Guess what had to happen before I could burn the cds to leave? The computer just dies lololololol. I can't fix it untill i leave state, but i think it's minor, I probably just need a new harddrive seeing as the one that's my master is saaaay seven years old hah. I will just burn cds off of bens computer if he can get what i'm after, other than that i have a bunch of old cds to listen to.

Other than that nothing else is broken, i think i'll just pack up the computers early and leave the ps3 with this keyboard so I can go on for a bit to check things. Eh, I've got eleven days :)

Current Mood: blah

Driving from Florida to Tennessee, my little shubunkin and his 28 gallon tank and stand can't fit in my little car. Does anyone have an idea of any pet store in the tampa bay area where I could take this fish to a local seller that'd take care of 'em and sell him to someone else? Maybe someone to take the tank and stand as well?

I hate to part with the little bugger, but I can only take the bird up with me.

Current Mood: uncomfortable

Well he might've sold his house, which means Ben gets to move back to TN, which means I get to go up there with him.

So, aside from destroying the little packrat in me i've been thinking of what to take and what to sell. I'm also trying to think of a petstore down here who'll buy a goldfish from me. I'm going to sell the tank, stand, and chemicals to someone.. idk who yet.. ugh.

Things to get rid of:
Entertainment center
Computer desk
A/V cart birds cage sits on
Transformers toys (yeah, that sucks I have to part with them)
Legos
Toy cars
Stuffed Animals

Things I found to throw out:
Computer parts! (taking them to the plant at 110th though)
Papers
Old Pay stubs (ripped them to shreds, ah, stress relief)
Random school junk

Things I have to take with me:
Three guitars: Acoustic, my Fender, and that sexy Dean Bass of mine.
The bird: he's getting a backseat to hell.
CD towers/all back-up software/hardware: the wooden one if I can't take both.
My Two computers: This linux Dell box and the tower I made myself.
Gaming consoles/games: SNES, Sega Genesis, PS3.
Stereo
DVD Player
Everything  on the altar
DVDs/CDs
Printer
Clothes
Sheets/Pillows
Paperwork for EVERYTHING.
Art Supplies
My Amp
Books, as much will fit.
My box of wires
Lava Lamp and spiffy Electricity Lamp
Posters/NIN framed poster/my wall scroll/ the van gogh i have
All of the inscence
My little fiber optic xmas tree.
Gir/my wolf stuffed animals
A ginkgo, if I can get away with it. If not, i'll just get seeds and grow another

I believe that is it..It'll be fun. Bye Bye gas milage.

Current Mood: contemplative

They say a car with 48,000 miles on it and eight years old when you get it wasn't used much. I can see how, and what happens when someone else buys that car and actually starts driving it? Yep.

We had an overheating problem with my car after a month or two after I got it, so the logical thing (because all of my fluids were fine) was to get a radiator fan relay. That worked for a little while, then it did it again two weeks later, another relay, then two weeks later it did it again. So, we went and replaced the thermostat and gave the car a nice radiator flush. We turned the car on and at a part on the bottom of the block we never touched it spewed coolant. So later that day we went to advanced and got some rubber orings, tried that, same problem. Got some liquid gasket and put it on, the car found a way to drip coolant around it. Fun.

So the next morning we went to saturn, ordered the whole part that was leaking, new metal oring, everything. We wait a week to get the part, pretty impatiently. We get over there that wednesday and pay for the two parts, go to the mechanic just to see if he has any other ideas, then leave for advanced again. We bought coolant and teflon tape. We get back here to put the new part on with the tape around the threading that goes into the car... After a couple tries we realized the part had the wrong threading and the bag it came in said we couldn't return it if we had opened it. There went $14. Ben pulled apart the thermostat housing to find that the cheap oring there had torn itself, so we put the old one back in.

Put coolant in the car again, I go to unlock it and the powerlocks don't work... ok. I get in and turn the key in the ignition, nothing. So we figured maybe the battery just lost its charge, that's fine. We jumped it for a few minutes, tried again, the battery wouldn't respond. We look everywhere on it for a date and found none, we assumed the battery was 8 years old as well. So Ben puts the battery from his car in mine and it turns on. He looks under the car and it doesn't leak at all! :). So we took the extra bottle of coolant i found in the garage with us and head over to LKQ in my car, ended up at a gas station to fill the last quater of a bottle it needed. Got Ben a battery for $19, kick ass. We get home and he just has a terminal connection issue and his automatic moving seatbelts he believed were shorting his car out, so we tore the wall apart in the car to disconnect the sensor.

Both cars are more or less fixed now. All I need now is an oil change, a transmission filter change, and a repair for my cars TPS, which is the last thing acting up.

Current Mood: accomplished

Work has lead me around in circles, i have people I have senoritiy over screwing me over through the manager. I've had my department manager lie to me, which took my mid shifts away from me. Then yesterday he went back on something he said, something that I was really hoping for because I would've had more money, but no, now we're not going to do it. I'm tired of it, another new person is trying to get full time behind my back, and they're about to give it to them. Maybe it's because I don't bust my ass like I used to, hm.. well I see no reason to do so when people are fucking me over. I'd like to see the place fall apart when i leave, maybe that would make them realize that I was actually a decent worker when all the little things, all the attention to detail back there gets messed up in my absence.

I'm definately going job hunting monday. Lets see, going to look for full time or 30-40 hours at over $8 an hour if I don't get the full time. 30 hours and $8/hr barely pays the bills. I'm left with some pocket change to myself, if that's not stressful enough. We'll see what happens, hopefully I come out with a better job!

Places I have in mind:
The other publix down the road - Because the only way I will stay with this company is if my old assistant manager can squeeze me into a 40 hour position back in their bakery. She's a really great person too, really, she never did anything I didn't approve of when she was working at my store.
Geek Squad - Because I can build a computer fine and have tons of software/hardware knowledge. I taught myself, i'm a savant I swear.
Phone places - Going to try alltel first, maybe I can catch a deal on my phone service! har.
Albertsons - yeah, they're in competition with my job, stocking there would be great! Ben said I could possibly get a raise going there.
Petsmart - Heck, why not try.
Radio shack - Damn right, more geeky stuff!
Going to look around the mall, around town, anywhere that sounds interesting. Heck, i might apply at walmart pft. Anywhere to get away from being all of the sudden walked all over at my current job.

Current Mood: cranky

Well my car is running a hell of a lot better now!

A couple days ago we took a bunch of plastic things out of the intake that were pretty much useless and added a nice big cone filter, which made the car run at the RPMs it more or less should have. It didn't bog that much and accelerated just a tad better, I loved it. At one point of the night something scratched at my arm, i shook it off and didn't give it a thought 'till the next day when i saw a pus-filled lump on my arm, which I promptly popped. It swelled for hours after that, which made me remember the scratching at my arm the previous night, that and the new-found spiderweb under my engine... hmmmm... I assumed it to be a spider bite. I told Ben that if I found it i'd kill it.

Anyways, swelling went down after a day and a half. Now i just have this scab with red around it on my arm. Fine, it's healing, whatever. Today we installed a transmission cooler into my car (because saturn is a bunch of maniacs and thinks a transmission will work fine upside down in a car). We had to take off the front mud flap, which I found a spider web cone in the corner of.... Which spider on my property makes those? Brown widows, of course! That explains all the sour stomachs I had the other night before I realized my arm was trying to migrate poison out of it and my body freaking out, I love being oblivious. Well, at least I know those are survivable now. Fuck them, i'm going to kill each and every one i see ... again :)

Well i told ben that he could test drive the car in the neighborhood to see if the gears would slip or anything, also to check levels of oil and such when we got back from driving around for 20 minutes. In the middle of his neighborhood he asks me if I wanted to drive, so i took it out on a main road and woooow. That thing drives like a dream now! On the way back home from largo it flew like a bat out of hell, no more lurching into gears while driving, i don't even feel it. No more slamming into drive from reverse, car doesn't shake as bad, It just feels like it's floating over the road. It's wonderous, really. Now all I have to get fixed is my left front tire, hellloooo warranty! Give me another shitty firestone to fix this slow leak because of dry rot. If it has a deductable that I don't agree with i'll just go buy a new tire pft. Next thing to add to the car is going to be a spoiler, i'll go to the junkyard for that one.

Current Mood: bouncy

I'm about sick of people. I'm tired of the overreacting over stupid issues. I'm tired of the "This turned out bad ookie *proceeds to whine*" crap I get sent over someone doing something they damn well knew would blow up in their face. I hear all these things in the news about what people have been doing lately, all the raping, the violence getting out of hand (I really don't remember it being this bad in the early 90's), and the craze over escapes. Really now, i'm finding people not very mentally stimulating when they talk in some horrible mash-up of the english language, when music is conversing about who someone's fucking and their fucking jewlery. Where'd the art form go to? People are starving dogs in art galleries and calling the abuse 'art', what the fuck is wrong with our society?

I'm going to just slowly.. let go of the people I fear are going to continue to disturb me with constantly making wrong decisions and asking me for my sympathy. Letting go of the people who have nothing better to do then dull my senses with their ignorance. I'm not going to level you all off and call you daft, i'm going to keep talking to the people I KNOW aren't going to irritate me (around work of course). I'm going to stay away from the general public as much as I can (aside from work), and just save to move out of this hell hole. Florida isn't the right place for me, i can't stand its excuse for humans.


Sunbaked, degenerate, assholes.

Current Mood: annoyed

I'm waiting on saturn to call me, I want my car!

Edit: Got my car! Oh yes! I had to drive through the rain, which wasn't fun, boo

Current Mood: anxious

I kinda wish today wasn't sunday. I'm getting really worried about my leg and I want to go to the docs asap. I NEVER WORRY LIKE THIS. That and the pain, wheeew, some kind of crazy. That leg keeps twitching as well, which has been annoying me since I got that abscess. Antibiotics seemed to do nothing, but make me sick. Sooooo since my leg got worse on antibiotics... yeah. I get to talk to my manager today and if noone's there i get to call out and loose 6 hours of pay! I'm kinda worrying about developing sepsis. Kinda really worried. I skipped my dose of the antibiotics last night so I would stop throwing up, which is nice, i can eat and hold food down. I'm thinking i'm going to take half a pill today in the morning and maybe half tonight, it's gotta help something. And somewhat of a dose is better than nothing, even if they do make me feel like shit.

Right now though i'm just eating to catch up on what I missed. I'm so weak from throwing up and barely eating yesterday, bah. At least this is sunday to close on, it's an easy day. Sundays are usually dead in the store, so hopefully i won't have to run around too much. I'll post again and let you know what the doctor said/did.

Current Mood: sore

Some deny and search for things that never come around,
Do I feel like a fool?
The places I have ran to all my life have disappeared,
And I owe this all to you,

I'm feeling like I'm sinking,
And nothing's there to catch me,
Keep me breathing,

What do I have to do?
Why can't this hurt be through?
I'm going head unto,'
Something I know I will fail,
Why can't this kiss be true,
Why won't you please let me through,
I don't understand why you always push me away.

The last thing I would like to do before I go away,
Is cry there next to you, (next to you)
Cry and talk about the good ole' days and where they've gone,
And now how much I hate you

Chorus

I feel the blood,
drip off the body
as it pools right there
on the ground,
what am I now?
what am I now?

What do I have to do?
Why can't this hurt be through?
I'm going head unto,'
Something I know I will fail,
Why can't this kiss be true,
Why won't you please let me through,
I don't understand why you always push me away.

Why you always push me away?

Current Mood: depressed

Intermittently for the past two weeks... last 4 nights... WHEN AM I GOING TO GET SOME DECENT SLEEP?!

I have a nightmare, I wake up, I stay up anywhere in between say 5-40 minutes, then go back to sleep. Half the time I don't want to sleep, but I know I have to thanks to my job. I kind of feel like I want someone to spend the night, someone to be there next to me, it might give me a bit of security when I wake up from these nightmares. I probably just need someone to roll over to, hug, and for me to go back to sleep lol.

I had one last night that upon waking up I didn't fall back asleep for forty minutes. I woke up this morning after just having bits and pieces flash in my mind all night in a contorted mess. I almost didn't know how to uncurl myself to get to the alarm. So apparently I was restless on top of that because I was originally curled up in a ball in my normal sleeping position on my left side. I was across the bed when I woke up, laying on a pile of pillows, right side/stomach, head facing the left, legs twisted in a weird position. Ugh, I hope tomorrow night will be better. I've only been up since 5:30 and i'm already feeling tired again.. bah.

Current Mood: annoyed

Why does it seem that I keep feeling more over stupid things more than normal? People irritate me and I just feel an emotional wave seethe within me. I don't act on it, it's just bothering me. I'm not normally like that, and for that matter i'm not normally sharp tonged, but lately I have been. Is this what all of that stress in the end of December did to me? Is this just a weird cycle? It's like these things are falling right out of my mouth, I don't feel a thing when I say something abrasive. It's weird. I know i've been talking weird lately, I just don't sound like myself much.

I don't think it's really the fact that I need to relax or anything, I have been having three days off a week since Christmas. I can't really point the finger at anything, there's no reason why I would change into something like this.. It's not something I was working forward to. I've been sleeping like shit lately, but I don't know if that's a viable cause. I've had horrible sleep in the past and never been so brash.

I just want it to go away before I say the wrong thing to someone I have a great value of respect for, there are a handful of people that I hope not to do this to. I think i'm going to go off and check out the planetary positions in the signs, maybe that could shed a bit of light.. who knows.

Current Mood: confused

Ah, working on those ab muscles lately. I'm thinking about starting some routine of cardio to get the little layer of fat off of them. Maybe jog around my block four times on my days off, that's about a mile. Once I get into shape and get the tummy i've wanted for a while I think i'll have one less thing to look down on myself for.

This month has been terrible, the stress! Seems like things just keep going wrong, Christmas is comming up and i'm buying presents by paycheck (hmmm, i hate being broke), I'm worried about the whole doctors thing, and certain people are just making my life a hell. I've been concentrating on work lately to distract me, which is nice... at least I get paid for it haha. I'm going to improve the way I work as well, get my evaluation points past what I got last time (which is the second to top level on their scale) and get to the top top top! Maybe I would get a better raise, it's not like I don't bust my ass there, but somewhere i'm faltering. I shall fix this!

I hope everyone likes what I get them :)

Current Mood: blah

Ugh, I drank almost as much as I did on my 21st birthday last night.

1 shot of goldschlager
1 glass of Guiness
A sip off Ryan's raspberry woodchuck cider
A sip off of his cousins mixed drink.
1 half glass of budwieser
1 and 1/2 bottles of Jack Daniels and coke.


Wow, never drinking with men again hahahahah. I forced myself to throw up this morning so the nausea would go away, I did it last night for the same reason. I am hoping all this water and Ritz crackers will set me up to eat normal food today, oh god. I'm going to go to work later and proceed to die in a corner.


Edit:

Called out of work (getting stomach acid stuck up my nose did it for me. That was the most unpleasant thing EVER), threw up around nine times, i'm hating liiiife. And actually, thinking about it, it was more than I drank on my birthday. I think the Denny's and the jack screwed me up the worst. I really really hate throwing up! Less and less now, though. I've been drinking water and nibbling on crackers, I just hope my body clears it all quick.

Current Mood: crappy

Boy did that trip do a lot for me!

I haven't been so relaxed and carefree for a long, long time. New Mexico is gorgeous! I will come back and I will bring some benadryl next time haha. Pictures to come.. Just need to get those when I can get my USB cord for my camera at home.

Planes aren't so bad... unless you have a fresh tattoo on your back and squish it on take off.

Current Mood: relieved

Spreading out laundry through my three (two now pft) days left:
I got my lights/whites done!
I'm working on darks atm.
Tonight/tomorrow morning will be jeans... I need to have them ready in time to pack! (I have to balance this and walk to work too, ooooh fun)

Charging things tonight and tomorrow:
Camera battery is in the wall.
Phone is charged (Will need to recharge sometime Friday)
Will charge the PSP tonight or tomorrow morning.

I need to go through the laundry I got done yesterday and pick out the flannel pj's of mine and stack them somewhere where I can sort clothes out so I can neatly stack them in my checked luggage so checkpoints will be faster :P I try to be organized haha.

Last night work was insane. I don't want another night of running around in circles haha. At least I get paid today! Ah, just today and friday and i'm FREE.

Current Mood: sleepy

I hate it when someone at your job has no respect for anyone but themselves, so they run their mouth about other people, and cause problems for me. Thanks, I needed to be pissed off today. I really need the stress when i'm worrying about flights next weekend, mmmmhm. This will be dealt with in typical manner of mine, I make you feel like a speck for what you did, you go apologize to everyone affected for being a disrespectful asshole, and then you continue to abide by my rule of keeping your mouth shut for fear of me being increasingly heartless next time.

As for my flights i'll be leaving Saturday afternoon. I can't wait! I'll have my tattoo done while i'm in New Mexico as well. My first plane ride, i'll go buy some gum on payday! I'll also charge my PSP and my camera 'till they both have full battery come Friday. I hope my luggage doesn't get lost, i'd kick some ass!

Current Mood: pissed off

I'm sick of everything at the moment in time. I'm going to change, i'm going to go back to my core and try to lift it out into the open. I don't like this weak martyr i've become, I don't know what the hell did it in the first place anyways! That drives me nuts! I lost my control over everything, including myself so it seems. I'm going to push myself more, I'll make this all better.

I don't want to be someone I look down upon myself for because I've either given up, allowed myself to be swayed, or just sunk into some other form of weakness. I'll break through everything holding me back, rip and tear all the threads binding me. My trip out of state will be a good time to recollect, I'm going far away, possibly seeing the snow, somewhere new.. Away from everything here. I'll find myself again.

Current Mood: annoyed

Brighthouse kicks ass! My internet works! Apparently the cable from one of the boxes was split three times in the attic (modem/tv/tv) so I wasn't catching a signal. The box that WAS set up for internet was on the other side of the house and it only had a wire going into the spare room.... wtf? So the guy rewired it, said he didn't know HOW we had internet for so long without it completely crapping out like it did. Loooovely lol. Well it works now, that's all that matters!

My friend is back from the military for a little bit, It was AWESOME seeing him again! I missed him! The bear hugs made my day haha. He laughed at me when Linux (Ubuntu) freaked me out on the Dell, by the way that got installed and runs like a charm. Startup is a little slow, but that's fine with me, i'm used to it.

I took my computer to my sisters house over the "weekend" and got some stuff done. I tested out her SIMS 2 on it to see if it'd fuck up. It got a little choppy and ran hot for a bit, which considering how that program is.. yeaaah lol. That case is so heavy, makes me feel like a weakling carrying it around hahaha.

I got some cheap 2.1 speakers from walmart. FINALLY something that isn't staticy! I'm so happy/relieved. It's so nice!

I'm going to grab a bite and clean off my wireless keyboard and mouse so I can hook them back up. I'm going to install stepmania soon, I got some nice Katamari songs for that. I need to find some of my old simfile packs! Ooooooh goodness, they were kickass!

Uhm, i'm still in my art block of hell, but I've been doodiling random crap around it. Maybe i'll try to see if the scanner works and scan some stuff i've had laying on my desk :)

Current Mood: hungry

Mom's actually going to let me pay the power bill. I'm glad she's letting me help them out. If it gets bad enough that she has trouble with the cell bill i'm going to port my number off of her bill and get T∙Mobile. It'll take longer for me to get a car this way, but if things keep going this way then i'll be able to give them some relief. Since I don't pay rent to them i'd rather help them with bills if I can, they want me to save money though, but I can't watch them go nuts when shit gets hard like this. Even though I more or less hate my parents, I have to help, I don't feel obligated, I just want to.

Current Mood: sleepy