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cassieclaire: The Very Secret Diary of Boromir of Gondor

The original pervy hobbit fancier (cassieclaire) wrote,
@ 2002-01-05 15:48:00
The Very Secret Diary of Boromir of Gondor
Day One:

Went to Council of Elrond. Aragorn acting all superior as usual. He thinks he's so great because he's shagging that bit of elf crumpet on the side. I mean just because someone has a broad chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesn't mean that....what? Got distracted there for a bit.

Seem to have agreed to go on some sort of mission while distracted by Aragorn's enormous...rudeness.


Day Three

Stupid Ring, stupid Quest, stupid Fellowship.

Day Four

Frodo dropped Ring today. Picked it up, but Aragorn made me give it back. Arrogant bastard. Wonder how he'd feel with Horn of Gondor shoved right up his...

Stupid Ring.

Day Four:

Is obvious that Aragorn is strangely attracted to Frodo.

Ha Ha! Ha!

Sam will kill him if he tries anything.

Day Six:

Aragorn still into Frodo. "Boromir, give the Ring back to Froooodoo." "Boromir, let *me* carry Frodo up Caradhras." "Boromir, quit trying to cut off Frodo's head while he's asleep so you can get at the Ring."

Blatant favoritism most annoying.

Day Ten:

Why isn't Aragorn into me ?

Day Eleven:

Carried Frodo out of Mines of Moria.

Kind of liked it, actually.

Hope am not turning into pervy hobbit-fancier like Uncle Windermir. Not after what happened to *him.* Merry and Pippin are cute little things, too...

In other news, Gandalf died.

Day 30:

In Lothlorien. Galadriel quite a babe. Feel sure she was attracted to my rugged yet unwashed manliness.

Legolas took a bath in her fountain. Got in trouble. Ha. Ha. Big elfy git. Am quite sure he dyes his hair. Also, he has spot on his nose.

Aragorn suggested we take baths as well. Only realized in nick of time he did not mean with each other.

Stupid Aragorn.

Day 33 :

Frodo being all weird about the Ring. Won't even let me look at it. Must admit I had a bit of a tussle with him trying to get a gander at it. Rolled around on him till he went invisible. Resisted urge to have a little cuddle (made easier when he punched me in the face.)

Aragorn would be jealous. Ha!

Day 35:

Killed by orcs.

Stupid orcs.

(48 comments) - (Post a new comment)

2002-01-05 03:06 pm UTC (link)
Cassie, that's just priceless. *g* Loved it


2002-01-05 03:40 pm UTC (link)
So hilarious! Actually, I think this one is the best up to now... Well, maybe I'm not exactly objective when it comes to Boromir, but I like Aragorn about as much as Boromir if not more and still laughed harder about this one. The references to the other diaries (especially the Legolas ones) were brilliant, too, as well as his getting distracted by Aragorn and his blaming everything for his misfortune. Thank you for making me laugh so hard I had to take a break because tears were dulling my sight :D


2002-01-05 04:41 pm UTC (link)
"Aragorn still into Frodo. 'Boromir, give the Ring back to Froooodoo.' 'Boromir, let *me* carry Frodo up Caradhras.' 'Boromir, quit trying to cut off Frodo's head while he's asleep so you can get at the Ring.'

Blatant favoritism most annoying."

Oh, isn't it;).




2002-01-05 04:43 pm UTC (link)
That was, as alway, wondeful!

We Must have the full set! :)

I am very impressed :)


2002-01-05 04:45 pm UTC (link)
LOL ::claps:: Wonderful


2002-01-05 08:25 pm UTC (link)
That was hilarious! I also liked how you made references to the other diaries. I think you should do Gimli next. :)

Day One:
Went to Council of Elrond. Stupid elves. They think they're superior because they're so much taller and prettier. Well, let me tell you something, I can braid my hair with the best of them.

Tried to destroy the Ring. Broke my axe. Stupid Ring.

***Dixie Malfoy***

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Re: LoL!
2002-01-05 08:56 pm UTC (link)
I am in pain from laughing. This was hysterical!


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Re: LoL!
2002-01-05 10:20 pm UTC (link)
Oh yes..SOMEbody needs to do Gimli..that was great ^^

::dies laughing again::

(Reply) (Parent)

2002-01-05 09:14 pm UTC (link)

How can Boromir want to snog so many people at once? Aragorn, Legolas, Frodo, Galadriel, the ring, orcs...

*laughs a bit more*


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Re: Boromir's fickle nature
2002-04-04 08:34 pm UTC (link)
Perhaps Gondorians are just extremely "horn-y."

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2002-01-05 09:24 pm UTC (link)
*giggles* Oh, poor Boromir. "Froooodoo" just cracked me up. Glad I'm not the only one who noticed it.


2002-01-05 09:27 pm UTC (link)
You get a happy little gold star!!! Yay!!! I love your diaries so far. 'Sam will kill him if he tries anything.' They're great!!! Yay!!! Kudos for you!!!! I would love to see what you Gimli thinks... ::bursts into laughter at the thought:: ~Nanashi~


2002-01-05 10:40 pm UTC (link)
*g* Priceless. Especially the ending - "Killed by Orcs... stupid Orcs".

Wasn't he kissed by Aragorn? You should've mentioned it. He could've been all ecstatic. Like "Was killed today by bloody orcs. But I was kissed by Aragorn. Always knew he fancied me."

*g* Gimli now!

(Reply) (Thread)

2002-01-06 06:19 am UTC (link)

Hum. Re: kiss, there is a bit of a problem since Boromir was sort of dead when he got the kiss.

Very cute, Cassie - you're really getting into the LotR mood, now look who's off writing LotR stuff first! Who next - NOT Gimli, ugh, because I know you'll just put some awful implications in, and now that I've said it I'm almost sure you'll go ahead and do it all the same.

Do a Frodo one. Go on!


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Clearly, Cass shoud have her Jounrals beta-read
2002-01-08 06:57 am UTC (link)
I *told* you, Cassie...

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hahahhahahahhahaha*choke* *gasp* haahhahahahahaha hoooo
2002-01-06 07:11 am UTC (link)
Well, it's become something of a nightly ritual: Rave invites friends over and we all gather 'round the warm, glowing computer screen to see if Cassie has posted any new diaries. The first time it was two friends, then four, and last night I believe there were seven of us; so you're not allowed to ever stop writing them, even when you're reduced to writing "The Very Secret Diary of That Old Woman in the Field at the Beginning of the Movie" (Second one: Glared at Gandalf. Stupid old man. Second five: Amused by Gandalf. Quite harmless really, even rather attractive for Big Person. Second six: admonished by daughter. Stupid offspring. Second 6.5: Vanished forever. Stupid movie. Second 598237982: Aragorn obviously starting to find Frodo very attractive. Sam will kill him if he tries anything. Oops, back to limbo.) If you don't, what are we going to do with ourselves? (Don't suggest "Get a life, you ridiculous losers" because we tried that and it was a great big failure.)

Anyway reading diaries *much* more fun than going out, as much higher chance of falling off of chairs involved. Last night Michelle laughed so hard we were afraid we would have to attempt emergency resuscitation. Luckily however she is okay, and let me assure you that none of us are even *thinking* of suing you for hospital bills for cost of setting ribs broken by laughing. (Really. That would be terribly rude. *pause* You'll be hearing from our lawyers. Muahahahahahahaha!)

Oh, and I think you should write "The Secret Diary of Jeff the Stalker," too. Hooray!


P.S. "Elf crumpet"?


Cackling hysterically
2002-01-06 09:57 am UTC (link)
Brava! Well done! Slashiest. Movie. Ever!



2002-01-06 10:19 am UTC (link)
Oh god -- I am *so* glad a friend of mine posted a link to this. I laughed so hard my dog had to come see what was wrong with me.


This is... bloody hysterical...
2002-01-06 11:35 am UTC (link)
You rock. This was about the funniest thing I've seen in a *long* time. Want more. -Sarah-

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Re: This is... bloody hysterical...
2002-01-06 12:13 pm UTC (link)
That was funny. Are *all* of the Lotr characters gay? The secret diary of Jeff the Stalker would be quite funny...

Day 01

Goat did a poo on the carpet. Had nothing better to do, so licked it up with my own tongue.

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread)

Re: This is... bloody hysterical...
2002-01-06 02:12 pm UTC (link)
LMAO please write Jeff's diary...serves him right ^^

Although I never would have found these diaries if it weren't for him, so..I guess I should be grateful in a way? o_O;

Or not. ^^;

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2002-01-06 01:46 pm UTC (link)
Oh, that's priceless.


oh no...look what you made us do...
2002-01-06 07:33 pm UTC (link)
Boromir's Very Secret Diary
2002-01-06 07:43 pm UTC (link)
I think this was the funniest yet. Nice cheer up as I'm sitting here with me knee all messed up. Thought I'd do a little add since someone asked about the kiss. :)

Day 35:
Killed by orcs.
Stupid orcs.
Now Aragorn kissses me when I'm dead. Must have been too afraid of his now obvious attraction to me to kiss me before, bloody stupid orcs.



Thank Goodness for LJ!
2002-01-07 08:39 am UTC (link)
This has totally made my day. First I see this name I recognize from my secret Harry Potter fanficdom loving printed out at school, and then I see that it's from a LiveJournal, at which point I almost collapse. After blaming the collapse on the weak and somewhat shaky chair I'm currently sitting in, I innocently ask," Oh. Cassandra Claire? Who's that? What're these papers printed up for?", and my friend Ruth says with a blush and a grin," She's got an awesome LiveJournal. We're posting her LoTR diaries on the class board for amusement during exam week." Extremely, excited, I then decide to ask Ruth, if, perhaps, she's seen you somewhere else, perhaps, schnoogle? And then, we both squeal, giggle, and get kicked out of library for making excessive amounts of noise. (and I just managed to misspell noise three times before settling on "s" instead of "z" and "c")

So, well, thanks for the Diaries, they're wonderful :)

(Reply) (Thread)

Re: Thank Goodness for LJ!
2002-01-07 12:36 pm UTC (link)
Ahahahahha! My secret, she is out. *grin*

Yes, I'm a religious LJ reader and mailing-list lurker, let's be honest. I suppose it's not healthy to lead a dual life for this long.

Yes, and I just got kicked out of the library *again* for snickering over Boromir and then giggling hysterically at beautiful beautiful Hobbit pictures. Go me! Two times in one day, and it's only the first day after break...*moan*


(Reply) (Parent)

2002-01-07 09:35 am UTC (link)
As always, m'dear, this is wonderful. Kudos!



Interesting, very interesting!
2002-01-12 01:52 pm UTC (link)
Dudes, come on! Do you need to have a GAY things going on in like almost everyone of these cool, yet weird journals! I mean brah, I may not be in New York, of in California where I know poeple who are fans of gay people, but, I do know this is strange to have it in a lot of these. So cuz, whoever is writing dis', you sure gots one one of a kine mind. And no, don't tink that I am one local brahs' (boys for the people who don'y know waht it is), I'm one girl. So don't tink I'm one boy because of how I talk and that I like Lord of The Rings!
(Because I could beat anyone at my skool in Lord of The Rings trivia games, k?!)

(Reply) (Thread)

2002-01-31 04:46 pm UTC (link)
Hi, my name is Jennifer, I live in Hawaii, too and I'm a "fan" of gay people, so to speak. And the gay thing, my dear, is what makes this funny. Tell me you don't giggle a little bit at the thought o fbig manly men crouched over a diary late at night while they think everyone else is asleep and writing thoughts about how the hobbit-ish one is hot. ;D If you don't, well.. you probably shouldn't be here reading this.
And yeah, it's strange.. but it's suposed to be. Fan fic (if this counts as such), I've found, tends to exagerate characteristics of characters and people. Go watch Gundam Wing, then read some of the fic, if you dont believe me. (mm.. yaoi) More so, this is a *silly* piece of work. Silly peices of work often have characters acting to an extreme.. The rcharacter who evening up tearing up a bit at point of high emotion because a big cry baby.. it's funny, or at least I think so.
Y'know, though.. I'm all for writing how I speak.. but putting on a local "accent" while typing just boggles me. I understnad it but only because I grew up listening to it, if you're tryin' to make an impression on someone who probably hasn't a hope in hell of fully and correctly interpresting it for what it is (sorry, but it's true) it makes anyone come off as a, well, an idiot.
..although.. I'd love to know.. what exactly is a "fan" of gay people? o.O;

Oh yeah. I *lovelovelovelove* these entries, and wanna see more! I've died laughing while I've read these all today--keep it up :D

-Jennifer (darkperk at hawaii dot rr dot com)

(Reply) (Parent)

2002-01-17 07:55 am UTC (link)
wehe! hehehe...this is great. *nods*


2002-01-18 08:34 am UTC (link)
Ok at first I was jealous of all the comments you're getting when my in-depth fake livejournal got nothing but this is really just as awesome as mine :) Very creative! Makes me proud to be a part of LJ.


2002-01-21 05:48 am UTC (link)
Not dead. Just unconcious for an hour....I'm feeling quite tender at the moment. Maybe Aragorn really WAS into me.

Stupid Aragorn!

Thought I was dead, and put me in a boat going over the edge of a waterfall!


why buy ab-toner? just read these
2002-01-22 09:20 am UTC (link)
Boromir's "Ooops" is priceless. Just priceless. I am in awe.


the best lines...
2002-01-23 11:32 am UTC (link)
*the best lines*

I mean just because someone has a broad chest, firm, defined muscles, an outdoorsy tan and loads of manly stubble doesn't mean that....what? Got distracted there for a bit.

Seem to have agreed to go on some sort of mission while distracted by Aragorn's enormous...rudeness.


lol i just killed myself laughing. haven't laughed this much since aragorn's stubble updates.

(Reply) (Thread)

Re: the best lines...
2002-02-01 10:35 am UTC (link)
god, i totally agree with u - i laughed like an insane hyena person. Which, come to think of it....................

(Reply) (Parent)

Lol! Though I think Boromir's kinda cool...
2002-01-23 01:06 pm UTC (link)
He's absolutely hilarious in this...waitaminute...this is a parody, right? LMAO.


2002-02-01 10:32 am UTC (link)
hey!!! ive just read ure diary thing......! It is soooooooooooo funi!!!. luv the whole gay thing u got goin on there......... boromirs' one extremely funni.......................
luv the whole character thing 2.................... how do u keep coming up with all the ideas???
one of the funnyest thinhs i have ever read


Go day 35.
2002-02-09 03:36 am UTC (link)
I love the whole Day 35 entry.

"Killed by orcs.

Stupid orcs."

I haven't laughed so hard in ages.

(Reply) (Thread)

this hilarious diary!
2002-02-23 06:31 am UTC (link)
I dont have this live journey thingie, i just found a link to this page onna lotr website, but i am applauding ur hilarious diaries!

(Reply) (Parent)

Very Secret Diaries Review
2002-02-28 05:49 pm UTC (link)
I love this series! You should do Ugluk the Uruk-Hai captain next. (Grishnakh is obviously a pervy hobbit-fancier!)


Boromir is mine
2002-03-03 10:01 am UTC (link)
V v funny. but boromir is not gay. is mine.
(PS. have n e of those cartoon pics been done of him?)
~Rachel B


2003-01-06 05:44 pm UTC (link)
Haha! Found this on an RPG, glad I did! I love the way you put Legolas has a spot on his nose when in Legolas' Diary he complains about it. *g* V. v. v. Funny.


2003-02-15 02:46 pm UTC (link)
I hate it! Boromir deserves better...he was corrupted by the ringspell! :p STOP MAKING FUN OF HIM! HOW RUDE! I HOPE THIS SITE DIES!


2003-03-05 03:20 pm UTC (link)
I need the ring for the power of gondor. Ha Ha Ha will try to kill felloship in their sleep. HA HA HA!


2003-12-15 01:43 am UTC (link)
Ha-ha-ha! What's the world coming to if a Gondorian Can't even laugh at himself? A sad day will it be when this time comes. (The gay stuff was a little over the top though)

Stupid Orcs...

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2004-01-19 05:42 am UTC (link)
Read this a while back I think, but I still loved it. XD Your diaries are always classic - and the best. XD

- Famira

And because it's so kickass, check out this quickie banner. :P

Boromir Diary Banner

(Reply) (Parent)

2004-01-04 04:20 pm UTC (link)
Absalutly Classic
I loved it
i love all of them
Ha Ha Ha


2005-05-09 07:01 pm UTC (link)
OMG this is great material would you mind if I put it on a t-shirt?


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