(m)pollitt ([info]pollitt) wrote in [info]ds_flashfiction,
@ 2003-06-07 04:51:00
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Current mood: tired

The other one
As said in my previous post, I had another story I'd been working on. Well, it seems the muses didn't want me to rest until the other story was finished (I had a page of notes), so I listened. So I can sleep now *g*

Thank you to [info]linda3m and especially to [info]ardent_muses, who hashed this story out with me until the wee hours of the morn. A, you rock, hun, another really late night story hash is now under our belts *g*.



Connect
By Pollitt
6.6/7.03

--oo--oo--oo--oo--oo--oo--oo--oo


'Dammit', Ray thought to himself as he listened to the buzz of dead cellular air, 'this was not how it was supposed to happen.'

Fate must've been laughing its ass off at him. It appeared his debt of near misses and quick cover-ups had finally come due. Ray's out-dated cell phone, which had been the size of a shoe (though not as cool as Maxwell Smart's), had finally gone to the cellular circular bin. Which meant he'd been forced to endure a lengthy sales pitch from a salesman whose smile made Ray want to grind his own teeth. After hearing that phones today could do almost everything but cure the hiccups, he'd finally just bought the top-of-the-line model the kid had been holding to avoid having to listen to one more spiel.

Damn his new cell phone and all the fucking extras! All he'd wanted was a stupid 'end' key, not all the buttons that let him check out the time in Tokyo, the weather in London and the latest news in Brussels. Just end, as in conversation done, good-bye, done with talking, farewells said, finito.

He'd just been talking to Fraser, talking about their day - Fraser recounting Turnbull's near-suicidal dash to save the picture of the Queen from some well-sugared brat who had been wielding a paintball rifle.

Nothing was different - they'd talked, laughed, made plans to do pizza and watch the hockey game on TV later that night and then said good-bye.

And just as he usually did, Ray whispered, "I love you, Fraser" into the silence after he'd disconnected. Only this time, instead of reading 'call ended', Ray was informed in flashing LED numerals that it was 12:34 a.m. in Tokyo, and from the slight hitch of breath and the slight crackle from the earpiece, Ray knew Fraser'd heard him.

After three minutes and counting, it was now 12:37 in the land of Godzilla and a ball of tension the size of that radioactive lizard was currently doing an angry tango in Ray's stomach, because Fraser had yet to say a word. Not an "I'm sorry, Ray" speech, or an "And I, you" qualification, not even an "I beg your pardon." Just dead air. In his head, Ray could almost hear the cartoon 'zip' of Fraser high-tailing it back to Canada, or the distant sound of a door slam on any possibility of anything more than a friendly arm over the shoulder or brotherly hug.

'Way to go, Kowalski.'

Fucking cell phone.

Looking at the blue-lit faceplate, Ray poked the 'end' key, this time successfully killing the call.

At 12:46 Tokyo standard time, the sound of Ray's door opening jerked him out of his wallow. The sound of nails on the floor made him aware of the lupine presence and the pound of feet told him a human companion was a mere few steps behind.

Ray thought of saying he was sorry, that he didn't mean it like it sounded, that he loved Fraser symbolically or like a brother and every other variation of the truth he'd said before, but Fraser's mouth stopped his and Fraser's hands found his, gripping them tight. When they separated, both breathless, words that were waiting to be said fell into the shadows as first Fraser and then Ray smiled, then laughed, and finally kissed again until they again were breathless.

All words were forgotten save three, which were said over and over again throughout the night - whispered into each other's ear and into each other's skin.

"I love you."

____________________________________

Meanwhile, back at the Canadian Consulate:


The receiver of the phone in Fraser's office hung from its cord over the edge of his desk, exactly where he had dropped it, and where it would remain until early the next morning when Turnbull, confused as to why the Consulate had yet received any calls, entered the closed, empty office and placed it back on the cradle.



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[info]glitter_traces
2003-06-07 03:30 am UTC (link)
hmmmm. nice :)

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Thank you
[info]pollitt
2003-06-07 10:21 pm UTC (link)
This was the compliment to the funnier piece. They felt like they balanced well.

Thank you for letting me know you liked the story.

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Re: Thank you
[info]glitter_traces
2003-06-08 12:08 am UTC (link)
yeah i liked the way they balanced out each other too. i really enjoyed the pieces...

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[info]lamardeuse
2003-06-07 04:09 am UTC (link)
Love this. Love the little details, the "well-sugared brat" with the paintball gun, Ray focusing on the time in Tokyo, and the tag bit. Lovely.

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::blush::
[info]pollitt
2003-06-07 10:42 pm UTC (link)
Thank you so much, hon for your comments, when I hear that the little details work for people, that means a lot to me. The Tokyo time seems to be a very popular part of the story, I'm pleasantly surprised at that. And I'm glad you liked the tag bit, I couldn't pass up the Turnbull moment *g*

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[info]halimede
2003-06-07 04:22 am UTC (link)
Aw! This was so sweet.

And funny! I particularly liked this:

At 12:46 Tokyo standard time, the sound of Ray's door opening jerked him out of his wallow.

And the Godzilla reference. :)

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Re:
[info]pollitt
2003-06-07 10:57 pm UTC (link)
Thank you so much, halimede, for letting me know that you enjoyed the story (and what parts you enjoyed. I'm so happy the Tokyo/Godzilla reference has been popular, that was a good surprise for me.)

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[info]the_star_fish
2003-06-07 05:38 am UTC (link)
*Very* nice, especially the Tokyo-time, the smiling salesperson, and the tag at the end. I'm glad you stayed up late.

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Thank you
[info]pollitt
2003-06-07 11:01 pm UTC (link)
Starfish,

Thank you, I'm rather glad I stayed up late too. When the muses talk, I've learned it's often best just to listen and obey, you can get to sleep easier that way ;) And thank you for your kind words, they mean a lot to me.

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[info]shayheyred
2003-06-07 06:47 am UTC (link)
Nice details -- and damn, it's time Ray got a new, smaller cell phone!
Particularly liked the "meanwhile back at the Consulate" end.

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Re:
[info]pollitt
2003-06-07 11:03 pm UTC (link)
Nice details

Thank you, hon!

and damn, it's time Ray got a new, smaller cell phone!

Oh man, I know! I couldn't believe how huge that thing was when I was watching Odds the other night.

Particularly liked the "meanwhile back at the Consulate" end.

Thank you, for some reason it felt like something you'd see at the end of a movie -- the couple finally gets together and then there's that final piece of information given to explain earlier events *g*

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[info]psykaos42
2003-06-07 08:12 am UTC (link)

Meanwhile, back at the Canadian Consulate:


The receiver of the phone in Fraser's office hung from its cord over the edge of his desk, exactly where he had dropped it, and where it would remain until early the next morning when Turnbull, confused as to why the Consulate had yet received any calls, entered the closed, empty office and placed it back on the cradle.


Love the image. And I can hear Turnbull when Fraser finally comes back. "Not wishing to intrude, sir, but were you aware you left your phone off the hook all night?"


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[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:01 pm UTC (link)
Love the image. And I can hear Turnbull when Fraser finally comes back. "Not wishing to intrude, sir, but were you aware you left your phone off the hook all night?"

And Fraser winking at Turnbull as he says "Thank you, Turnbull, I had other things on my mind and had to get to Ray, er, Detective Kowalski's ... Um, nevermind. Thank you, Turnbull."

Hee.

Thank you for your comments, and I'm glad you liked the story.

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I love you, too
(Anonymous)
2005-02-28 04:59 pm UTC (link)
Witchbaby,
Thanks for this!
Belinda

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Re: I love you, too
[info]pollitt
2005-02-28 05:46 pm UTC (link)
Umm, was that reply to me or [info]psykaos42? Just curious :)

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Tokyo time
[info]ozsaur
2003-06-07 08:50 am UTC (link)
All the details makes this story special. Tokyo time, Godzilla etc. Wonderful!

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Re: Tokyo time
[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 10:57 pm UTC (link)
Thanks, hon, I'm so glad that you liked the story. You know me and the details :)

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[info]kist
2003-06-07 10:40 am UTC (link)
Love this. I could feel Ray's tension after his unintentional slip over the phone. The Tokyo time was a nice addition, and I especially enjoyed the tag at the end. Fraser must have bolted out of there. *happy sigh*

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wow.
[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:06 pm UTC (link)
Thank you, kist, for your comments. I'm thrilled that you liked the little details (who knew the addition of a radioactive lizard would be so popular ;) and the whole story in general. And, yes, Fraser didn't waste any time getting to where he was needed/supposed to be :)

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[info]akite
2003-06-07 11:29 am UTC (link)
Yep, yep, what they all said. It's greatness. I remember Maxwell Smart's shoe phone too.

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Re:
[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 10:23 pm UTC (link)
Thank you much, a. kite. Max's shoe-phone had to be one of my favorite parts of Get Smart (I swear, my brother and I watched that show all the time growing up) and it helped ease some of the angst in this story, too :)

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[info]brooklinegirl
2003-06-07 11:50 am UTC (link)
Cute! Sweet! Lovely! Love Ray, so annoyed at himself for such a huge oops. Love the little details (the Tokyo time thing particularly amused me). And the very wonderful mental image the tag left me (Fraser racing out the door, phone dangling, confused Turnbull). Marvelous.

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Hee.
[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:17 pm UTC (link)
Thank you so much for taking the time to let me know that you liked the story, and especially for letting me know what parts particularly worked for you. Hee, poor Turnbull seems to catch only tail-ends of details/stories, now, doesn't he? :)

Thank you again.

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[info]ardent_muses
2003-06-07 12:00 pm UTC (link)
It was a pleasure to work on this with you -- you have some great ideas here, and the Godzilla thing is inspired.

And poor Ray really needs a new cell phone. If we're laughing *now* at how big it is, imagine how it's going to look in a couple more years. *G* We'll be going "what IS that thing?".

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Mwah!
[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:19 pm UTC (link)
It was a pleasure to work on this with you -- you have some great ideas here, and the Godzilla thing is inspired.

Awww, thanks, A! Hee, and we have yet another late night story hash to reminise about. Hee. Nothing tops the two paragraph/three hour conversation, though *G* Thank you again for all your help, and thank you for your kind words.

And poor Ray really needs a new cell phone. If we're laughing *now* at how big it is, imagine how it's going to look in a couple more years. *G* We'll be going "what IS that thing?".

I know! My god... in this instance, the size thing is *not* something to brag about *g*

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[info]beledibabe
2003-06-07 12:30 pm UTC (link)
Oh, kewlness! Love poor Ray's total frustration and humiliation, and the fact that he usually whispers "I love you, Fraser" after disconnecting. Man, that makes my heart break. ::sniffle::

But then I laughed out loud at the whole Japanese thread -- Tokyo time and Godzilla -- and the Get Smart reference, so all was not angst in chez Coupe.

And the tag is inspired.

Way to go, girl!

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::blushes more::
[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:25 pm UTC (link)
Oh, kewlness!

::blush:: thank you, Carla!

Love poor Ray's total frustration and humiliation, and the fact that he usually whispers "I love you, Fraser" after disconnecting. Man, that makes my heart break. ::sniffle::

Awwww ::offers a tissue:: it was only a little bit that he was angsting... and I bet it made the end result a good deal sweeter (not like finally getting Fraser wouldn't be sweet enough *g*)


But then I laughed out loud at the whole Japanese thread -- Tokyo time and Godzilla -- and the Get Smart reference, so all was not angst in chez Coupe.

Wahoo! Given that I tend to be a (sap) and die-hard romantic, I had to throw some laughs and levity in there so it wasn't too angsty, so I'm glad chez Coupe was not completely angsted :)

And the tag is inspired.

Way to go, girl!


Hee. Thank you so much, Carla!

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ajinamoto
2003-06-07 02:01 pm UTC (link)
Fate, it was fate. Yes, indeed. I nub it.

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::blush::
[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:15 pm UTC (link)
Thank you kindly :)

Sometimes, it seems, Fate actually knows what it's doing *g*

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[info]bluster
2003-06-07 02:50 pm UTC (link)
words that were waiting to be said fell into the shadows

*sigh* I loved this. I loved the whole thing. It was funny and charming.

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Thank you.
[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:28 pm UTC (link)
Thank you for letting me know how much you liked the story, Bluster.

words that were waiting to be said fell into the shadows

*sigh* I loved this.


Aww. Thank you :-)

I am such a fangirl... I read this and hear Cate Blanchett in FotR saying that Gandalf has fallen into shadow.

... I think the muses are rolling their eyes at me *G*

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[info]rubyrosered
2003-06-07 02:52 pm UTC (link)
Awwwwwww. I love it! All that tension, and then it turns out to be okay. Or even better than okay. Wonderful!

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[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:29 pm UTC (link)
Oh yes... I couldn't let things *not* turn out okay, they belong together, darnit! :)

Thank you *g*

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[info]bethbethbeth
2003-06-07 03:44 pm UTC (link)
Thank god that it takes Ray awhile to adjust to new technology. *g*

Lovely work.

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[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:31 pm UTC (link)
Thank god that it takes Ray awhile to adjust to new technology. *g*

Hee. Good thing it wasn't the computer (who hates him), or else he probably would've sent a mass forward to the entire 2-7 proclaiming his love for the Constable *g*

Lovely work.

Thank you, Beth.

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[info]tobyfan
2003-06-08 07:31 am UTC (link)
Oh yummy. I'm all tingly right now. Angst, confessions and hungry kisses all in just a few works. You rock!

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::blush::
[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:33 pm UTC (link)
Thank you, Anne! The flashfics have made me figure out how to be economical with words... and it thrills me to no end to read that the stories are working for people.

Thank you!

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[info]imkalena
2003-06-08 10:52 am UTC (link)
Aw.*g* A giant happy heart balloon is floating over my head. Since I'm always late, all I can say, once again, is, "What they said."

All words were forgotten save three, which were said over and over again throughout the night - whispered into each other's ear and into each other's skin.

Guh.

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[info]pollitt
2003-06-10 11:35 pm UTC (link)
Aw.*g* A giant happy heart balloon is floating over my head.

Awwww! Hee, that's so wonderful. Thank you, Kalena *g*

Since I'm always late, all I can say, once again, is, "What they said."

Hee, I'm never on time, so really, no worries. Thank you kindly for taking the time to comment on the story.

All words were forgotten save three, which were said over and over again throughout the night - whispered into each other's ear and into each other's skin.

Guh.


;-)

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[info]cadetdru
2003-07-25 12:17 am UTC (link)
V. nice. My cell's done it before...

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[info]pollitt
2003-07-26 08:31 pm UTC (link)
Thank you much :)

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