we now have a couch in the apt. things are coming together!

...i got a puppy. he was my "summer" project. our of the litter in ramona of purebreds there was one who i thought had a lightening bolt of white on his black neck so i picked him over the one with the white heart-like fur. he was $300 dollar and we could have shown him had we done dog shows. there was one puppy one pouned heavier than all the rest and i think we got him because as he grew everyone would be appalled at how big he was and mistook him for other breeds like the foxhound and harrier. the first night he howled so much. but i learned how to take care of him. to train him. to sleep by his crate at night and take him outside every 3 hours cuz puppy bladders are tiny. i crushed up his food with water so he could eat it and it would get all over his years since his snout was so short. he'd sit on raquetball rackets, fittin perfectly on one end while chewing the handle bars. he started out mostly black and white but the brown started kicking in and making him more beagle-colored. he'd demolish wooden spoons my mom used for cookied. we never founda any of his baby teeth. he'd lie on his back btwn my legs and splay but seem comfortable. he'd randomly knaw the whitewall off of corners of walls till you saw the metal and we had to spackle it. he won the "wait" contest at puppy training school for waiting the longest to be allowed to eat a morsel of food put in front of him. he got a tumor on his foot and we got it removed and it came back and we got it removed again and i used those cultures for my 9th grade science fair project. he grew older and rambunctious and had the craziest white tipped tail that would hit you when he got happy. we'd stuff a circular bone with bread to keep him busy - sometimes he'd snort when he was trying so hard to suck out the bread, and his nose would crinkle up. he'd always know where food was and work for it. he got a tumor on his chest that was benign like his foot ones but we got it removed since everyone asked about it - like a golf ball under his fur - and he had to wear a big cone and he'd run into walls when he turned corners. he'd tear open backpacks for morsels with the speed of an airport-drug-sniffing-expert. we'd joke he like to sniff glue when he started to rip up bindings from old books to lick the glue. slowly he became grey in the face but people still called him a puppy. as he aged he developed the signature beagle howl that we weren't used to hearing. he had a tumor on his butt and again it was benign and we got rid if it but he had to wear the funny gone again. he's disappear down our hill of the new house and get skunked countless times. when you came home he'd stick his whole face between your legs had expect a good massaging of his ears - complete with twirls around your fingers; he had such velvet ears. he loved veggies of all kinds. the only things he wouldnt eat were wasabi and onions. he'd let the cats clean him. he could use one paw to hold down a milk carton and uncrew the cap with the other to get something we'd hide inside. he'd try to wed himself next to us if we sat on the ground. he ripped his equivalent of his acl in his knee and got surgery and was back as new. he'd do his doggy yoga by lying on the floor and itching his back looking like he was crazy. he got bit in the kneck by a gernam shepheard and had to get stiches. he'd howl at cyclist when he rode with us in the car. he'd snore louder than any human i know.

then a few days ago my mom called and said he'd been sluggish and not eating and kept getting better to normal then back to weird. so they got a blood test and he was anemic and had lost weight - either old age, or something else. so then they got an ultrasound....and it was cancer.
no longer bengign or external. but all over his insides and he was bleeding.........

and they put him to sleep. like 2 hours ago.
else he'd have died at home in pain. operating wasn't viable due to the blood he'd already lost.

The last time i got to see him was when i was home for mother's day a month ago. it wasn't supposed to be the last time.

i miss him so much.

...you know, Single Awareness Day?? =)

my mom's always said you shouldn't look for someone to "complete" you - you're a complete person on your own. you don't need someone else to make you whole. but to find someone who best compliments you is key.

my dad's always said that Valentines Day is just another Hallmark fabrication that pressures people to try to make the day important and meaningul and waste a lot of time and spend a lot of money on useless stuff.

=)

anyway, in the spirit of the day, i'll post some funny stuff rather than spam people in email...they're long, but totally worth the distraction!

and, over the years i've posted lovely songs that mirror years upon years of hope mixed with frustration. yay for posting lyrics too...


( woman's vs man's love poem )


( What Shamu Taught Me About a Happy Marriage )


( a new way to explain creation )




now for the lyrics



old but never gets old:
http://indiansarie02.livejournal.com/178527.html#cutid1

...and two new!

( Natasha Bedingfield - Soulmate )




and of course...
( Unmistakable - Backstreet Boys )

not sure what to do....is it the simple dinner for my birthday? maybe a club? (be boring and just repeat last year?)
my mom says dont make it a big thing.
hmm.

alcohol
+
[battle] dancing
+
< 6 hours of solid sleep in 2 nights
+
flag football
=
stupidity at its finest

...wooh!

g'nite.

i almost feel 13 again...

backstreet's new album release is in a few hours if you count itunes. granted i got it on amazon, so i dunno when that'll get to me...but i'll just do what i did with "never gone" and get it on itunes first at midnight and savor the cd jacket whenever it ships....and possibly buying others a copy...haha...psycho...this money i'm willing to spend...i'm crazy, but whatever.

it's at least one thing that can still make me smile

i should be happy. this is ridiculous. it shouldn't yo-yo and stay so low. everything's fine.
so why is it hard to smile?

i always wanted to have an older brother or sister. someone to be my "ra" and listen to me btu tell me i'm being stupid and slap sense in to me.

empty weekends make it really easy to feel sorry for yourself.

i reaaaallly suck at sympathy. how i ever was an ra is beyond me...