Current mood:	contemplative
Current music:	Waiting Chantal Kreviazuk
Entry tags:	021 (desire)

You Fill Me

Inara savored the relief that flooded over her at the sound of her shuttle locking with Serenity. She was home. Where she could use her own voice and not play a role. It was a freedom that was getting harder and harder for her to deny that when she was away she yearned for.

“Welcome home,” Wash’s voice buzzed through the intercom. “We missed you as always and Kaylee is on her way to your shuttle.”

Inara smiled at the news but wondered at Kaylee’s hurry. “Is something wrong?”

“No, no, Kaylee says she just needs some hair-brushing female time.”

Inara relished the sound of her real laugh. “She’s a dear.”

“She is,” Wash agreed. “Again welcome home and see you at supper.”

“It’s good to be home and I look forward to it.” She smoothed down the silk of the burgundy dress she was wearing and ran her hands over the elaborate hair-style she was still wearing from her last client. A slight frown marred her features and she pulled out the pins and moved into the heart of the shuttle. Kaylee’s voice called out her name from outside the door at the moment her hair toppled free to her shoulders and she called for Kaylee to come in.

Kaylee stepped in smiling brightly and Inara felt like a whoosh of air as perfect as a summer breeze rushed through her. “Hello,” she said to Kaylee as she dropped the pins onto a stand and chose a candle to light.

“You aren’t too tired or nothing, ‘cause I could visit later.”

“No. No, I’m happy to see you. It’s wonderful to have things go right back to the way they were when I left. Wash said you wanted your hair brushed?”

“It’s all knots. I try to unsnag ‘em at night but… it ain’t the same and I never seem to get them all. It’s like they tangle right up again.”

Inara smiled.

“Any interesting adventures with your clients.”

Inara shook her head. “All was predictable.”

“Weren’t there some new ones?”

“Yes.”

“What were they like?”

Inara lit another candle and carried it over closer to her bed, making a movement with her head for Kaylee to sit down before she picked up her favorite brush. It was simple, pink and had been her mother’s. Climbing onto the bed, gracefully moving her dress so as not to get caught up in it, she moved behind Kaylee. “They were both very sweet. One was another young man whose father decided he needed to lose his virginity,” A sigh escaped her throat at the thought of young Eli.

“You don’t sound happy about him, was he icky or something?”

“Quite the opposite. He’s a bright, energetic young man. He buzzes with barely contained energy when he talks, his hands are always moving and I don’t think he took a breath between words once during our time together.” Inara unclipped Kaylee’s hair from the pony tail she’d pulled it into to save it from getting caught in engine parts. Flaring her fingers out she raked her hair through the abundant and soft red-brown hair and smiled as Kaylee let out a sound of contentment. Taking a breath she decided to share what was weighing on her about Eli. “With young men like Eli I sometimes regret choosing them.”

“Why?” Kaylee asked with such pure sincerity, Inara almost felt her heart break.

“Eli has a lot to offer a woman, a lot to give to someone he wants to be with. He’s honest and bright, and unlike his father he doesn’t see women as something to conquer. He’s good person, the father’s of these boys usually disgust me. I’d never choose them and I fear, I wonder if maybe by choosing their sons I’m not really fulfilling a duty but….” Inara trailed off. “Eli will wait until he has found love. He was attentive, a wonderful listener but he held back because his heart wasn’t in it.”

“He didn’t fall in love with you?”

“No, not Eli,” Inara smiled. “As flattering as the smitten ones are, it is the clients that do not see me as an object I prefer. I do try to choose wisely.”

“So you ain’t going to see him again?”

“No. But not because of my own choosing but because he desires more.”

“Like love?”

“Connection.”

“But ain’t some of your clients in love with you?”

“They claim to be,” Inara picked up the brush again and pulled a large section of Kaylee’s hair into her hand. “This may pull and hurt a bit.”

“’Kay, it’s a good pain though, like a weight vanishing.”

Inara closed her eyes as she started to work through the knots in Kaylee’s hair. Kaylee was wiser than she would ever believe. A weight lifting was the truest of pleasures. Times like this with Kaylee truly lifted something that inside of Inara because she wasn’t being a Companion with her. She was just with Kaylee, her first true friend outside of the world of sensual and sexual pleasure. And it made Kaylee all the more beautiful to Inara. Opening her eyes to focus on the knots she waited patiently for Kaylee to speak again.

“If all clients don’t want love what is they want? Just pleasure? Can’t say I blame them, sometimes I feel like I’ll pop if I don’t get touched soon.”

Inara blushed as Kaylee’s easy confession and licked her lips. “It depends. I never choose clients who simply want sex. It’s too empty and being a Companion isn’t about that. It’s about giving someone a connection, of any kind. Sometimes clients just want to kiss, or hold hands, or talk… Sometimes they just need an outside friend, someone to listen to the things that they cannot tell their wives, husbands, or friends. My other new client was such a person. I will see her again. She’s busy, she has an important job, an important husband yet she feels empty because they have no children. It’s a hardship for her. She can’t talk about to her husband or her friends who either have children already or have chosen not too at all. She regrets waiting, she needs someone to hold when she gives into that regret, that’s what she desires. Gentle intimacy and companionship.”

“Did you brush her hair?”

Inara shook her head. “No,” she smiled, “But we did each other’s nails.” Inara stopped her ministrations for a moment and showed Kaylee the maroon coat of nail polished, studded with small glittery gems. “She’s quite amazing at it, she taught me. She finds it relaxing and all her friends find such a pampering selfish and a waste of time.”

“Ooh, shiny, and why would it be a waste?”

“Some people are quite silly, Kaylee. They don’t understand the simple things.”

“I like ‘em. Simple things. This is one of my favorite things, you just brushing my hair and telling me your adventures.”

Inara returned to brushing out the tangles throughout Kaylee’s hair and felt another wave of relief wash through her. “It gives me solace too,” she whispered and bit her tongue. Because you fill me , Inara thought.



Inara POV, kinda Kaylee/Inara pre-slash.