Dear Cat...

Please to be stopping eating my paint brushes? Fine sable is expensive, you understand this, right? Also, please to halting the eating of my doll's former wig? What happens when he decides he wants to wear the wig again? What happens when he goes to put it on and it's horribly chewed on and malformed from your slobber? What THEN? Do you want to make him cry? Is that it?

Also... there's no food and I'm sorry. There's mooshy food and I know you like mooshy food, even if Ciggie doesn't. So please to be enjoying the mooshy food while there's no crunchy good for your coat and gut food.

Love
Foster Mummy

Edit: Also! LEAVE THE BOX ALONE! I know it's tasty, tasty cardboard but leave it alone! THERE'S THINGS INSIDE OF IT! Thinks I need to SELL! Stop EATING it!

Sweetheart, I know you have just discovered the outside and that after 8 years of indoor life it is a very thrilling (and scary!) place.  However, crying at the door until you go hoarse is not going to make me open it for you.  We go out together, and since it's pouring down rain right now, we aren't going out!  Besides, it's time for bed you silly girl.  I'm off tomorrow so I promise to take you out if the weather is nice.

Love,
Your mommy
P.S.  Is it normal for cats to lose their voice?  She's half siamese so she normally cries really loudly and today she's just squeeking. 

Spike,

We are all so worried about you. We stood outside calling you and looking for you for hours, even after it started storming & pouring down rain. It has been almost 3 days now. You have never run away before, in your 7 years. Why now? Are you coming home? I miss you so & I could not sleep at all last night worrying about you out there alone in the rain. I don't even know how you managed to get out without anyone seeing you. You must be a master escape artist. Please come home. I want to have my baby girl Spike-a-rooni around for AT LEAST another 7 years!

Love
You very worried mommy,
Amanda <3

Kali;

I love you, my furry four-footed lump. You're my big girl and I'm hoping to have you around for at least another 13 years.

However, if you don't stop running into the bathroom and jumping on the seat just as I'm about to potty? I'm will pee on your head. And I'll make Daddy wash you off.

Your balance compromised Momma

Dear Lyric,

I know you're very curious, and I know it was my fault for not closing the toilet lid. I also know you're still pretty skittish and nervous around me. However the next time you get wet, and I come at you with a washcloth please don't take flying leap into the litter box! Being wet and litter covered had to worse for you than it was for me. I'm glad you at least let me get most of the litter off of you.

-Me

Dear Enid Olde Lady,

I so adore you and I'm glad I rescued you from certain death and took you home to live with me. I have one request, though: Please stop peeing on stuff. I know you're a good kitty, you love lap cruising when the roomies and I are sitting around, you don't freak out and attack us, but the peeing has got to stop. I'm not sure what your issue is with the bed in the guest room, but that's not your litter box and neither is the rug in the band room. I love you dearly and I wish I could spend all my days just cuddling you, but please keep your waste limited to the litter box.

Your loving mommy,
A.

Dear Lyric and Lyre,

Welcome to the family! I know you're still a bit scared of me since I just adopted you today, but I promise I'm not trying to scare you. Give me a chance, and I promise to give you your space while you get used to a new place. And about locking you in the bathroom while I went to work - that is not going to continue forever, hopefully not for long at all. However the first several times you explore my apartment I want to be with you, not stuck at work. I have a day off on Friday. After that we'll see if I still the need to put you in there a bit longer or not. I did provide you with a bed, toys, food, water, and a litter box in the bathroom though. It can't be that bad in there.

To Lyre specifically: you seem a lot braver than your sister, and you let me pet you more. Please tell her it's okay to come out of hiding, and that she doesn't have to jump every time I reach my hand out.

I love both of you, and I am thrilled to have cats living with me again.
-Your Food Provider

Oscar!
Stop biting your brother on the butt! The vet was not amused!
<3
Mum

I know you are concerned about burying your business in the litter box but why be so much more concerned about it at 3 in the morning? You woke me up with all that scratching!

No love right now
Foster mummy

Dear Marcus,

I'm sorry I went away for such a long time for this internship program. I know you've been lonely, even having my parents to take care of you, and believe me, I've missed you too. It's been a long 4.5 months. I'm sorry I didn't send any of my things home earlier, too - I hear you've quite taken to the fleece blanket with my scent on it.

I'll be back home on the 16th, though, finally. I'm looking forward to absolutely spoiling you rotten, my pretty boy.

♥,
Your mommy

Dear Storm,

I'm really worried about you. I've tried to explain this to you. I knew you'd be upset when I brought Oz home. I knew you weren't a very social creature but Oz is just like you. My sister couldn't take him anymore. He was wiggin' out by all the dogs. Just like you do. I know he is younger and alot more frisky than you are but I hoped in time you two would work out your differences.

Now I'm just plain worried. You don't eat unless I hand feed you, I never see you drink and today I found you using our chair as the litterbox. You are always hiding. Whenever you see Oz, you hiss and freak out.

Daddy thinks it's time for Oz to go back home but Oz needs our love too. How can I make you understand? How can I help you?

Signed,

Your very concerned mother

Dear Christian,

It's been twelve years we have been together. A long long run but a good one. I hate that we won't have any more together. I loved you and still love you and you'll always be in my heart. I'll miss your morning wake up races, your constant "love me" attitude, and even the hair all over the couch, my clothes, and the walls.

Thanks for listening. Thanks for the cuddles, the purrs, the loves. Thanks for being you, and being here for half my life. I'll miss you.

Your human sister,
Raia

Salem,
Oscar did not take your mouse, I did. Stop growling at him.
And leave the poor field mice alone. They do not need to have a tour of our house!
~ Mum

Dear Ciggie

...if you'd stop scoffing your food and water you'd stop puking it right back up. Also? You have teeth for a reason. You're meant to chew your food, not inhale it.

Dear Arrow

We have a new development in the toilet watching, it seems. While you are unbearably cute I am led to believe that you must have been a puppy in a last life because I know of no cat that drinks out of the toilet but you. One Thursday I was happily getting ready for work when you jump up on the toilet seat and start pawing the water in the bowl. Okay, I think, not so bad, but then you start to lick your paw and you repeat this several times! What's up?

Confused
Handler of the food

You think you're sly, but I'm on to you.  You woke us up at 5am this morning, crawling all over us and meowing like crazy...climbing on the screen (which you know good and well you're not supposed to do.)  All so you could get your belly rubs and then steal our bed.  Yup, as soon as we went grocery shopping you hopped on our bed and went right to sleep and you've been there since.  I may be slow, but I'm on to your tricks.

Love,

The provider of belly scritchins' and gooshie food.

Oscar aka Sexual Harassment Kitty,
You have outdone yourself this time.
Wednesday night you came in smelling like cat spray. We thought a big wind had some up at an inpooprtune moment and you got yourself. We laughed and gave you a bath that you suffered with only one mew.
Last night you came in smelling of skunk and we finally got the whole picture.
Leave that skunk alone! She does not like you! She does not want your kittens! Spraying her area of the neighborhood was rude and when she sprayed back it did not mean for you to go rub your little face in it and wear it as a charming cologne! I know you have matching stripes but she is not interested!
I feel far more sorry for her at this point that you! You are not Pepe le Pew!
OMG, Oscar! Really!
~Mummy

Harry,

You have to have noticed that my left lower leg has grown a strange purple shell lately. This is called a "cast," and it will be there for the rest of the month. Now this cast is hard, and I can't do anything about that. When you get your kitty crazies and dash about the house, please note that if you dodge around my left leg just as I am swinging it forward, it's as likely that I'm going to conk you in the head with it as miss you. I do not like to conk you in the head, or in your fuzzy sides, or anywhere else, so please, please exercise a little caution -- or you might end up wearing a strange purple shell on one of your fuzzy little legs.

I know I have no proof, but I feel reasonably confident that the discovery of a mouseless head in the bathroom this morning can be safely considered to be your fault.

Please don't do it again - I trod on it.

No love

Blob


[edit]
picture of the rodent remains can be found here. I won't show it here, in case people are of a nervous disposition.

Dear Hadassah,

Why has it taken you 8 years to discover your tail? Also, who gave you the crack?

Love,

Mom

dear little Liam,
you are a handsome little man. but despite your fine Scottish name that the ppl at D&S Rescue gave you, i am not Ben Nevis, dude. attempting to continually climb me will only get you about five feet and change off the ground. this does not make for productive cuddling either, LOL. take note of that instead of hollering in my ear that i'm not petting you enough.

i'll come back and see you again someday if you don't have a good home before the next time.

love,
the weird lady in the Wicked tshirt who donated a giant bag of Friskies