Laura Anne Seabrook (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} laura_seabrook) wrote in ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif){kind=small} gimpgirl,@ 2008-04-23 16:21:00 |
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| Current mood: |  uncomfortable |
| Entry tags: | disability |
In a difficult place.
A good friend of mine who's MS and has been housebound has gone into the local rehab hospital. Last year she had pneumonia and while she was in hospital I (and my boarder) looked after her cat and dog for a couple of weeks. When she came out again she was unable to look after the cat as it needed to go out and in all the time, so I adopted it. This time around we've been looking after her dog, but this may be permanent.
See, she went in to rehab because she couldn't transfer from her wheelchair to her bed, sofa or toilet seat. Normally a "home care" worker would come and help shower her, prepare her meals and do other choices. But they won't if she can't transfer. She's had any number of periods where she's fallen down and been stuck in that position until someone came. Before she went into rehab, she in the local hospital several times for a day, taken there and back by ambulance. So this time, when she went into rehab, I looked after her dog, and it's been three weeks since then.
Last week they took her home to see if it's viable for her to live by herself. Apparently it wasn't. However, on the weekend, her mother contact me to ask if I would stay with her for a few days so that she could test this properly. I wasn't sure that this was exactly what what was wanted, as her mother often gets the details garbled. But yesterday after I finished a first aid course I stopped in at the hospital to find out what she wanted.
As she told me, she wanted someone there "just in case" while she was there for a few days for a full 24 hour period, testing the viability of living alone. That seemed reasonable to me, as it gave her a chance to live a bit longer the way she wants. And I'm a on disability allowance, not employed, so I could do it, provided I had advanced warning so I could plan ahead.
That seemed reasonable, so I agreed. On the way out I gave her my home number to pass onto the staff there so they contact me, and apparently give me the "proper training" (whatever that was). I had a phone call today from that staff, and the first thing they asked me, was if I was prepared to be a live-in carer. Huh - this isn't what my friend had asked of me, and is a much deeper commitment! We're not talking about a few days here, but a permanent thing.
I had to say no.
Much as I love my friend, I couldn't do this. I have a house with a mortgage. If I could bring her here I would, but the place was built in 1905 and has narrow doorways, steps (the toilet in in a small room nowhere accessible by wheelchair) and an old bathtub on legs. It'd be a death trap for her. And I've been training (room attendants course followed by first aid certificate) so that I can look for work in hotels and motels. And I'm doing that so I can finance my masters in fine arts at the local university. But if I did what they wanted, I can't see how I could do either.
And I have epilepsy, depression, some social phobia and suffer from panic attacks. Not a good combination in a carer. And my father, who had a double stroke on his birthday wasted away in a nursing home for six years before he died. Ever time I'd visit Perth (where all my family is - over 3000 km away) and visit him, it was all I could do to cope seeing him that way. I can just imagine how I'd be as I watched my friend slip away close hand. I think I'd last about 2-3 weeks and then break down. I just know I can't do this. Three days to a week, maybe, but forever? No.
I spoke to the counsellor there afterwards and she said that my friend would probably go into a nursing home. Her husband Ron (who has the first stages of dementia) is already in a nearby nursing home. But if she were placed in there she'd lose all privacy and control over her environment. Jenny smokes dope to help ease the pain - that'd be gone for good in there.
I went the best quality of life for my friend, but I can't be the carer she needs.
Have I done the right thing in saying no?
