293K 1:31
Sarah J. Blake, Growing Strong
When I began blogging, my intent was to share a bit about the experience of living with disability. Of course, life cannot be sorted neatly into categories like disability, current events, theology, etc. Neither can my blog--and I don't have the energy to maintain multiple blogs. So on any given day, my entries may reflect a variety of subjects that matter to me. If you are reading an older entry, please remember that the passage of time may have altered my understanding or opinions.
Please view my memorable entries, which are organized by topic, if you are new to my blog and want to get a sense of who I am. In case I seem extremely open in this blog, it may be beneficial to know that I am accustomed to being asked very personal questions on a regular basis. I am therefore very comfortable sharing a certain amount of personal detail openly. I suppose that if people want to know such intimate things as how I care for my home and handle my personal grooming, it won't hurt for people to know a few of my personal experiences and thoughts by my choice. It's my way of answering some questions that are often not asked.
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This journal content is copyright 2006 Sarah J. Blake. All rights reserved except for the right to use brief quotations in reviews or commentary. For permission to reprint entries in their entirety, please email me. My email address is in my user info.
I've seen a lot of people putting future dated posts up for the sake of those who might be looking at their LJs with interest in friending them. I have written quite a bit in my profile but thought I might do this as well since sometimes people don't go to the profile. If you're looking for some basic info about me because you'd like to decide whether you're interested in reading and perhaps adding me as a friend, please click the cut. (The cut is here to save space only.)
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| VoicePost 293K 1:31 | (no transcription available) |
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Dishwasher is run. Greek book is completely embossed. Kitty boxes are changed--that was not on my to-do list. Sermon outline is done and notes are sent to the church for printing. (This means I can put the sermon away for today.)
I am on a roll. The to-do list just may get accomplished today! I have two phone calls to make this morning and one later this afternoon. I have a rather huge housework project to finish--not necessarily time-consuming, but energy-intensive with much stair climbing. It is the removal of two bags of garbage and several boxes that have accumulated as I have ordered things over the last couple of weeks. I also have a load of laundry to put in (two flights down). If I don't crash by the end of those chores, I might get some academic work done. (I should really not mix homework and school work, but sometimes things like that have to happen.)
Much writing is in order today--at some point... Must remember to feed the person!
This is how life works lately...
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I've been attempting to clean house--and feeling rather disorganized in the process. If anyone reading this has taken Methotrexate, I would like to know if this disorganized feeling is a possible side effect. It is a difficult thing to describe. I just feel "scattered" and can't hold my attention on one thing for very long. This is not normal for me.
I turned off the AC units today and ran the embosser for a few hours. I got four out of five volumes of my Greek book embossed. I'll do volume 5 early in the morning before it gets too hot. It feels good to have the book ready for use. I skimmed through it and see that it appears extremely well formatted and has a handy special symbols list in the front of each volume--something my Hebrew book did not have. This may be an easier time compared to Hebrew, assuming I can concentrate. (Must fill vitamin boxes tomorrow and maybe even get some more this weekend. I really need to be able to get through this class without lapsing on the vitamins.)
Speaking of Hebrew, I found a site (http://www.hebrewworld.com) that has audio Hebrew tutorials and an audio Hebrew Bible. I ordered, and my order is already here after only two days! Tomorrow I'll be checking out the haul!
I have a meeting with my rehab counselor on Monday. I really don't know what to expect. I am progressing well in school and could continue on toward my stated career goal, though I think I underestimated the time necessary to complete the Ph.d. I anticipate wanting a year off to prepare application materials, take the GRE, etc. Perhaps it would be better to simply meet again next year when I know what is happening about CPE... If I end up having to do CPE during the academic year in 2009-10, I could do GRE prep in the summer before and that would solve the problem. There is just a lot that I don't know at this point in my life, and I'm not very inclined to try to figure the next 20 years out when the next five weeks is challenge enough. One step at a time is very important to me. I have a good awareness of the fact that there are things in the distance that need to get done; but my mind does not work well when I try to put it on both short and long-term things, some of which I can't do right now. So I do what I can do and tackle the rest later, when I can do that. Life is much less stressful that way!
Tomorrow, I really must get some more work done on the project and on the cleaning--well, that's a project, too. I hope to not wake up with a migraine, unlike today. That would make things a bit easier. I think I need to post myself a to-do list in a private post...
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Greek is starting on Monday, I still have Hebrew brush-up to finish, and I am still working on the summer project and deep housecleaning. Fall classes begin after Labor Day, and I am carrying a full load. I have close to 200 people on my friendslist. Therefore, I have engaged in the ever-unpopular friends cut due to time constraints. Please don't take it personally if you were cut. I had to choose to keep the people whom I had been reading the longest or had the most personal relationships with. It was difficult to make this decision because I would rather keep reading everyone. I will be checking in quickly at various points throughout the day and hoping the page has not filled up with memes. If you would like to keep reading, please do. I will continue posting public posts when I can, and you are welcome to drop in when you like. I am available via email--my address is in my profile--though my responses may be delayed due to massive amounts of homework.
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| VoicePost 407K 2:08 | “I'm Just you wanna voice those to check in and see that whatever they gave me a new doctor's office is really some kind of medicine because I'm feeling quite a bit better. I'm not quite as fatigue and I don't feel quite as much as like I have a whole month of ___ and I still those feel quite alright myself but I'm getting better. I have done some vacuuming. I wash a little bit dishes and I have to run the dishwasher still. I have some laundry to view. I can't vacuum the farm whenever get all the suite cases out and ___ this some moderately so that it was 1 scheduled for the rest of the evening and probably tomorrow but towards the probably end of the week I might actually be feeling a little bit more like myself so I'm looking for to that and it supposed to you be getting some medications tomorrow. I was gonna get some refills tonight but that's in a half and so I pick them up tomorrow and then my other new medicines are going to be delivered from the new pharmacy which do not seen to have any problems getting my new medications covered. I'm really happy about and they deliver so I think I am gonna go ahead and change pharmacy even thought I really like using the tins. Getting my message delivered will be quite huge but for me because I'll talk to mess with finding a way to go pick them up so that's all and gotta be a ___ about this particular voice post as we can loose stop now. That's all. Talk to you later.” Auto-Transcribed Voice Post |
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Four weeks ago I started Methotrexate. I am tolerating it well, I think. But my breathing is not ok. Last night I began to sound like I was headed for another episode of bronchitis without the fever.
My doctor gave me a Z-pack and a shot of steroids. Apparently the lump i feel in my throat is postnasal drip. "What could cause that?" I ask. Without any hesitation, she says, "Pollen." Needing this much asthma medication is new to me. Whether it is Mtx is something she can't guess at since I'm a new patient. She's getting my old records to review, and I go back next week. Oh, she's also doing the fight for my med coverage routine and gave me more samples in the meantime. So I can keep myself medicated for now. She also suggested me another pharmacy that would deliver my meds. I will call and ask questions. It would be convenient; but as I move toward graduation and entertain the possibility of doing some traveling as part of my ministry, it seems important to me to be able to get medications if I need them. That is one reason why I have continued using chain pharmacies. It was a good thing to know that I could have gotten meds while in Louisvilie if necessary.
It was nice to be able to say, "I can't sing," and know that she understood that this was the reason why I was coming to her. Singing and speaking is part of what I do. It doesn't work for me to have frequent infections that take away my ability to do this. I don't think I have felt that well understood since I was 15 years old. At that point the doctor gave me a med with a decongestant in it that took me from sounding like a man back to my relatively "normal" singing voice in 18 hours. No wonder they called it "the singer's drug." Now that I think about it, I remember having this constant lump feeling in my throat as a child. And I was always, always stuffy--until I started that medication. Too bad they took it off the market. I wonder what replaced it.
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When I was nine years old, something life-changing happened to me. I met a blind adult for the first time. I wish I could say that it was a significant positive experience. For a young blind child, a meeting like this could have done a lot of good. Unfortunately, the meeting was not a happy one for me or for my parents.
( Read what happened and the impact it had on me. )I can't really call this something good about the ACB convention. It was an add-on. But I wouldn't have been in Louisville if it hadn't been for the ACB convention. I'm glad I was there.
Stacy's blog is called The Preemie Experiment.
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Having not been to a convention in quite some time, it was next to impossible for me to compare this convention with anything in my memory. I did not go in with any expectations and really wasn't sure what I would be able to attend considering the state of my health. I made it to about half of the things I registered for. I streamed portions of general sessions while treating arthritis flares. I nurtured a whole lot of relationships and formed some new ones. I got to do what was most important to me: talk with the Treasury people--and this happened in spite of the fact that the forum was moved up a night and I didn't know. It pays to be in the right place at the right time and to be willing to drop what you're doing if the right opportunity presents itself.
It was a deeply personal thing for me to see Doc Bradley get his award. I nearly missed it between almost not going to convention and almost not going to the banquet. I felt like I was sharing in something amazing. I am in the ACB at all because of Doc; and if I had had an opportunity, I would have said so. At the Seeing Eye breakfast, Lukas Franck talked about tracing who trained dog guide ttrainers... Sitting there in the banquet, I wondered who else was there because of Doc or because of some other person who has been instrumental in my life... Who are those people? I'd kind of like to meet them
I am at a stage in my life where I am sorting out why I go to convention. I discovered this week that being connected to the blind community in some way is important to me. I'm not sure whether it is through ACB business such as what happens in general sessions or whether it is through the kinds of dialogues that happen outside general sessions and inform the way that I live and work in my community. I certainly benefit from the informational presentations. I respect the fact that we need ACB business. I don't think it is wrong to go to convention for other reasons. Sometimes people begin by coming for other reasons and later find their way into ACB business. The organization is certainly big enough for all kinds of people. I learned that this week, too. I'm a very different person now from the person I was last time I was very active in ACB in any way. I'm finding that I need to locate a bit of a new niche for myself. That is ok with me. It will be a learning process; and perhaps that niche needs to be created.
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I've been comparing some notes with another dog user who was in Louisville, and we have made some potentially interesting observations. I'm sharing them here because I'm interested in dialoguing about whether there might be ways to create a more workable system for everyone in the future. From an observational perspective, I find this rather fascinating. I may eventually be able to bring in another perspective if anyone is interested, as I have potential input from a Louisville resident who met both of us during the week after years of online correspondence and may be able to provide some interesting observations from the perspective of the kind of person who tends to sometimes serve as a volunteer (may have never encountered blind people in the past but be interested in what's going on and want to help out and learn).
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I am now home from the crazy week that was the American Council of the Blind convention. My cats are happy, and I can tell they did not eat much while I was gone. They are clingy and purry, and it is storming just for me.
I'm now trying to figure out how to wear various hats in my life. I discovered this week how much I miss wearing my disability advocacy hat. I also discovered how much I need to take it off from time to time. I grew up in the "sighted world," and that is my home. How do I mesh all of htese things that I do?
For a long time I have flirted with the idea of starting another blog specifically for theology topics. But every time I consider it seriously, I shrink back from the idea. I begin to feel like this would create the impression that I'm trying to live two lives. Perhaps the only person who would feel that impression is me; but that still matters. I somehow need to manage my various pieces of life so that I don't feel separated from my own self. So I always come back the same decision: posting various topics in one blog because they are all a part of who I am as I live in this house with my three cats lounging around on the beds.
More to come in the days ahead, as the cobb webs clear...
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This is the standard end of convention debrief and probably contains many of the standard post-convention observations. I posted it to the ACB-L list and am copying it here simply because some of my readers are not on the list. I have expanded it a bit for this post.
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| VoicePost 717K 3:52 | (no transcription available) |
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Tonight I experienced something amazing: the whole reason why I come to these conventions. For many people, the conventions are about conducting ACB business. I tried playing the political schmoozing game, and every so often I still try sticking my nose into the debates. But I learn over and over again that it isn't where I belong. I get my little feelings hurt when someone decides I've talked too much or doesn't recognize me even though I talked first because their favorite person can talk louder, etc. I don't like heated discussions, and I don't see any reason why people can't grow up and have a civilized discussion even when they disagree. To me it's all about avoiding loaded language and being willing to listen to the other person, trusting that we'll get a chance to be heard. Of course, most people are terrified of not being heard; and that is the reason why they interrupt and insult each other, and discussion never really is fulfilling. So I learn that my place is not in politics. My place is in writing, where people can pick up a book or an article and read it if they want to hear what I have to say or put it down if they don't care to listen and I don't have to get hurt. Maybe that's a cop-out. I happen to think it is a creative solution.
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I saw my first dog guide instructor this morning. He understands my still lingering fear of dogs and rough play, and he helped me rough my dog up a bit and give her some stress relief. She needed it badly. Traveling gently down the halls and across the pedway is truly an art, and my dog has been rather traumatized. She's had extreme cane tappers smack her hard on the side, people body slam her in the face, bigger dogs growl in her face, etc. She was a real trooper until yesterday; but yesterday it was like the life just went all out of her. This morning she did some great obstacle work, and I had a chance to give her some big rewards for it. That was good for both of us. I've dropped food (unintentionally) right next to her face, and she has left it alone.
This probably makes it sound like working a dog at convention is the cruelest thing on earth. To tell the truth, working my dogs at ACB conventions has always been a major part of the bonding process. We go home a better team because of going through the challenges. I learn how to interpret my dog's signals and respect her needs. She learns to trust me to provide for her emotionally and otherwise. I learn to trust her in challenging situations where there is plenty of help if I truly need it (including dog instructors); and that enables me to build trust for challenging situations when there is no help. That makes taking my dog to convention worthwhile.
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There is a note in today's convention newspaper regarding H.R. 6320, a bill requiring the accessibility of telecommunications access systems. I looked it up because the note simply stated that there is an exhibit booth with a phone line allowing us to call our Congressperson and urging us to ask them to sign onto the bill. Of course, I never just call and ask because so-and-so said to do it, even if so-and-so is my mom or dad. (My mom and dad taught me that, btw.) It is healthy to make sure that this is actually something I want to do.
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After writing the post last night, I was talking with ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
kl1964, and for the second time this week the topic of mosaics came up. (The other time was in a conversation with my dad, and I don't remember the conversation. I don't think it was relevant to this, but the term was the same.) It occurred to me as we were talking that it is the natural thing to want broken places in life to heal and be good as new. But more often than not, they remain broken but are made into beautiful places as they become part of a tapestry of things that get painted over and turned into the groundwork for positive character traits in my life.
kl1964 had never done any work with mosaics. My first experience was as a camper when I was 11 or 12 years old. I dismissed the experience because I thought it was a silly kid craft. I later learned it wasn't. I learned it because my mom brought home these unpainted flour pots and bags of broken glass to glue all over the outside of them. We firred the glass pieces together randomly in oddball patterns, and in the fitting process the sharp edges were no longer exposed. After this was done, Mom painted the pots. But if I touched them, I could tell that they were made with broken pieces because I'm used to examining things tactually and I notice that much detail. People looking visually would probably notice, too: "That's mosaic." But it wouldn't occur to reject the pot that was made that way. It was supposed to be made that way. The broken pieces were chosen on purpose to create the beautiful effect.
So perhaps my life becomes a mosaic. Not that it is broken on purpose; but that the broken places don't have to make me vulnerable to rejection. I am still myself, especially if I don't let the sharp edges in the broken places define me. It's not an easy task, but it is something that can be done with God's help, good therapy, and lots of support.
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( Read about Morris Frank, his dog, and the broken place in my heart. )Morris always acknowledged his debt to uninhibited college friends like Mike Martin. They were invaluable allies, because they regarded the integration of guide dogs in public places as both a challenge and a game. Morris recalled one episode in which he and a dozen friends entered an all-night diner in the small hours. When the manager objected to Buddy, one of the boys turned to another. "I don't object to the dog, do you?" The question was relayed around the circle, eliciting one negative response after the other. Morris claimed that, when it became clear that the manager was the only one who objected to the dog, the boys picked the manager up and carried him out. (Peter Putnam in Love in the Lead, pp. 82-83)
I want to act in response to things. I want to be unafraid and unashamed to show solidarity with people who are being mistreated. I want to give help to people who are in need. I want to comfort people who hurt. I want to say I'm sorry when I hurt someone, even if I didn't mean to hurt them. I want to learn from my mistakes and take steps to keep myself from hurting people twice in the same way. This really doesn't have much to do wit what I wrote about the scene from Morris Frank's life. But I can't control anyone else's actions. I can only control mine. And whether or not anyone else stands with me, I can do it for others. That is how I heal the broken place in my heart: by doing for others what was not done for me.
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| VoicePost 981K 5:10 | (no transcription available) |
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This is posted mostly for slyfoot. I was going to post it to him as a comment; but it is really a story that deserves its own entry.
I suppose the orange cat is dead by now. But perhaps he's still running out from under people's cars and workbenches. He did seem to have a never-ending supply of lives...
amused
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"We never had the need for companionship that comes from being alone."
Eliza Jane Wilder in Little House on the Prairie, episode 139, "Laura Ingalls Wilder 2"
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I have been trying to think of ways to put this in words for a week. I'm including a link to the recording I made from the audience. These services are recorded live and are available for archive; and of you want to hear the whole sermon I will post a link to the archive since my battery died near the end. I want people to be able to hear the singing from the audience in this. Before I get to the link, though, I will note that there is a point in the file when the sound system was not working properly and one speaker was delayed. The music during that portion sounds very chaotic, and if you have neurologic disorder you should know this ahead of time. The difficulty begins in the second chorus of the first official song and continues through until the second set of songs is mostly over. The song I refer to in this post is safe to listen to if you are sensitive to chaotic echoing.
June 23 service (Windows media format--MP3 to follow later
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Woo hoo!!! This makes my day! I just got an email offering me a free update of FineReader 9--to a new one that now supports Hebrew! Oh am I ever gonna have some fun now!
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I once read that caffeine at just the right point of the migraine would abort it. In fact, certain pain meds are pretty much just caffeine.
It has been storming, and everyone has headaches but me.
I drank a big latte just as the storm rolled in. It was not planned.
Perhaps I will not miss any more events today--I missed one because the morning event ran over and I as very late for the afternoon one and chose not to go.
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Dizziness is better. Getting ready to head to the new doctor. If toast can do that, toast should become part of my medication routine. LOL! I actually slept sort of good except for some extremely vivid dreams which seem to be characteristic of my sleep lately.
Doctor, McGriddle, and a walk through camp meeting routes to make sure they are navigable. People are already arriving, so some good distraction practice should be had as well. More later.
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9:00 took Methotrexate. I had eaten a big dinner so thought it was better to do this after dinner than after a little bitty breakfast. And I might sleep off the initial side effects.
I am dizzy, as in walking across the room is very challenging. It's been several years since I've experienced that kind of vertigo. And nauseated.
The patient education page I looked at suggests eating toast to combat nausea. Amazingly, it seems to help the churning stomach. It also says the dose can be divided into three tablets taken every 12 hours. I will be doing this next week. It worked nicely with Topamax for the first three months or so. It may help me with this.
I really hope I can sleep tonight. I'm feeling mighty restless. But here I go to try.
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I've been hearing rumblings about this lately and finally found an article. Here is the article from Christianity Today about Willow Creek's abandonment of seeker-sensitive services. It seems they are now attempting to target those with spiritual maturity and teach sound theology (my interpretation). The article discusses findings from surveys indicating that seekers were not responding and mature believers were "stalling" and contemplating leaving the church. (It doesn't specify whether that refers to Willow Creek or to the church in general.) There is a blog post with more links and info.
I may have to buy the book referenced in the article. I am now very curious. Of course, you cannot make people grow spiritually. But what does it take to create a climate where spiritual growth can happen? The minister's dilemma seems to be how to make people welcome and even draw them in without sacrificing something important or doing things that just make the church more like the rest of the world until there is no genuine church left.
If you have ever been a "seeker," what is it that has drawn you into a church? What makes you want to go back? What makes you feel safe enough to risk spiritual growth in the church community? What turns you off?
This is a public post. It is public on purpose--I'm hoping to generate some dialogue. If you need private dialogue, please know that you're welcome to use my email address--it's in my profile, and I'm very happy to dialogue with you alone if you need it.
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Stolen from baxaphobia Not entirely accurate... I can be rather enthusiastic when the enthusiasm strikes.
| What the House Test Says About You |
 You are a fairly community oriented person. You like to get to know your neighbors, but you also like your privacy. You get attached to neighborhoods and cities. You are a social, friendly, and giving person. You like to bring people together and make them feel happy. You look good in a low maintenance sort of way. You do the minimum required to be attractive. You find it hard to be enthusiastic about much. You are a picky person. |
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The migraine finally broke, so it's time for a little bit of rambling. I probably won't get a lot done--I'd still like some sleep.
( About metaphors and images of God... )I have a lot more writing to do about this, and I'm getting tired. I'm afraid I'm going to have to leave this one on a cliffhanger.
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This post is going to be long with links. Someone wanted audio, so I'm going to use audio to tell the story of my journey of faith, among a few other things. It's never really been told here. It should have been a long time ago. Now that I'm recovering from my surgery and ready to plunge back into singing, it is time to tell it.
( Read more... )This is probably enough for now. I need a break to figure out where to go from here.
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I've been going through my old recordings from Park Place... I joined the choir in February, and many of the people in the choir have made me feel more at home than I remember feeling during my initial months there. I just came upon the recording that was made the day when Alexis and I were introduced with our dogs. I sent pictures to Kristen to show up on the screen: one of me and Loretta, one of Alexis and Julia, and one of Loretta with my gray cat, Sierra. Kristen did a great job of explaining the difference between puppies in socialization (since we have raisers in the church) and working dogs who are there to help us socialize. I'm realizing now how many people really were not there--in a church that size, there really is a margin for absenteeism.
My digital recorder was sitting on the pew two rows back on the side where we were standing. Kristen invited people to come and pray with us and welcome us to the community, and while they were coming down a song was sung, "Near to the Heart of God." I love listening to these recordings with headphones on... I didn't realize that the movement of people can be heard... Not really as they move, but from one verse to another it is apparent that the location of singers has changed. I remember standing there and being totally enveloped by singing people. I knew some of them: mostly professors and retired people from AU. I realize now that many of the rest must have come down from the choir! No wonder the choir became my community!
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About a month ago, two young children were baptized at church. The event was intriguing to me for a number of reasons. One reason was the manner in which it was done to involve other children in the worship process. The other reason is the spiritual impact it had on me.
( Read more... )All of this is to say that it was beautiful to see the intentional effort to connect the congregation and the children a few weeks ago at such a crucial moment in the children's lives!
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I have decided to circumvent LJ's voice post system, especially in light of what happened on the last voice post. I've created my own voice post and uploaded it to my server. It is nine minutes long and 4 MB. I am talking mostly about my thoughts about the structure of church activities now vs. when I was a little girl.
Right click to download--my site does not stream well.
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In this voice post, LJ cuts me off mid-sentence. I left it up only as context for the one to follow.
| VoicePost 107K 0:33 | “Hey, one of these days I'll actually get to post my voice post. I've tried several times we had different types of problems every time. And the most recent time LiveJournal excuse me Frank the goat hang up on me. So I'm gonna try one more time. We are still having scattered thunderstorms. We have been having scattered thunderstorms since Friday.” Auto-Transcribed Voice Post |
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I just stuck my foot out beside my desk and petted a certain big yellow dog, and I remembered our first days together. I was in class with miffis, who has already written her one-year tribute. I've never been good at doing anniversary tributes on the exact day--I have to be in the mood to say something. But petting Loretta with my foot made me remember...
My deepest grief about retiring Meg was the loss of the dog under the seminary table. Meg was truly in her element at seminary, and I was angry that so little of her working life was able to be spent in that kind of enjoyment. She should have had three or four years there with me, but she only had one.
In dog training, the instructors encourage us to do what we can to simulate our daily life. So in addition to my normal training activities, I trained Loretta to lie under my desk while I did my Hebrew. Her preferred place at home when I am typing has always been right beside my chair, and she is a champ at getting under my chair in seminary. It is perhaps a silly way to bond, but it is a very emotional thing for me. During those long hours in class or doing homework, all I have to do is move my foot and rub some place on her: her back, under her floppy ears, under her chin... I wear slip-on shoes, and I'm not above slipping them off in seminary so that I can feel her fur while I'm studying. She, in turn, often rests her head on my foot as if she knows how much I enjoy being close to her. I doubt she really knows. I think she just enjoys having a place to rest her head, and it's nice that the place happens to be me.
Loretta is born to work. If I stand still and chat for too long, she whines. But she has no problem being under the table. It's as if she knows she belongs there.
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kl1964 and I are at Starbucks. We did our order, and the lady was very nice and told us she'd bring it to us in a couple of minutes. So I told Loretta to find a seat, which she did. The table was slightly to my left. But there were two guys at the next table, which I had made her pass. Well, they started directing me to the right, and I was confused because there was no table there. I finally realized what was happening. The guys were directing us to the door! We were empty-handed, so they must have thought we were ready to leave. I said, "Gee, you could sit next to this beautiful dog and you want to get rid of us." We all got a good laugh out of it. Since I just had some rather negative experiences with directions and my dog this morning, it was good to have a laugh.
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I asked a question a few weeks ago that got a lot of replies, and I promised to answer it. So here is my answer to the question, "What is the weirdest thing your dog has ever eaten?"
Dori was a chocolate and starch lover. I could write a book about all of her food exploits. They were often embarrassing because dog guides are supposed to leave table food alone and Dori most certainly did not. When we went to the Cracker Barrel for my sister's birthday one year, I thought wwe had finally conquered the food battle. She lay so nicely under the table! But as I got up to leave, she jumped up and snagged a bite of my left-over mashed potatoes. My sister could be rather emotionally volatile at that time in our lives, and I braced myself for the impending tirade. My sister started to laugh uproariously, and the tirade never came.
A few months ago, Mom called me and said, "I don't want to clean up what Meg just did. It looks like crayons." After we commiserated about the unpleasantness of cleaning up dog vomit, I asked whether Mom had crayons in the house that my sister's kids had used.
"I don't think so," she said.
I encouraged her to look around. Sure enough. It didn't take long to find a box of 64 crayons--with about 2/3 missing. Fortunately, there was a "non-toxic" label on them, and Meg was no worse for the experience, though she sure was a sick girl!
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First, a bit of "housekeeping." I am on a relatively new computer which I have had to rescue multiple times from tech trouble. I am also recovering from email oblivion. I am functioning normally yet again, but I lost (as in never saw) several days of email. So if you contacted me within the last two weeks and never got a reply, or if you have friended me and never got added back, please email me and bother me. I am working on reordering my life and getting people contacted who should have been contacted and friended who should have been friended, etc.
Now for updates... Since this is a public post, my friends will have to grin and bear the repetition of the last few weeks. I have been posting numerous friends-only posts since I have been too emotionally vulnerable to do public posts. I am returning to an existence that I have not known for many months, and that means more public posts and more depth. I hope that means enjoyment for all of you in a variety of ways.
( I have been absent from public posting because... ) ( Church this morning was quite an experience and must be preserved. ) ( This leads me to discuss my plans for the summer. )5 comments. Read comments.
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Let it be known!
( Click for the results of the long, drawn-out tech battle. )4 comments. Read comments.
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There is a moving story told about Carl Jung, the psychiatrist, and one of his patients, a clergyman. Jung had suggested that his patient needed to take some time for silence and solitude each day.
The clergyman, believing he was doing just that, set aside an hour each day, closed his study door, turned on soft music, and picked up a book to read. When he did not improve, he returned to see Jung. After he had explained what he was doing, Jung commented, "You have not been in silence and solitude. You have been spending your time with various musicians and authors. Why are you not willing to spend one hour each day with the self you inflict on others the rest of the day?" (John Westerhoff in Spiritual Life: The Foundation for Preaching and Teaching (p. 34)
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I was technologically functional until I rebooted. I called Lenovo, and they told me the same thing FS told me: do a reinstall of XP. They did not offer to send me an XP CD. They said I can press F11 during the boot cycle and go into a recover mode, and it may let me do a custom recovery and get rid of Norton. We will see... Since I cannot do this myself, I will take the silly thing downstairs and leave it with my dad. I am taking yet more time out of my day (so far two hours) to set up the old laptop, which scans very slowly. It will allow me to finish my homework and finals. We will go from there. So now I have two busted computers: an 18-month-old desktop and a four-week-old laptop. I am a bad technology magnet.
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I had never heard the entire thing. It is worth knowing.
“God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time,
Enjoying one moment at a time,
Accepting hardship as a pathway to peace,
Taking, as Jesus did,
This sinful world as it is,
Not as I would have it,
Trusting that You will make all things right,
If I surrender to Your will,
So that I may be reasonably happy in this life,
And supremely happy with You forever in the next.
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The following quote concerns a dialogue that has been taking place between the Church of God and leaders of the Christian Churches/Churches of Christ...
the Church of God participants in this dialogue have tended to learn one or two theological lessons in the process. One is that the movement should take more seriously its own stance of non-creedalism. The challenge for us is not to protect our current perceptions of truth (one way to define denominationalism) so much as it is to continue seeking the most adequate possible apprehension of truth in an open fellowship of maturing believers. Openness and maturing do not survive well in a context of defensiveness and suspicion. It is enabled by widening the circle of disciples who are searching for all that God intends for the whole church to know and be and do. Much overblown has been our movement's historic fear of theological contamination if we should involve ourselves seriously with Christians whose perspectives differ at points from our own. Some of us now are learning that we ought to believe more strongly that truth is not that fragile and that God still superintends the life of his faithful people. In the end, it is not light that yields to darkness, but darkness to light.
We as two church movements have much with which to enrich each other. We have begun to learn from each other and must continue to benefit by building meaningful relationships. While we hold in common the lordship of Jesus Christ, we do not need to arrive at full consensus on doctrinal issues in order to be open to each other, influenced by each other, genuinely valuing and loving each other, and learning to minister with each other. (Barry Callen in Coming Together in Christ, pp. 79-80)
Reading this book makes me think--a lot. I'm thinking about what I said in class the other day... For a long time, I've felt that I need to learn to dialogue; and yet it seems to be a truly difficult challenge for me. Perhaps this reveals an important lesson: that my greatest weaknesses can also show my greatest areas of potential strength.
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I appear to be in the land of the technologically functional once again. Hopefully it's not another episode of "Made ya look.
Notes: System restore can do bad things. Also, when uninstalling JAWS in order to do a clean install, it is necessary to delete the c:\program files\freedom scientific\jaws\x.xxx folder (x.xxx being the version number) as well as the c:\program files\freedom scientific\shared folder (however, do not delete shared if you are running other adaptive software).
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First, the good. I installed FineReader 9 on the new laptop. I had installed version 8, but it seems to have disappeared. That leads us to the bad, but first I will say that the interface in version 9 is very nice and a bit more user-friendly. Hopefully version 9 will not suddenly disappear...
( Now, the bad and the very dramatically bad... )Would anyone like to trade lives for a while? Oh, wait... I already tried thinking about a new brain and decided I might not like the new one. I guess I'm stuck with this one.
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I made a plate of bacon and eggs. It occurred to me that this really only takes 15 minutes out of my day. And what's 15 minutes in the morning.
This is a drastic change in thinking from last week, when I needed protein badly but would not dare take an extra 15 minutes out of my morning to put it together--because I could not breathe and wanted the 15 minutes to nurse my aching head.
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Life returns to "how to live with pain." In some ways, this is much easier than "how to live when you can't breathe or think straight."
Because I can't remember whether I posted this in a public post, I have been on Sulfasalazine for some nine months. It was a last resort anti-inflammatory because I am not able to take non-steroidal anti-inflammatories. The final result is that as I suspected I would, I reacted badly to it. It caused a recurrence of polyps in my sinuses. This time they are in the upper sinuses near my brain, and I am scheduled for surgery on May 9. My head has been hurting since September... At first it was off and on, but it has been constant since February. No wonder Topamax did not control it...
I missed numerous classes this semester, and I regret this. It cannot be changed now. I stopped Sulfasalazine several days ago, and I haven't felt this well in months. I went to all of my classes this week and was alert through them and even participated normally. It was like old times: I thoroughly enjoyed being there, even while the theological disputes were going on. I learned from them, and I am richer for the experience.
What does all of this have to do with living with pain? I must avoid denial. I am, as my rheumatologist expected would happen, experiencing a flare of the arthritis. It is not terrible. However, pouring from a mostly-full jug of milk is an effort. This means that playing the piano would be an effort. I have not taken Vicodin today. I don't know how I'll feel when the weather is warmer--we did have a freeze this week. (Yes, I know it's nearly May.)
Living with pain means that I make choices I would rather not make. I choose whether or not to take another medication (Methotrexate) that may have side effects that are significant to me. I choose to do things in spite of the pain. I choose to get up and take my meds when I'm in the middle of something I'd rather be doing. I choose to build a rather rigid routine into my life because it is necessary... And feeling unwell makes this very thing difficult. because I just want a bit of rest and enjoyment from time to time.
But really, these things are all parallels to spiritual life. All of this becomes an issue of spiritual discipline. Do I care about how I feel right this moment, or do I care about the big picture, how I will feel tomorrow or a month from now? It's possible to get too carried away in either direction... I can get so lost in the big picture that I forget to experience the joy of a moment. I can get so caught up in the moment that I forget to care for myself... Moderation in all things...
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I slept well last night. And just for this moment, my technology is behaving. (Thank you, JAWS tech support guy who understood that yes, there was a fixable problem with JAWS 9, XP, and Lenovo ThinkPads.)
Perhaps now I can get down to "normal life," which will involve laundry, homework, meeting with a professor, dinner at the church, choir, homework, rheumatology appointment, housework, homework, housework, studying for finals, etc.
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I said something in my preaching class yesterday, and I want to preserve it here because it represents a key point in my learning process.
I've learned that for whatever is most important to me theologically, the opposite is just as important to someone else; and the harder I dig my heels in about being correct, the harder the other person will do the same. Sometimes it's important to back off--not on my convictions but on digging my heels in--and let time teach the lessons. If I really am correct, it will be apparent in time; and there really is no need to prove the point right this minute. In fact, sometimes in the process of giving grace to the other person, I learn a few things myself.
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