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Wednesday, July 16th, 2008
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12:25 pm - Might want to proofread that ...
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ladycrim
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My office underwent Mandatory Sexual Harrassment Training a while ago, and my supervisor sent out an all-staff e-mail announcing it. However, she left out a key word in the subject line.
As a result, my entire office was informed that we'd be receiving "Mandatory Sexual Training".
(Can we bring our own lab partners? Please?)
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(83 comments | comment on this)
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11:57 am
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bleed_clarity
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A bit of a self-mock here..
The other day I went through the drive-thru to pick up some dinner after work. I ordered my food, and then a sprite and a diet coke. I get up to the window and pay, and the guy at the counter hands me both drinks. I look at the lids because they usually mark what the drinks are, and seeing no marks, I ask the guy "Which one is the diet?"
It took a couple of minutes for me to realize the stupid, and only after the poor kid behind the counter gave me that "are you for real" look.
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(8 comments | comment on this)
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12:20 pm - I understand being sensitive, but c'mon....
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webqatch
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So yesterday I went to give blood at the local donation center. Until a few months ago, I'd been giving at this particular center every eight weeks for nearly four years -- but as I'd been uber-busy and had a long-lasting ick I hadn't been in a while.
I expected new personnel. I got 'em.
I expected new warnings & procedures & notices. I got 'em.
I expected new questions from the screener. Ummm.. yeah.
I really am used to the ARC asking around the questions they really want answered too. I mean, rather than ask if I've got AIDS/HIV, they ask about potential vectors. Rather than answer about Mad Cow Disease, they ask about UK travel. I get it.
While I understand the need for expanded sensitivity in a number of arenas, I was a little flustered at, after handing over my ID, being asked for pretty much all the data on the ID -- including:
* name and address (at least three times)
* date of birth (at least three times)
* height and weight (twice)
* ethnicity (twice)
* gender (four freaking times)
Ethnicity: Ummmmm... I'm about as white-bread as it gets. My varied ancestors cross-bred enough to ensure that I don't have any stereotypical features of any part of the world. I'm a mutt, through and through.
Gender: I really do look a lot like my ( default icon )
Long hair, beard, moustache, dark glasses -- the works -- there's a reason it's my icon. Aside from it being listed on my drivers license, was there really a reason that the screener thought it was necessary to verify my gender, not only as a pro-forma question, but FOUR separate times?
*insert eye roll here*
x-posted to my LJ under f-lock
current mood:  cranky
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(41 comments | comment on this)
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12:05 pm - This one's all me...
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astaciamorrigen
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My Dad brought me a pair of really nice sunglasses the other day that had belonged to my mother. Yesterday I was going to put them on and noticed that there was a small break in the frame near the nose, so I asked David if he could fix them for me. He got out the super glue and fixed the frames and brought the sunglasses to me, and I put them on to see how they felt with the glue on them. But then my eye started stinging so I went to take them off, but I had super glued them to my face!
So I pulled them off, scratched the glue off my face, and everyone had a good laugh. ^_^
current mood:  silly
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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11:22 am - Perhaps the dog should run beside the bus down the interstate, then?
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smobear
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I live in the Washington, DC Metro area and I am NEVER surprised by the amount of WTFSTOOPIDery around here. But this one not only made me almost cry, I also wanted to throw things.
I'm standing in line waiting for the bus on the way home from work -- I'm about the 10th person in line -- and a blind man with a seeing-eye dog walks to the front of the line and stands in front of, but to the side of the first person in line (Moron #1). He's clearly blind -- his eyes are closed as he walks, he has a harness on the dog, and he wears a bright yellow vest with reflective tape. He is obviously not just a random dude that REALLY likes his pets. She was talking to a friend -- a woman I see her talking to quite frequently and they get off at the same stop (Moron #2). This ensued:
[Blind man steps in front of her in line]
Moron #1: (to Moron #2) I hope this dude doesn't think he can cut in front of me.
Moron #2: Um... I think that they let deaf people get on the bus first so they can sit at the front.
Moron #1: Yeah but he can get on the bus after me, like everyone else.
Moron #2: Yeah, I know, right?
Moron #1: Besides, how come he gets to have his dog on the bus? I love my dog too but the thing on the bus clearly says no animals. But nooo, they let him bring it.
Moron #2: I know... that's totally not fair. They should make him leave it or something. Or like, give him a ticket. Or fine him.
Seriously!?!?! The bus finally came and the gentleman got on the bus, and I saw Moron #1 scoff at him once she got on (right behind him). First of all... You have got to be kidding me. But if nothing else, if you really believe this man is deaf, what effect did you think SCOFFING at him was going to do?
I was totally hoping he would say something, but alas he didn't.
ETA: I know I probably should have said something, but it was one of those situations where I didn't really even know what to say aside from a "WTF" accompanied by a backslap across the face... I came up with the perfect little rant when I got off the bus but that was a little too late. Also, while it's a big deal that these women were so moronic, I'm not sure that it was my place to step in. Feel free to flame me for that, but I kinda think that it would have been an insult to the man to step in and "fight his battles", so to speak. But anyway. The point of the mock was to recognize the idiocy of some people, and not to turn it back on me, whether or not it was self-mockworthy that I didn't say anything. But thanks for all your suggestions on what I should have said -- maybe next time (hopefully there won't be a next time) it'll come to me sooner!
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(46 comments | comment on this)
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7:43 am - FIRE!
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spirit_metaphor
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my parents used to live next door to a semi-retired couple. the husband was, shall we say, not the handiest of guys.
the wife was telling my mom a story about how her husband called the fire department in a panic because he saw a fire in the house. when they showed up, sirens and truck and all, he promptly led them downstairs into the basement and showed them the fire in......the furnace.
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(6 comments | comment on this)
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9:35 pm - Brain fogginess
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divabat
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1. My boyfriend and I were working out where to have dinner one night. It was a choice between Nando's and an Indian restaurant. I normally quite like Nando's, but turned it down this time because "Nando's takes a while to load."
yeah I should get off the computer sometime...
2. We were at a B&B last weekend and I somehow managed to put pepper in my tea. Yum. My boyfriend decided to give me the salt & pepper before letting me have the teapot the next day just to be sure.
My boyfriend isn't totally infalliable either. He once saw this toy of a monkey wearing a Superman suit and yelled out, in the middle of the store, "SUPERMAN IN A MONKEY SUIT!" er.
we're both normally smarter than this, really.
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(14 comments | comment on this)
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1:19 am - why?
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charlies_hoodie
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I don't know what crosses the mind when one decides to do this.
Me: *helping a friend make lunch*
Friend: *putting food in the food grinder* Do you know what grinds up the food?
Me: Something sharp?
Friend: *grabs a spoon and shoves it down the grinder to attempt to learn more about it*
Spoon: *flies up and hits her in the face*
Me: *stare*
At least she didn't try her finger, right?
Btw, she's ok. There wasn't much force.
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(12 comments | comment on this)
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| Tuesday, July 15th, 2008
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10:15 pm - Some mocks - self and hubby
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emilytasticz0rz
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My husband and I were trying to work out kinks in our video chat for when he is gone. We are planning on using MSN due to lack of a better platform and were having issues with it kicking us offline, freezing up or not working. We were sitting side by side on the couch when he goes "oh look, Emily just got online" which made me instantly look at my MSN window and say "no I'm not" because I didn't see myself connected.. which makes sense since I'm not my own friend on MSN!
Layout of doctors office - go up stairs and you can go to the right or left to get to offices on either side. Our doctor is toward the right. Walking back down the hall you see the other hallway. Husband and I are walking down the hall and he goes "is that a mirror?" and I look and go "yeah, I think so" look behind me then forward and go "yeah it is".. husband goes "then why aren't we in it?" I looked back again and then forward and realized that, yes, in fact we were NOT in the mirror because it was the other hallway. In our defense, when you walk up the stairs it doesn't look like you can go to the left.
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(15 comments | comment on this)
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9:28 pm
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the_glow_worm
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I volunteer at the U.S. Holocaust Museum.
It's an amazing (and surprisingly fun) place to work, if a traumatizing place to visit. Obviously, however, that last didn't apply to a certain lady who visited Sunday.
So there I was, innocently answering questions at the information desk, when she approached, a forceful looking lady with twelve-ish daughter in tow.
“Can I help you?” I asked, oh-so-naively looking forward to helping another visitor. “Yes. I'd like some general history, please,” said she. Going well so far, right? “Well, the Holocaust started in 1933 when the Nazi Party seized power in Germany—”
“Wait. Who were the Nazis?”
This was the point when I sensed things were going awry.
“I haven't had history in 25 years, so I don't know this stuff,” she told me, obviously under the impression this was a worthwhile excuse. “It was the Germans that killed everyone, right?”
Picture this scenario. Me, my mouth open in consternation, trying to equate Nazis murdering and torturing six million Jews and five million others with “Germans killed everyone.” Her, forearm rested proprietarily on the counter, waiting with an impatient look for me to explain the entirety of the Holocaust to her. Me again, trying to do the politically correct thing. “Well, it was only the Nazis who really perpetrated and masterminded the Holocaust. I guess you could say that the German people were collab—”
“So who were the Nazis again?” Bring to mind, if you will, that charming scenario depicted above. Add to it this image: Me, thinking that if I have to deal with these sorts of people, I deserve to be paid for it.
Through a long, rambling conversation that involved me being constantly befuddled and her revealing herself to not actually know anything at all, we somehow get onto the subject of the Allies.
“Now, what are these Allies you keep talking about?” she asked, a fiftyish Boomer whose parents had probably fought in or at least collected scrap metal for the war.
“Um,” I said again. I used this word a lot during my scintillating conversation with her, so lets just assume from now on that the dialogue was liberally sprinkled with "um"s on my part. “They were against the Axis powers during World War II. The Axis—” “Now wait just one moment! What does World War II have to do with anything?” At this point I handed her a booklet and politely moved onto the next customer.
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(121 comments | comment on this)
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5:58 pm - Hotel Stupid
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psychomatt
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We just came back from a short vacation (yay, Adventureland!) spending two nights in a Motel 6. We had a non-smoking room, but there were 2 ashtrays in the room, both placed upside-down with no-smoking stickers on the bottoms of them.
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(59 comments | comment on this)
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3:36 pm - my dad..
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300454
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My parents and I always rent a cabin in Tennessee and stay there for a week, and my dad always wants to see pictures of it on the website.
my dad: I wanna see the cabin!
me: okay, it's up on the computer...
dad: well, mom took it off.
me: what? that's the screen saver, just move the mouse.
My dad then goes to sit at the computer while I go to the kitchen to get water. I come back and sit down on the couch and he's just sitting at the computer. I tell him again to move the mouse and he just sits there. So I then get up and go move the mouse to take off the screen saver.
dad: how'd you do that?
me: I moved the mouse.
dad: oh...
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(23 comments | comment on this)
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| Monday, July 14th, 2008
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12:40 pm - It was a long long time ago...
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jackdabastard
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Many moons ago, my very first call-center tech support gig was supporting Kmart's free dialup Bluelight.com in its infancy. The whole thing was outsourced, tech support included, so Kmart thought nothing of putting the CDs everywhere, and including the tech support number in a prominent location... So of course there were always at least 70 callers in queue, back-to-back 24/7. A little intimidating.
And one of the very first calls I took was a highly disgruntled dude. He'd just bought a new Kmart special (lower-end) computer, took it home, and installed Bluelight, he says, and "your program broke my new computer!"
"It broke your computer, sir? How do you mean?"
"Well, I put it in to install, and I went to the kitchen to get a drink, and when I came back, there's all these squares all over the screen! I want some kinda compensation..."
Here I had to interrupt. "Squares, sir?"
"Yeah, all these different colored blocks all over the screen, and they're moving..."
"Sir, are these blocks three dimensional?"
"Yeah..." To his credit, the caller seemed to begin to suspect something.
"Sir, could I get you to push the space bar?"
"The space bar?" He seemed dubious, but there was a brief pause. And abruptly the call disconnected.
I mighta done the same thing if I'd suddenly realized I'd waited in a 15-minute queue and lambasted some poor schmuck because I hadn't recognized a screensaver when I saw it.
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(15 comments | comment on this)
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11:20 am
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whomajigi
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I wish I could go back and get a screenshot. Alas, it won't let me.
I do surveys for money and to kill time. I just found this gem in one.
It was asking places I have eaten in the past 4 weeks.
()Sit in restaurants
()Chicken fast food (KFC, Church's)
()Hamburger fast food (Burger King, McDonalds)
()Other food place
()I have not eaten in the past 4 weeks
*blink* Methinks they phrased that last part wrong.
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(28 comments | comment on this)
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| Saturday, July 12th, 2008
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10:41 am - facebook stupid of the day! (which is saying a lot)
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angeloflove
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I have a girl on my facebook friends list who is pregnant, and had posted her ultrasound photo. She is pregnant with twins. I'm reading through all the "wow, congratulations!" comments, and get to this gem from one of her stupid friends;
"thats funny!! I dont understand how it works ... I know this mite sound stupid but do they have their own wombs???"
Just, uhm, womb=uterus, seriously you=woman! ohmygod, what?!? <--- that was pretty much my reaction. The stupid can clearly infect others when they are subjected to it, because I couldn't even form a coherent sentence in response.
Apparently, she realized immediately that someone might tell her she is a moron so she adds another comment saying;
"lol it makes sense!!!"
Sorry, darling, but it does NOT make sense. *shades head*
--- a bonus stupid ---
A photo of a sign that was put up by management in my friend's apartment building lobby;
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(50 comments | comment on this)
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| Friday, July 11th, 2008
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6:22 pm - A gem from a friend
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astaciamorrigen
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My friend Kim told me about something that happened on Thanksgiving years ago to an old friend of hers.
Kim's friend (we'll call her Julie) had heard of popcorn stuffing and decided to try it. She read the recipe, gathered her ingredients, and followed the directions to make the stuffing. The recipe called for 1 cup of popcorn, among other things, and that the turkey cavity be sewn shut after the stuffing was inserted.
Yeah, you know where this is going...
Kim and Julie went into the living room to talk, and after a few minutes they heard "pop...poppoppop...poppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppop...poppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppoppopBOOM!!!"
They ran into the kitchen to find the oven door had blown off, turkey pieces everywhere, and bones imbedded in the walls.
Apparently Julie missed the part that said the popcorn needed to be popped before sewing it in the turkey.
current mood:  amused
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(59 comments | comment on this)
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12:47 pm - 1-800-STUPIDITY
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philthy42
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I hope my explanation of thia bit of stupidity makes sense.
Many times, when an advertisement uses a 1-800 number that spells a word (I forget what these are called), they will show the numbers underneath. For example, if there really was a 1-800-STUPIDITY, it may show 1-800-788-7434. As you see from the example, even though the word has 9 "digits" in it, the ad would still show the phone number as a regular 7 diigt number.
Did that make sense? I hope so, because here's the stupid part.
I was flipping channels last weekend and saw an informercial for something called "1-800-CAR CREDIT". Apparently, its car loans for people with bad credit. The graphic on the bottom of the screen looked like this:
1-800-CAR-CREDIT
1-800-227-273348
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(25 comments | comment on this)
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| Thursday, July 10th, 2008
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12:40 pm - B-R-O-K-E-N! Broken!
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cauldroness
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This morning, one of our printers (Printer A) made a couple of angry, grinding noises and then promptly broke. It displayed an error message on the touch-screen saying to call a service technician.
I sent out a quick e-mail to everyone on the floor -- "Printer A is broken, please print to Printer B instead" -- and called our service technician.
A few minutes later I saw one of my co-workers, L, walking past my desk towards Printer A.
"Printer A is broken," I say.
"Okay," L says and continues walking towards the broken printer.
( Broken must be some kind of crazy foreign word? )
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(50 comments | comment on this)
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6:52 am - Oh....office Bob....yeah, he's dead.
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ponks19
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Saw this on my Facebook feed this morning:
Phil (lastname removed) just joined Facebook.
You both lived in Toronto. If you know Phil, perhaps you should add Phil as a friend.
Yeah, cuz I know all 6 million people that live in Toronto.
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(21 comments | comment on this)
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1:26 am - Nurses Not Required To Be Bright
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mauvaise_idee
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My mother went to her doctor the other day. She had a full hysterectomy a few years back, but hasn't seen a doctor since she recovered from it. After her appointment, she rushed to call me so she could recount the tale of a stupid nurse who seemed to be immune to any sort of reason or logic. I'll do my best to recount the exchange.
Nurse: While you're here, we'd like to do a pap smear.
Mom: Uh, I've had a full hysterectomy.
Nurse: We still like to do pap smears, just to check for cervical cancer.
Mom: I don't have a cervix. They took it out when I had my full hysterectomy.
Nurse: Well, we do them routinely anyway. It's really not an invasive test.
Mom: I can't get cervical cancer. I don't have a cervix.
Nurse: The doctor will want one anyway.
Mom: Then let the doctor order it, please.
The nurse was insulted that my mother would question her (dubiously deserved) authority. Fortunately, her doctor did not feel the need to test for cancer of an organ that my mother no longer has. I guess that must be one of those things they teach you in medical school.
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(54 comments | comment on this)
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mock_the_stupid