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Mock The Bad Stargate Fanfiction
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[04 Sep 2007|10:57pm] |
Does anyone have a link or the title of a Jack/Daniel fic that was pretty much based on Disney's Aladdin, with Daniel as Aladdin and Jack as, er, Jasmine, he even had a tiger, and Sam was some random princess Jack was supposed to marry, and one of the series' bad guys from the Pentagon was pretty much Jafar, and General Hammond was being Jack's father.
ETA: I've found it. The Diamond in the Rough. It has Apophis as the Grand Vizier and Janet as the Genie. Yes, JANET as the Genie.
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| Techie's First Sporking. |
[24 Dec 2006|06:01am] |
Alright, I've never sporked anything before, mostly because I was never annoyed enough to lash out, but I left this particular story a nice, gentle critique and the author decided to get all snippy with me about it.
She will rue the day! RUE I SAY!
Ahem. Sorry...the power of my freshly sharpened spork has gone to my head and caused it to expand half a dozen sizes. If she hadn't been so bitchy with her reply, I probably wouldn't have felt the urge to do this...
Title: Forgetten Memories (Oh, how I wish I were kidding...)
Author: Sue!thor: wanderingLily (Hey, she capitalized half of her name...what a shame she couldn't keep those high standards throughout her fic)
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3301331/1/
What it's pretending to be: A mysterious girl shows up at the SGC knowing way more than she should.
What it really is: A rip off of half a dozen done to death plots and recycling of things already on the show.
Cliche Rating: 9.99 it could have been worse, but not by much.
Sporks Required: Depends...how much bull plop can a single spork withstand?
You'll find my sarcastic thoughts in italics...be warned, this chick and I have some bitter history that's being forged right now because of her nasty attitude and I am bound to be less than charitable.
( DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! BADFIC AHEAD! )
Mercifully, this is the only chapter of this horrific Sue tale. It will get worse, I can tell you that. I tried to leave a nice crit for her, quietly pointing out the flaws...but...well...
( The Review, Resulting Reply and Techie's insulting thoughts in between. Good for a giggle, if nothing else. )
Oh, how I hate the Sue!thors.
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| Captivated, Part 7 |
[14 Dec 2006|02:11pm] |
Title: Captivated, Part 7
Author: *Insert Sue-ish sounding Wraith name here.* FEAR ME AND MY SUEISHNESS, HUMAN!
Sue: Adrianne Wraith Moore Sue
Rating: 40 Sporks!
Disclaimer: Do not read this story if pregnant, nursing, have liver problems, ED, the ability to projectile vomit frequently, AT ALL.
Summary: Adrianne!Sue is back on Atlantis, mourning the loss of her Wraithish good looks, twue wuv, and spends most of her time hissing and whining at Major Shepperd because he's teh hawtness.
Notes: Short chapter. More to come later. (NOOO! WHY, GOD, WHY??)
( Ohhhh, man, I didn't realize I was going to have such a hangover in the morning... )
The author of this story should have the next chapter of it ready sometime this weekend. I love mocking Sues. It keeps me happy.
-- Sarah
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| Survivor: Sue!Atlantis |
[17 Nov 2006|02:41pm] |
Adrianne!Sue -- but with a unique twist.
Title: Captivated
Author: Eowyn Adrianne McSparklingazureoculars.
Sue: Adrianne!Sue
Disclaimer: Read at your own risk. Adrianne!Sue may cause redness, swelling, stomach aches, flu-like symptoms, headaches, muscle aches, joint pain, insomnia, dry mouth, and may increase your need to curl up in the fetal position and cry for humanity.
Summary: Adrianne!Sue eats as a Wraith for the first time. Someone gets voted off Survivor (who the hell got voted off last night? My frelling DVR cut off the recording at 36 minutes. >< ><)
Sporks needed: 34.
Last week on Survivor: Sue!Atlantis:
Michael lost immunity for the entire Wraith team. The SG team unanimously voted to have Wraith Queen sent to the furthest reaches of the abandoned city. Alone.
Wraith Queen: *Cries.* I always thought the SG team were my friends. I really didn't mean to eat that one lab technician at the last reward challenge, but I couldn't help it. If I make the jury, I swear I'm not going to vote for McKay since I know he's in an OTP alliance with Shepperd.
At the reward challenge, the SG team blew away their competition.
Shepperd: Rodney! How much longer is it going to take you to put those puzzle pieces together?
McKay: Look, Shepperd, I may be the smartest man alive and all, but things like this take time, and this puzzle is impossible!
Adrianne!Sue: Wait, this piece goes here!
McKay: I think she's onto something. ...if we put this piece here, and this crystal there... this is...this is a blueprint for the Ancient technology that's behind the Stargate! I think we solved it!
The drama between Michael and Steve hit its breaking point.
Steve: All you do is sit back at camp and cry about how the rest of us don't like you. Are you ever going to start pulling your own weight around the Hive?
Michael: See, this is exactly the attitude I'm talking about! Ever since I was turned into a human, you've never treated me like I mattered!
Steve: We know you're playing for the other team, Michael. We know that once the merge happens, you're totally going to side with Adrianne!Sue. I just can't let that happen.
Bob: HEY! I CAUGHT FISH!
( What will happen this week on Survivor: Sue!Atlantis? Stay tuned to find out! )
-- Sarah
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[15 Nov 2006|03:47pm] |
(I apologize for this, but I had to put an Final Fantasy XI twist to my comments. XD Kind of wrote this for some friends from my linkshell. Also posted to ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) marysues and sues_in_space.)
Title of story: Captivated -- Mary Sue Learnings of Atlantis for Make Benefit Glorious LJ Community Bastion of Sanity!, Part 5
Author's Name: Bubbles Unicorn McEowynlegolasboromirslash.
Annoying Sue characteristics: Was a human turned Wraith. Has a Wraith boytoy. The Queen Wraith magically loves her. Also had a tryst with Colonel Sheppherd. (Oh noes! I spoiled teh ending!!1eleventy!1)
( Michael: Craaaaaaawling in my skiiiiiiin! These woooounds will neeeever heeeeaaal! {Last Resort} {Souleater} )
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| As the Gothic Melodrama Turns |
[07 Oct 2006|09:42pm] |
Title: All That Matters
Perpetrator: Astheblackrosewilts
Link: At the Wraithbait archive
What It's Masquerading As: Hard to say. Angst? Hormonal discharge?
What It Actually Is: Gothic melodramatic deathfic
Cliché Rating: No clue. The writer manages new territory of unbelievability.
Sporks Required: One for each synapse that required a bleach rinse
Choice Highlights: This is on my Review page on my website, but it's not that long so I'll paste the copy ( here... )</p>
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| Time Loops and Bad Excuses |
[18 Sep 2006|03:53pm] |
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Title: Seduction Perpetrator: Wonderland Link: Seduction What It's Masquerading As: Jack/Daniel first-time What It Actually Is: Another homophobic story where Jack coerces Daniel into letting him fuck him. Cliché Rating: 10 Sporks Required: An embarrassingly high number required just to get past the first page. Choice Highlights: This review is four and a half pages long. I couldn't cut it down. Most of it's my descriptive commentary with the excerpts italicized in red. Because I didn't want to take up space on the LJ, I'm giving you a link to the review.
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[01 Sep 2006|04:16pm] |
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mood |
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 crazy |
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music |
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SG-1 |
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All right, hi everyone! This is my first posting here, though not my first sporking. And boy, did I pick a doozy.
Title: Pokegate (Oh dear lord. The eyeballs bleed already.)
Perpetrator: BRYGUYB13
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/2188315/1/
What It's Masquerading As: A Stargate/Pokemon crossover. I'm serious.
What It Actually Is: Something that scars the mind, and was also apparently typed by sitting on the keyboard.
Cliché Rating: Not applicable, since this is such a bugfuck crazy concept. But for the individual components, I'd say eight. Roughly.
Sporks Required: Twelve billion.
Choice Highlights: ( The summary, just because it's priceless )
( And then there's the rest of it. )
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| More of the pain of "Trespassor" |
[25 Aug 2006|06:44pm] |
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mood |
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 I hate my family |
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Okay, so this is two more chapters, because I have insomnia, and nothing better to do with my time. In these, she bashes my Rodney some more, has officially sucked out Lorne's, Carson's, Weir's and Sheppard's brains with her hidden proboscis and replaced them with pod people. Her Rodney was obviously never the real Rodney, so I feel no need to say anything more on the subject.
Oh, and just so's you know, I am hardcore McBeck. I will read other Carson and Rodney pairings, but it takes a lot to get me to be into it.
Title: Trespasser
Perp: OrangeSwirl
( Chapter 4 )
( Chapter 5 )
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| Ah those Beastie RapeFics |
[20 Aug 2006|10:35pm] |
Title: Unas Means Never Having to Say You're Sorry
Perpetrator: Mitch H.
Link: Unas Means...
What It's Masquerading As: An H/C fic. I think. Or a Bestiality fic. I think. Or maybe it's a Kinky Rapefic, I dunno. Hard to tell, it's that ambiguous.
What It Actually Is: An offensive piece of fiction that uses rape as titillation and entertainment.
Cliché Rating: 10. Squared, probably.
Sporks Required: In the author's eyes, not just your own--unlimited.
Choice Highlights: Here's the problem. This fic is 57 kb's worth of highlights. From the get-go, it's just too horrible to pick and choose from (I always find these, I swear), so I wrote up a mockery of it on my website. The fic, interspersed with my "review" commentary, was my only solution because you can't just pick and choose here. There is simply too damn much. So... if you guys don't mind the off-site link, here it is.
The Review of Unas Means...
What I can tell you is the story. In an LJ cut. Then you can decide whether or not to read the review of it. It certainly earned me some threats from the author, so let's see if we get them here, eh?
( The Plot )
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[13 Aug 2006|11:43pm] |
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music |
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Death Clock Metalocalypse on TV |
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[mood|  Mischievous ]
Now that the Atlantian Trunk looks like it’s done being updated, I need new material to spork. So, I bring you this Lorne!Sue. Actually, I’m kind of surprised that there aren’t more of them out there. This is, however, the first in a series. Ew.
Title: Trespasser
Perpetrator: OrangeSwirl
What It's Masquerading As: The summary: An old flame of Major Lorne's is the new officer in Atlantis. Will they avoid each other, or reunite. And what will happen when his love becomes possessed. She's still in there but has no control. Can Lorne and the Atlantis team figure it out and save her
What It Actually Is: Suethor lives vicariously through her OFC and eventually boinks Lorne. I knew this before I even read the story because of the summary of another story: Lorne's going to be a Daddy and a hubby! *gags*
Cliché Rating: Eight
Sporks Required: I have no idea, but keep a couple boxes handy.
Choice Highlights:
This monster is twenty-one chapters long. I will not torture you by sporking the entire thing, mainly because I think I’d have to shoot myself if I read it all. I’ll spork the first two chapters and then anyone who wants to go further is more than welcomed to it.
( Chapter the First )
( Chapter the Second )
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[12 Aug 2006|09:10pm] |
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music |
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CSI: Crime Scene Investigation |
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My first ever mock... and good grief.
Title: wAnTeDcHiLd (yes, that looks how it looks... goodness knows that's enough of a warning eh?)
Perpetrator: .a.wish.a.promise.-.a.lie.
Link: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3092124/1/
What It's Masquerading As: Elizabeth was kidnapped. They finally found her. She had the baby. Now they find out that Kolya was right... Natalie is a special baby.
What It Actually Is: *shudder* Kidnap!Genii!Shep/Weir-babyfic with no background whatsoever, written half in the form of a script and half in regular fic form, and Miss Weepy Liz not even trying to escape. Aaargh!
Cliché Rating: Twenty!
Sporks Required: We'll bankrupt every spork factory in Europe and North America for this one...
( highlights )
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[11 Aug 2006|11:40pm] |
So, the Stargate Fan Awards are open for voting. (And you can find the nominees by looking around here. Why they aren't properly linking from to the other beats me.)
Anyone want to come up with a tally of how many fics are nominated that have also been mocked here? Authors that have been nominated and also mocked here? 'Course, author may have actually improved their writing, still.
Er, no fic to mock. Sorry. If you insist I can probably find a mockworthy fic amongst the nominated ones and edit it in.
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[07 Aug 2006|11:29pm] |
[mood|  Irritated ]
I’m back! And I bring with me chapter six of this horrid fic. Don’t worry, I hadn’t forgotten about you all or torturing you with this dreck. So…onward!
Title: The Atlantian Trunk
Perpetrator: MidnightWaterLily
What It's Masquerading As: Sue learns about alien past, jumps ahead of all the other hopefuls to land a place on Atlantis and promptly gets into trouble. Alas, it’s not the sort of trouble that involves the Wraith or them eating her.
What It Actually Is: Annoying Sue rapes canon repeatedly. With a knife.
Cliché Rating: 10 DANGER WILL ROBINSON!
Choice Highlights:
( For one brief, shining moment, I saw a glimmer of a real character. Then the Suethor shattered my dreams with a hammer before knocking canon out with that same hammer and having her way with it. )
Sporks Required:
Not making sense: thirty
Raping canon: fifty
Not filling in descriptions and plot holes: priceless twenty
Total: one hundred
There are some fics that make sense. For everything else, there are sporks.
Sporks. Trusted wherever badfic is found.
And now let's play the game of Good news/Bad news. Good news: She hasn't updated this story since May fifth. Bad news: I have nothing to spork now!
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[05 Aug 2006|11:24pm] |
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Title: A Delicate Issue
Perpetrator: Indy
Link: I can't find a copy of her fic anywhere, so I'm supplying the copy on my h/d, uploaded to my website. I'm afraid ya'll will think I made this up, but I *swear* I didn't. A Delicate Issue
What It's Masquerading As: H/C. I think. Maybe a cathartic expulsion of brain tissue. Not sure yet.
What It Actually Is: The character assassinations of gay men, SG-1, the SGC, the Stargate SG-1 series, the medical profession, and the USAF. The two who most get this razing of personality are Jack and Daniel. It's a tie who behaves the most OoC (Jack sings to Daniel at the end. You will *not* believe *what*).
Cliché Rating: The scale broke.
Anatomy Euphemism Abuse: Tilt!
Sporks Required: May as well get out the eye wash and have the phone handy. Or you could just get rid of your eyes.
Choice Highlights: It's too hard to choose so I'll give you a summary with some quotes, and then you can read, or not, and see if I'm lying. Again, I swear I didn't make this up. Apologies first. This is going to be about 4 pages. ( Get out the liquid lubrication... no, not that, the liquor... )
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[04 Aug 2006|10:40am] |
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Title: Boonie Lamb - A Valentines Cautionary Tale (written verbatim, folks)
Perpetrator: The Medicated Sheep
Link: Boonie Lamb
What It's Masquerading As: A Valentine's Day comfort fic.
What It Actually Is: A puke-inducing wussy baby-Daniel gets taken care of by the brainless, insensitive Daddy-Jack. It's not even a comfort-fic. With H/C, the hurt's usually caused by something mildly believable. This isn't believable. It's an assassination (emphasis on 'ass') of two decent characters.
Cliché Rating: The clichefic version of a radiation tag turned black.
Fic Rating: R -- for revolting. It's an attempt to write smut, except it's not smut. It's a sick, stomach-churning parody. If I could choose a metaphor, it's that piece of cheese someone forgot in the back of the fridge that has turned into an experiment in germ warfare.
Sporks Required: Several thousand, or a hazmat suit, if available.
Grammar/Punctuation Abuse: Off the chart.
Characterization Abuse: It started with the title.
Choice Highlights: This ficlet/drabble is very short (1 kb, minus my commentary). There's no way to really choose bits so here's the whole moldy thing. My commentary is in italics.
( The crime )
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[03 Aug 2006|05:03pm] |
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mood |
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 in badfic induced pain |
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Title: Adaptation
Perpetrator: Becca W
Link: Season 1: http://www.area52hkh.net/asb/beccaw/adapta01.php
Season 2: http://letoluvr.tripod.com/season2.html
What It's Masquerading As: The author says, "Jack and Daniel as 4400. Their ups and down in life and relationship as the series goes on."
What It Actually Is: The fanfic equivalent of a Goa'uld pain stick
Cliché Rating: 9-ish, for abuse of really crappy SG-1 fanon and gratuitous references to the crossover show.
Sporks Required:
1 for being a badfic WIP
10 for the really lame crossover
15 for the transparent references back to SG-1
25 for the blatant disregard for the basic writing rule 'show, don't tell'
473 for casting a 12 year old girl as Daniel
9046 for virgin!Daniel
( Choice Highlights: )
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