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Deleterius is a place full of snarky, bitter, jaded, and somewhat bored canon nazis who will not hesitate to tear you several new orifices should you have the audacity to rape their beloved canon and their beloved canon characters.
We make no attempts to be objective, fair, or even remotely nice here. This is OUR playground after all.

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It'll save us all a lot of trouble.

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May 17th, 2008

"Day 241: Mali stunningly purty. V. daft chapter. Still not King."

[info]nahtmmm
5/17/08 10:39 am
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carbon, sunny, religion, computer games, 5MV, pessimistic, math, computer game, complex, insanity, gloomy, reverse, goal, bonk, subtle, KellyzKorner, wacky, Serious, nerdy, fractal
Okay, the lj-cut tags seem to be staying put this time.

Story Or Series Title: The Bonds of Friendship
Rated: M for Mature
Fandom: Lord of “Not seeing the forest for the trees”
Culprit Author's Name: ForeverImaginative

Full Name (plus titles if any): Malinare (“Golden Sunlight”), daughter of Manáre
Full Species(es): Elf (Sidhia angstia, perhaps, based on The Sue in the Field)
Hair Color (include adjectives): golden. “The top half of her hair was pulled back by small twists and held together by a leather tie”
Eye Color (include adjectives): Don’t seem to be described yet. (Legolas’s eyes, on the other hand . . .)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Don’t think so, no. She blushes easily.
Special Possessions (if any): Her clothing, I guess. A nice, lush bedroom and bath.

Annoying Origin: Rivendell.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Daughter of one of Elrond’s “trusted” councilors; she and her dad are playing exchange student or goodwill hostage or something between Rivendell and MirkGreenwood. Wuv object of Legolas.
Annoying Special Abilities: Good with the bow, though it’s not really annoying yet.
Other Annoying Traits: Being betrothed to Legolas’s Previously Unknown Brother under threat of harm to Legolas while being in love (or in-love-but-not-aware-of-being-in-love) with Legolas. The P.U.B. is introduced and (presumably) confirmed as Irredeemably 99.6% Evil in the second chapter, and any authority figures who could possibly hold him in check are going to wipe their hands of the situation and ship out shortly.

( This chapter is simply . . . stunning. )
  • Current Location: here
  • Current Mood: waking up
  • Current Music: Pink Slip
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In which Arwen angsts, then goes NINJA!

[info]seekingnevada
5/17/08 08:07 pm
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spork, seekingnevada
Buoght to my attention by Calen Greenleaf, this little thing is of the 'what the hell?' nature. Anyway, usual sporkers - Jack, Edmund, Ariana, Siarl, Victoria and Hack. They can also be known as Facetiousness, Snark, Punctuation, Common Sense, Canon, and Dirty Jokes respectively. I am, of course, in bold.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Aragorn's Affair
Fandom: Possibly Lord of the Rings
Culprit Author's Name: Marga5994

Full Name (plus titles if any): Arwen, for the main character.
Full Species(es): Puella angstia sidhia.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Not mentioned.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Not mentioned.
Special Possessions (if any): Aragorn's diary, jewellery and a sword.

Annoying Origin: God only knows.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: None that I can see.
Annoying Special Abilities: Abilities? That would require characterisation, my dear.
Other Annoying Traits: Wangsting, mostly.

Now, for a bite-sized piece of sporking to fill in your days - onwards!



  • Current Mood: bouncy
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[info]sandwhich_chan
5/17/08 01:30 am
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D: no NOT THE MARBBBEELLLS, LOTR, mm yuki, Scrubs, lol, Lol >_> its me
Story Or Series Title: From Left Field
Fandom: Harry Potter and the Alien Eggs from Beyond
Culprit Author's Name: Skeren Dreamera
Full Name (plus titles if any): Harry (Subject)
Full Species(es): We have no idea o.o
Hair Color (include adjectives): None
Eye Color (include adjectives): Green and twitchy
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Alien eggs in his godfathers tummy?
Special Possessions (if any): Eggs and urine
Annoying Origin: UFO number 123
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Clone of one
Annoying Special Abilities: Able to drink own urine and eat raw birds
Other Annoying Traits: You don’t want to know… T_T

( Read more... )
  • Current Location: Under your bed
  • Current Mood: awake
  • Current Music: Xfiles! :D
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May 16th, 2008

[info]dissidia
5/16/08 03:48 pm
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» viii ●◦°○ so there you are, » viii ●◦°○ i quit, » webcomic ●◦°○ what..., » star wars ●◦°○ scoundrel, » webcomic ●◦°○ epic battle, » webcomic ●◦°○ boss fight, » viii ●◦°○ o fortuna, » misc ●◦°○ softness, » misc ●◦°○ punk face, » disney ●◦°○ y helo thar, » webcomic ●◦°○ durr, » viii ●◦°○ kind of there, » amano ●◦°○ banyan tree, » viii ●◦°○ brave lion, » amano ●◦°○ lolwat, » amano ●◦°○ innocent, » misc ●◦°○ playing around, » vii ●◦°○ spork tiems, » squinoa ●◦°○ almost lost, » misc ●◦°○ hard at work, » star wars ●◦°○ bwuh?!, » misc ●◦°○ rosario (2), » misc ●◦°○ i saw that, » amano ●◦°○ don't hide, » misc ●◦°○ natasha, » misc ●◦°○ eternity, » misc ●◦°○ teddy bear, » viii ●◦°○ sinking, » misc ●◦°○ rosario (1), » squinoa ●◦°○ can't dance, » viii/kh ●◦°○ not amused, » misc ●◦°○ rosario (3), » amano ●◦°○ approved, » viii/kh ●◦°○ talking, » viii/kh ●◦°○ sup, » viii ●◦°○ you are no dreamer, » viii ●◦°○ coloured red, » webcomic ●◦°○ faggots, » webcomic ●◦°○ run away, » webcomic ●◦°○ pumpkin man, » misc ●◦°○ w/e, » disney ●◦°○ obviously, » viii ●◦°○ smile, » viii/kh ●◦°○ worse than we thought, » viii ●◦°○ neverending, » viii/kh ●◦°○ secret agent, » viii ●◦°○ where you are, » squinoa ●◦°○ be relaxed, » disney ●◦°○ innocent, » misc ●◦°○ wash lives forev', » viii ●◦°○ inescapable, » misc ●◦°○ bill, » vii ●◦°○ yuffie kisaragi, » webcomic ●◦°○ boff!, » misc ●◦°○ peace, » viii ●◦°○ child of fate, » webcomic ●◦°○ dine in hell, » misc ●◦°○ voldiepimp, » disney ●◦°○ stuffed, » viii ●◦°○ let down, » viii/kh ●◦°○ that's cute, » viii/kh ●◦°○ can't be serious, » misc ●◦°○ mmmmhm, » amano ●◦°○ pink, » misc ●◦°○ britney, » squinoa ●◦°○ the field, » viii/kh ●◦°○ ergh, » squinoa ●◦°○ one family, » amano ●◦°○ cuteness, » viii/kh ●◦°○ winged lion, » webcomic ●◦°○ dear god, » viii ●◦°○ all hope lost, » star wars ●◦°○ dictionary, » disney ●◦°○ maleficent, » viii ●◦°○ whatever, » viii ●◦°○ capslock, » disney ●◦°○ indignant owl, » star wars ●◦°○ i'll be back!, » misc ●◦°○ testify!!, » viii ●◦°○ angel wing, » star wars ●◦°○ game over, » viii ●◦°○ grieve for me, » webcomic ●◦°○ destroyer of vag, » viii ●◦°○ winged heart, » viii/kh ●◦°○ facepalm, » viii/kh ●◦°○ whatever, » webcomic ●◦°○ learning, » viii ●◦°○ dissidia, » viii ●◦°○ fighter, » star wars ●◦°○ oh really?, » webcomic ●◦°○ a+, » misc ●◦°○ rosario (4), » star wars ●◦°○ huzzah!, » viii/kh ●◦°○ end of days, » viii ●◦°○ down, » star wars ●◦°○ fuck, » squinoa ●◦°○ imitating, » misc ●◦°○ stretch, » misc ●◦°○ cheesy grin, » webcomic ●◦°○ you're a bitch, » star wars ●◦°○ i kind of stink
Previous spork. This spork contains some Japanese characters that may not be recognised by your computer. Note: It's lulzier if you can see the Japanese characters. The emoticons, they are funny.

Also, I wanted to explain something, as it was brought to my attention. About my English... it's, um, special. Not the native language, no, but it is relatively dominate, I suppose. Japanese sort of vies for domination with English in my brain. So, I apologise for the messy expressions or wonky words or what have you. /explanation

( Somehow, my *tomorrow* turned into a week later... )
  • Current Mood: nerdy
  • Current Music: 宇多田ヒカル boulevard of broken dreams
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HAI THAR, DELETERIUS!

[info]skeletonhorse
5/16/08 11:32 am
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fencers, dontpanic, wardrobe_glow, lollerskates, lovechild, Revenge, facepalm, Misbehave, V_smash, You_lose, Christine_WTF
In case you hadn't guessed yet from my absence, my sporking of the Wimvincken garbage heap known as "The Baby Maker" is on hiatus and will continue to be so until at least July 1st. I was halfway through the third chapter, then Safari froze on me and I had to force-quit it and lost the saved draft. I figured this was my computer's way of telling me to put it aside for now. RL is demanding all of my attention right now, what with classes and potential romance and all sorts of housing-related drama. Once things settle down, I may pick the sporking back up. I may put it up for adoption. We'll see.

'Till next time, Deleterians!
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[info]seekingnevada
5/16/08 05:27 pm
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spork, seekingnevada
I really hope that I can clear this damn thing soon. Continuing with full battalion of OC sporkers now - with me: Jack, Edmund, Ariana, Siarl, Victoria and Hack. I am, of course, in bold. A side note: this gets funnier when sporked to "U + Ur Hand" by Pink.

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Horse Lord and the Dark Angel
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Culprit Author's Name: LA Knight

Full Name (plus titles if any): Minalie, but prefers Mina. Aragorn calls her "witching child". She is the last member of the Ruby Kiss. (thanks to Kippurbird for explaining the Anita Blake-ism).
Full Species(es): A non-canon sort of vampire.
Hair Color (include adjectives): "long, jet black hair", "midnight hair"; "her midnight hair, so different from the gold and copper and bronze of the women of Rohan, hung down to her slender waist" (thanks to PurpleProse!Eomer for that description), "mussed", at one point "soaking wet" so "a dark, wet curl", "silken hair".
Eye Color (include adjectives): "glittering like emeralds in the candlelight" with thick, black lashes", but "there is pain in her eyes", later "soft and dreamy", "laughing green eyes", "emerald eyes smoky with thought".
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "creamy white shoulders", "cheeks bright with colour", a "slender body", "luscious curve[s] of her body " and of course she is "beautiful and mysterious", with fangs, people, bloody fangs.
Special Possessions (if any): Well, she turned up "wielding a naked sword" dressed in "black leather pants, black leather boots, and a black tank top". I think that the fangs count as special, though.

Annoying Origin: Bitten by "Kristoff", which is giving me unfortunate mental links to Blade. Claims she is "not of this world", which she has right at least.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Gandalf treats her "like a daughter", Aragorn "like a sister". Eomer is obviously lusting after her. Eowyn is her bestest friend.
Annoying Special Abilities: She can feed people her blood and heal mortal wounds in such a manner.
Other Annoying Traits: Has waterfights with Eowyn. No, I am not kidding. Tends to burst into run-on sentances when heading into thoughts, which just makes me hurt. Bites people.


 ( In which the wangst continues... )
  • Current Mood: amused
  • Current Music: U + Ur Hand, Pink
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My Eternal Curse, Chapter 5

[info]shmeiliarockie
5/16/08 10:30 am
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before the world began, DG/Glitch -OTP, Has anyone told you?, Yes please!, fancy, that blue sky over the rainbow, Me neither, Raw: o_0, Gilligan - Family, believe, Klinger, Oz-some
So, I did a Sue Litmus Test, for dear ol' Virginia. Guess what happened. My computer asploded in a giant fireball! It was quite fantastic.

( Sue Info )

( Chapter List )

( Chapter Five - Setting the trend for a whole lot of useless recapping of stuff we already know instead of moving the so-called plot forward. )

Wade: So, what's our Sue-Score?
Ryan: Ten points, and that's just in the last two chapters. That's an average of five speshul things happening per chapter.
Wade: Wow.
Emmit: Ya rly.
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May 15th, 2008

Is it just me, or is Lommy supposed to be . . . I dunno, evil or something?

[info]nahtmmm
5/15/08 11:17 pm
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carbon, sunny, religion, computer games, 5MV, pessimistic, math, computer game, complex, insanity, gloomy, reverse, goal, bonk, subtle, KellyzKorner, wacky, Serious, nerdy, fractal
Story Or Series Title: The Bonds of Friendship
Rated: M for Mature
Fandom: Lord of “Not seeing the forest for the trees”
Culprit Author's Name: ForeverImaginative

Full Name (plus titles if any): Malinare (“Golden Sunlight”), daughter of Manáre
Full Species(es): Elf (Sidhia angstia, perhaps, based on The Sue in the Field)
Hair Color (include adjectives): golden. “The top half of her hair was pulled back by small twists and held together by a leather tie”
Eye Color (include adjectives): Don’t seem to be described in the first three chapters. (Legolas’s eyes, on the other hand . . .)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Don’t think so, no. She blushes easily.
Special Possessions (if any): Her clothing, I guess. A nice, lush bedroom. Her father’s supposed to be somewhere in the vicinity.

Annoying Origin: Rivendell.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Daughter of one of Elrond’s “trusted” councilors; she and her dad are playing exchange student or goodwill hostage or something between Rivendell and MirkGreenwood. Wuv object of Legolas.
Annoying Special Abilities: Good with the bow, though it’s not really annoying yet.
Other Annoying Traits: Being betrothed to Legolas’s Previously Unknown Brother under threat of harm to Legolas while being in love (or in-love-but-not-aware-of-being-in-love) with Legolas. The P.U.B. is introduced and (presumably) confirmed as Irredeemably 99.6% Evil in the second chapter, and any authority figures who could possibly hold him in check are going to wipe their hands of the situation and ship out shortly.

( In which the author seems to have it in for Lómëloth. Critic takes notes. )
  • Current Location: here
  • Current Mood: cheerful
  • Current Music: Level 17
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Back to the vampire Sue.

[info]seekingnevada
5/15/08 07:57 pm
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spork, seekingnevada
Onwards, ever onwards. Continuing with full battalion of OC sporkers now - with me: Jack, Edmund, Ariana, Siarl, Victoria and Hack. Anyone getting confused please tell me and I'll put up a short note on them next time. I am, of course, in bold. I kept losing my sporks of the fourth chapter, so it got more snipped each time.

Disclaimer: Lord of the Rings is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: Horse Lord and the Dark Angel
Fandom: Lord of the Rings
Culprit Author's Name: LA Knight

Full Name (plus titles if any): Minalie, but prefers Mina. Aragorn calls her "witching child". She is the last member of the Ruby Kiss. (thanks to Kippurbird for explaining the Anita Blake-ism).
Full Species(es): A non-canon sort of vampire.
Hair Color (include adjectives): "long, jet black hair", "midnight hair"; "her midnight hair, so different from the gold and copper and bronze of the women of Rohan, hung down to her slender waist" (thanks to PurpleProse!Eomer for that description), "mussed", at one point "soaking wet" so "a dark, wet curl", "silken hair".
Eye Color (include adjectives): "glittering like emeralds in the candlelight" with thick, black lashes", but "there is pain in her eyes", later "soft and dreamy", "laughing green eyes", "emerald eyes smoky with thought".
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "creamy white shoulders", "cheeks bright with colour", a "slender body", "luscious curve[s] of her body " and of course she is "beautiful and mysterious", with fangs, people, bloody fangs.
Special Possessions (if any): Well, she turned up "wielding a naked sword" dressed in "black leather pants, black leather boots, and a black tank top". I think that the fangs count as special, though.

Annoying Origin: Bitten by "Kristoff", which is giving me unfortunate mental links to Blade. Claims she is "not of this world", which she has right at least.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Gandalf treats her "like a daughter", Aragorn "like a sister". Eomer is obviously lusting after her. Eowyn is her bestest friend.
Annoying Special Abilities: She can feed people her blood and heal mortal wounds in such a manner.
Other Annoying Traits: Has waterfights with Eowyn. No, I am not kidding. Tends to burst into run-on sentances when heading into thoughts, which just makes me hurt. Bites people.




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My first sporking.

[info]uniswift87
5/15/08 03:29 am
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Dear [info]calen_greenleaf, you are far braver than I for finding this...

Story Or Series Title: Remembrance of a Dream
Fandom: Lord of the Hot Actors
Culprit Author's Name: fUnKyToEs

Full Name (plus titles if any): The main Sue is Grace; the secondaries are Joy, Clara, and Theo, "literally based" on the author's RL friends
Full Species(es): Puella moderna
Hair Color (include adjectives): Joy: red; the rest, as far as I can tell, are not mentioned
Eye Color (include adjectives): None mentioned
Unusual Markings/Colorations: None mentioned
Special Possessions (if any): Sleeping bags; annoying personalities

Annoying Origin: Modern-day Earth Hell
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: None yet
Annoying Special Abilities: Does breathing count?
Other Annoying Traits: Telling the story entirely in first person

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:

Today's sporking will be done by my cats: Bagheera, Larry, and Blossom.

Larry: So...why're we doing this?
Bagheera: 'Cause we'll get treats if we do! ^^
Blossom: Badfic is scary. D:

( In which there is a slumber party. )
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  • Current Music: Numb - Linkin Park
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The Very Last of "Bared Identities"--Legolas and Thranduil bond with vacuum-cleaner sex. NWS!

[info]malganis
5/15/08 02:43 am
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Chris Lee as Dracula, casting the fanbrats forth!
You don't know how glad I am that this is finally over.

Chapters 14-17, sporked.

Chapters 10-13, sporked.

Chapters 5-9, sporked.

Chapters 1-4, sporked.

"Mistaken Identities", the monstrosity that started it all.


( Read more... )
  • Current Mood: drained
  • Current Music: Garbage, "# 1 Crush".
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May 14th, 2008

Draco/Fenrir NWS fic up for grabs!

[info]mirandagaara
5/14/08 10:30 pm
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Me, Me again.
I was browsing thru the Pit of  Voles when a random search found this: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3004794/1/Beast_of_Prey

Oh. My. God. O.o I never even thought that Draco/Fenrir fics even existed. Anyone who is a braver person than me, and has enough guts to spork this, be my guest. Just a warning tho before you start clicking; it is horribly NWS and contains slash, wolf sexxors and is sick enough for Wimfic.

I've never posted in deleterius before; if I have made grevious errors, then I apologise and hope you will forgive me.
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More of Snape's Baby.

[info]hippyjolteon
5/14/08 07:37 pm
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MacPhisto--whoever made this is awesome, Naus--by boo_cub, Nausicaa by xainy, Nausdragon--by Sark, Ryan/Colin--made by ms_shalimar, BTWILU--by ms_shalimar, Naus--by violet_foxx, G/T hug: made by ms_shalimar, clive facepalm--made by joincidence
 If this is permissible in the eyes of Mod and others, I won't go through with the title, links and assorted introductions (seeing as the 'fic is about TWENTY THREE chapters long as is), so I'll just link to previous sporkages.

Chapter One.
Chapter Two.

Sporking will be Messrs. Stiles, Mochrie, Proops, Frost and a bit of Vranch now and then.

  • Current Mood: baaaaaaadfic...
  • Current Music: The Velvet Underground - Heroin
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[info]seekingnevada
5/14/08 05:48 pm
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spork, seekingnevada
Because we had to get back to some Harry Potter eventually... this is just such damn bad porn that I couldn't pass it up. There is some really sick stuff on that place which Wimmy rights for. Sporking with me today, the usual bunch: Jack, Edmund, Ariana and Siarl. Victoria is our newcomer now. I am, of course, in bold.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is not mine. This piece of fanfiction is, thankfully, not mine. The sporkers are. Latin names for any Sues come from The Sue In the Field

Story Or Series Title: A Moment on the Hogwart's Express
Fandom: Harry and Hermione to have sexy time now, please!
Culprit Author's Name: HARMONY4EVER

Full Name (plus titles if any): Harry Potter; Hermione Granger
Full Species(es): Sex-starved teenagers, the male and female subspecies of Middleschoolicus builtlikeapornstarricus.
Hair Color (include adjectives): "straight, shiny black hair that was about shoulder length and matched him perfectly"; "dark, shiny, and very curly brown hair that reached a bit past her shoulders"
Eye Color (include adjectives): "beautiful green eyes that looked almost hypnotizing"; "a gorgeous hazel"
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "slim with a little bit of muscle", "a really nice frame", and just wait until you read about his priaptic penis of doom; "slim but not grossly skinny", with perfect breasts ("38C") and buttocks. No, I kid ye not.
Special Possessions (if any): The aforementioned priaptic penis of doom; various sexual organs.

Annoying Origin: A sex starved teenager, I'm pretty sure.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Have stolen their names for a porn movie.
Annoying Special Abilities: Sex, sex, and did I mention sex? Various types of bad sex.
Other Annoying Traits: The bad sex, really.

Anyone got the idea of where this story is going, yet?






( NWS, I promise you )

  • Current Mood: tired
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May 15th, 2008

All that Wuv crap

[info]shikishinobi
5/15/08 01:17 am
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Bitch Please, FabulousF, Ninja Warning, Ninja Castle, I'm Cute, Ninja Plot, Ipod, Ninja Kick, Ninja Destiny, Ecstatic, Cats and Dragons, YAY!, Professor McGonagall, Ninja Shuriken, Ninja Bitch
Story/Series Title: We Will Be Together Soon One Shot *BLINK BLINK* Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight!
Fandom: Fred Weasley, the twin with a hidden love.
Authors Name: loveme88 Pretentious much?
Read it: In a place like this
Full Name/s and title/s: Fred Weasley, Sara, Amiee and Liam Perry.
Species: The lovesick sues
Hair Color: Both Fred and Liam have ‘Fire red hair’
Eye color: Fred: Brown. Sara: Blue.
Special Markings/colorations: She is pregnant and has a brat of a sister.
Special Possessions: A baby that she is carrying and it cries… like all babies were meant to.
Annoying abilities: To wangst freely and openly.
Connection to canon: There is a grip on the timeline, but that is about it.
Annoying Origin: Hard to tell.
Other special abilities: Nothing great. It is too boring.
Sporkers Notes:This story would have been half-way decent if it wasn’t for the major amount of wansting, pointlessness and length. It is actually a good idea otherwise and I almost felt bad that I had to spork it. But the content was not something I’d be giving an A+ in English, so it still has its sporkable parts. But would it have been a good story if it were longer and cleaned up and a bit more canon? I’d like to know your thoughts.
( Let’s_get_emo! )
  • Current Mood: depressed
  • Current Music: Pink - Can't Take Me Home
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May 13th, 2008

I believe this is what’s called a “test charge”

[info]nahtmmm
5/13/08 02:56 pm
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carbon, sunny, religion, computer games, 5MV, pessimistic, math, computer game, complex, insanity, gloomy, reverse, goal, bonk, subtle, KellyzKorner, wacky, Serious, nerdy, fractal
This was brought to the community's attention recently by [info]calen_greenleaf. I apologize if the coding gets screwed up; I'll fix anything that goes wonky as quickly as possible.

Story Or Series Title: The Bonds of Friendship
Rated: M for MehMature
Fandom: Lord of “Not seeing the forest for the trees”
Culprit Author's Name: ForeverImaginative

Full Name (plus titles if any): Malinare (“Golden Sunlight”), daughter of Manáre
Full Species(es): Elf (Sidhia angstia, perhaps, based on The Sue in the Field)
Hair Color (include adjectives): golden. “The top half of her hair was pulled back by small twists and held together by a leather tie”
Eye Color (include adjectives): Don’t seem to be described in the first few chapters. (Legolas’s eyes, on the other hand . . .)
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Don’t think so, no. She blushes easily.
Special Possessions (if any): Her clothing, I suppose. A nice, lush bedroom. Her father’s supposed to be somewhere in the vicinity.
Annoying Origin: Rivendell.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Daughter of one of Elrond’s “trusted” councilors; she and her dad are playing exchange student or goodwill hostage or something between Rivendell and MirkGreenwood. Wuv object of Legolas.
Annoying Special Abilities: Good with the bow, though it’s not really annoying yet.
Other Annoying Traits: Something about being betrothed to Legolas’s Previously Unknown Brother under threat of harm to Legolas while being in love (or in-love-but-not-aware-of-being-in-love) with Legolas. The P.U.B. is introduced and (presumably) confirmed as Irredeemably 99.6% Evil in the second chapter, and all the authority figures who could possibly hold him in check are going to wipe their hands of the situation and ship out shortly.
( Does changing an entire race to suit your own ideas of perfection or correctness count as writing a Mary Sue? Well, not necessarily, I suppose . . . )

Apologies if this was too long. I'm sure any sporkings of later chapters will be much shorter.
  • Current Location: here
  • Current Mood: accomplished
  • Current Music: Evenmorn theme
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Curse - a curse on Suethors I say

[info]bonchilla
5/13/08 03:46 pm
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fangirls, when pigs fly, futurama, run, newspaper, SB BP, mind your language, snape porn, MY DIRT, randy, earl, dance boy, jack, faces, jackieee, bender, n00bs, draco, harry, stairs
Story Or Series Title: Curse how attention grabbing
Fandom: Lord of the Rings - I think.
Culprit Author's Name: Jack-o-lantern31 -- Pumpkin Pie! Yummy.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Illyria Storm Crow - Daughter of Saruman the White, but not Saruman. LOL =D
Full Species(es): Puella spawnificus repulsivum  coutesy of Guide to the Sue in the Field
Hair Color (include adjectives): "she had red curly hair of a mortal" ftw?
Eye Color (include adjectives): not specified but let's say "golden eyes like the sunrise flecked with amethyst and turquoise that represent her s0rr0w and paynee*cut cut*" for kicks
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "pale skin that it looked like it was glowing skin of an elf, and power of a witch...It was like Eowyn, Galadriel, and Arwen combined into one beautiful creature."
Special Possessions (if any): her dad's home.

Annoying Origin: Satan's anus.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Sarumon's daughter, and future love interest of Leggy-poo.
Annoying Special Abilities: She is Puella Pefecta - she has all abilities, including the ability to fart! Honest.
Other Annoying Traits: Has no control over her powers because she goes violent, trigger-friendly and chokey-like whenever daddikin's name is mentioned 0h n0ez sob sob sob >= 

Sporking this horrible story are Sirius Black and Remus Lupin

  • Current Mood: pre-pmsing =[
  • Current Music: Blue Oyster Cult - See you in Black
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Chapters 14-17 of "Bared Identities". Elladan and Elrohir become even more effin' CREEPY. NWS.

[info]malganis
5/13/08 05:58 pm
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Chris Lee as Dracula, casting the fanbrats forth!
My sporkings:

Chapters 10-13 of Bared Identities.

Chapters 5-9.

Chapters 1-4.

"Mistaken Identity", the schlock that started it all.

The horrors of Chapters 14 to 17. Unsporked, in their original environment, they lie in wait to pummel us with spiced fruit drinks and then molest our fragile brains.

( Read more... )

I am so happy that's over with. Next time, the last few chapters. We're almost done with this monster; hang on, people!
  • Current Mood: aggravated
  • Current Music: The news on TV.
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May 14th, 2008

The Naked Perri

[info]shikishinobi
5/14/08 02:38 am
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Bitch Please, FabulousF, Ninja Warning, Ninja Castle, I'm Cute, Ninja Plot, Ipod, Ninja Kick, Ninja Destiny, Ecstatic, Cats and Dragons, YAY!, Professor McGonagall, Ninja Shuriken, Ninja Bitch
Story/Series Title: Traces of a True Malfoy. What I want is traces of some actual story.
Fandom:Draco Malfoy, Hermione Granger and their speshul crotch dropping.
Authors Name: MysticGryffin
Read it: At the usual place
Full Name/s and title/s: Perri Anastacia Malfoy (two of three names spelled incorrectly)/Anya/Silver, Draco Malfoy and Hermione Jane Malfoy.
Species: I am da speshuls sue coz I gotz speshul fings that make me speshuls becuz you cans trace thems to da books… or somefink. I’m speshuls!
Hair Color: The sue has “elbow length brown hair” which is styled in “piggytails,” and also “has blue strikes in it” which are apparently “natural.” The best I could think of was that she is a Vulture Animagus, as some vultures get blue streaks in their wings “naturally,”
Eye color: Her eyes “are silver, not grey,” as she draws up a comparison between her eyes and Draco’s, which are grey, making him a nothing next to his daughter. Her eyes can also ‘float.’
Special Markings/colorations: None. Come on, the hair and eyes are enough.
Special Possessions: Her mothers brains which she inherited in a jar, CrookshanksII.
Annoying abilities: In this story, it is more of what she lacks in any form of talent that makes her important.
Connection to canon: I don’t understand the question.
Annoying Origin: Sparklypooville.
Other special abilities: Hermione doesn’t remember how to spell/say Phoenixes, Draco is the sweetest thing (personality wise) and the sue has the physical stamina of a snail. Or she is very obese and won’t admit it. No offense.
Sporkers Notes: While I continue my liberation of my name, we come to this annoying thing. It isn’t that long, and only looks longer because I sporked the shit out of it. But I did some research on the name ‘Perri,’ as it turned up a few times in my search. The name does not exist in any of the books of names I searched in. Spelling it with an ‘i’ is A BIG MISTAKE! So technically, this sue shouldn’t exist either. Have fun!
( Perry_is_free_again )
  • Current Mood: indescribable
  • Current Music: Hero by Nickelback
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May 12th, 2008

Harry Potter and the Australian sues of DOOM!!

[info]evelanstoneleaf
5/12/08 11:10 am
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Gill's orders, Tallon, Mini Onion, Russet, StoneLeaf, I don't give a Damn, Sues, Watching paint dry

Story Or Series Title: Biforis Alohomora Regnum
Fandom: The boy who is not the main object of affection… this time
CulpritAuthor's Name: Elite Katty Freak

Full Name (plus titles if any): Katie

Full Species(es): Sue(Human/Muggle)
Hair Colour (include adjectives):Brown
Eye Colour (include adjectives): None
Unusual Markings/Colourations: None

Special Possessions (if any): A copy of Harry Potter, books 1-4, ‘Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find them’ and ‘Quidditch Through the Ages’ as well as  Wiccan spell books and equipment and a lot of trash. Oh, and a plastic figurine of Olliver Wood.

Annoying Origin: Somewhere deep in my cat’s litter box.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Has a plastic figurine of one.

Annoying Special Abilities: Opens a portal to another demention by using a Wiccan spell book.
Other Annoying Traits: existing.

 

For the sporking today I have recruited Silver-

That is Lord Silver of Galanoth to you. Guardian of the shard and personal friend to the king.

Right. And to help him today is Russet.

I wish that you know that I do not want to be here. I would much rather be in my library going through that new stack of book I found the other day.

You need some fresh air. Huddling down in the darkness reading books can’t be good for you.

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The Boring Perry

[info]shikishinobi
5/12/08 07:24 pm
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Bitch Please, FabulousF, Ninja Warning, Ninja Castle, I'm Cute, Ninja Plot, Ipod, Ninja Kick, Ninja Destiny, Ecstatic, Cats and Dragons, YAY!, Professor McGonagall, Ninja Shuriken, Ninja Bitch
Story/Series title: I Don’t Love You. That’s good because I don’t love you either.
Fandom: Harry Potter and the army of self inserted jealous lovers.
Authors Name: Valanche Reeve
Read the disaster: here
Full name(s) [plus title (if any): Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Derek Perry and other people who shouldn’t be near these people.
Full Species: Self inserts, randy men, and nosey bastards.
Hair Color: Harry: Assumed Canon. Draco: “blonde” Derek: A shade darker than Malfoy’s.
Eye colorDerek; Blue. Harry and Draco: Never mentioned, assumed either canon or dissolved.
Special markings/colorations: None yet, which is a start,
Special possessions: Harry and Draco used to have each others reproductive organs, but Harry traded in Draco for Derek, so now they have each others instead. Derek is a muggle, Harry has Malfoy’s broom (or so I understand),
Annoying Abilities: Derek is a muggle (which is a nice change), Harry is stuck up and Draco is a rude prat.
Connection to canon characters: Questionable, although about as accurate as a drunk man at archery.
Annoying Origin: From someone who probably wants a typical gay home life, doesn’t have it and so writes about it. The only other thought that came to mind was the usual want to get into Dan’s pants.
Other Special Abilities: The usual grammatical issues we go through with these suethors. Bad spelling, punctuation and the like are common occurrences. It isn’t bad enough to go for ‘existing’ yet.
Sporkers Notes: If we could remember way back when, I was chasing down sues that shared my wonderful name (Perry). Back then there were four, two of them sporkable. But after reviewing one of those stories, I decided to check and see if there were any more. There are three. Goody, lots for me to do to save my wonderful name from sue damnation.

( liberation_for_Perry’s_everywhere! )
  • Current Mood: annoyed
  • Current Music: Mp3 mix
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May 11th, 2008

A Forgotten Past, but not a Forgotten Cliche

[info]bonchilla
5/11/08 10:22 pm
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fangirls, when pigs fly, futurama, run, newspaper, SB BP, mind your language, snape porn, MY DIRT, randy, earl, dance boy, jack, faces, jackieee, bender, n00bs, draco, harry, stairs
Story Or Series Title: A Forgotten Past

Fandom: Lord of the Modern Rings – you know? Because Tolkien’s ramblings based around the past are shite apparently…
Culprit Author's Name: Laurelin M. Estel Now I’m just curious: does she believe she is, ironically enough, the personification of ‘Hope’, or is she referring to Aragorn? *retches*


Full Name (plus titles if any): Fin the Fish – formerly known as Glorfindel, Dan and Ro – the surfer dudes who are obviously modernized, and Rest! Well, I call Erestor ‘Rest’ because the Suethor was neglectful in giving him another tacky take on ‘modernizing’ his name.
Full Species(es): Quite ambiguous. She mentions that two of the elves turned mortal, but she calls them all elves towards the end of the story.
Hair Color (include adjectives): Fin:“golden hair in a pony-tail down his back”, “ ripped blue jeans”, “a black shirt, and a collared shirt he left open”Dan and Ro: "surfer hair that hung in front of their silver eyes"Rest: once more, he's been neglected so let's call them "blazing spikes of tangerine red with blue streaks" Am I cool or what? =D
Eye Color (include adjectives): Fin: none specified, but let’s call them ‘sea-kissed blue’ because all blondes are meant to have blue eyes!! =] Dan and Ro: "silver eyes" Rest: *thinks of this one* "chocolate mahogany eyes" because your eyes can be made out of both chocolate and wood! =D
Unusual Markings/Colorations: does “golden hair in a pony-tail down his back” and "surfer hair" count?
Special Possessions (if any): Clothes that certainly do not befit an elf such as Glorfindel, and hairstyles that certainly do not suit the twins.

Annoying Origin: Yavanna’s vajeen
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Apparently they’re all meant to be them =]
Annoying Special Abilities: the ability to talk in run-on sentences
Other Annoying Traits: Possessing modernized names and physical appearances that make true Tolkien fans want to wretch at the OOCness of the characters, not to mention the author’s ability – or lack thereof – to the whole concept of properly using commas, not to mention her desire to talk in long and languorous sentences as periods seem to be a sinful thing.

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Chapters 10-13 of "Bared Identities", in which Legolas is clingy and the twins are creepy. NWS

[info]malganis
5/11/08 05:39 pm
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Chris Lee as Dracula, casting the fanbrats forth!
Sporkings of chapters 5-9 of "Bared Identities"

Sporkings of chapters 1-4 of "Bared Identities"

My sporking of the author's previous fic, "Mistaken Identity"

And now, more of the same old crap, hatefully sporked by yours truly.

( Read more... )

Tune in next time as I stomp on more of this crap. Malganis out.
  • Current Mood: accomplished
  • Current Music: Mama Cass, "Make Your Own Kind of Music".
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*bangs head away on desk*

[info]calen_greenleaf
5/11/08 03:02 pm
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Drizzt Do'Urden, titled "When You Taught Me", Tolkien, Mellon nîn, Mini-Balrog, *facepalm*, Kawaii, Writing, D--- Fangirls!, "Don't mess with me.", Unknown elf, MC, Books
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4067321/1/Remembrance_of_a_Dream
Cheesy title, cliché story.
Claimed by [info]uniswift87

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4249263/1/Curse
I will put a curse upon these stupid Suethors and their stupid characters and plots.
Claimed by [info]bonchilla

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4249254/1/Daughter_of_the_Dunedain
Gilraen and Arathorn had only ONE child. ONE. Uno. Un. Ein.
And Aiden is a horrible name for a girl.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4248210/1/Lord_of_the_rings_the_secret_tales
*sigh* Just look at the title and you'll know.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4248073/1/Aragorns_Affair
Aragorn/Galadriel. Really. *gag*
Claimed by [info]seekingnevada
  • Current Mood: cynical
  • Current Music: Evanescence - "Fallen"
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Porcelain Heart, a Sue/Fenrir Lovestory

[info]yellowbread
5/11/08 10:30 am
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crucifiction cult, whining, emily b, destiny, prufrock, english, fictional pervert, spelling, dingo baby, callous ravenclaw, bookshelf, precipitate

Story Or Series Title: Porcelain Heart
Fandom: Harry Who?
Culprit Author's Name: inuhime313, AKA Inuyasha’s Wife (seriously)

Full Name: Artemis Johnson
Special Possessions: Journals, quills and a knife given to her by Greyback, a deerskin blanket.
Annoying Origin: Magically popped up out of nowhere
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Is helping the Trio hunt Horcruxes, with no explanation of why or how she knows them.
Annoying Special Abilities: Lives with Fenrir Greyback. Has sex with Fenrir Greyback. Gives birth to Fenrir Greyback’s child.

Chapters 1-3<