Log in

cassieclaire: Completed Version of Aragorn's Diary

The original pervy hobbit fancier (cassieclaire) wrote,
@ 2001-12-31 01:09:00
Completed Version of Aragorn's Diary

Day One:

Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.
Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it.
Still not King.

Day Four:

Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying.
Not King yet.

Day Six:
Orcs killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly. Yes!
Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back.
Still not King.

Day Ten:

Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in Mines of Moria. Big Baelrog.
Not King today either.

Day Eleven:
Orcs killed: 7. V. good. Stubble update: Looking mangy.

Legolas may be hotter than me.
I wonder if he would like me if I was King?

Day 28:

Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Sam would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.
Still not King.

Day 30:
In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me. Saucy wench.

Nice chat with Boromir. He’s not so bad.
Took a shower. Yay!
But still not King.

Day 32:
Orcs killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy.

Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.

I think Legolas might be kinda gay.

Nope, not King.

Day 33:
Orcs killed: Countless thousands. V. good.

Boromir killed by Orcs. Bummer. Though he died bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was very definitely gay.
Not so sure about Gimli either.
RIP Boromir.
Still not King, but at least Boromir seemed to think I was. Might however have been blood loss.

Day 34:
Frodo went to Mordor. Said he was going alone, but took Sam with him. Why?

My God, is everyone in this movie gay but me?

Not so sure about me either.

Still not King, goddammit.

(74 comments) - (Post a new comment)

2001-12-30 10:25 pm UTC (link)
*giggling* Thanks, Cass, that was great. *goes off grinning*


2001-12-31 04:26 am UTC (link)
::nods: he's right, Galardriel definitely *was* hitting on him. But who could blame her?

::squeal:: Moremoremore!! I'd tell you what I liked best about it, bit I guess I'd have to copy the whole thing and paste it here because it was all so bloody brilliant. ::giggles::

Still not King, but at least Boromir seemed to think I was. Might however have been blood loss.

(Reply) (Thread)

2001-12-31 10:42 am UTC (link)
um... it should read Galadriel...

(Reply) (Parent)

LOAO (Laughing Our Asses Off)
2001-12-31 06:33 am UTC (link)
Yep, us four here in Suburbia, NY loved that. We need more! More! :D


(Reply) (Thread)

Re: LOAO (Laughing Our Asses Off)
2002-01-10 12:37 pm UTC (link)
Where DID you get that totally yummy Legolas icon?


(Reply) (Parent)

2001-12-31 07:46 am UTC (link)
I would give you 3 gold stars for that brilliant foray into LOTR slash. May it be your LAST.


2001-12-31 10:12 am UTC (link)
*wipes tear from eye from laughing so hard*

That is *so* funny..

You should do a Legolas one. n.n



I think Aragorn may be gay no
2001-12-31 02:24 pm UTC (link)
I think all of the apparent gay influences have made Aragorn gay. Poor him. *shakes her head* Sadly, it's funny.

- Kim


*rolls eyes*
2001-12-31 03:37 pm UTC (link)
You should not be left alone or with Elka for this long. You are going LoTR coo-coo! Though I am laughing quite heavily at your lovely writing, now that I have finally finished the first book in the trilogy.

Wahhh, I wanna come back to New York

(Reply) (Thread)

Re: *rolls eyes*
2001-12-31 04:05 pm UTC (link)
Why? It's not like you're going to be there for more than a few days before...


(Reply) (Parent)

2001-12-31 04:32 pm UTC (link)
You dunno me, I dunno you... but I find Aragorn's secret diary quite hilarious. Do continue. ^_^ I can just imagine Gimli's: "Got fingers tangled in beard again trying to redo huge chunky braids after battle. Legolas very unhelpful." ^_~


Oh goodness.....
2001-12-31 04:50 pm UTC (link)
So this is why DV5 isn't done yet. You've been spending too much time having fun in LOTR Slashland. ;) Anyways, this was hilarious! :) Saucy wench-hehe!

***Dixie Malfoy***


2001-12-31 05:46 pm UTC (link)
Oh wow. That was great! *grins* I can't stop laughing now. For some scary reason, I can see Aragorn doing a diary like that, *grins even more* with his hair tied up and a quill and he's sneaking glances at the rest of the broken fellowship, checking them out. He's too good for Arwen.

I'd be delighted if you made a sequal, though this is smashing on it's own.

- Jen (who posts at FAP)


2002-01-04 05:40 pm UTC (link)
This is hilarious! ^_^ I loved the stubble updates.



2002-01-05 01:28 pm UTC (link)
...You didn't include anything about Merry and Pippin... *disappointed*
But aside from that, this was rather funny. :D
*archives it in the vaults of lore, and runs back to her respective ships; ss precious and ss forest*



Oh my.
2002-01-08 07:15 am UTC (link)
This gets shown to the Sith Academy. Or something. Do you have any idea how hard it is to keep from busting out laughing right in the middle of the college computer lab? Well done!

(Reply) (Thread)

Re: Oh my.
2002-01-09 02:42 am UTC (link)
Asking on Cassie's behalf...
If people post links to this elsewhere, can you please let her know? Just tell her the URL or the mailing list!

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Expand)

Re: Oh my. - azurelunatic, 2002-01-09 06:07 am UTC (Expand)
ahhh funny!
2002-01-08 09:15 pm UTC (link)
poor aragorn, thinks everyone's gay but him... I like this part the best: Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.

just because I could SO hear him say it and have aragorn say in reply something to the extent of what you wrote... like, ummm sure little green elfy dude.



2002-01-10 12:39 pm UTC (link)
Dammit! I laughed until it hurt! I agree - you MUST do a Legolas one, now :)


2002-01-10 04:32 pm UTC (link)
Brilliant! Please please submit it to rec.humor.funny!


2002-01-13 07:05 am UTC (link)
brilliant can't wait till u do pippins diary


2002-01-14 04:34 am UTC (link)


so funny
2002-01-14 08:57 am UTC (link)
Brilliant... pure genius. Makes me wanna watch LOTR again with a print out of all these journals for the characters so I can read along while I watch... hehehehehe.

I kinda picked up on the whole gay thing too. But I guess if you travel for extremely long periods of time and all you have are other men, although different races, it gets a little weird. Although, if I were FRODO, I guess I would be the most concerned 'cos Sam seems to be a little too chummy... *wink*wink*nod*nod*, say no more.


(Reply) (Thread)

Re: so funny
2002-01-18 01:24 am UTC (link)
You have to remember too that Tolkein was very sheltered and married his childhood sweetheart without really gaining any other experience of life. His main characters tend to be male because he couldn't accurately portray women as anything other than goddesses. It's a very 'public school' outlook on the world.

And someone should do a Gollum diary, voiced over by either John Lithgoe or PeeWee Herman... ;)

(Reply) (Parent) (Thread) (Expand)

Re: so funny - misterpriapus, 2002-02-05 07:58 am UTC (Expand)
2002-01-18 05:47 pm UTC (link)
Too funny, I love it!



Best Tolkien tributes ever
2002-01-20 12:12 pm UTC (link)
I've laughed so much at this and the succeeding diaries that I can skip the "abs work" for the next year from my abdomen heaving and have lost weight because of spewing food out my nose. Can't sleep because I keep waking up with an uncontrollable giggle fit. Skip the scholarly treatises and read these! I've been a Tolkien devotee for nearly 40 years and these are the best tributes (and commentary) ever.


This is funny!
2002-01-20 01:35 pm UTC (link)
I just wanted to say how amusing this little piece was ^___^ I love LOTR. This reminded me of how my sister reacted to Legolas. She was the first one to mutter that the Elf was gay and then Aragorn kissed Boromir's forehead and thar she blowed again. Anyway, just wanted to say hopw funny it is^^


2002-01-21 01:53 am UTC (link)
He didn't even mention catching Frodo when he fell from that water thingy moster outside Moria!!!


2002-01-22 06:27 pm UTC (link)
Oh, crap. Too good. Can't stop laughing. Teary. Oh, help..


Oh Goody !
2002-01-23 02:38 am UTC (link)
Hi There!

Found the link to your site in fabulous yahoo newsgroup. Yay!

Must say v. good indeed.

Have translated Aragorn Diary into German.

Hope CassieClaire doesn't mind.

You don't mind, do you?




(74 comments) - (Post a new comment)