Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in 3ternity's LiveJournal:

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Friday, October 14th, 2005
6:40 pm	my head is in the clouds now..floating in a sea of happiness n contentment. haha...ok..i'm exaggerating. 2 very good things happened out of today. i'm feeling so high now is bcos i just came back from dinner with jp. we had dinner at a nice little cafe in a corner of ntu.. the food wasn't great but he made up for it. haha. we talked quite a bit...abt stuff...i found out quite a few things about him. good things along with the bad ones. one thing is..conversation with him is always easy..and somehow, we always think on the same frequency. maybe that's why our talk always flows along quite smoothly. oh ya...and he is really a sensitive guy. not a typical guy. but a sensitve guy. he understands girls. you can tell from his actions and the things he say. he makes me feel comfortable when i'm with him. now the bad points. for one, he smokes. second, he drinks. he was just sharing with me about how he drinks and smokes more nowadays...partially bcos of stress and i think he also has some relationship problem. he said he learnt drinking in the air force. he's not attached but he currently likes some girl. in fact he's quite into her...judging from his msn nicks. after hearing this, it made me wonder. will i consider a guy who smokes and drinks, goes pubing every weekend, and who backslided as a christian?? but he has the whole package...i really don't know.. well...on to the second good thing that happened today. i met my cell leader for lunch. we talked about stuff... i finally told her i had an issue about trusting people. in fact i shared with her things that i've kept silent about, things who i had carried with me for 7 years. it felt really good to let things out. she sat there and listened while i talked..i was trying hard to control my tears..i'm not used to crying in front of pple. but today as i was sharing...i didn't care about how i'll appear...i just wanted to lay down my burden and be totally honest. each word i said had to be forced out...but when i was done i felt relieved. and then she started ministering to me. in that moment, i realised how much i needed someone to listen, to affirm, and to give me godly wisdom. she did just that. and it begin a healing process inside... i felt.. peace. after that she told me that i needed to go back and settle this issue with God. it's been 7 years...i've held on to it long enough. it's guess its really time to let it go. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
12:41 pm	Just to let u guys know...worship went ok. i wasn't feeling as nervous as i expected. but now i got a glimpse of the hard work that is behind anything that is successful. but ya...it was a good feeling to step out and lead worship. i haven't gotten my evaluation from my cell leader yet...gonna ask her today. =P exams are coming...stressed stressed stressed. i went to buy 2 of Corrinne May's cds...(btw she only has 2 out so far)...haha. recently i fell in love with her songs. her voice brings a calmness inside me. and her lyrics are very classy..it's not the usual songs that u find on the hot chart nowadays. most of her songs has a story behind... i especially like 'if u didn't love me' and 'everything in it's time'. and to echo who i feel right now, here's 'Little Superhero Girl'. Little Superhero Girl I feel like a little girl Trying to conquer the whole wide world Everybody wants a piece of me And i just dont know where to turn I've got work piled up to my head All i want to do is jump into bed And wash away my troubles with lemonade Play hide and seek with the boy next door Take a trip to Singapore and Imagine how i'll make the world a better place All I need is a good disguise One where nobody can recognise That I'm feeling so small All i need is a small weapon I've gotta have faith Zapping monsters into outer space I'm gonna be a superhero Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na Yeah If I were a little girl Trying to clean up the whole wide world I'd kick the bad boys back to school Teach them fighting's just not cool I'd give every kid a teddy bear Turn starving people into millionaires Break glass ceilings with dynamite sprinkle a little sugar and spice Turn the bullies that terrorize into pink poodles that bark, But don't bite All i need is a good disguise One where nobody can recognise That I'm feeling so small All i need is a secret weapon I've gotta have faith Zapping monsters into outer space I'm gonna be a superhero Na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na Yeah Little Superhero Girl Little Superhero Girl Save Me Little Superhero Girl Little Superhero Girl Save me from myself I feel like a little girl Trying to conquer the whole wide world (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, October 11th, 2005
9:53 am	i'm leading worship for cell today! it's my first... i'm feeling a combination of excitment and adrenaline with a tinge of apprehensive-ness. God, help me throw all the wad-if-things-go-wrong n wad-if-i-dunno-wad-to-say out of the window. i'm taking a step of faith. ultimately, it is Your worship session.. i trust that u will be in control. and i'm availing myself to u...so let the spirit flow. Amen. ... i'm praying i won't have an attack of nerves later. (Comment on this)
Monday, October 10th, 2005
1:52 am	hihi.. stopping by to drop a short note. to all my frens who stop to read my blog i'm so sorry that i haven't been blogging...been so busy lately. and exams are coming in 3 weeks!! =S Updates. i finally met pam this sat. haven't seen her since sch started...it feels really good to catch up n talk abt stuff..i miss our chats. in uni i've learnt how impt it is to have frens who operate on the same wavelength. oh i almost forgot! we've both found someone we like in our respective schs! although i was quite surprised by her choice of guy..basing on her descriptions..which i shan't elaborate..go ask her if u wanna know.. i'm happy for both of us...it means that there's still good guys out there. there's hope!! meanwhile, i'll write more abt the guy i took a liking to. he's good-looking, taller than me, plays rugby, plays the drum in the jam band,likes jazz music, speaks well, dress well, knows how to conducts himself appropriately in most situations.. the list goes on. but most importantly, he is gentlemanly in a natural and friendly way to the girls...and he has a knack in making me laugh. in short, he would fit the word SNAG(sensitive-new-age-guy AND sensual-new-age-guy) to the bill. he is one lucky guy who has succeeded in getting his act together. sounds perfect? well...the thing is, he already has a girl he likes in mind. =( shucks... tt definitely makes things a notch more difficult. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, September 28th, 2005
11:28 am	Drowning Today's one of the days i feel like hiding under the covers n not getting up. i dun wanna face anyone. it feels like something's eating me up on the inside. i feel bitter. i'm so tired of trying my best...and not reaping the rewards. i'm tired of being so rational all the time. i'm tired of trying not to judge anyone but having pple judge me. struggles...we all have struggles. but why is it so hard for me to tell others? my friends have no trouble telling pple abt their problems and asking for advice... whereas me? why do i have to put on a smiling front and bottle everything inside? i feel terrible...it's breaking me. it makes me wanna lash out at someone...anyone. to say smth mean...hurt someone. Walking with You is so difficult at times. Where is the liberty that can be found in You????? (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, August 22nd, 2005
9:39 pm	hihi... it's 9.45pm now. time passes so fast. i just went for clan dinner n then dnd interview...now i'm back in my room getting ready for a night of studying. needa do reseach for some article analysis for marketing...we're supposed to present on thurs but we haven't found our article yet. like how cool is that...hahah..luckily it's not gonna be graded. i'm really having a hard time managing studies n hall life... i'm still asking the same ol qestion. is the workload in uni supposed to be so heavy? how come all e seniors in jc says uni is slacker than A's?? i think it's not lo...in JC you get fed with all the notes n then just have to memorize n practise a lot. here the notes are more like summaries. the info lies in the textbooks. which means the notes are not sufficient..i hafta do a lot of extra reading. so even if my timetable says i have a 3 day week, my other 2 days are spent doing external reading n going for project discussion. crap...n i thought we're supposed to enjoy life in uni. haha...i'm was like how deluded la... oh ya forgot to mention almost everyone here works dem hard. serious. i should buck up n pull up my socks... AIMS 1) Keep on par with all the lects n tutorials. i'm laaaggging behind. this is baaadd. 2) Read the bible everyday! i can't seem to find time to read or pray nowadays. it's the interactive culture in hall...it's difficult to find the appropriate time just to shut in with God to pray n hear from Him...there are too many social obligatons. this sorta things threw me off track for a while..but thank God i have a roomie who i can talk n share my struggles with..n who is there to encourage n to listen. i thank God for reviving my love for Him. (if u read my earlier post, it spoke of how my passion for God almost went out. but by God's grace, i'm back on. :) ) 3) Lastly, i wanna enjoy hall life! be more more sociable..get to know more pple... yea basically make lots of friends n build friendships that last. N yea be a good salt n light.. be an understanding companion to those who needs a listening ear.. basically be there for my friends when they need someone to confide in or tell their problems to. that's God's gift to me...so i wanna use it well. n believe me or not there are so many pple in this world who are really hurt inside but still put up a strong n happy front. i pray God will give me the discernment to reach out to these pple..to bring joy n healing. n also, the love of God to them. kae with that, i'm going to do my homework :) (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, August 20th, 2005
4:28 pm	Avalon - First Love I used to be the one who would long to hear Your voice a child who sought to win his Father's heart but as i carried on, life's got a hold on me now here i am a son so far from home Tell me when did i loose my first love? where did the fire and passion go? give me back Your holy fire bring me back my lost desire and restore in me the love i felt for You Can i remember how it felt ? when they looked into my face and they saw the love of Jesus in my life when i looked back on my life and questioned where i've been can i really say i've done my best for you? ... When the music fades All is stripped away And I simply come Longing just to bring Something that's of worth That will bless Your heart I'll bring You more than a song For a song in itself Is not what You have required You search much deeper within Through the way things appear You're looking into my heart I'm coming back to the heart of worship And it's all about You, It's all about You, Jesus I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it When it's all about You, It's all about You, Jesus King of endless worth No one could express How much You deserve Though I'm weak and poor All I have is Yours Every single breath I'll bring You more than a song For a song in itself Is not what You have required You search much deeper within Through the way things appear You're looking into my heart I'm coming back to the heart of worship And it's all about You, It's all about You, Jesus I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it And it's all about You, It's all about You, Jesus I'm coming back to the heart of worship, And it's all about You, It's all about You, Jesus I'm sorry, Lord, for the thing I've made it And it's all about You, It's all about You, Jesus Avalon - The Heart Of Worship (Comment on this)
Thursday, August 11th, 2005
1:22 am	Avalon - Always Have, Always Will Part of me is the prodigal Part of me is the other brother But I think the heart of me Is really somewhere between them Some days I'm running wild Some days we're reconciled But I wonder all the while Why You put up with me, when... I wrestle most days To find ways to do as I please I always have, I always will You saved me once, You save me still My longing heart, Your love alone can fill You always have, You always will I was born with a wayward heart Still I live with a restless spirit My soul is so well worn You'd think I'd have arrived by now I'm caught in the trappings of My search for lasting love I've made mistakes enough To last me a lifetime I still slip, I still fall.. But I'll always run back to You I'm gonna keep trusting You I see what You've seen me through I'm goin' where You have gone I'm letting You lead me on All my days...always and forever Never far...never leave me never Here I'll stay...ever love me ever Here's my heart I'll always love You (Comment on this)
Monday, May 2nd, 2005
7:11 pm	Hi peeps. I haven’t been to my blog for so long, I’m sure it has grown cobwebs again. Here’s a quick update for the events that matter. -yesterday’s squash gathering with the hc team at kenny rogers. It was an enjoyable time of catching up and hearing abt all the funny events that happened in BMT. The NS guys in our table keep the conversation going while the rest of us; the girls and the current J1 and J2 guys just sat and listened. Haa… It’s true what they say, I’m sure the guys in uni will be talking non-stop abt NS too. I feel that the guys who are in NS now have changed a bit…some have matured more, some have taken on the macho attitude, and one now feel very embarrassed without his cap. Haha…and that’s non other than our very own sleepyhead. -class gathering at Big-O. As usual, the same people turned up. It was as if our class has shrinked to this size for the years to come. It was very good seeing everyone again and seeing that they are doing fine. Yesterday’s gathering was on the cosy side, for the first time. Maybe it was the ambience of Big-O; gentle lighting and soft cheery music playing in the background. Or maybe, I’ve missed my classmates. A pity I only got to talk mostly to pam lim, tzehao, dot, lily, daniel, and of course pam, who was sitting beside me on my right. But the rest of the guys were having a good time on the other side, so it’s okay. We left Big-O at abt 10. On the way to the mrt, we saw a near accident at the road juncture between cine and the youth park. 2 taxi drivers and a women got into a shouting fight while the rest of the kind, considerate and civilized singaporeans, us included, just stood there and watched the commotion. It is no wonder that taxi drivers have gotten themselves a bad reputation. No person was hurt nor any vehicle damaged. And yet they managed to strike up a quarrel with a lady. Of course, the lady, who was much fiercer than her husband, was at fault too la. After we, the girls, managed to pull the reluctant guys away from the scene, we all got into the mrt and went home. Somehow, talking with kong and robin always had me laughing. I’m thankful for all my classmates in my life. -the past 2 weeks have been spent working with pam in the pharmacy at TMC. It was stressful initially, when all the medicine orders are coming in at the peak hour and I cannot remember where all the medicine are kept. But pam, anna, yahya and mrs chen the pharmacist have been a great help. Now I am more familiar around the place and can actually get things done without asking too many questions. The job can actually be enjoyable… and time passes quickly. In the blink of an eye it will be lunch time, and then a few more hours later it’s off from work and I’m happy to go home. Life is good! -just finished reading ‘Heaven Is So Real’ yesterday. I first heard abt the book from a friend working at venezia. After hearing her account i wanted to buy it and read it then, but somehow as time passes I forgot all abt it. Now amazingly the book has found it’s way into my hands, through mrs chen’s daughter, xiufang(rem our rg junior one year after us?) who bought it. I’m thankful for God’s grace…He never lets up! This is a book that talks abt the reality of heaven, and hell. The author is a korean women, who has been to heaven 17 times and to hell 2 times with Jesus in her spirit body. Other than these experiences, Jesus also showed her many visions, and among them scenes of rapturing and tribulation. This is truly God’s end-times book, a last wake-up call to lukewarm christians and more importantly, to the unbelievers. And I believe that the end days are very near, so near that our generation may very well be the generation that will experience the rapture. If you read the Bible in the book of revelations, it states that in the end days, when Jesus’s second coming is very near, floods, earthquakes, diseases and many other disasters will befall mankind in increasing frequency. Nowadays, if you will just read the newspapers, earthquakes are happening everywhere. The tsunami is a big wave. The no. of people tested positive for Aides are going up, and what’s with the chicken flu, the Avian virus and all. After reading the book, I realised how stringent the requirements are for getting a place in heaven and having your name written in the Book of Life. It strikes fear into my heart. For my parents and friends who do not know God, I don’t want them to end up in hell. It is for eternity. What is a short life on this Earth given to God, if it earns you eternity in heaven? Even for me myself, nothing is guaranteed. But now my time on Earth means much more to me. I want to see my loved ones saved. I want to know much more abt God’s Word. I want to help out more in church. If you ever have a desire to get to know God, please don’t ignore it. God is calling you. Time is short. Don’t try to reason it out. Just trust with your heart. It is so ironic that almost everyone I know believes that there is a God, but they are just unsure of which is the right God. Remember that as a child, you prayed frequently for the things you want? You trusted in God then, why not now? A few months back, I had a very short dream. I dreamt I was standing before the throne of God, and I had to give Him an account of how I had spent my life. And it was a moment of fear and panic, because I suddenly realised that I had not used my time on earth fruitfully, and I have done many things that I shouldn’t have, things I’ve yet to repent from and asked for forgiveness. There were too many compromises I had made. And to make it worse, what had I done for God? I should have been more diligent in reading the bible. I should have prayed for and reached out to others more. I should have served and helped out more in church. All these I should haves coursed through my mind, and I realised with a sinking feeling that I could have done so much more with my time, my life. I believe people fear death not so much because they will be alone and leave their loved ones behind, but rather, deep inside their hearts they know that they will be judged. They know they will be held accountable for what they have done. The good deeds will earn them the reward they deserve, the bad deeds will warrant punishment. but when they finally realize all these, it will be too late. Their life is over. There is nothing more they can change. ‘Heaven Is So Real’ has set me thinking, and it has reinforced my faith. There are times when the things stated in the book are so incredulous, I had doubts abt it. But I remembered my relationship with God, and His miracles and prophecies, and I believed. For those who hasn’t read the book, go and read it. It helped me know so much more abt God, and I believe that through it, God will speak to you too. :) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Friday, April 15th, 2005
12:15 am	It is my last training with the RGS sec 1squashers today. To those who are reading this, I wanna say a big thank you for being such good sports during training. It was indeed a pleasure getting to know you all individually and even getting to form close friendships through out the 2 months that I’ve been coaching you all. To be honest I had my doubts about taking up this coaching job when Zainal first proposed it to me, but I’m glad that I took it and got much in returns! (your invaluable friendships and my much needed paycheck. haha) Coaching you all had been very enjoyable. All of you are such fast learners… you made my job so easy for me. You are a smart bunch of sec 1s, (7 out of 10 are gepers, how’s that for a record!) having the ambition and talent to make it big(even better than your current seniors!) one day. Zainal will be there to bring you to your fullest potential. So now, settle the issue of commitment, and never forget what you promised yourself no matter how tough the training gets. Commitment is what is gonna push you through all the sprints, and keep you focused on your goals. At the end of the day, it all boils down to how badly you want to win for yourself, and for Raffles. When the going gets tough, the tough gets going! I am really happy to see you all identifying yourself together as squashers in my handphone contacts. Squashers UNITE ya? It will be tough going through training alone…it is always much easier to go through it together. Always train and have fun together as a team. If anyone is losing steam or getting discouraged (trust me, there will be times when nothing is going right and it feels like all your efforts has gone to waste), encourage her. If anyone needs help, offer your hand. Don’t leave anyone out. During these 4 years you all will build strong friendships that will last many many years down the road. Start building on it now! It is my greatest hope that you all will win back the Gold Medal for RGS next year. You have the potential, never doubt that. Now all it takes is hard work and faith to see you through. I will be rooting for you all in your FINALS ! :D P.S. Thanks for the surprise party(good acting from mel and hannah, but mabel let the cat out when she laughed to herself while running to the canteen!), big message board with all your photos, the squash ball with all your scribbles on it, the belgian chocolates, popcorn and sweets. I won't ever forget you cute and lovable bunch! P.P.S. And i will definitely find a bf who is rich, handsome, nice, and owns a car(so that he can fetch you all home after training right!)... Umm are all the qualitites you all stated inside? Hee hee.. sheesh i'm missing all of you already. You guys take care! And stay happy! :) (9 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 12th, 2005
2:14 pm	Just updated myself on everyone’s blog (except br’s cos I can’t seem to access it!) , and I saw that there was some debate abt Christianity. I haven’t been writing stuff abt God for quite long, since I realised that this isn’t normally the stuff pple wanna read. But after reading jess’s blog, I somehow feel inspired to share my thoughts and experiences with the religion. Firstly, Christianity is a religion, not a philosophy. Even though books like Sophie’s World may quote it as a philosophy, that is just the author’s point of view, which may not necessarily be true. Philosophy is the study of the meaning of life, or just a set of theory. But if it is just a philosophy, what exactly is it that holds the heart of millions Christians all around the world? It doesn’t make sense that pple will be so devoted to a set of theory. I mean, how boring is that? Even if the things that the ‘philosophy’ teaches is relevant to the world we live in, I cannot believe that pple will be willing to embrace it so much as to make it their way of life. The crux of Christianity lies in a relationship with God. Sure, there are rules and laws governing the relationship, but the difference from that of it just being a philosophy is that there is 2 way communication. It is not just something that pple step into and blindly follow. At the heart of this religion, there exist a real relationship with God. This, is what Christians believe in, or rather, have the faith to believe in. So what gives us this faith? The bible says that one can only go to God only if He has called you. And if you have God’s calling, He will have already put in you a tiny measure of faith. This often manifest in us going to church with our friends to see how it is like. But we being humans, often rely on our 5 senses. Or on what our minds can understand. Thus going to church may just be an uncomfortable experience for some, where you step into a place of foreign pple and even more foreign practices. So, this is where signs and miracles come into play. Because God knows that just reading the Bible or hearing a sermon will not have enough ‘activation energy’ to kick-start us into having a tiny amt of faith to believe in His existence, he gives us some personal experiences to draw back on whenever doubt starts to enter our minds. Some of the stuff that amazed me when I was not a Christian: - Some pple stand at the altars after the end of a sermon and they start to cry for no apparent reason. - The speaking of tongues. Tongues is a set of language that is unique to everyone and sounds like gibberish when spoken. It is a gift from God, meaning that you will not be able to speak in tongues until God gives you that ability. And it is supposedly a language that only God can hear and understand, not the devil. But there has been cases whereby someone was speaking in tongues and a person standing beside him actually understood what he was saying, because besides the gift of speaking in tongues, God also gives some pple the gift of interpreting tongues. - Slaying by the Holy Spirit. This normally happens when a pastor is praying over you, and the presence or Spirit of God just comes down so strongly on you that you become overwhelmed and faint. I have not personally experienced this but I have seen a lot of pple who have been slayed. After you faint, some pple cry, or at the other extreme ,others laugh. My friend from church who has been slayed before says that this is a time when God visits you and speaks to you. - Miracles of healing. There are pple stricken with HIV and other terminal illness as well as physical disabilities who have been healed by God’s healing touch. - Prophetic prayers. There have been instances whereby pple whom I’ve never met before or who knows nuts about me have prayed prophetically over me. These pple pray in alignment with what they sense in their spirit about the person before them. Each time I was really touched because the issues they prayed for was entirely relevant to me, personal issues that I have kept entirely to myself and God. This tells me that God knows my heart, my thoughts, and the struggles I go through. He understands me. As can be seen, there is more to Christianity than meets the eye. It is something that one will never truly comprehend from word of mouth, or by sight. One has to have a real relationship with God, and as you make the effort to get started, God will honor you by increasing the level of faith in your heart and drawing you to Him. Throughout my walk with God, there have definitely been times that everything starts to get stiffling and I start to turn away from God for more personal space. But through these times I have experienced God’s unlimited grace, and more powerfully, His love. There has been times when I have done things that is most displeasing in God’s sight, things that even I could not forgive myself for. But through it I have experienced his mercy and forgiveness. It never fail to strike a cord in me that even though numerous times I have rebelled from what God wants for me, He has always been faithful in drawing me back to Him. Knowing God has brought me so much joy and fulfillment. It is my heartfelt wish that all of my friends can get to know God too. It is never too late to start. Don't try to think too much, go with your heart. :) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, April 11th, 2005
11:51 pm	These days God’s love has been so real to me, and His joy has resided in my heart. This is one of the many countless times I’ve thanked God that I am a part Trinity, a church whose people are passionate for God, and passionate for souls. Every time I go for service I can feel God’s love and presence so strongly, and indeed every service I go to has been life-transforming. These days my heart has been so full I can’t explain. I’m going for prophetic intercession night to learn how to pray prophetically! I’m so excited I can’t wait! :) (Comment on this)
Sunday, April 3rd, 2005
2:35 pm	Time for spring cleaning! * clears away cobwebs from blog * hahaha…so I haven’t been in here in ages. :p Time for a quick update! 29th and 30th march was the Vichy Mega event fair at taka sq. It’s my first time helping out in such cosmetic fairs and I must say it was quite exciting! We learnt how to do hand massages for customers(I even did one for a Thai!) using one of Vichy’s products, the Lipidiose Hand Cream, and also put on face mask sprayed with Vichy’s Theamal Spa Water for pple. The customers enjoy their face mask treatment while reclining comfortably on Otto’s Cyber-relax massage chairs. I tried the massage myself, it’s not bad! One family from Iran who was on holiday here apparently liked the massage chair so much they decided to buy one and ship it all the way back to their country! Haha.. They must be filthy rich la…one Cyber-relax chair cost about 5600+ dollars. And that’s not counting in the shipping fees.. I made quite a few good friends in the 2 days that the fair was on. All the guys and gals got on very well. And although there was at a point of time some unhappiness among the gals cos of some communication error between the pple in charge (some girls got scolded for having dinner before the permanent staff had theirs), the miscommunication was cleared and everything ended on a good note. Adrena, our boss, even gave us free samples of their products for us to try. Oh and of course we all helped ourselves to the services they provided. I now know I have combination skin type. My scalp is a bit on the oily side and my hair is normal and healthy(means it’s neither dry nor oily). Haha it’s all very cool cos they use high tech equipments to do their skin and hair analysis so we actually get to see super magnified hairs and pores on the computer screens. So all that happened in 2 days. Very well spent I think. On 1st April I learnt that I had an advertisable face. I got scouted by one of the gals from B. H. Ind . Pte. Ltd ( an advertisement agency). And this is not an April Fool’s joke. haha. i was called up for an interview and to my ultimate surprise, I passed the interview. But after thinking about it, I decided I’ll rather give it a miss la. I'll have to purchase a personalized make-up kit worth $550 if i sign on. i'll very much prefer the 550 bucks in my bank account. Haha. These few days I’m almost always hungry. I’m gonna grow side-ways very soon if I continue eating at this rate. I think red roses look very beautiful arranged on a classy white grand piano. Just visited looking at jess and bx's blog. Most of all, at my present young age of 19 years old, i think to grow up means to... 1) Discover and accept more of myself. 2) Be able to manage my emotions well in trying circumstances. 3) Present myself to pple in a way that is uniquely me and not be afraid of what other pple think. 4) Support my parents and myself competently financially. 5) Have fulfilling relationships with pple; friends, boyfriends, family. 6) Become more excited about the world around me the older i get. 7)To grow and become a more beautiful person in God. Maybe i'll have different things to add to the list one year down the road. haha.. in the meantime, ciao!* :) (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 15th, 2005
12:04 am	Life is not about the amount of breath you take. it is about the moments that take your breath away. --Hitch. (4 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, March 3rd, 2005
12:00 pm	Do you see me do you feel me like I feel you call your number i cannot get through you don't hear me and I dont understand when I reach out I dont find your hand Was it wasted words and did they mean a thing and all our precious time but I still feel so in between Linsay Lohan's Something I Never Had. Watched 'closer' yesterday. the movie turned out to be smth of a surprise. Set in contemporary London, this is the story of four strangers (Julia Roberts, Jude Law, Natalie Portman, and Clive Owen) - their chance meetings, instant attractions and casual betrayals. in the end, the movie seems more like a series of complicated, and unfortunate love affairs. i thought the central theme was love...but somehow it seems more like a twisted version of love. jess found it very disturbing after watching it. haha. me too. but there's supposedly a deeper meaning behind the whole movie...i didn't get it though. i liked Howl's Moving castle much better. the characters in it are all so sweet, funny and incredibly cute. pple, go watch it if you haven't. it's really good :) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, March 1st, 2005
1:23 pm	today is the first of march. a very convenient excuse to get my life back in order. firstly, good news to kick-start the month. i can look fwd to getting my pay check from the stingy boss of venezia. i did my calculations...my 63.5 hrs in the mth of feb amounted to 317.5 bucks. not bad at all considering the amt of free time i had on my hands. i'm still waiting for jerine from the bridal accessories shop to call. but i'm not sure whether i want to work there anymore. my first visit there had me convinced that the job has full potential to be a very boring one. besides, i have to sign a contract. not very appealing. second thing. i decided to stop my crazy shopping spree. mabel quoted shopping as good healing for the soul. i guess at some moment in time it may be true. like when you're super dejected and just want to indulge in mindless splurging. but i soon realised one thing. it has the same effect as alcohol. consuming it in small quantities is definitely enjoyable. too much and you go on a high...and then inevitably you come back down to earth. for me i landed hard on the cold floor of reality. but it did knocked some sense into me. i finally figured out what's bothering me. time to turn my life around. suddenly what kong said on the train back from our class gathering came to mind. we were talking about ambitions, and it was when robin thoughtfully commented" somehow i don't think i'll be so much a career person...i'll be more of a family man." kong replied,"aiya...we're all born to do different things.' how true that is. i believed that God has placed in our hearts different dreams and ideals when he created us. and it is these dreams and ideals that have the infinite power of bringing us ultimate fulfillment. pong onced asked me about my ambition. as had vincent. both times i replied,'aiya...i'm not telling you. it's very silly.' upon reflection i realised that i had been afraid to let 2 of the pple who meant so much to me know my innermost desire. i was afraid that once i told them, they'll laugh and say,"you call that an ambition?" but to me it really is. it had been clear as daylight since the day i was born, and reinforced through my childhood and teenage years. and i know that once this ambition of mine come to pass, i will be the happiest person alive. recently i have begin thinking again. quitting work at venezia had gotten physical exhaustion and fatigue put of the way and allowed me more time and energy to dwell on some of the thoughts that surfaced in my mind. before i can straighten out my life i've got to first straighten out my mind. that's probably the reason for this lengthy entry which i'm currently typing. blogging is an almost physical act of reflection. it helps in the flow of thought. but still, some things are not meant to be said on blogs. that's why you don't see what my ambition is. i've censored it out. :) it has been impressed upon me time and time again that a thin line separates the boundry between improving oneself to changing oneself. how many of you had one moment in time wished that you could write as well as one of your fellow classmates, have the uncanny ability to make pple laugh like adrain pang, or have the face and body of celebrity stars? i believed that everyone had at a phrase of their lives. however, it sometimes seems that pple, myself included, are so focused on developing the special qualities in other pple that we deem to be so desirable, that we unfortunately found sadly lacking in our view of ourselves, that, in our quest to obtain them, forsake our own unique selfs. just how far is too far. that's the question i've asked myself time and time again. i feel..that the biggest blessing one can receive, is the ability to love ourselves wholeheartedly for the person God had made us to be, and also, have the courage and faith to love others unconditionally. (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, February 28th, 2005
2:19 pm	The Inner You: Your Real Motivation You are a freedom-loving, strong-willed, and independent-minded individual, and you insist upon living your own life as you see fit, even if that means ignoring convention and tradition. In personal relationships you cannot be owned or possessed, and while you are willing to share yourself with another, you do not always adjust easily to the emotional give and take of a close relationship. Though intellectually open, you can be enormously stubborn, opinionated, and inflexible on a one-to-one level. You have strong convictions and feelings about fairness and equality, and you try to live by your ideals, but your ideals about how people SHOULD treat one another don't always take into account human weaknesses, differences, and needs. (Comment on this)
11:43 am	Hi peeps! For those who doesn’t know, I finally quitted my venezia job! Feeling quite happy..it’s goodbye to chipped nails and oily-smelling clothes! Yay! :) now to search for a new one… hah…and my sis finally found a job..admin…so now she’s working and I’m staying home. Bleaghz…at least I still have coaching, so I won’t be left with all the time in the world and nothing to do. OH YA talking abt that, horrors of horrors! The RG sec 1 squashers whom I’m coaching found my blog! Kaoz…pple these days have no privacy lo. You all better give me your blog adds too ah..heh…if not, 50 push-ups next training! Results are coming out either this fri or next mon. dem scared. got to really start in-depth research abt uni courses already. for now wad i know for sure is i wanna go NUS...the rest..is still undecided. and mabel, i'm not going NUS coz the pple there go clubbing lo...haha The sleep-over at jess's house rox! we stayed up till 4am...i think going to pple's house is so much nicer than going to a public place for like dinner. sure it's 2 very different things...i guess having gatherings outside is more for fun while those at pple's houses are more relaxing...cosy..good bonding and stuff. betty ness and tania(ness's housemate) went back to aus...miss them. hope betty found good accomdations...don't know what her mom is thinking to send her daughter off to a foreign land without arranging for accomdation there. ness and tania can take care of each other...after all they're experienced with travelling to and fro. oh and i made up my mind to blog at least once every 3 days and to read other pple's blogs. my problematic comp is not going to be an obstacle to me coming online anymore. i wanna know what's going on in my fren's lives..whether they're getting along fine. Later I’ve got to go orchard later to meet my fren. Sheesh…I seriously think I should quarantine myself from town. There’s like sales everywhere! And now that I got an atm card it’s worst. Must resist….i’ve got enough clothes in my wardrobe already. But recently i've fallen in love with tops that are trimmed with lace...oh dear (8 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 22nd, 2005
11:33 pm	Hi…my blog has been dead for quite some time.. it’s really high time that I get a new comp. The old one has an AP and keeps hanging on me! Super irritating…can’t wait to get rid of it. Pfft. Went for an interview today by Accessorize. Really hope I get it! I’m dem sick of the i-c job…coz by now I’ve tasted every single flavor and so there’s no more incentive for me to stay on. Nah…just kidding la. Actually I’m sick of the so very unprofessional uniform we have to wear…white polo tee and black pants..to me it looks so very like the cleaning lady outfit. Boss still want a professional image for his i-c..so in my opinion why not dress his staff more properly?? Dumb right. If I manage to get the Accessorize job the uniform upgrades to all black. So at least I won’t look under-dressed in orchard.. though the pay is still 5 per hour but it’s 5.50 on weekends and public hols. Not bad already la… hope I get the job. It will be a nice change…but if I don’t there’s still the bridal shop val is working at..though it’s so far away at millenia walk…so either way I’m still gonna quit the i-c job. Oh know wad? I went crazy today and bought 3 tops from Future States when I just bought 2 yesterday! There’s past cny sales and everything’s going at 9 bucks! It’s good that I’m working now…at least able to buy what I want now w/o saving up. But it’s bad too cos when I see smth I like I don’t exert enough self-discipline cos I comfort myself dat I already earned enough dat day to pay for wad I’m about to buy! This is sooo bad…must stop this. But there’s so many sales going on la…I’m going crazy abt the sales and my mom is going crazy with me buying clothes home cos she has to wash and iron them..hehz. Shit my comp just hanged again! Luckily most if what I typed was saved… sorry guys this is the reason why my blog looks abandon and I haven’t exactly been visiting your blogs…my 5 year old comp is giving me problems. K I shan’t wait for it to hang again… tataz~ promise to update soon :) (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 5th, 2005
10:38 pm	Haha…this entry should have been written a few days ago. The past week had been immensely enjoyable for me. For those who forgot or didn’t know I just turned 19th this thurs! So old already! –gasp!- it’s scary how time flies…. This year, I especially wanted to go out with all my close friends to celebrate; for the simply reason that they mean a lot to me. :) Wedesday: accompanied my sis to an interview(which I ended up filling in the form too even though I already have the venezia job. Just trying my luck though. But I mean, why not job-hop if they offer better pay right? ) yep..then we went to the old OG at bugis to shop around. I love the shoe section there. There is such a wide variety of ladies shoes to choose from! And the best thing is they put it all out on display, without tying the 2 shoes together. I don’t like trying on shoes which are tied with the rubber thingy…then it becomes such a hassle to walk in them! So after taking our time to browse through the shoes and trying many pairs on, it was 2 pairs of shoes for me and 1 for my sis. I win! Haha…duh..when it comes to shopping, how can she beat me ;) Ohh! Btw my sis gave me a leather belt with a pretty crystal-studded flower buckle for my bday. Dem nice! And I gave her a white-gold necklace with a butterfly-flower design. Well she liked it! After our shopping I went to meet jess, br, bx, mich, jamie, ness and betty for dinner at Nooch Bar. Hey gals I really didn’t know that you all didn’t really like the food there…I just chose it over the rest simply bcos I hadn’t eaten there before! But I thought the curry udon there wasn’t bad…and br was happy with her food for once! Haha Before dinner br and bx gave me my bday present. A hot-pink cross micro-bead cushion! And br you bluffed me and said it was for wang! Hmrrrrph… Mmm actually I wanted such a cushion for quite long was just waiting for someone to give it to me! Hehe… i really love it. Now it’s on my bed and I hug it to sleep everynight. :) After dinner they suddenly pop a cake from now where and sang a bday song for me. I was so touched! (in case you guys din know I took the bday tag on the cake home for memory’s sake ;p) then jess mich jamie and ness presented me with a black handbag. At first glance the design looks simple but the more I look the more I like it. Thanks a lot gals :) I used it already…haha and now I don’t have to carry a paper bag around anymore… :p oh and btw who said I like lilies?? I don’t…but now I do…haha.-grin- Surprisingly it hasn’t wilted yet considering it’s bruised state when I got home ..now it’s in a vase on my bedroom table. And betty gal, thanks for the necklace :) I hope everything will go along fine for you and bernard. If not, dump him. you’re worth much more gal. The night drew to a close as we said our goodbyes at orchard mrt. Thanks for such an enjoyable and truly cosy dinner…this bday dinner will stay in my memory for many years to come. Really appreciate everyone for coming down even though most of us are working. I love you gals… thanks for everything. :) Thurday: went out with vint for luch at sakae sushi at suntec. Talked about how he went into selling insurance. Seems like everytime we go out he does most of the talking. Compared to the kinda life he had, I feel that mine is really sheltered. Not that I think that the grass is greener on the other side…but the difference is really dat of heaven and earth. I wonder what kinda person I would have become if I were to grow up in his shoes… sometimes it’s scary just to think about it. After lunch we want to nydc for a mudpie. Tried Jedi Muster this time round…it tasted better than it sounds. I insisted that vint eat some too even though he was complaining that he’s too full…in the end I think he liked it cos he ate at least half. Haha. Mudpies taste nicer when shared la. By the time we finished it was 3 plus and he had to rush home to prepare for his d&d function in the evening. The attire is posh black. It’s the kind whereby the guys are dressed in suits and the ladies don gowns…coolness! Yeah…so he goes home and I went for work. Yes I still have to work on my bday. The people buying ice-cream from me super lucky man… haha Friday: this day was reserved for meeting with pam, evange and yanchoo. However when me and pam got to orchard, yanchoo was late so pam called her and we found out that that girl was still in bed! So much for celebrating her bday too. and apparantly there was some miscommunication and evange thought that we were supposed to meet on sat! so in the end it was just left with the 2 of us. Since we both walked through orchard like how many zillionth times, we decided to go head to holland V, which was where we initially wanted to have our lunch. We went to this italian restaurant selling gourmet food… and when we walked in we were not the only pple in the restaurant! Apparantly mediacorp was doing a filming on the restauarnts specialties too and we saw artisties like lee ming lun, michelle yeo, cheng yi feng, etc upclose. wowee. The food there is ex…so we got the cheaper ones like potato salad, sherperds pie and a tiramisu, which amounted to $18.50. but the tiramisu was oh so heavenly! It’s the traditional kind where you can actually taste the strong coffee liquor, which was what I liked about it. Next was the shepherd’s pie. It wasn’t the normal one with cheese, potato and green peas. This one had added bits of beef and onions in tomato sauce along with the rest. Taste dem good. and the potato salad was to my liking too! potatos in something which taste like a blend of mayonaise and sour cream. Was well satisfied by the time we finished eating. Walked around holland V a bit..then went to orchard to catch a movie. We both wanted to watch Finding Netherland…but alas there wasn’t any suitable timings. So we did the next thing we can do in orchard. Shop. Haha… Sat: went to church. going to church is smth that I really enjoy doing. To just bask in the presence of God. And to thank Him for what He has done in my life. For my wonderful friends, family, church, cell, and my 2 current jobs. God has been good. I pray, and sincerely hope, that my bday wish will come to pass. :) (5 Comments |Comment on this)