schmoop etc.): Schmangst that ends at least sort of happy or H/C
Any notes to me or your author?: Have fun!
Song: Etta James 'At Last'


A Place Where Time Isn’t
Author: _beetle_
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I don’t own them, but my frayed nerves insist otherwise.
Concrit/Feedback: *ducks and covers*
Notes/Spoilers/Warnings: Post-NFA, no spoilers. The prequel is posted here: http://www.livejournal.com/users/_beetle_/47397.html
Summary: A fic written for empty_inside *anxiously bites what’s left of fingernails*


Pain

existence is no more and no less than this

memories arise

flames cut through him
like knives

his skin is crawling
itching
burning

and she is too far away to offer coolness
and comfort

teeth so sharp
they are surely fangs
breach the pale
fragile skin over his jugular

he is wracked with pain as a sword
is driven through him
not for the first time
and not for the last

he is consumed by flames that cleanse
as they kill

and she doesn’t love him
even now

heart is beating
oh god
beating

at last
it is beating
at last

started

just in time to stop

*

dead

he promised--

dead

dead

he’s

dead

he
is

HE’S DEAD

the worst pain of all
the worst
the killer

the one that is eternal

the one that is punishment

the one that is redemption

the one that is key

--as in

key knowledge
to have at hand--

is this fact

he is dead

memory is all

and all is pain

pain obliterates everything he is
pain purifies him
pain makes him clean
makes him worthy--

at last

worthy?

at last

*

and then there’s nothing but burning hurty darkness

for millennia
for thousands of millennia
for time out of time
the burnyhurtydarkness shrieks it’s empty
windblown silences
from all directions

so. . . .

help me, someone please--

less than a voice
but it’s his it is his own
a different thing entirely from the howling darkness
that has been absorbed

even into his deepest self

. . . again?

never do it again don’t know what I’ve done swallowing me

william???

swallowing me

william . . .

help me

love
like a smile
like a touch
like salvation
like benediction

yes
at last

love like a shroud made of light
and cool water
and golden song
that covers and extinguishes
all burnyness
all hurtyness
all darkness

love

eternities-deep

unending

saves him

love
with wings to bear him away--

*

crewe

at last

we meet

we

again?

William oh at last--

grass that tickles his bare feet

sky that tickles his hair

love that tickles his soul

forgive me
time
is hard to get the knack of
linear time
is especially hard to get the knack of

blood rushes to william’s head
as if he’s just turned a cartwheel

that voice is strange
and strangely familiar

so . . . we meet again?

turns
his entire being
is giddy
is a flower seeking sunlight
at the call of that half-remembered voice

the white
the light
the eyes
the laugh

the welcoming smile approaching from across the field of
daisies
roses
pillows
green grass william finds himself in

i’m--i’m afraid
you have me at quite a disadvantage
sir
for I don’t recall our first meeting

and frowns taste rather melancholy
rather like rain

and the smile
the sphere of white light
the young man
is here

he’s here
so william says:

everything shifts
i can’t make out anything
or make it stay solid
or make it hold still

Yes

and

This place
is consistent like that
when I first arrived--

the smiling young sphere of white light laughs and
it’s such a happy carefree sound
that tastes like lemon gumdrops
or caramel apples

or the color periwinkle

william’s own smile
is easily drawn forth
to fly away from him
and chatter with the birds
and mingle with the sky

the white energy is

walking
wanting
meeting him halfway

when i first arrived
i didn’t even remember
who i was
i clung to joyce
and tara
and ahn
like something penicillin wouldn’t shift

amusement like the earth sighing
and

but they were sweet about it
and eventually
it all came back
the good stuff anyway

who i was

where i was

where i am

they are close now
to each other

william is close enough to smell the young man’s scent

to smell ripe sun-warmed apples
to smell freshly cut grass
to smell sunshine

and where are we
sir
pray tell

here
there
everywhere
nowhere
it’s hard to explain

we
are

a brief flash of mischievous dark eyes

a glimpse of serene brown eyes
and William feels a flush spreading
throughout his being

i am

the glowing young man admits
in tones
the color of self-effacement

william is perplexed
and it tastes like
porridge

you are?

yes

momentary joy
that tastes like verdi
but sounds like puccini

call me xander
if you care
to call me at all

alexander harris
william knows

and says certainly

it earns him a ripe peach of a chuckle

william holds out a hand he doesn’t have
it is gripped
and held
by warmth he cannot see

but he can feel

and it resounds
and it solidifies

the world

the field around him is grassy and thick with daisies
and a young man
with dark hair
is shaking his hand

dark gentle eyes mean everything to william and
at the same time
they mean nothing to him

do i
have i
known you

yes

the smiling young man
who can’t decide if he wants to be a ball of white light
a mist of swirling rainbow colors
or some odd breed
of dog
looks down into william’s eyes

warm days and pleasant nights

his voice is low and intimate
like honey

william shakes his head
to loose it of such niggling thoughts

and the world explodes into light
darkness
the strange-grey
of in-between places

it staggers him
and fells him

he doesn’t realize he’s cowering
until strong arms pull him up

you walk in beauty

william whispers
to the arms
to the eyes
to the energy that laughs
like delighted rainbows

because he is lost again
he knows he won’t be found

he is quite alright with that

because xander walks in beauty

“Like the night
Of cloudless climes and starry skies
And all that’s best of dark and bright
Meet in your aspect, and your eyes
Thus mellowed to that tender light
Which Heaven to gaudy Day denies”

william declares
in a voice
that could crack the dome of the sky

but doesn’t

xander’s laugh
is like freshly peeled oranges
tart
and fragrant

william crewe
the poet

xander doesn’t seem
to be enamored of letting go
of william’s hand
or of william’s being
in the immediate future

this is a constant
more reliable
more believable
than the theory of evolution
or of gravity
which william is beginning to have serious doubts about

poet
my dear sir--
only if one
were to go by the most general meaning of the word
could one such as i
be labeled ‘poet’

william’s chagrin tastes like old coins

because william
is such an awfully bad poet
terrible
really

yet
the word effulgent spring to mind
when he tries to recall his own works

neatly sweeping away the fact
that until he’d said it
he’d had no idea of his own artistic leanings
william blushes

it feels like being wrapped in woolen blankets
that don’t itch
but have the potential to

well

comes the dark chocolate of xander’s voice

i don’t know much about poetry

and the warm
sweet
scent of his breath

but I know what I like

that warmth surrounds william
fills him

i like what you write.

approbation wraps him up
and carries him away

i like you

a sphere of rainbow colors envelopes him like a mantle
a smiling young man embraces him
a dog settles contentedly at his feet

xander

you are

beautiful
sweet
lovely
unattainable
perfection
too kind

sir

william stammers
and basks

xander’s regard is like floating on air
or on water

but i know my own shortcomings
william adds
with a touch of melon-flavored melancholy

though william expects one
there is no token protest
of the sort that is only made
out of kindness

--for xander is a kind man
above all else
william senses this--

xander merely ducks his head

as you say william

agreement
like the prick of snowflakes against his face

and william
can’t help but feel
that xander vehemently disagrees with him
is only humoring him
as william's peers are wont to do

this time
however
william is in on the joke

shall i write you an ode
then
or a sonnet
perhaps

yes

shall i write you something
give you tangible proofs
by which you shall be shown
the folly of misplaced faith

william looks down
at his feet
the dog yawns
and grins up at him
and laughs at him
for being such a fool

the silence is long

--feels like taffy
but tastes like scones--

and eventually william looks up
into xander’s handsome face
catches a look of intense longing
and hope
on xander’s friendly face

I would like that very much
william

then i
shall endeavor not to disappoint you
sir

you never have
you never could
because i love you

there they stand
holding hands
and smiling at each other

for at least half an eternity

neither of them
notices the time passing

perhaps this is because
in this place

time

isn’t

*

in a place
where
time does not pass

in a place
where
all times are now

in that place
that word place
makes less sense
that a toddler’s giggle

but in that place
william remembers the good
and the pain slips away
lost
but not forgotten

it is deep
a part of him
it shapes him
it does not define him
any longer

in this time
that is not

in this place
that is not

william becomes whole again
becomes himself
is all of himself
but not

he
is also something else entirely
he thinks thoughts
that are not his own

and the place that is not
in the when that is not
is another set of nots
entirely

not:
what he thought

not:
at all

heaven

he reflects
petting his dog
holding his young man
and basking in the sphere of rainbow light

is nothing like i imagined
pet

nothing?

nothing

william smiles
and says

they let me in

heaven let me in
so
it is nothing like i imagined

a taste like:

beer
pepperoni
fondness

i
told you so

you are here
you have always
been here

you will always
be here

xander's laugh
shoots
through william's being
like raspberry-flavored lightning
smug
and infinitely good-natured

william's dog grins
william's young man grins
and the light that shines on them all
flashes
like polished brass

a voice

strong
deep
golden

a voice
clear
shining
ephemeral

a song that is first snowfall
first cherry blossoms
first love

first reciprocity

a song that is theirs

and many other things
besides

it fills eternity
completes it

william smiles

so
here we are

yes

this place
is nothing more than the smile
xander bestows upon him

here we are

in heaven

william thinks
knows
is amazed by

warm agreement that tastes like pizza
like twinkies
like an issue
of The Uncanny Xmen--

in heaven
and you are mine
mine
mine

--that's still in the original plastic

permeates him

at last

and warmth surrounds him

and it is perfect

and he is worthy

at last.