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[05 Sep 2008|08:17pm] |
...I've a bit of a dilemma at work. As you may know, I work for a county government...great work environment, great boss, not so great pay. Adequate, but not so great. The city government of the county seat, on the other hand, has a job opening for a job at a level below my current one, but at a wage much higher...potentially up to almost $20,000/year more, but at least $5000 more. Yes, all those zeros are supposed to be there. So, I'd still have the same commute, a less interesting job, an unknown work environment, but a much higher wage.
Do I cave in to greed, or stick with what I know?
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| Post your perseverations! |
[05 Sep 2008|06:49pm] |
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Lately I've been perseverating hardcore on a couple of things that most of the people I know don't care about and the rest are tired of hearing about. So I figure, where better to talk about them (and talk and talk and talk) than a comm filled with other Aspies? So I'm gonna post what I'm perseverating on in the hopes that someone else is perseverating on it and we can discuss it to death. And y'all can comment with whatever you're perseverating on and do the same.
My current perseverations:
- The Presidential election
- Batman
- Watchmen
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| A little late for an introduction... |
[05 Sep 2008|09:15am] |
As you know I've already been responding to posts on a regular basis, and I already posted a post a week ago or so without properly introducing myself. Well I never said I had Netiquette, LOL! Anyway as a more formal means of introduction, wanted to share with everyone why it is that I think I may have Asperger's. Remember I am only self-diagnosed at the moment:
( Explanation Behind the Cut )
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| Has anyone ever totally missed the point? |
[05 Sep 2008|01:20am] |
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So yesterday I was watching TV with my dad and a commercial went on. This particular commercial had a lot of fine print at the bottom. I was so occupied reading those that i didn't even get what the commercial was about. I actually had to ask my dad what product it was advertising.
This could be the commercial itself, but this type of thing has been happening to me a lot lately. It is especially irritating in class. When I'm listening to a lecture and get quizzed on it later on I remember some tiny detail, but i don't remember the general lesson it was trying to teach. For example in my Algebra 2 and Physics class there was a lecture on something (i can't remember). The only thing i remember was Mr. Davis' story of the man who created geometry. Later there was a quiz on graphing and i thought what the hell we didn't cover this?!
Later i asked someone about it and said it was in the lecture. Sure i paid attention but i go so caught up in that one detail i lost the whole point.
So, yeah... Has this ever happened to any one before?
Also this is my first post if I am accidentally breaking the unwritten rules of the internet/interwebs please tell me.
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| Man without eyes, paints |
[04 Sep 2008|09:25pm] |
Here's a youtube link
A man that paints born without eyes. Though his own thoughts are that he wished people would appreciate his art.
No, this isn't strictly related to Asperger's. But it seems like a similar situation. Despite being born with a disability, he's managed to adapt. And baffle scientists who have taken things to be fact. And the above. Wanting to be acknowledged for who he is, rather than for a condition.
... at least that's how I see it.
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[05 Sep 2008|04:29am] |
Hello everyone,
I'll just cut to the chase. I have had my suspisions about having aspergers for several years, and now I finally been seeking help to find out. But the psykologist I talked too told me I shouldn't think about getting a diagnosis if I function as good as I do, so nothing happened... I felt so let down. I just wanted an answer! So, I turned to an organisation of psykologist and therapists to get help, and after one meeting, he told me he thought I had aspergers tendencies, so he let a more qualified collouege in aspergers syndrom talk to me. And now, after several meetings under a short time, she told me I do have aspergers. It feels like I finally understand myself! I'm just mad, why couldn't I have been diognosed when I was younger? And why did they ignore me when I sought help to get an official evaluation? This sucks!
( I need your advice )
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| "Thought Attacks" |
[02 Sep 2008|10:03pm] |
I have been having an unsettling, recurring experience for the last week or so. I have had it before, but it has been years and this time it is a lot worse. I have been having these recurring thoughts about all of these bad things that could happen to people that I love, especially one person in particular (who I won't name here). It starts like general concern, then I find myself unable to break out of the thought process, and I find myself conjuring up more detailed and worse scenarios. It always starts with a general concern about something and then it becomes this imagining of increasingly worse ideas of things that could happen. I always feel like they are things that could actually happen.
The strange things about this are:
1. It happens at random, and lasts for about a month, during which I experience this several times a day
2. Once the process starts I can't stop it.
3. I feel like if I do certain things, I could make these bad things happen, while conversely I am sometimes compelled to do certain things that are supposed to prevent them from happening. The things in both categories are small details in the way I do something, like walking to class in one route instead of another, or doing my routine in a specific way. The difference between this and OCD (from my understanding) is that the way I am supposed to do things is different. The way it seems that it works is that usually it doesn't matter how I do things, but all of a sudden I will have this thought that if I do or don't do something a particular way, something (which I picture in great detail) bad will happen to someone I love, and again, usually there is one particular person.
There are some things that I do find myself doing the same way every time normally, and other things I don't a certain way at all, which sounds more like classic OCD, but then there is this really horrible thing I go through sometimes. As a side note, sometimes I find myself compelled to do things like move my arms in a wavy pattern and snap my fingers, but that is different, because I do that all the time and I do it because I get a good feeling when I do (but again, it is random). What I am referring to in this entry feels like something is telling me " X will happen unless you do/if you do Y". Sometimes it is that way, and sometimes I just get the worsening thoughts without any "do or don't do" compulsion.
It comes on very suddenly, like an "attack". For those of you who have watched "Firefly", I feel like River Tam during one of her episodes.
Is this something anyone else has experienced? Does this have anything to do with Asperger's, or OCD? Is there anything I can do, other than "ride it out", which is what I have done before?
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| Same question as last week |
[02 Sep 2008|06:46pm] |
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Here is a follow-up to my previous post. So, I went into the autism lab for the second time today. They seem to only study interventions, specifically in small children, rather than pure science, which is what I'm interested in. Basically, they are totally pragmatic rather than understanding-based.
The study I watched was about trying to get parents to play with their small children in such a way that the kid would want to play with the parent, rather than playing alone while the parent is in the room. They tested the effectiveness of this through various psych. measures that focus on autistic children. Sounds fine, right? Well, maybe. It gets a little worse when I discover that one of the measures they use after the intervention with the parent is a table-based measure of play. So, a lot of the video is the experimenter trying to get the little kid to come back to the table and either share or reciprocate play. The study seems to be a good idea, as it tells parents to do things like join their child at the level at which the child is already playing before trying to introduce a more difficult way of playing, but I would much rather spend my time doing pure research, figuring out the flaws in the currently accepted description of autism.
Even worse, I spoke with the paid RA (I'd be volunteering), and she said they're funded by the Research Foundation, which is funded by (surprise!) Autism Speaks.
It occurred to me that all college autism research will be funded by that place, because they're the only organization that gets any donations. However, Autism Speaks doesn't design the experiments. They simply fund the foundation that approves the experiments. This means that I wouldn't be working for Autism Speaks, I'd just be doing something they approve of (keep in mind here that I'm trying really hard not to do my knee-jerk reaction of saying "they suck I don't want anything to do with them" but also not just accepting this without thinking it through).
So my question is, what are the reasons everyone hates them, besides the obvious lack of consulting autistic people and cure-bie instincts?
Follow-up question: Should I try to work at this place? They'd totally accept me to either write down how well the test of empathy fared (I feel okay noting that it didn't change any), or various other stuff related to measures tracking effectiveness. My instinct now is to try and do some pure psych. research totally unrelated to autism. I'll do that, but maybe I can do both. That's the real question.
Thanks for any input, and sorry if I come across as disorganized.
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[01 Sep 2008|10:34pm] |
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Anyone know any good charities working to help people with autism spectrum disorders? The only one I can think of is Autism Speaks, which, um, no.
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| Job interview ideas |
[01 Sep 2008|05:10pm] |
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I thought of this earlier today while chatting on IRC, so I've copied it here:
( click here )
Has anyone here ever tried this direct and honest approach, taking charge and addressing possible concerns the interviewer might be thinking about before they have a chance to judge you on them, etc.?
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| unfamiliar sounds |
[01 Sep 2008|12:28am] |
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I just recently moved [which was a nightmare of epic proportions] and I'm still getting used to the new house. We have a new phone too, and I'm still not used to the ring, so every time the phone rings I don't actually realize it's the phone until my mother starts yelling at me for not picking up. Is that common?
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| Short Change |
[30 Aug 2008|09:34am] |
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I've been fighting a cold for a little over a week now. Last weekend I stayed home and tried to rest. Fever ate me for a few days and then I got bored - which is dangerous. ( Read more... )
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| Term for Anti-Autistic Bigots |
[29 Aug 2008|04:17pm] |
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That '70s Show |
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What would be an appropriate term for people who hate/are afraid of people with autism or other mental conditions? "Neurophobe", maybe? Just curious...
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| Politicians and managers |
[29 Aug 2008|10:57am] |
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Musing on unlikely careers for an aspie, that of politician would seem to rank pretty high. After all, politicians are well known for refusing to answer questions directly, and are very unlikely to admit they have changed their mind or that they were wrong. I can't help feeling that an aspie, aspie-like or just plain honest politician would be extremely refreshing - but presumably they would simply not survive?
The same sort of issues can come up with managers. My current manager is extremely reluctant to admit it when she is wrong. I suppose she thinks that to do so would make her look weak, and that people would lose respect for her leadership. But for me this makes no sense. When it is obvious that she has messed up, her refusal to admit it doesn't make her look strong, but just like a complete xxxx. I would have so much more respect for her if she could admit when she'd made a mistake and apologise if appropriate.
But I suppose this sort of behaviour must work overall for managers and politicians, or they would not do it. I am beginning to suspect that it is an NT thing?
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[28 Aug 2008|06:40pm] |
Hi, I'm a community newbie. *waves*
( A little about me )
Obviously as I'm new to the comm I don't know if this has already been talked about (in which case I apologise) but I found out a couple of days ago about a recommended gluten/casein-reduced diet. I tested it out over the last week and noticed an immediate improvement in sleep patterns (I cut a whole two hours off my 10.5h average sleep time and feel like I can actually get up in the mornings), concentration and general feeling of alertness. Plus I've had a really difficult digestive system since I was about seven, and that's showing signs of improving too.
Which is great in itself - I was just wondering if anyone knows:
1. How it works?
2. Any tips for keeping it up on a tight student budget?
I tried researching the first one in Pubmed (came up blank) and Google (got a few reviews but no explanation). Any tips gratefully received, and nice to meet you all.
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| Snap Judgement Psychology |
[28 Aug 2008|11:44am] |
I probably ought to do a quick into since this is my first official post (though i comment here and there). I'm a 35 yr. old married female with one child age 3. I am having relationship issues due to my husband cheating on me while I was pregnant (and then lying about it no matter how many times I confronted him for 2 1/2 of those years). As such we decided to seek some couples counseling, our first session was this week.
I tend to make snap judgments about people.. when I meet people I either like them, or I don't. The ones I do not just always seem like there's something "off" about them, though I can never quite put my finger on it. All I know is there's just something about them I don't like. Recently I have been trying to recondition this issue. I self-reflect and realize that upon first meeting me people might see something "off" or unusual, esp. since I almost never speak until I am comfortable with someone, I am fidgety, avoid eye contact, get easily distracted during conversation, space out.. what have you. In other words if I were me making a snap judgement on myself I wouldn't talk to me again. The fact that people Do in fact talk to me implies that they gave me the benefit of the doubt after first meeting me to persue more conversations and then after knowing me grew to like me, therefore why should I not treat others the same way? It's been difficult, but I think I've been making progress.
So enter my first counseling meeting this past Wednesday. I was immediately put off by her. I have a serious doubt that this is the person that's going to be able to help me, but yet I feel like in order to stick to my behavioural modification I should at least try a couple of sessions before I make an ultimate decision.
To explain in the shortest summary possible why I didnt take to her right away, it felt an aweful lot like she honed in on me and started trying to box me up in a nice little package with labels (which is ironic since she did all this after sayign how she trys not to diagnose people because she doesn't want them to be locked into a stigma); so issue number one with me - hyppocrite. During the first 15 minutes of a 45 minute session she asked me how long I ha been depressed. I never previously had said anything about being depressed so it seemed such a random question. I also don't consider myself any more depressed than the average person, even though there is a history of bi-polar disease in my family, and I told her as such. I then did mention that I had a suspicion that I may have Asperger's. She almost fell out of her chair laughing and said "no you don't". When I proceeded to recite to her the reasons why I thought I did, she just shrugged it off and said well there's a lot of other reasons you could have those symptoms.
I didn't want to get into a huge discussion over it since I figured we'd go into it at a later time in a different session. I understood she was just trying to make a general assessment. But when she talked about AS she talked about it like I just found out I was terminally Ill with cancer or something. Like I couldn't possibly have come up with a less desirable disease to have if I had possibly tried. She kept saying stuff about AS being "really serious" and if I thought I had it I "must be really hard on myself" and how lots of peopel think they have that these days because it's a "medical buzzword" and it's "in all the headlines". I understand that I don't have the credentials to self diagnose, but I don't think firstly that AS is anythign you can diagnose form a mere 15 minutes of talking to someone. Moreover even if it turns out I don't have it (I still think I do) I still feel highly offended at the way she spoke about it and am unsure if I can work with someone like that.
There were other items that irked me a bit, like I started talkign about some parental issues I have and then she asked my husband how he felt about his parents and when he responded that they had passed away she just went on to the next question as if just because someones parents are gone means they no longer have parental issues, and let me tell you;; with my husband a BIG part of the problem is parental issues regardless of thier deceases status. So I foudn that very closed-minded as well. the funniest bit of all is that she's supposed to be a hollistic healer so it kind of surprised me that she wasn't a bit more receptive to some of the things that were said.
So that's it really. Thoughts, comments?
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| Diagnosis :-x |
[28 Aug 2008|10:30am] |
Over the past few weeks I have had a few chats with a psychologist from my local authority's Clinical Psychology Unit. (yay for free psychological help on the NHS!)
I get the results next week.
I`m nervous :-x
As far as I can read the signs (not very well) I think she's coming out on the side of Asperger's.
I`m more worried about not being diagnosed with Asperger's than actually getting a diagnosis. Not getting one would rather put the question what is wrong with me centre-stage. And there's only so much agonizing about myself I can handle in the here & now, what with recovering from alcohol-abuse and writing up my doctoral dissertation :-x
Anyway just thought I'd inflict my angst on you.
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[27 Aug 2008|06:45pm] |
Ok.. I little while ago I asked bout writing a character for a novel that has AS at this post.
I was just wondering if the mods would agree to let me post a first person sample under f-lock for the group to have a look at, and maybe tell me if I've made this character to stereotypical?
Thanks in advance and if allowed, I'll add it onto this post? Or I can just link to where it is.
EDIT: Thank you to ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) old_cutter_john for saying that I can add this on here.
Crits are very much wanted on who I portray the mind of an Aspie, without actually mentioning it. This is told in first person as well, and is set in a fantasy type setting with a mixmash of various ideas in it. and Boogus facts on how rain forms. ^__^;;;
( While the rain falls, she thinks the most about things that affect her life directly. )
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[27 Aug 2008|12:06am] |
A lighthearted, uh, beginning to the day... share your favorite AS joke! Because sometimes the best way of making life less agonizing are bad jokes. So here's mine.
I call all food products that are marketed as gluten-free... Aspie Snacks.
In the morning, I shall have Aspie Waffles.
Sort of sounds like it should be fruit flavored.
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| Various Short Questions Shoved into One Post |
[26 Aug 2008|09:44pm] |
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ETA: Wow! I am astounded by all the quick responses. It really encourages me to post more in the future. Thank you all for being so quick and welcoming!
Self-diagnosed aspie here. I am fairly certain I will be going to a local support group after having a long talk about it with my therapist this afternoon. Nervous and excited all at the same time.
I have a few questions...
Does anyone else:
1. Have bits of thoughts that repeat constantly? Not really an entire idea but a single song lyric or one line from a conversation?
2. Re-analyze conversations over and over and over in your head? Even long after the other party has probably forgotten? Sometimes YEARS later?
Fictional character analysis: I know this has been done to death but ... I am member of the Harry Potter fandom and I was wondering about Snape. Would he be Asperger's or just malajusted based on past abuse?
About Asperger's in general: Can you get Asperger's from being abused / ill-socialized or is it only a 'natural' processing disorder? What are the current theories about where it comes from? analkant's recent post made it sound like the researcher she/he mentioned might be working on this. Input?
Thanks!!!
Evie
PS I can't remember at the moment if I did an intro post to this comm or not. If I have NOT please say something and I would be happy to add a biographical blurb./
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| Clinical Depression Survival Guide |
[26 Aug 2008|10:37am] |
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I haven't done one of these in awhile, and I don't think I covered the tips I have for dealing with it in either of the previous ones. (One of the things depression does is mess with your memory.) So, since Asperger Syndrome and Clinical Depression have a high-comorbidity due to the slings of arrows of daily life and miscommunication that can sometimes meet the criteria for severe child abuse, I shall present a small survival guide accumulated over years of dealing with a 'why aren't you dead yet?' severity level.
( A brief summary of what Depression actually is. )
1. Medication is there to try to adjust the chemical balance. Re-uptake inhibitors are supposed to stop your mind from deleting the chemicals you need. ( Read more... )
2. Getting out of a bad situation. An additional problem with meds is that they are a bandage on a wound. If someone keeps stabbing a wound, bandaging it isn't going to help matters all that much, so meds that are doing what they're supposed to can seem like they're not working. They don't prevent getting stabbed in the heart from potentially killing, but they can keep you from bleeding to death. ( Read more... )
3. The logic check, or counting the votes by hand. ( Read more... )
3. Non-medication good chemicals. ( Read more... )
4. The bad drugs. ( Read more... )
5. Activities. Sadly, while walking produces endorphins (yay for good drugs!) and chatting with friends will make you happy and you can then use those extra 'this is good' chemicals to convince yourself to eat something depression makes doing them like trying to open a box with the crowbar that's inside the box. People telling you to get a job when you're too sick to take your medication is obviously doomed to failure. Here are a few more realistic ones. ( Read more... )
Now, let's get into cost accounting. Things you enjoy give you good chemicals. Things you don't you need to spend those good chemicals on to bribe your brain into doing them. If someone says "Why can't you do X when you spent all those hours doing Y?" this is as stupid as saying, "Why can't you buy me a mansion in Hawaii if you were able to earn $300 at work today?"
Doing fun things gives you energy. Doing non-fun things TAKES energy. And, putting it in monetary terms again, depression = a very, very nasty, economy-crushing tax rate. You can borrow money by convincing your body to do things that will pay off in fun/positive results like a paycheck eventually, but if it doesn't get enough enjoyment to pay back the expense it will start sending around the bill collectors and stop listening to you when you say things will pay off.
Therefore, you need to create a budget that allows you to earn as much money as possible and cut expendatures to the absolute minimum until you're no longer bankrupt. Therefore, if you're severly depressed, it is absolutly necessary to your recovery to have as much fun as humanly possible and do only the chores/non-fun things that you can afford to bribe your body to do.
Only an idiot would buy their mother a mansion in Hawaii when they're dealing with mounds of credit card debt. If you're too sick to take your meds it is equally unrealistic to even think about how you 'should get a job.'
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| Possible insight into neurotypical communication |
[26 Aug 2008|11:53am] |
One of the communities I moderate is ![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/community.gif) feminist_sub. Because I moderate it, I watch it. Today dance_shiva posted this. The subject matter is remote from our own. It does deal heavily with bullying, but a different sort from that which most of us have encountered — though a few of our members have indeed been in the sort of abusive relationships that dance_shiva refers to.
The reason I'm posting a link to it is that the next-to-last paragraph is really interesting. It describes a strategy for influencing the thoughts of another person by means of a collection of techniques that don't come natural to me, and that probably don't come natural to any of us. I suspect that they do come natural to many neurotypicals. I believe they're worthy of our contemplation, in order that we may think to use similar techniques when appropriate, and in order that we may more accurately interpret the actions of others.
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| What's the difference? |
[25 Sep 2008|10:58pm] |
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Between Aspergers and Schizoid personality disorder, because a few years ago I matched many of the characteristics I find described as schizoid on Wikipedia. Although, I'm much more social now.
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| On Point: "Looking at Asperger's Syndrome" |
[25 Aug 2008|08:34pm] |
This episode of the public radio news-talk program "On Point" was rebroadcast today:
http://archives.onpointradio.org/shows/2008/01/20080114_b_main.asp
It's worth a listen. The blurb:
"Lizzie Gottlieb's brother Nicky was never like most other kids. Very smart, but talked late, walked late, didn't make eye contact, didn't socially connect.
"It wasn't until he was 20 that Nicky was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a kind of high-functioning neurological cousin of autism that is being diagnosed in more and more young Americans.
"They can be high achievers -- many in computer science or engineering. But it's not an easy life."
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[25 Aug 2008|11:04am] |
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I remember being little (like two) and loving nothing more than to climb into my carseat, pull the sheild down, and buckle into the five-point harness. So what about you? What are your favorite torture devises?
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| Systems and Stereotypes. |
[25 Aug 2008|10:06am] |
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I noticed something in the comments from the post below that I feel is very interesting.
Many Aspies are interested in math and science and many are successful in the field
Yet large amount of Aspies have no real interest in math or science and many don't have an aptitude for it either. I agree that it is simply a stereotype that the majority of Aspies are math/science/computer geniuses.
I do think that Aspies think in terms of systems/details/facts etc. but of course not all systems are physical.
The SQ is not a general enough test to be very accurate and even the AQ test has questions like " do you prefer to things over people?" I don't like either actually I like ideas. I like History,Politics,Language and the like. One can have excellent ability with linguistic details and systems but have weak skills with spatial systems. I do myself. So I wonder if it is more a matter of thought style than subjects.
Is the systematizing an accurate way to describe Aspie thinking?
What subjects do you feel you use the style?
What Abilities are your strengths and which are weaker?
Hope this brings some clarity.
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| Just curious what you think... |
[24 Aug 2008|06:15pm] |
Finger Length & Autism
http://www.mondovista.com/fingers.html
"Manning has begun examining autism too. He teamed up with Simon Baron- Cohen and Svetlana Lutchmaya from the University of Cambridge, who have used samples of amniotic fluid to directly measure the levels of hormones that babies are exposed to in the womb. When the children reached their first birthday, the researchers measured their vocabularies and ability to make eye contact. Poor language skills and an unwillingness to make eye contact are early hallmarks of autism. They found that babies who'd been exposed to high levels of testosterone in the womb fared the worst.
"'What we're hoping to look at is whether finger ratios can be used as a proxy for hormones,' says Lutchmaya. Amniocentesis (sampling the amniotic fluic surrounding the unborn baby) is a risky procedure that only a few mothers choose to undergo, she says. But by measuring finger lengths instead, researchers can assess a random sample of children for possible early signs of impaired language and social skill development. Currently, they are checking the fingers of children for whom they have amniotic samples.
"Meanwhile, Manning and Baron-Cohen have looked at the finger ratios of 49 children with firm diagnoses of autism, 23 with a mild form of the disorder called Asperger's syndrome, and their families. The researchers found that autistic children tended to have very low 2D:4D ratios (see illustration). Interestingly, children with Asperger's syndrome had ratios that fell between those of autistics and unaffected children. "It fits exceptionally well with the theory," says Manning.
"Clearly genes play a role too in these conditions. But could fetal hormone levels explain other cognitive differences between the sexes? Janel Tortorice at Rutgers University in New Brunswick, New Jersey, thinks they may. She has measured finger ratios in 2D:4D ratio (see illustration) gay women and found that their hands were significantly different from those of heterosexual women-in fact, they tend to resemble those of heterosexual men.
"But she has also found differences in the way these women's brains work. 'They have more masculine fingers and more masculine cognition,' she says. On tests of spatial and verbal ability, lesbian volunteers perform more like men than heterosexual women, she says. If this can be confirmed by further studies, perhaps Manning's most recent suggestion is not as outrageous as it sounds. He claims that musical talent, too, is nurtured in the womb..."
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| Television / billboards / radio / lights / smells, etc |
[23 Aug 2008|11:49pm] |
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I know that lots of us have issues in regards to hypersensitivity and interpretation of certain kinds of frequencies, lights, colors, images, etc. I have been becoming increasingly socially reclusive in the past few months. While I do enjoy spending lots of time alone, I also rather enjoy socializing to a certain extent. I'm prone to become more socially withdrawn when I'm depressed and more depressed when I am socially withdrawn (which is patently different in my mind than spending quality alone time) so I need some help with nipping this business in the bud.
For this reason, I am writing to get a general idea of whether or not any of you guys experience similar overstimulation issues, and I'd like to know what kind of coping mechanisms tend to work for you if you've discovered any. Thanks!
As follows is a brief and incomplete list of certain stimuli which I am currently struggling with:
Any and all suggestions and comments and experiences are very much welcome. Thanks!
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| Aspie meeting in Lafayette, LA and ATTACK OF SOME GUY |
[23 Aug 2008|01:14pm] |
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I went to the Asperger support group meeting in Lafayette, Louisiana. It was in a McDonalds, with the giant play area...INSIDE the giant play area. It was very loud and bright and scary. It will be hard to go back in a month.
No adult aspies to be found, and this group is somewhat loosely affiliated with Autism Speaks. But I'm on their mailing list and they should soon be hosting adult Aspie meetings. Not in McDonalds.
Also, I caught up with some nice pagans that I had not heard from in some years. I am likely teaching their daughter next semester at college. So yay for that!
Speaking of teaching...How do I deal with this?
( THE ATTACK OF SOME GUY )
But now I have to deal with SOME GUY...daily. I can't even look at him without getting scared. I have a migraine now from writing all this out. What do I do?
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| Aspergers and Meltdowns |
[22 Aug 2008|11:23pm] |
As I've been doing more research about Aspergers, I've been curious about the subject of meltdowns. I've been wondering if I've every had them and as I've thought about it, I can say yes.
And sadly, some of my friends and loved ones have seen them.
I remember one from about six years ago. I was on the phone with randomcub and we were talking about something. He said something that I seemed to take personally, and I just blew up. It was kind of like I went into Dr. Jekkyl mode. I was yelling at Erik who must have been scared shitless by my behavior. Hours later, I was still coming down from my tantrum. I don't think Erik caused it, there was other stuff going on and Erik was inadvertently the tipping point.
Another time was after I got a speeding ticket. The policeman was very much an asshole and was trying to get a rise out of me, which he did. I came home and fumed to Erik, kicking his fan in anger.
Then there was the time that my hubby hobbes2005 say me meltdown. It happened in 2005 when I was without a job. I had been fired from my last job and was already feeling raw. I had shoveled a neighbors house, and they were upset at what they thought was a poor job. I recieved an email saying they didn't want me to do their shoveling anymore and I sent an email saying I am sorry they felt that way. I thought I was being respectful, but I guess I wasn't. The next day, the partner of the woman who sent the email responded with an angry email. I just lost it and started yelling and threw a glass in anger. It scared Daniel shitless.
I think that the antidepressants I am on have helped me in some way, but the fact is, they won't get rid of me having a meltdown. The thing is, before I was on them, I could get angry in a minute. Now it takes a bit longer, though I would say I still can get angry very easily.
Just another observation. I do have to apologize to Erik and Daniel for my behavior.
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| Hate speech. What do you do? |
[22 Aug 2008|09:48pm] |
I stumbled upon an antineurodiversity blog recently that was hosted by a free blog host which puts a button at the top of hosted sites so readers can flag sites that violate their host's user agreement which forbids hate speech.
This particular blog actually has a form of the word "hate" in its title and the entries really lived up to that.
I was really stunned that anyone would have an entire blog devoted to hating and defaming autistic people.
I think free speech is important. I also think that if you want to devote a website to hate speech, you have every right to pay for your own website and that free hosts have every right to specify what types of content they do and do not allow, within reasonable limits. I think declining to host hate speech is pretty reasonable.
So ethical debate aside, what do I do?
Report the site? Pretend I never saw it? Email everyone I know and let them know about the site so they can report it?
What would you do?
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| today in the news I heard... |
[22 Aug 2008|10:14am] |
NPR is such a fascinating listen to. You get good and My GOD they're stupid all on the same show.
Today while driving into work I heard a news bit where the cases of measles in the country so far this year is almost triple the number of cases there were in total last year. One of the reasons, the reporter said, is because parent's aren't giving their children the vaccinations. Thus their children get it and pass it on to others including infants. The reasoning given for not taking the vaccinations being that it would cause autism.
Let us think about that for a moment. You can A. give your child a vaccination that would protect them from a potentially deadly disease and has been proven over and over again that it doesn't cause autism or B. not give your child the vaccinations and thus leave them vulnerable to potentially life threatening diseases.
A child with autism is perfectly healthy. While often providing their parents with highly difficult and stressful situations, physically and health wise they are fine. They are just like any other healthy individual.
By not vaccinating their children the parents are increasing the chance of the children getting infectious and deadly diseases. This is why the vaccinations are given in the first place, so that they won't get sick. Mumps? Polio? All gone because of the vaccinations. So is small pox. All of these would be far worse than a child with autism. Polio often times crippling their victims for example. Or of course, killing them. Again, something I think everyone would agree would be far worse than a child with autism. You can get affection from a child with autism. You can't with a dead one.
In a way then, these parents are saying that they'd rather risk their children's health over a proven non-existent problem. And that is hardly good parenting at all.
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[22 Aug 2008|10:17am] |
Is "meltdown" when you're at the extreme of a negative emotion, such as anger, despair or fear, and just can't stop (i.e. lose control)? I still don't get this term, if it's not about nuclear plants.
EDIT: Is it a momentary condition or it can last for a long time?
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| Help... |
[21 Aug 2008|04:13pm] |
I don't know, lately a lot of people have been asking me if I had Aspger's Syndrome, just by the way I act.. but as far as I know.. I think I'm acting just fine? I mean, if I had it.. wouldn't I have been diagnosed back in my developmental stage? I'm 19 now.. it seems a littel late? I'm also a girl so the likelyhood of getting a proper diagnosis is hard.
1. I know that it's normal for people to daydream a lot, but for me.. I daydream all the time. I can do it for four hours a day, or all day and I will have no problem, and sometimes I don't even realize that the time has passed me by so quickly. What I do is I listen to music that fits the daydream I want to have with it, grab an item that is easily handheld and then I spin in a circle in a chair. I conitnue spinning because that's how i get to my daydream land, and I daydream that I am someone else, mainly my friends (as in I pretend to be them in my daydreams) or pretend that they have a lot of brothers and sisters and that I represent all of them. Sometimes I die in my daydreams, and people are very sad in my day dreams also. If someone interupts my daydreams, I get extremely upset and I get a bit snappy because then I lose my train of thought in my daydream, and have a hard time getting back to the place I was before. I day dream many things.. good things happening and a lot of bad things happening and what I would do in them. Whenever I hear music my mind starts to slip into daydream land, and someitmes I'm with friends and they are talking to me or singing but I want them to be quiet so I can daydream. Sometimes I get so into my daydreams that my arms and legs flail randomly (they're called spasms apparently), and the way I prevent that is I normally start saying really random things and then shrug my shoulders.
2. I always have to be on time, if I am not on time or there when someone says to be there even if it's a party (which I rarely get invited to) I start to really freak out. I get angry, and start yelling at my mom. Sometimes I cry a bit because it's ruining my schedule. I have a set schedule in my mind, if I am not there by that time I flip out. If someone tells me they are going to be here at a certain time and they aren't, I get upset too. I start pacing hte house, and start to think that tehy are ditching me. I get annoyed and aggrivated, and I can't sit still at all during this time. My mind gets absolutely stressed.
3. I have a hard time paying attention in my classes at school, if I am sitting in the back or sitting in the front but not where I can read the board I can't pay attention. I start to fiddle with my hands, or I will start to notice really weird things about the room. I will stare at people, and notice the odd things about them like their eyebrows aren't the same, and then I will stare at the teacher and take notes of what htey are wearing, and what foot they always use first when taking a step. I tell myself to focus, but I feel like my mind isn't listening to me, and when I get extremely frusterated I just end up falling asleep in class because my mind isn't wandering in so many places. It's partially why I did so horribly my second semester in college, I am now on academic probation because I failed more than half my classes and I am stressed about that. I am not good at math, I mix up the formulas daily, I can't remember half the things that I learn. I get multiplication and addition confused about 100% of the time, the signs look so similiar to me that I have to sit there for a bit trying to remind myself which each symbol is.
3. I have this huge paranoia about hanging out with people, I always think that no one really wants to hang out with me. I don't get invited many places because I have a hard time making friends because I"m an extremely socially awkward person. If someone asks me to call them, I literally start to panic because I don't know what to say or how to act on the phone. After awhile I get aggrivated because I don't like holding the phone to my ear so long cause my hand cramps and then my ear starts to hurt. When someone invites me places, I get so nervous my mom has to give me half of a sleeping pill (which rarely works) to calm me down. I don't say anything to anyone sometimes cause I am so afraid of saying the wrong thing or offending them. I repeat myself a lot, and I tell so many of the same stories and sometimes i'm unaware of that. Sometimes I cry before I go out with friends cause I just get so nervous. I have huge stage fright also, I am very good at piano but if I were to perform for anyone.. even my piano teacher I will blank out and look like a beginner.
4. I stare at people when they aren't talking to me almost like gawking which I am told is very rude. Yet, when someone talks to me I don't stare at them because it makes me insanely nervous, I'll look at teh ground or I'll look at a sign that's close to them. When I am talking to someone I first cover my face a bit and then remove my hands and continue to talk without my hands on my face. It's just a weird quirk of mine apparently.
5. My friend, and one of my teachers think that I should go to the disabilities center in my college and talk to them to see if I should get a diagnosis for anything. The problem is, I can't tell my mom because she'll flip out and think that I want there to be something wrong with me that I want to take 'medication' and be weird. She'll threaten to throw me in an institution even though I'm 19
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| hand-flapping to the rescue |
[20 Aug 2008|10:34pm] |
I stapled my hand yesterday and started flapping both hands because of the surprise. Right after I realized that I would have to get both hands to stop flapping so I could pull the staple out, the flapping loosened one prong and then the other, and the staple flew out.
Who knew flapping could be so useful??
I just had to share because it really amused me at the time (and every half hour or so since then).
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[20 Aug 2008|10:54pm] |
I was reading tonight about aspergers, and I had some thoughts
a) in my opinion, talking frankly among your peers about your diagnosis can lead to more trouble than if they merely thought you were weird
b) there were some descriptions of aspie behaviour that I hadn't thought of as aspie, I just thought of them as "weird me" things. :O I don't have a diagnosis, but I was a little more convinced that I have aspergers.
c) I, instead of "educating" the people around me, would prefer to rely on their innate human goodness. To me, the world is divided up between people who talk to me, and people who talk over me, and I simply associate with people who DO like me and try to avoid the rest of them.
this is from this article
One of the speakers at the symposium, Ros Blackburn — a more classically autistic person, with an astonishing capacity for public presentation but not individual interaction — described a trip to a play with a group of mentally disabled people. While others enjoyed the play, she sat through it without processing any of it as theatre. She had been transfixed by the physical minutiae, like a feather from a costume alighting on the stage floor.
Blackburn told us of her great desire to go to McDonald’s.... And knowing that somebody [behind the counter] looking up and saying ‘Next’ means I have to move up. Because she hasn’t said, ‘Ros, which burger would you like?’ They’re just looking up. And that means I’ve got to place my order. They might say, ‘Would you like a bag?’ and I have to work out does she mean do I like their bags? Or do I want to use a bag? And on it goes.
That part about the bags is totally my mental process but I just am used to it. lol. Also I get pretty caught up in details about stuff unless I am purposely paying attention to the TV show or whatever.
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[20 Aug 2008|01:27pm] |
Has anyone seen Mozart and the Whale? My aunt recommended it to me after I told her I suspected I had Asperger's and I wanted second opinions before I track it down.
Thx! :D
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| Is Anorexia the Female Asperger's? |
[20 Aug 2008|11:16am] |
I'm sure the writer of this article is trying to convey the fact that eating disorders like anorexia may well be genetic, but... female form of Asperger's? *wry look* Erm, well... we know there's perhaps a little bit more to AS than that....
Is Anorexia the female Asperger's?
And I don't know about anyone else but I've always been a good, steady eater - a preference for quite plain foods usually, yes, but I eat well. (Some of my favourite meals include steak and chips, fried egg sandwiches, cheese, bread and cheese and more cheese...) Unless I'm very stressed or near meltdown when I have trouble even managing half a biscuit, but that's quite understandable...
If anything I get concerned about being underweight, I've been tested for thyriod problems and doctors have found none, yet I still manage to eat a lot of calories per day and stay slim. Perhaps an over-active, neurotic brain burns a lot of calories...? ;)
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| Hello... |
[19 Aug 2008|07:09pm] |
Hello! My name is Mitch and I'm currently living in New Hampshire. I've lived in several states including Connecticut, Massachusetts (born in Boston), Maine, Pennsylvania, and New York. I am a diagnosed Aspie (well, sort of) and was diagnosed at age 21. I say "sort of" because they were reluctant to give me a full diagnosis since I am very high functioning. Instead, they just gave me the label "symptoms consistent with Asperger" as opposed to a full diagnosis. Additionally, I also have a moderate to severe hearing loss and am mostly deaf in my left ear. This may partly be why the people who evaluated me were reluctant to give a diagnosis since some of my social difficulties are caused by my lack of hearing. I wear a hearing aid in the right ear and can hear about 65-70% of what a normal person hears with it on.
It's very frustrating having not one, but two disabilities that impair my ability to interact with others. In addition to many of the troubles posed by AS, I often cannot hear conversation and, therefore, have to withdraw from it because asking people to repeat things often stifles the flow of the conversation and ruins it. As such, I've had very few friends and never any girlfriends. I really hope to have a girlfriend and came to LJ partly to find out how other Aspies found friends and their soul mates (if they have any) and how they find having a relationship to be. I hate being a loner and want to make some changes in my life. I also came here to meet others and hear how they manage their lives, especially with regard to friendship and work. I also think that LJ will be a good place for me to vent my feelings, since that is difficult for me to do in the real world.
Anyway, a little more about myself: I am a graduate student of meteorology at Plymouth State University and hope to pursue this field for my career. I have been fascinated with weather since the age of 3. I also did my undergraduate degree in meteorology at Plymouth also. It is a challenging field that requires certain things from an individual (some of which I'm not sure I have). I also have interests in nature and working out.
Hope to meet some interesting people on here. Please feel free to friend me or write comments...they're appreciated.
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| autism and body temperature |
[19 Aug 2008|04:32pm] |
here's an interesting video on how fever, illness, and body temperature affects people with autism:
i know this explains why i am basically incoherent during the summer months, and why my sick days exceed everyone else's. i thought i just had a poor immune system!
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| Finding out as an Adult |
[19 Aug 2008|11:43am] |
To those of you who had never heard of Asperger Syndrome until you became an adult, (i.e over 18 years old) then for one reason or another were diagnosed with it, or self diagnosed yourself:
a) How did you find out about AS?
b) Your initial reactions / realisation in discovering that you probably have it?
c) Your current state of mind about AS. Are you happier now you know about it, or are you struggling to come to terms with it?
( My experience )
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| questions |
[18 Aug 2008|11:57pm] |
I usually understand sarcasm or a joke after thinking about it for awhile, but hardly ever right off.. I also end up staring at the person for awhile and then sort of laugh even if i've given up often. So now I kind of just laugh at anything anybody says if they are smiling when they say it? At work if someone says something and smiles largely I don't even try and ask what they were talking about I just laugh and say "oh yeah?"
I've not been diagnosed, but plan on seeing my psyc in a few weeks is this an aspie trait?
Also I don't know if he will even see me because I've stood him up so many times. Do any of you guys have problems of getting super anxious right before seeing your doctor because you know you are going to have to talk about your feelings? I always think he is going to poke fun at me or say I am lying or something for some reason.. that is one reason I am scared to bring up that I might be aspie.. I am scared he will think I am just wanting something wrong with me.
Related, do any of you just feel bad at everything? Unlike most of you guys I don't really have a vast ammount of knowledge on anything (I don't think.) and I feel kind of crappy at everything & i have changed my majors like 8 times thanks to deciding i would never succeed at the one i had & am again starting to feel that way about English Teaching.
Sorry for the unorganized, crappy post.
:(
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| Eye movements? |
[18 Aug 2008|06:53pm] |
I've been intrigued by the several physical behaviors that are associated with aspieness, things I never would have thought of as distinctive and correlated, but that I have discovered I do. Things like occasionally walking on tiptoes, occasionally wringing hands, bouncing the knee, etc. I'm a very mild aspie and most people would never recognize it, but then one of these things shows up and sure enough, it fits.
Here is one that I don't think is connected -- probably related to sleep disorders rather than aspieness -- but then you never know until you compare several people. When I am awake, sometimes I have a kind-of rapid eye movement sensation, like during the REM phase of sleep (except this is while awake). For a minute or two it can make it hard to keep my gaze fixed on something, and if I close my eyes I can feel them fluttering all around (while closed).
Probably just a sleep-related problem, yes? Any correlation with aspieness?
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| Follow Up to Talking to Self Question |
[18 Aug 2008|07:53am] |
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mood |
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I'm curious, to those of you who talk to yourselves, do you ever feel compelled to walk around or even run or skip? A lot of times when my thoughts get very intense, I suddenly feel a burst of energy inside of me that I have to release. I never really understand what that's about.
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| Disorganisation/planning problems |
[18 Aug 2008|10:39am] |
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I've seen one or two "it's getting worse" posts around, and I know I've made posts similar to this one before, so apologies if I | |
