RP log: Yukimura, Tezuka (part 1)
Summary: Is there any way to help someone who has reached his breaking point?
Rating: PG for this part


The door to Yukimura's office opened, admitting a stack of paperwork and a pair of shapely feminine legs. "Where do you want these copies, Mr. Yukimura?" the stack of papers asked in a voice that leaked just a little of its native Brooklyn sound.

A dark head raised, curls spiraling absently around the edges of wire-rimmed glasses. "The Intech acquisition? On the credenza, please." A charming smile, then his attention returned to the spread across his desk, fountain pen dancing as he wrote.

"Mr. Yukimura?" His head bobbed up again, the end of the pen finding its way to his mouth. "Do you need anything? A refill, maybe?" She gestured to the coffee cup on his desk, her other hand flicking back ashy hair from her neck, a straight column marked by two tiny punctures, pink and never quite healing.

Such was the down side of hiring a vampire fetishist as a secretary. No questions, no explanations, and a quick meal only outside the door, but... "I'm fine, Amber. Thank you for always thinking of me," Yukimura added; for despite making him feel occasionally like the prey rather than the predator (not an easy thing to do for a vampire of his age), she was a damned good secretary. "Is there anything on my calendar for the rest of today?"

Her disappointment slithered back behind the mask of professional efficiency. "Only the conference call with Seattle at four."

"Excellent. Should I tell Saeki to hold your usual table at Lady's Kiss tonight?" He put down his pen, leaning forward as if sharing a very intimate secret with her.

"Please, sir." Her smile bloomed to match his; it was so easy to please most humans. Almost a great game at times. "I'll be at my desk if you need anything." She spun on a wedge-heeled shoe and the legs disappeared through the door.

Even when one's preferences ran towards men, aesthetically a great pair of girl legs are impossible not to appreciate, and with them in the back of his mind, Yukimura returned to work. This was not quite a necessary evil, but it effectively filled time and provided both legitimacy and shelter for his clan. While the holdings were far and away enough to keep them in comfort for many millenia, the challenge of acquisition never failed to spark him. Nomadic though he was, Yukimura liked the lure of business; it was the same great game, only with higher stakes.

Perhaps an hour later the intercom buzzed. "Mr. Yukimura? There's a Mr. Tezuka here to see you?"

Tezuka? Here? How very curious. A tendril of thought reached out and whispered against the feeder's mind, searching for...something. "Please show him in, Amber. Mr. Tezuka is an associate of mine." Those were probably the wrong words, the clan leader thought, for the leap in his secretary's alertness indicated she'd pegged him for a vampire...and perhaps her next meal. Standing, Yukimura came to the door, opening it himself and gesturing warmly to Tezuka. "Would you reschedule with Seattle? I think my business with Mr. Tezuka will overrun that call. And after you've done that, you can go on home. Surely I can make my own tea if I need any."

The secretary opened her mouth as if to speak, but clearly knew when an order was an order. She nodded, picking up the phone and twirling the rolodex for Seattle's number, casting a longing look Tezuka's way as he crossed into the office, the door snicking closed behind him.

"My apologies. She's a bit enthusiastic, but she does great work." The vampire glided across the floor, slipping into an elegant leather chair facing the desk and gesturing Tezuka to its mate. "I wasn't expecting to see you, especially here. Is there something I can help you with?"

The entire atmosphere reminded Tezuka strangely of home as he looked around the office, avoiding eye-contact with Yukimura at first as he tried to familiarise himself with the surroundings, checking the locations of exits, windows, hidden corners. It was a habit born after the attack quite a while ago and Tezuka still had not managed to shake. But he relaxed quickly enough. Perhaps it was the memories of playing around in his father's office when he was little, or perhaps it was something else, Tezuka felt safe enough to cross the room and accept the invitation to sit down. And it was not until then that he raised his eyes to look at the clan leader.

The prepared speech about being sorry that he came without an appointment, and that he hoped he hadn't disrupted anything, never went past his lips. So this was Yukimura. Ageless, beautiful... and Tezuka's mind snapped back.

Now where should he start?

"There is advice that if any member of the clan is to leave for a prolonged period of time, that he should let you know." He had to force himself to say these words; he was not sure if he wanted to leave, but he knew he had to. "I'm sorry to say this at our first meeting, but..." He trailed off, his meaning obvious enough.

Yukimura sat quiet, still, immobile as a master's statue with legs delicately crossed, hands folded across his knee and golden glasses perched upon his nose, while Tezuka spoke. The words seemed difficult enough for him to say - the pulse in his neck beat like hummingbird's wings - without an imposing vampire receiving them.

The smallest of smiles cracked his facade, gently curving the corners of his mouth. "It's good advice you've been given," he murmured, his odd accent almost cradling the words. "Thank you for coming to me, Tezuka." His voice lingered on the feeder's name, tasting it as one would a fragile delicacy.

"I don't wish to be intrusive, for while I lead this clan I do not personally have a close claim to you, but would you please tell me what led you to this decision?" Yukimura leaned forward, his eyes large as they searched Tezuka's face, tracing the lines of stress and sadness. He wondered if anyone else could see them; somehow, he suspected his wayward grandchylde had failed to notice them. "I..I am deeply sorry for what you have been through already, and I ask your forgiveness for our personal acquaintance having come now rather than earlier. I wouldn't want to believe that experience has made you unwelcome in your own home, nor would I tolerate it if anyone has made you feel so."

Yukimura's voice felt to Tezuka's ears like soothing honey to his throat, but nothing was quite enough to comfort his heart. It was hard enough to make the decision, and coming to find Yukimura right away was a feeble attempt to burn his own bridges, but an attempt none-the-less. But if he was to have to explain...

"This is not about that at all. I have put that incident behind me." Not the truth, but not entirely a lie either. Resting his arms on his thighs, he tore his gaze from Yukimura's to stare down at his hands. He was aware of how tense he was; he could even feel his own heartbeat. But above it all he felt a numbness eating at him, as if he had been separated from the world by an endless glass wall. Everything that tried to reach him became dulled, scattered, or was reflected back before he could even see it. "It is a... personal matter. I have no issues with any member of the clan now." Another half-lie. Tezuka stole a glance and found Yukimura searching his face. Probably Yukimura could see through his lies straight away. Perhaps he should try to give some believable reason, but it was difficult enough to think.

This human...with his straight, proud back, his strong, clenched knuckles, his dull, lonely gaze...was not a skillful liar. A keening sort of anguish bled off him, its pitch an odd frequency not many could hear...or if they could hear, fewer still could understand.

But Yukimura could.

"If it is behind you, if you have no issues with any of the clan," the vampire leaned closer in his chair, his knee nearly touching Tezuka's, "then why are you in such pain?" Ghost-pale hands floated from their perch, alighting upon Tezuka's own. They were slightly chilled, undead in temperature but holding an inexplicable warmth. "Being clan means being mine, and I grieve to hold your hurts in my hands."

It was pure reflex when Tezuka flinched from the touch, as if he had been jumped at. Yukimura was trying nothing but to be kind, but kindness could not help him. Nothing could help because there was nothing there to help in the first place; Tezuka knew he was in his self-created hell.

It had been so long since anyone had shown him any kind of care. Not even Yagyuu bothered anymore, after the subtle arguement they had last time when Yagyuu said that Tezuka was trying to be a martyr. Wanting a bit more, and not wanting to offend Yukimura, he stayed in his seat, not moving back, despite the vampire being so close.

"It is not the incident itself, but it has directly and indirectly revealed... issues that I have yet to learn to deal with." The words were spoken as soon as they came to mind. "This is more about me than anyone else. I... can't find a better way to say it. There is no one to blame."

Large eyes peered up at Tezuka, so deeply they seemed primed to plumb his soul. "Do I frighten you, Tezuka? Do we frighten you?" The questions sounded achingly sad. "It is different, each vampire's relationship with a feeder. The bond it creates is precious, as you are precious."

In his suit and wing-tip shoes, Windsor-knotted tie and disarming spectacles, Yukimura seemed extremely human to the eye; human, save for the undercurrent of power he carried and the unearthly beauty. "Feeders provide life to us, their blood sustains us for far longer than normal humans. Our feeders are where the shreds of our own humanity dwell. That's a grave responsibility with which we are entrusted when we make a breaking. Vampire chyldren do not often require handholding and caretaking, but feeders...feeders have the doubts and frailties and needs of humans."

The clan leader reached for Tezuka's face, laying one smooth palm flat against his cheek, fingertips gently caressing the tightness of his jaw. "There's nothing wrong with craving kindness, or desiring care, Tezuka. Nor is there shame in having these unresolved issues of which you speak. Many of my kind carry those with them even into the beautiful death. We have many fears that hurt us and haunt us. Abandonment. Loss of security. Solitude. Rejection."

Yukimura turned his hand over, the backs of his fingers skimming Tezuka's cheek. "I'm just not sure retreating further into a solitary shell will help you in the long run. However, if you have determined this is the best course of action for you, I won't stop you." The vampire leaned forwards and up, pressing the briefest of kisses, scarcely more than a puff of air, against Tezuka's lips. "All I would ask is that you let me show you kindness before you leave us."

Tezuka did not know how close he was to the verge - of surrender? Defeat? - until the cold hand brushed his face, with infinite amount of care that he could actually feel. Dipping his head, he pulled his glasses off his face and closed his eyes, the bridge of his nose beginning to burn with a sensation he had not experienced for years and years. Not even when he was attacked some time ago.

He did not want to talk; he couldn't. He wished the vampire would just rip all he needed to know out of his mind, the way Yagyuu always did, only Yagyuu did it because at one point, he cared, and Yukimura was not doing it due to respect. But how else could he convince Yukimura that leaving was the best solution? He had been floating inbetween the worlds of the vampires and the humans for too long, not belonging anywhere, and Yagyuu said it was his own fault. And maybe it was true, that he was just making himself a cheap meal when he did anything in the name of companionship. But that was what Niou wanted, for him to bend knee and offer everything. Niou saw him as a piece of property, that was all. It was the bond that made Tezuka do it all, but he never intended to be anyone's burden -

Turning away, Tezuka squeezed his eyes shut tighter as the burn in his nose intensified. "Excuse me."

Burdened, lost and alone. It was no wonder Tezuka sought an escape, an out from a situation in which he felt hopelessly trapped. The room vibrated on a psychic level in Yukimura's awareness, charged with the weight of emotions long dampened down, contained, harnessed and leashed and brought to heel. Tezuka was hardly a child by human standards, but his days in his destined role, as his true self, had been cruel rather than kind, and brought Yukimura's protective feelings surging forwards.

He shook his head, curls brushing his face intimately, and followed Tezuka with his body, arms gently going around his neck, seating himself on the arm of Tezuka's chair, legs in a languid sprawl across the feeder's lap, and murmuring many things in his exotic voice, some understandable and some not but all bearing the same undertone of comfort. "There's nothing to excuse. You're simply being human, Tezuka. Let go, it's all right." Slender fingers wove in and out of Tezuka's hair, keeping him held securely against the vampire's wiry body. "I'll be here for you."

Wrapped by supple yet steel-like arms, Tezuka shook his head. He did not even know how to let go and if he did try, he felt something was going to break. Everything would be even further out of his control, he would feel even more vulnerable than he already did. And it was a truth not easy to admit to.

But when the first tear escaped him, when Yukimura continued to whisper sweet nothings that Tezuka no longer tried to listen to, he could feel that knot, that ball of pressure deep inside his chest, surfacing, rushing to his head like alcohol in his veins. The wave hit and toppled him over, and he sagged into Yukimura's arms like a ragdoll, his head falling limply into the hand that caressed his hair. Uncontrolled tears rolled silently down reddened cheeks. Tezuka gasped for breath, turned his face away to avoid staining Yukimura's immaculate clothing.

If all of this was because he was human, because he was a feeder, would it ever end even if he left?

The tide was reluctant to rise, wary of the shore's safety, cautious of the sands stretching wide to welcome it. Polar magnetism, though, can be resisted for only so long, and after much gentle coaxing the sea broke free from the bonds that restrained it for so long, hiding it deep beneath a mask of distance and indifference. Centuries came and went, but those two facades long remained the spackling for plugging holes of longing and pain.

For its silence, the emotional storm was no less fierce or intense, hurt streaming down Tezuka's face. Yukimura held him, stroking Tezuka's sun-dappled hair. It was soft, not quite fine but silken in his touch, different from Fuji's and his own. The feeder's shoulders shook, and exerting just a pinch of his preternatural strength, Yukimura turned Tezuka's face in against his chest. It was only a suit, after all; the health of a feeder was worth far more.

"No one is here, Tezuka, there's nothing to hold you back. Just let it all out; keeping this inside has been eating you." Ducking his head down, the vampire delicately began kissing the tears from Tezuka's face. "You don't have to bear this sorrow alone."

Just like Yukimura said, it was eating at him and there was almost nothing left already in Tezuka apart from the hollow husk, like a violent drinking session that went on forever, taking and taking, never stopping.

He could not retreat, trapped by the arms and the kisses and the kindness, the scent of freshly washed hair and the warmth. He had never in his life decided something so hastily, but he invited Yukimura into his mind, letting the vampire see whatever he wanted to, if he wanted to. At the same time he pulled away from the shower of kisses to put his hands on Yukimura's back, bringing the vampire down until cold lips touched his neck, where his pulse throbbed in time with his pounding heart.

If there was one thing that could be said about Tezuka, he was polite. Many feeders (and plain-vanilla humans, for that matter) shoved thoughts and feelings to the forefront, a crude, exhibitionist display of their deepest selves. In their inexperience (or arrogance), some felt this was the only way to be 'heard', never realizing that an aged, skillful vampire could steal into the mind as smoke through a keyhole, in and out with what he sought before human awareness could realize it.

Tezuka, however, opened the door and stood shyly aside, granting admission without demands. Secrets and desires and needs lay beyond that door, things in dark corners with sharp teeth and merciless hunger. A fragile house of glass, a prison, a foreigner in a land with no embassy to guide him home.

Thank you for trusting me with you~. It was a whisper, nothing more, as Yukimura's presence glided inside and closed the door behind him. It was unusual to lock out a feeder's own breaker, but hardly impossible. Any intrusions could damage the precarious house of cards his senses named as Tezuka's psyche.

His lips pressed to Tezuka's pulse, tongue rolling over it, lightly sucking the throb of it into his mouth and holding it there, frantically flickering. Just as Yukimura wanted it, it wanted him, sang with the desire to feed him.

Tezuka...no. Kunimitsu, not Tezuka. Feeding is too intimate for your last name. With a hot sigh, Yukimura released his not-bite on the feeder, pulling back just enough to capture his eyes. The earlier motion had situated the vampire actually in Tezuka's lap, a warm weight across his legs.

Thank you for what you are offering me. It is not something I expected, but which I am honoured to have. That was a slight stretching of the truth, seeing into Tezuka's mind told him the human's views on feeding and his own place in the clan, but he knew it would be more reassuring and reduce any of the expectations Tezuka might feel burdened with.

I want you to take pleasure from my feeding. It is meant to be give and take between us, not pain and not hurt. An elegant hand brushed Tezuka's bangs away from his forehead, lingering in a slow caress across his browbone. Will you permit me to cloud your mind, Kunimitsu...?

Telepathy was like candyfloss. Weightless, melts away completely as soon as it has been tasted, as if it has neve been there, but the taste lingers. Tezuka could feel Yukimura's consciousness upon his own, but he could not be sure if it was really there, as real as Yukimura's weight on his lap. His eyes stayed closed as he wiped his face with a sleeve, his mind focused inwards, on the vampire who had shut him out from even Niou. He could not begin to guess what Yukimura was thinking; nobody ever asked him questions like that.

Only as much as necessary. Only so that it would not hurt, and that would be enough. The act of feeding gave him reassurance. In a way it gave him strength. It was a drug of its own that Tezuka wanted to feel totally. He tried to dry his eyes once again but it was a losing battle and he could not care anymore as he waited, slightly frightened although he could not say why.

Only that much, then, Yukimura agreed, pulling an ironed linen handkerchief from inside his suit jacket. Here, let me, his mind breathed, thumbing the tears from Tezuka's face with care.

The vampire shifted position, now kneeling in Tezuka's lap with one knee against each of Tezuka's hips, facing him. The embrace was broken but its presence lingered, draped across Tezuka in a blanket.

Tears dried for the moment (and if more were to come, they'd simply come and be dealt with then), Yukimura tucked away the handkerchief and took Tezuka's face between his hands, reverent. Kunimitsu...please look at me.

When Tezuka did so, a pair of exotic lavender-grey eyes swallowed reality, blurring everything away but comfort and belonging, hypnotizing him. Clouding the mind was one of Yukimura's strongest gifts, and he quickly altered the depths to which he took Tezuka. Under the threshhold of pain, nothing able to harm him, but with thought and feeling (especially feeling) intact.

In a motion both swift and gentle, Yukimura slipped one hand behind Tezuka's head to guide him and lowered his mouth over the feeder's neck. The bite brought no pain, only a surge of heat and pleasure. And blood. Thick, salty, iron-rich blood, flowing from fang to throat with its magical elixer.

Kunimitsu...you taste wonderul.

There was no pain, even when tooth sank past skin and flesh to break open his artery. Hands lifted, hesitated for a moment then grasped the top of Yukimura's arms. A half moan escaped Tezuka's throat as he breathed heavily, his chest heaving with each draw of blood.

Yukimura. Tezuka whispered the name, clinging onto the vampire tighter both physically and mentally. One of his hands came to rest on Yukimura's hair, to keep him there, to make sure the drinking continued. The curls felt different from Niou's wild strands, always styled in some sort of chaotic order, and Yagyuu's soft and tamed hair, like that of a well-groomed cat... Tezuka had only ever offered his blood to those two and although they knew him inside out, he didn't think they understood how he felt when he was physically connected with a vampire, the way sensations and emotions danced in his mind... they did not know because they thought they knew it all already... but they did know it all, Niou knew Tezuka loved him and so did Yagyuu, they knew it even before Tezuka knew it himself... probably all it was was that they did not care that he cared, that he had always put them before himself... the vampires never needed him, he needed them... he never wanted it to be like this, he wanted to be indifferent and strong, he wanted the respect and value Yukimura gave him, even when his face was stained with tears and he was clinging onto the vampire for life, for death, for that feeling of connection Yukimura was giving him...

What a bundle of contradictions was Tezuka Kunimitsu. Strong, impassive, aloof and indifferent covering over fragile, needy, caring and...and sensitive. That was perhaps the best word for it, Yukimura decided, feeding spiking his awareness of Tezuka to hyperactive levels. Tezuka felt everything very deeply: feeding, love, pain, joy, sorrow.

Fate sometimes was cruel, indeed, giving the care of such a tender creature to Niou. Not that Niou was bad, just...selfish. Demanding. In some ways, still a child himself emotionally, with a child's thoughts and reactions and 'me me me!' outlook. Turning Yagyuu had tamed him a bit, but such taming was often transitory at best.

Though, in fairness, could one say differently of his relationship with Syusuke?

Long practice kept these inner musings shielded from the human in his grasp, the human tethered to him as a lifeline, shaking beneath the weight of emotion he carefully, consciously suppressed, lest...

Lest someone be hurt by how strong his feelings were, how passionate and unrestrained he could be when they were released.

Kunimitsu...why have you never shared this with them? It was a rhetorical question, and one which failed to form into audible thought. Curiosity was a good and powerful thing, but unchecked curiosity could wound if the point was sharp enough.

The edge of Yukimura's hunger had been slaked, yet he held on, drinking slowly but delving deeply. He wouldn't drain Tezuka overmuch of strength, but planned to take enough where a couple of hours' recovery would be needed. Blood, after all, was only part of what should be shared with vampire and feeder. He edged closer, shifting hips to draw his body in tighter against Tezuka's. The move was sensual but shy of sexual; he never ruled out sex, but the vampire felt Tezuka needed intimacy rather than copulation to soothe him. His fingers kneaded at Tezuka's scalp, almost a cat's paw tangled in amber-bronze hair. The other hand drew small circles on the feeder's chest.

Will you come upstairs with me afterwards? I'd like to lie next to you for a while.

The question caught Tezuka's awareness, and the offer lured his mind back. He did not answer immediately, not entirely sure if the offer was just exactly what it said, although, if sex was what Yukimura was suggesting, Tezuka still would not say no. It was merely another form of pleasure, and of giving and taking, even though he would not do it with Niou because Niou would never share himself. Niou always just took. Niou robbed.

Yes. He finally responded after a minute, when the rush of pleasure from the feed became something more like a steadily-flowing river than a wave that would wash him away. He could not decipher what Yukimura was suggesting, in fact he knew nothing about Yukimura, but it did not matter. Even though they had only just met, the trust and adoration he had for this vampire was not unfounded, and he was rapidly becoming too weary to think. Strength left his body with each drop of blood as if Yukimura was sucking out his very soul, and every part of him tingled with the pleasure from this vampiric kiss. The sadness inside was still overwhelming, but at least the pressure within him was alleviated somewhat, to a level which he could bear. Even if it was just for this, he was willing to do anything.

Yukimura... thank you.

The hand in Tezuka's hair tightened once more, then slid against his scalp in a reassuring pat. Yukimura sucked in an audible breath and withdrew his fangs, giving each of the puncture wounds a tender lick. In response, they shrank closed, pulling in upon themselves until they all but vanished into Tezuka's skin.

You're welcome, Kunimitsu. His cheek now against Tezuka's, strands of hair trapped between them, Yukimura nuzzled him, still neatly contained in the feeder's lap and arms having moved to encircle him as well.

I've tired you, haven't I? The question was soft and gentle, not quite regretful but pensive. That's normal, though. He pulled back, bottom settling on Tezuka's knees, watching him with those strange, knowing eyes. Can you walk if I help you? At least to the elevator, it opens directly into my suite. Two entire floors at the top belonged exclusively to Yukimura, one a series of studys and the other his living space. My bed will be comfortable for us to rest in for a time, let you regain your strength. We can talk if you like, we don't have to at all. It's up to you.

Elegant, seemingly boneless, Yukimura slid out of Tezuka's lap, alighting on his feet and offering a hand to Tezuka.

"Come with me, Kunimitsu?"


[to be continued]