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[26 Feb 2007|05:57pm] |
I found a genie lamp, but it turns out it was only a trivial genie. He can only grant wishes that are really unimportant.
So, I'm still poor, and there's still a massacre going on in Sudan. On the plus side, Also Sprach Zarasthura now plays whenever I walk into a room.
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| How'd I do that? |
[10 Jun 2006|09:52pm] |
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I just walked out of my bedroom, but totally forgot to open the door first. Apparently I passed right through it like a ghost! I have not been able to repeat the process, which is totally bumming me out. I'll keep trying, but my head is starting to hurt from the failed attempts. I'll keep you all informed of my progress.
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| The election results are in.... |
[24 Jan 2006|02:25am] |
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And the Canadian public have overwhelmingly voted to become American citizens. Except for those damn separatists in Quebec, who (due to the butterfly ballots and a few hanging chads) accidentally joined Costa Rica instead.
The one caveat is that the new design of the US flag has to include 62 little maple leafs instead of the old 50-star design.
Costa Rica's national flag will be changed to reflect the new Quebecois influence. It will be snow-colored beaver rampant and argent depiction of the traditional Costa Rican great seal, on a background as spotless as pure coconut milk.
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[02 Jan 2006|12:15am] |
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namhyunsu spontaneously combusted at midnight on New Years. -Fluffy, the UberLizard
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| Caustic Personality |
[19 Sep 2005|08:51am] |
I think that I've just developed the ability to spit acid. I can't wait to show my coworkers*!
*By "show", I mean "dissolve".
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| Down with the Rat! Down with the Rat! |
[09 Sep 2005|02:31pm] |
Due to irreconcilable differences between the Disney administration and cast, the entire fantasy union is going on strike as of midnight, tonight. If you see Cinderella, Pocahontas, Nemo, & the gang all picketing the front gates of Epcot, you'll know why.
Rumor has it, though, that the entire cast of the 100-Acre Wood has snuck off to Hooters for a drunken night of debauchery and hot wings.
And Tinkerbell isn't missing. Don't go looking for her.
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| Update |
[15 Jul 2005|01:15am] |
If you've been wondering if the reason that no one has posted here in awhile is because all members are currently dead; you are absolutely correct.
Seeing if we could knock down that concrete wall by running into it en mass, head-first, was a bad idea!
(But it sure seemed like the thing to do at the time.)
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| Mark your calender! |
[21 Apr 2005|03:27pm] |
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Tomorrow, March 22, is National Making Shit Up Day. Show your support! Bring the kids! There's going to be fun & games for the whole family: pi fights, hot air balloons, and free-range people barbecued on the grill (for you vegetarians out there, we'll have some Soy-lent Green as an alternative).
Date: March 22nd Time: All Day! Location: A LJ client near you! Free Parking Available
We do ask that people bring a little something to help stock local homeless shelters, so if you know anyone who's homeless (or should be), invite them along!
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| Only 1 at a time! |
[16 Apr 2005|04:25am] |
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There's some bylaw in heaven that only one celebrity can get in per week. Whenever you have two famous people die in rapid succession they have to duke it out right outside the Pearly Gates to see who gets in. The winner gets the Golden Ticket, the loser a one-way trip to Satan's Palace-O-Pain. I still remember a few years ago when they had the knock-down-drag-out brawl between Princess Di and Mother Teressa. While I don't condone such behavior, I still think that Mother T.'s strategic application of a folding chair to the back of Di's head was an effective way of putting that stuck-up royal in her place.... IN HELL!!!!!
Any word yet on the outcome of JP2 vs. Terri Shiavo? My money's on the brain dead woman; I don't think ole John Paul has what it takes to take her out if he can't use his famous sleeper hold.
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| Back in the day |
[25 Mar 2005|02:03pm] |
I found this old picture of my band, Teams of Swedes (of course, we were still experimenting with our band's name at the time), from when we were just getting started, and thought that I'd share it:
( Go on, click, you know you want to! )
Of course, that's Alex, back on the drums. I'm the goofy one next to the drums, acting up as usual. James, the singer, is the one next to me... and of course, the young looking whipper-snapper in front, wearing the white shoes, is Josh, who has since left the band to go back to college.
I hope you all enjoy this little flashback into the past...
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| Mmmmmm |
[17 Mar 2005|01:24am] |
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You know, I need a Bud, or a Coors, or some other yellow piss-tasting product of the American beer industry. That sounds mighty yummy right about now.
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| Food Terrorism |
[01 Mar 2005|02:02am] |
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The Spice Factory down the road got blown up last week. The air was redolent with nutmeg, cumin, anise. I was eating a stew, and finished a mild but tasty curry.
Every month the nearby Vegemite® factory explodes for no apparent reason. What is even stranger is that just before it does, a small crowd of people stand outside with upraised buttered bread.
Lately, the Pet Food factory has been rumbling ominously. And an abnormally large number of empty cat and dog bowls have been seen placed in front yards.
I gotta move away from these indiustrialised neighbourhoods.
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| Joe Torre's deal with the devil. |
[15 Feb 2005|01:13pm] |
I was reading about that time back in 1963 when Yankee Stadium started sinking into the earth (If you haven't heard about it yet, it was because of that earthquake they had), and I found something that kind of freaked me out...
So when the architectural inspectors went in there after the earthquake, they saw this giganto crack in the foundation near the locker rooms. So the inspectors put some sort of probe down in the hole to guage the depth -- and it went on for ever!! They ran out of cord!! So they stuck this temperature guage in there, and it turns out it, like, 1000 degrees or something!! The catholic church now believes this crack is a direct portal to hell! And that Joe Torre of The Yankees has gone into a contact with Lucifer himself, and that's why the Yankees keep winning baseball games!
Remember that time in the early 70's when they tried to pour cement in there and patch up the hole, and the entire team went on strike?? What does that tell you??
So when I researched exorcisms that the Catholic church has performed (they have a website that lists them all, way back into the middle ages), I found out that they keep trying to douse Joe Torre with Holy Water, but the man has some sort of duck-feather coating on him, and the holy water keeps rolling off!!
So, you know. That's all.
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| Notice |
[12 Feb 2005|03:58am] |
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Valentine's Day has been officially cancelled due to a lack of love in the world.
If you want your blasted chocolate & freakin dozen red roses next year, Make Love Not War!
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| Twice bitten, once shy |
[21 Jan 2005|10:52am] |
I think I might have rabies.
Damn racoons...
Why won't I quit biting them?
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[30 Nov 2004|07:00pm] |
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Help! I've been shot! Everythings getting dark... Little microbes are infecting me.... Getting sicker... *gasp* *cough* Can't go on... without nyquil...
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| Support Group |
[05 Dec 2004|06:55am] |
Hi. My name is Bob. And my family is a bunch of friggin Republicans.
I first found out that I had Republicans in my family at a very young age. Back when Reagan was sleeping his way through the White House. At first, it didn't seem so bad. I felt I could handle it. It was only a political preference, right? What harm could come from that?
But I've come to see over time how self-destructive this can be. I... *sob* I... realize now all the damage they've done to society. And I can't help but feel it's my fault. I mean, if I'd only tried harder to convince my family that Republicanism is unhealthy, to show them all the damage that it could do, if I'd only done a little bit more then maybe today we wouldn't have these problems. I know, I know, I can only do so much, but it still hurts, you know? Thank you.
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| Puffed Rice = Math Wiz... |
[28 Oct 2004|11:04am] |
I haven't been posting lately in this community because of a small dilemma. My brain was stolen by a race of super-intelligent rice cakes. They needed it for some sort of experiment involving lemons and creating a sister race or something. Personally, I didn't mind it, because for the last few months, I've just been sitting here, not a thought in my head drooling.
They gave it back to me this morning, and althought it is a little USED AND bruiseddddd, its still WOkRKRKing FIneeee.
What a nice race of super-intelligent rice cakes! DESTROY MANKIND! DESTROY MANKIND!
-Danger-
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